Authors: Danielle Steel
How's it going, Sam? Allegra asked her gently.
I don't know, Sam said, looking worried, and clutching for Jimmy's hand. The monitor showed she was having another pain, and they went through the same procedure again, as Allegra watched them. It looked awful to Allegra, but Blaire thought she was doing great, and when the doctor came by a few minutes later, so did he, as he praised her.
It won't be long, he said cheerfully, patting Sam's leg after he checked her. He was going to deliver the baby right there in the labor bed, when she was ready. We're halfway there, he said happily, and Sam gave a moan of anguish.
Halfway ' I can't do this for much longer. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at Jimmy.
You're doing great, Sam, Jimmy whispered, and he didn't look like a boy, he looked like a man, as he held Sam's hand quietly, and waited for the next contraction as he stood at her bedside. Blaire and Allegra felt utterly useless and drifted outside again. Jeff had gone to sleep and was snoring in a chair, and Simon was dozing over a newspaper he'd been reading. The two of them made quite a picture.
What do you think about Jimmy being so involved with her? Allegra asked her mother as they strolled down the hall, and stopped to see the babies in the nursery. Some of them were sleeping, but most of them were wailing. Some were newborns, born within the hour, and others were slightly older, very hungry, and waiting for their mothers.
Allegra went to peek at Sam again, and she was sitting on the edge of the bed as Jimmy rubbed her back, sitting just behind her. A nurse was showing them what to do, and he even helped her walk around the room, but she started to cry when the next pain came. Then he lifted her gently back into bed, but she screamed as the pain peaked and he moved her. He was terrific with her, and Allegra was deeply touched by what she saw. And all through the night Sam wrestled with her contractions. At dawn there was still no sign of the baby, but everyone said she was doing great, except Sam, who said she couldn't take anymore. She wanted drugs, she wanted help, she wanted anything. She was clutching Jimmy's arms, and screaming with each contraction, and just when Allegra thought she couldn't take it anymore, the doctor said that Sam could start pushing. Now the real work began, but Sam just looked at them and cried.
I can't, she said again and again. She was exhausted.
Yes, you can, Jimmy insisted. Come on, Sam ' please ' you have to do it. They were like two children encouraging each other, except as Blaire watched them she saw something Allegra didn't. These were not two children anymore, they were much more than that. They had grown up overnight. They were a man and a woman. Blaire remembered when her own children had been born, Paddy, and then Allegra, and then the others. It changed your life from that moment on, and the bond you shared with their father. Jimmy was not the baby's father, but he might as well have been. He was totally there for Samantha. And she was unaware of anyone else in the room. The only one she wanted was Jimmy.
They had propped her legs up by then, and she was in horrible pain, begging them to stop, and clutching at Jimmy, while they told her to push and she wouldn't. He helped prop her head and shoulders up then, and finally she began to help them. With Jimmy's help they managed to encourage her, and ever so slowly the baby started moving. Blaire couldn't bear seeing her in so much pain, and she kept leaving the room, as did Allegra. But Jimmy never wavered all night. He was there for her. Shortly before nine, Blaire had just come back into the room again, and everything was frantic. A bassinet was being wheeled in. Two more nurses had arrived, the doctor was bracing her legs for her, and Jimmy was holding her so she could push the baby out. There was a sudden rush of air from Sam, a grunting sound, and she fell back against Jimmy, completely drained, unable to do another thing, and she started to scream again with the next contraction. But this time, no one would allow her to let down, they just kept pushing her until suddenly the room was filled with sound. It was the music of her baby, his little wail, and then a cry, and then her laughter and her tears, mingled with Jimmy's.
Oh, my God ' oh, my God ' He's so beautiful. ' Is he all right? Sam was breathless with excitement.
He's perfect, the doctor told her. Jimmy was completely speechless, but the look in his eyes as he looked down at her said it all. And then, ever so quietly, he took her hand and kissed her.
I love you, Sam, he whispered. You were incredible.
I couldn't have done it without you. She lay back against the pillows and he leaned down beside her as they put the baby next to her, and then she looked up and saw Allegra. She and Jimmy glowed at each other then, and a terrible look passed between them. Allegra and her mother were both in the room by then, and Sam struggled to see them both. Jeff and Simon were there too, admiring the small, healthy boy who was shouting at his mother as loud as he could. It made them all laugh, but Sam looked at Jeff and Allegra, and there was regret in her eyes. She hated to hurt them, but no matter how much she loved them, she knew she had no choice. She had to do this.
There's something Jimmy and I have to tell you. She took a breath and squeezed his hand. We got married last week. We're both eighteen, and even if we have to support him all by ourselves, we want to keep the baby. Allegra, I'm so sorry. She started to cry as she touched her sister's hand. She had disappointed so many people. Her parents, the Whitmans, who had wanted to adopt him, and now Allegra and Jeff, but they were looking at her in amazement.
You want to keep it? Jeff asked his soon-to-be sister-in-law, and she nodded, unable to say anything more. That's all right. You worked hard for him, he said, gently patting her hand, and there were tears in his eyes. We wanted to take him so he would stay in the family, but he belongs with you. He looked at Jimmy then with a manly smile. Congratulations. And then he put an arm around Allegra.
Are you all right with that, Al? Sam looked at her older sister.
I think I am, she said sadly. I think I'm still kind of stunned by the whole thing. It had all been so much more intense than she expected. I'm happy for you. I was excited, but I was kind of scared too. It's early for us. But they had wanted him anyway, and giving up the idea of him was an adjustment. Jeff was right though. If at all possible, the baby belonged with his mother. We'll bring all the stuff we have over to Mom's. You're going to need it. She smiled at them both and there were tears in her eyes too. She had wanted the baby, but a part of her also didn't. Very much like Jeff. They had had mixed emotions, and were trying to do what was best for all of them. Blaire looked at them in disbelief, trying to absorb what had just happened. No kitchen, a wedding, and now a new baby, she said, lightening the moment, and addressing Sam's announcement. She looked at Jimmy with a slow smile. And a new son-in-law. I guess we're going to be pretty busy at our house. They would never have turned their back on their daughter, or her son. But she already knew he was worth it.
I guess so, Mom. Sam smiled, and looked at her baby. He was so beautiful, and she had worked so hard for him.
You can live with us, Simon said gruffly to the young couple. They'd both be going to the same school in the fall. Sam was thinking of taking the baby with her, for the first few months anyway, so she could nurse him. She and Jimmy had talked about it a lot lately. They were going to try to take some of the same classes.
Does this mean I can go back to bed now? Jeff asked with a yawn, and the whole family laughed, and then he looked at his watch. I guess I missed that part. Time for work.
You're so silly, Allegra said, but I love you. They all kissed Sam and Jimmy and the baby, who had no name yet. They were working on it. Sam thought Matthew sounded good with Mazzoleri. And Blaire realized they were going to have to talk to his mother now that they knew what the two young people had done. They had been very brave, and more than a little foolish, but maybe they could pull it off. Stranger things had happened to other people. Her own grandmother had married at fifteen, and stayed married for seventy-two years to the same man. Maybe Sam would be nearly as lucky.
Allegra drove Jeff to the set, and they talked about not having the baby after all, and how they felt about it.
Are you very disappointed? he asked, still trying to sort it all out in his own mind. It had been an emotional night for all of them, and he was worried about Allegra.
Kind of, she admitted, but I think part of me is relieved too. I'm not sure yet what I really feel. But I respect Sam's decision. And they both knew it was the right one.
Neither am I, he confessed, looking sheepish. I know we'd have loved it, though I'd rather start with our own if we can. But I would have done this for Sam. It never felt right to me for her to give it up for adoption. That just seemed too cruel for all concerned. He had really done it for Allegra and her sister.
Allegra nodded quietly in agreement. And then Jeff looked at her with a broad grin.
Now we get to try for our own. That could be fun. They smiled as they drove to the far end of town, feeling as though things had turned out right for them. Life had certainly taken some odd turns recently, as it did its little tango.
And in Bel Air, Simon and Blaire had just let themselves into the house. They wandered into their newly mangled kitchen. It was still partially functional, and she made each of them a cup of coffee, and they sat down at the kitchen table. It had been a long night filled with a myriad emotions, and they were both feeling elated, and somewhat drained. It had been difficult for Blaire, watching Sam in so much pain, and they had been ambivalent about the baby. And yet when they saw Sam with him, it all seemed so right. And what they were feeling now was even more confusing. Were they happy or were they sad? Was it a tragedy, as they had first thought, or actually a blessing?
So what do you think? Simon asked her with a sigh. Truthfully, Blaire. Do we approve or not? Just between us. They had already vowed to support Sam and Jimmy in all their efforts.
I don't know why, she said, rubbing a hand over her eyes and then looking at him again honestly, and they're so damn young, but I hope it works out for them. The baby is so sweet, no matter how he came into our lives. It's not his fault. And I really like Jimmy. What a good kid he is. He's been wonderful to Sam. This isn't what I'd have wanted for her, if someone had asked me, but maybe in the long run, it will be all right. It was everyone's silent wish for them. And Jimmy had certainly stood by her, both before and while she had the baby. You couldn't have asked for more if he'd been the father. In fact, most men twice his age wouldn't have been half as supportive.
They're silly kids, getting married like that, without telling us, Simon said, sipping his coffee with a frown. But you have to give them credit for at least trying to sort this mess out. Jimmy's a nice kid. And the baby is cute too, isn't he? Simon looked very tender as he remembered their own babies.
He's adorable, Blaire agreed, and then she smiled sadly. Do you remember how sweet Scott was when he was born?
And Sam, he said wistfully, remembering the wisps of platinum hair and huge dark blue eyes, and then he looked tenderly at Blaire again.
They had come a long way from those memories this year, through no fault of hers. They had just started to drift apart, and he had ventured even farther, but now they both knew that the very fabric of their marriage had been torn. He had thought, stupidly, that she wouldn't notice it if he took some time off. He was still there, officially, but in his heart he had been gone for months. And now he knew how dearly it had cost them.
I'm sorry, Blaire. I know what a rough year it's been. She didn't answer him at first. She was thinking of the not-so-distant past. She would walk around the house and see photographs sometimes, which reminded her of better days, and just seeing them would catch at her heart. She remembered when he used to look at her like that, when their hugs were tight and their eyes for each other were still excited and alive. Now she felt dead inside. She had never known, never expected, never fathomed, how much he could hurt her. I've been so stupid, he said in a whisper, with tears in his eyes as he reached out and took her hand. He felt rotten seeing what he had done to her so clearly. Elizabeth had been a breath of new life for him, and she had excited him, but he had never really loved her, not the way he loved Blaire. And he had never wanted her to know about it. It was all so totally wrong. And now it was too late. He could see in the sag of Blaire's shoulders, in the ashes in her eyes when he looked at her, that what they had once shared was gone. It had made her bitter at first, and angry, and frightened. But now she just felt tired, and sad. He could see that. And to him, her sorrow was worse than her anger.
Those things happen, she said philosophically. They never said Elizabeth's name, but they both knew what they were saying. I just never expected them to happen to us. That was the hardest part. At first, I just didn't believe it. But after a while, I guess I just figured we were like everyone else, battered, broken, and embittered. It was like losing all our magic, she said, looking at him for the first time in a long time, and he spoke softly and took her hand across the table.
You never lost your magic, Blaire.
Yes, I did ' when we lost ours.
Maybe we didn't lose it ' maybe we just misplaced it, he said hopefully, and she smiled at him. She couldn't imagine things ever going back to the way they were. Too much had changed. None of it was on the surface. Superficially, they appeared to be what they had always been, polite, intelligent, creative, happy people with a great family, and a warm, loving life. But inside, she knew different. She had been totally alone for the last year, abandoned for the second time in her life. It's going to be nice having the baby in the house, he said softly, and Blaire looked sad again and defeated.