Authors: Danielle Steel
Old guys will do anything for sex, Al. You should know that by now.
Are you doing research firsthand these days? Is that it?
Nasty, nasty. It's not nice to be rude to your high school sweetheart.
You're no one's sweetheart anymore, you know, except maybe Carmen's. Not to mention several million women around the world. But they were such old friends, it was easy for her to ignore it. Are you ever going to let me talk to her, or do I have to put up with this bullshit all afternoon? She was laughing at him; he was impossible, but she loved him.
I'll ask her if she wants to speak to you. And by the way, when are we going to see you? He made it sound as though they were married, and Allegra thought it was sweet as she listened.
Maybe this weekend, if I don't have anything else to do, which she now knew she didn't.
I said see you,' that was singular, not plural, as in including the dead one.
Don't be rude about Brandon, she said, more out of habit than feeling. She would have liked to be very rude about him, but she wasn't ready to tell Alan.
I'm never rude about the dead. Try to get rid of him before we go out to dinner. Or maybe we'll stay here. I'll let you talk to the boss about it, he said, handing Carmen the phone as he kissed her. And at Allegra's end, there was a long silence as she waited.
Hi, Carmen said finally, sounding bouncy and happy. She had had a great nine days in total seclusion with Alan. Several people in the colony had recognized her as she walked down the beach, but no one had bothered her. There were people there who were even more famous than she was. They were used to seeing celebrities on the beach then. They saw Nicholson and Streisand and Nick Nolte almost every day, and Cher, and Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Carmen Connors was among her own kind in Malibu with Alan, and the security was terrific. I missed you, Carmen said, but she'd been busy.
I missed you too. New York was crazy, but I loved it. Guess what I've got for you though? Allegra was so excited she felt like a kid as she dangled it in front of Carmen.
I don't know. The perfume? Did you talk to them in New York?
I did. It sounds awful. You'd hate it, and you'd have to spend months in department stores selling it. Forget it. Noooo ' she said tantalizingly. How about a big, new, juicy movie, with a part that will win you the Academy Award or I'll eat my briefcase.
Wow! Who's in it?
You are. And she named five other stars, who took Carmen's breath away. And how about three million dollars for starring in it, for the winner of this year's Golden Globe Award? How does that sound?
I'm dying! Carmen screamed, and ran to tell Alan, and then she came back again to talk to Allegra. I can't believe it.
You deserve it, Allegra reassured her, wondering why it was that she thought everyone in her life deserved something wonderful, from relationships to movies, and she never seemed to feel that she deserved as much herself. It was an interesting question. I'd like you to come in and talk to the producers about it, Allegra told her gently.
Sure. When?
You tell me what's good for you, and I'll set it up. She glanced at her calendar. How about Thursday?
Wow! Can Alan come?
If he'd like to.
At Carmen's end, Alan was nodding. He said he would ' and Allie, she hesitated, but it was important to her now, maybe next time, Alan and I could do a picture together. Oh, God, thought Allegra. It was going to be one of those deals. They weren't always easy. And America's females, not to mention females the world over, weren't going to love having it rubbed in their faces that their favorite sex symbol was as good as married, and to a girl who looked like Carmen.
We'll talk about it. Those things aren't quite so simple, but it can be done. Eventually. If you're both serious about it. What she didn't want was to set something up for a cool seven or eight million dollars for both of them, or maybe ten total since it was Alan, and then have them break up, and either refuse to make the picture, or worse, kill it. Those headaches she didn't need. Let's wait awhile.
I know. You think we'll break up, Carmen said wisely. We won't. I'm sure of that. He's the most incredible man I've ever known, she said, lowering her voice conspiratorially to Allie. I can't live without him.
How are the threats these days? Quiet again?
Completely. But she also hadn't gone anywhere, and after she won the Golden Globe, surprisingly, even the tabloids had left her alone. I feel so safe here, Carmen explained to her, and Allegra smiled. Who wouldn't, with Alan? Her sister Sam was right, he was a hunk, and such a nice one.
I'm happy for you two, Allegra said sincerely.
Thanks, Allie. It's all thanks to you. Will you come to dinner and celebrate with us this weekend?
I'd love to.
Come on Saturday. On Sunday, Alan likes to go bowling.
Why don't I come on Sunday then? I'd love to beat him.
Then we'll go bowling on Saturday if you want. But come to dinner then.
Who's cooking? she teased, and Carmen giggled.
We both are. He's teaching me. And Allie ' She laughed excitedly again. Her life was just beginning. Thanks for the movie.
Thank the producers, don't thank me. They called me. I really think you'll like it.
I love it.
See you Saturday. Unless we meet with the producers first. Call me if you need anything in the meantime. But Alan seemed to be taking care of everything these days. She had only called once all week, and even then left a very ordinary message. Things were settling down, which was just as well. Allegra needed a little time to herself, to lick her wounds and figure out what had really happened.
And by the end of the week, all she had done was work, and see her clients. Carmen and Alan had come in on Thursday, and the deal for her new movie was as good as signed. And that afternoon, she went to Dr. Green, and braced herself for a beating. But she was pleasantly surprised. Dr. Green was proud of the way she had handled things, and her only reproach was that Allegra hadn't called her.
Why didn't you call and talk to me over the weekend? It must have been very difficult for you, after you went to San Francisco, and before you saw Brandon on Sunday.
It was, but there was nothing much to say. Mostly, I just felt terrible that he had probably been doing it all along and I was too stupid to figure it out. I kept thinking he needed time and space and love, and the truth was, he didn't give a damn about me.
He probably did care about you, Dr. Green corrected her. She had gone too far the other way now, in her anger at having been betrayed, and having found him with another woman. He cared about you, to the best of his limited abilities. That's not saying much, Allegra, but it's something.
But why was I so stupid? How could I have been such a fool for two years?
Because you wanted to be. You needed companionship and protection. The only unfortunate thing is that he was a very unwilling companion to you, and you were the one protecting him. It was a very unsatisfactory arrangement. But what about now? How do you feel about all this?
Angry, stupid, resentful, furious, independent, whole, free, sorry, not sorry at all, scared that the next one won't be any different. Maybe they're all the same, or at least the ones I find are. I think that's what scares me the most, the idea that it could happen again, and again, and again ' that I'm just going to keep finding lemons forever.
You don't have to, you know, and I think you learned something this time. The therapist sounded more confident than Allegra felt, which surprised her.
What makes you think that?
Because as soon as you realized what was happening, you confronted it, you brought it to a head, and you let it end there whether he ended it or you did. You did, actually, you exposed him, and he disappeared, like a little worm down a hole. But at least you didn't pretend to yourself that he was still there for you when he wasn't. That's a big step, Allegra.
Maybe, she said halfheartedly. But now what?
You tell me. What do you want? Whatever it is, you have the power to get it if you want. It's up to you, you know. You can find someone wonderful, if you want that.
I think I met someone wonderful in New York, she said cautiously, but I'm not sure. She was suspicious of him now that she was back. She was suspicious of everyone, and her memories of him couldn't be as fantastic as she remembered. He had to be just like the others, if she'd picked him.
Long-distance relationships are another way of avoiding intimacy, Dr. Green reminded her, and this time Allegra smiled at her.
He was there on business too, although he's originally a New Yorker. But he lives here now. An eyebrow immediately shot up, and Dr. Green nodded.
How interesting. Tell me about him. Allegra told her all she knew, and all she'd seen of him. And just telling her about the carriage ride and the skating made it sound unreal, even to her own ears, but as she talked about him, she really missed him. She had promised herself not to call him for a while, and she hadn't. She wanted time for the dust to settle after Brandon.
Why? Maybe he'll think you're not interested in him, Dr. Green said encouragingly. He sounds very nice and very normal. Why not call him?
I'm not ready yet. Allegra balked at the idea, and nothing Dr. Green said that afternoon convinced her. I need time after Brandon.
No, you don't, Dr. Green called her bluff. You've been making excuses for him for two years with everyone you know, and you've just spent a week kissing some man in New York every chance you got. I don't even think you're that sad over Brandon.
Allegra smiled. The doctor had her number. Maybe I'm just hiding for a while.
Why?
Scared, I guess. Allegra confessed to her. Jeff seems so terrific, I don't want to be disappointed. What if he isn't? It would kill me.
No, it wouldn't. What if he's human? How would that be? Too disappointing? Do you like him better as a fantasy, or a counterpoint to Brandon? Allegra hoped not.
I don't know what I feel for him, except that when I was with him, I would have followed him to the ends of the earth. I trusted him completely. And now that I'm home, I think that scares me.
That's understandable, but you could at least see him.
He hasn't called me. Maybe he has someone else.
Or maybe he's busy, or writing, or he's afraid to intrude since you made such a fuss about your relationship with Brandon. Maybe you owe it to him to at least tell him it's over. That might be something. But Allegra was playing a waiting game, and she wanted to see if he called her.
And as it turned out, he did, on Friday. He called late in the afternoon, and he sounded tentative when he asked for her, as though he wasn't sure he should be calling her in the office. Alice told her he was on, and Allegra took a deep breath and picked up the phone, but her hand was shaking. She felt as though the rest of her life had just begun the moment she heard him.
Allegra?
Hi, Jeff. How are you?
Better now. I know I said I wouldn't call for a while, but you've been driving me up the wall. I figured I had to, and then I'd leave you alone again for a while. I really miss you. They were the words she had sweated two years for with Brandon, and with Jeff it was all so easy. He sounded wonderful, and she felt guilty for not calling him, as Dr. Green had suggested.
I miss you too, she said softly.
How are all your kids now that you're back? Everyone behaving? Or are you fighting off death threats and crazies and paparazzi at four in the morning?
It's been a quiet week, actually. Except in her own life, but she didn't say that. What about you? How's the screenplay coming?
Miserably. I haven't felt like working since I've been back. I think you distracted me severely. There was a moment's pause, and then he asked her something he'd wondered since he left New York. How was your weekend?
It was interesting, she said coolly. We'll have to talk about it sometime. But she didn't want to discuss it in the office.
That sounds like a date in the very distant future, he said sadly. He had waited all week to call her, and she sounded so good to him now. He was dying to see her.
I don't think it is, she said quietly. She tried to force herself to be brave and remember Dr. Green's words. What are you doing this weekend? She held her breath and waited. Oh, God, don't let him be like the others' .
Is that an invitation? He sounded stunned. What had she done with Brandon? But he was afraid to ask her and spoil the moment.
It could be. I'm having dinner with friends in Malibu tomorrow night. Do you want to come? Very informal, in blue jeans and old sweatshirts. We may even go bowling.
I'd love it. He sounded thrilled. He couldn't believe she had asked him. Can I ask who the friends are, just out of curiosity, so I don't make a fool of myself when we get there? He knew the kind of people she hung out with, and he was right.
Alan Carr and Carmen Connors, but you can't tell anyone you saw them together. They're hiding out in Malibu, to get away from the tabloids.
I'll be sure to keep it a secret, he said, laughing. There was no one in the world who would ask him. That sounds like quite an evening.