Authors: Caroline Mickelson
In answer, Mateo lifted her hands to his lips and kissed each one in turn.
The Ortega family burst into spontaneous applause. After a moment the minister raised his hand for silence. He reached out to the best man for the rings and held them up.
“Mateo and Ava, we pray that these symbols of unending love will be worn through many long, happy and healthy years of marriage.” He handed Mateo her ring.
“Ava, accept this ring as a token of my devotion to you,” Mateo said as he slipped the ring on her finger.
She stared down at the gold ring and wondered if anyone noticed that he left out the word love, promising only devotion. She took the ring for him from the minister and looked at Mateo. “Mateo, accept this ring as a token of my devotion to you,” she said, deciding that echoing his sentiment was the right thing to do.
The minister beamed and continued through the remainder of the ceremony. After they both said ‘I do’ on cue, he gently turned them together to face the family. “I take great delight in introducing you to Mr. and Mrs. Mateo Ortega.”
As the music began again, Ava held onto Mateo’s arm as he led her back up the flagstone path. The sound of laughter and chatter filled the air. Ava smiled as Mateo guided her back into the house. Once there, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. “Thank you, Ava.”
She didn’t know how to respond but she was saved from having to say anything because the photographer came to whisk them away for photographs. The rest of the evening passed in an absolute blur of family, food, music and dancing. When it was time to cut the cake, Ava’s hand trembled slightly as she held the knife but only until Mateo’s hand closed over hers. His reassuring touch not only steadied her hand but brought a warmth to her heart that was like nothing she had ever experienced. She didn’t want the magic of the evening to end but after several hours, long after Mateo’s grandfather had retired for the evening, she and Mateo bade his family a grateful farewell.
As she and Mateo made their way out to the waiting car, uneasiness washed over Ava. She and Mateo had followed through with their plan to marry. But now what would happen?
Chapter Thirteen
Although Ava had the wedding of her dreams, the first night of married life could not have been more awkward. Courtesy of Mateo’s aunts and uncles, they were booked into the bridal suite at one of the loveliest resorts in Scottsdale. They arrived via the limousine that yet another Ortega cousin had arranged for and once the limo drove away, their luggage was whisked away by bell service. As Mateo headed to reception to check in, Ava felt strangely empty. Like Cinderella after midnight.
Once they were in their suite, Ava watched helplessly as Mateo headed out to the balcony where he stood and stared out into the night. He was strangely quiet and she wondered if regret had hit him already.
“I’ll just go change,” she said, but there was no response. She headed into the bedroom and unzipped her overnight case. Claudia had helped Ava change out of her wedding gown back at the Ortegas, promising she’d take care of getting the gown to the cleaners. Ava had slipped into a sky blue shantung silk sleeveless dress for the short ride to the resort. She reached into her luggage and pulled out her cosmetic bag and a change of clothes for the morning. She set those aside and reached in again for her nightgown and robe.
But instead of the modest peach satin nightgown and robe she’d packed, she held a lipstick red teddy. Ava held the satin lingerie up for inspection. It hardly amounted to a scrap of fabric. She reached back into the overnight case and felt around. The first thing she found was an envelope. She slid it open and pulled out the card. “Happy Honeymoon Night to my new cousin! There wasn’t time for a proper bachelorette party so I improvised. Have fun! XXOO Claudia.” Ava shook her head, not knowing whether to laugh or scream. This was vintage Claudia, and Ava should have seen it coming. Half fearing what else she was going to find, she reached back in the bag and pulled out a gift bag with black and red tissue. As gingerly as if she were diffusing a bomb, Ava removed the first layer of tissue and pulled out a plastic bottle.
At first she thought it was lotion but the picture on the front showed it was something else entirely. She dropped it back into the bag. The second item she pulled out was a package of edible underwear. Really? Ava could only imagine the fun Claudia would have telling her swap-and-switch honeymoon luggage story. She groaned.
“I thought you were going to change?”
Ava spun around to find Mateo leaning in the doorway. He’d taken off his tuxedo jacket, loosened his tie, and rolled up his sleeves. He held a glass with ice and an amber liquid in one hand.
“I was. I am.” Just into what she had no idea. She followed Mateo’s eyes down to the red fabric in her hand. Suddenly embarrassed, she rushed into an explanation. “Claudia sent this.”
Mateo’s eyebrows rose but his expression remained impassive. “Figures.”
“What’s wrong?” Ava didn’t mean to blurt out the words but she was glad she did once they were out. The air needed clearing. “What happened?”
“We got married.” He took a long sip of whatever was in his glass.
Ava stuffed the lingerie back into her case. “Yes, I know. I was there. But what happened to change your mood so dramatically?”
In answer, Mateo turned on his heel and headed back to the wet bar.
Ava watched from the doorway as he knocked back another drink. She crossed her arms over her chest. She might have had the wedding any girl would dream of but the honeymoon wasn’t off to a rock star start. She’d never seen Mateo like this, certainly not so uncommunicative. Unlike so many men, he had the ability to verbalize his feelings and also to be extremely sensitive to her needs. Right now he was batting zero at both.
“Pour one for me too.” She crossed the suite and reached out her hand expectantly. “It’s not fair if you have all the fun without me.”
Mateo tossed what was left of his drink into the tiny sink. “That wouldn’t be very fair, would it?” His eyes searched hers for a long moment. “I’m sorry,” he finally said.
Ava reached out and gently laid a hand on his shoulder. “For what?”
He spun around to stare down at her. “Jesus, Ava, for everything. I’ve created this huge mess and you’re stuck in the middle of it.”
She stared up at him. A fierce longing to comfort him swept over her. She reached up and placed her hand over his heart. “I’m not stuck. And neither are you, Mateo.”
He closed his eyes. “It sure as hell feels like it.”
“Look at me, Mateo,” she commanded. Once he did, she smiled gently. “We didn’t stumble into the middle of anything and we’re not stuck. Every choice you’ve made, every choice I’ve made, that we’ve made, was for one purpose only. To see Mr. O happy in his last days. Did we accomplish that today?”
He covered her hand with one of his. His touch sent a ripple of desire through her but she was determined to ignore it.
“We did, didn’t we?” she prompted. “I don’t know where he found the strength but he was the life of the reception.”
“He’s the life of our family.” Mateo pulled her into an embrace and laid his cheek on the top of her head. “He was happy.”
Ava’s lips curved into a smile. She could hear a change in Mateo’s voice, like he’d found a bit of relief. She relaxed against him. It felt so right. She sighed.
“What are you thinking about?” Mateo’s voice was solicitous, gentle.
“I’m concerned about you. You’re going to make yourself sick or crazy with all the worry and guilt you carry around.” She pulled back just enough to study his face. “Can I ask you for two favors?”
He half grinned. “That seems only fair under the circumstances. What are they?”
“First, for as long as Mr. O is still with us, promise me that you’ll make the most of your time with him. Quit beating yourself up with guilt.”
Mateo nodded. “I’ve married a wise woman. You’re right, I know. Help me?”
Ava tightened her arms around his waist. “Always.”
He smiled down at her. “What’s the second favor?”
“Help me look for a robe. Thanks to Claudia I have nothing to wear tonight.”
Mateo threw back his head and laughed. “Poor Mrs. Ortega, of course I’ll help you.” He leaned down and brushed a light kiss over her lips. “There are worse problems to have, you know.”
“Really?” It was Ava’s turn to laugh. “When you see what she packed for you, you’re going to want a robe, too.”
He pulled a face. “I’m afraid to ask. What did she send?”
Ava grinned. “Edible underwear.”
**
That moment of lighthearted teasing turned out to be the last easy moment between them. The first month of their marriage passed in a succession of days spent being pleasant but distant with each other. They spent their nights sleeping in different rooms. Ava knew that for a marriage arranged around a favor, this was how it should be, but the more time she spent with Mateo the more she found herself longing for a different arrangement. For a real marriage. Which was foolish, her mind knew that. But it was her heart that held onto the impossible idea that she and Mateo could have a future together.
Mateo was his usual thoughtful and kind-hearted self so she had nothing to complain about. On the contrary, she could think of no man in the world that would make a better husband than Mateo Ortega. But, for all his goodness, he was careful to keep his emotions in check and a certain emotional space between them at all times.
The majority of their after-work hours were spent not at home but next door at Tia Sylvia’s house. Joaquin Ortega, already weak when they were married, steadily declined every day. He adamantly refused to enter a hospice and the family respected that. Ava’s heart broke over and over again as she watched a multitude of family spend time at his bedside tenderly caring for him, only to break down in tears once they were out of his earshot.
Ava willingly took a turn sitting at his bedside, most often in the mornings. Initially she was slightly afraid that doing so would bring back too many unpleasant memories of her own mother’s illness but the opposite was true. Her time with Mr. O somehow helped to diminish her sad memories. More and more she was able to think of her mother without pain, but instead with loving memories that brought a smile to her face. It was a long time coming and due in part to the way Mr. O reminisced about the past, he always chose happy memories to talk about. For too long Ava realized that she’d made the mistake of focusing on the sad memories of losing her mother. It was no wonder that the pain and loss had lasted so long. And now that she saw this with a new clarity, she saw her husband making the same mistake. It broke her heart.
“What’s wrong, mi hija?” Mateo’s grandfather asked her one morning as she sat beside his bed reading to him.
Ava put down her book and sighed. “I’m worried about Mateo.”
“That makes two of us.” He took a deep breath. His speech was more labored every passing day. “Mateo and I have always been close. He’s a good boy.”
Ava smiled through her sadness. “Yes, he’s grown into a good man.”
“You love him.”
It was a statement and not a question, but Ava was relieved that she could respond honestly. “I do.”
“He loves you too.” Mr. O closed his eyes.
Ava was glad for the chance to wipe away a tear without the older man seeing it. Ava’s husband appreciated her. This she could believe. But love her? No. Still, it gratified her that Mr. O believed that his grandson loved her. That was what this was really all about and she needed to remember that.
The old man’s eyelids fluttered open. He held out his hand for her to take. “When I’m gone, I want you to guard Mateo’s heart. Love him through his sadness without fail, Ava. Promise me that.”
Ava nodded and gently squeezed his hand. “I will always love him, Mr. O. I can promise you that.”
“Thank you, sweet girl.” He paused for a few moments to steady his breath. “Do you know what I wish?”
Ava shook her head. Her throat was thick with emotion but she forced herself to sound as natural as possible. “What?”
“That I could see my great-grandchild.”
“Which one?” Ava asked. “You have so many.” And every one had made the effort to visit as often as possible.
“They’re all blessings, my truest blessings.” He smiled again. “But I meant Mateo’s baby. Your baby. I bet she would be beautiful.”
Ava suddenly felt as if she was free falling. She didn’t want to have this conversation. The very thought of having a child with Mateo filled her with a sense of loss for what never would be. “She?”
He nodded. “I know your first will be a girl. I’m not wrong about these matters. I haven’t been wrong yet about my great-grandchildren. Except for one, but that’s not a bad record.”
“Not bad at all,” Ava agreed. She tried to shut her mind against the picture of Mateo tenderly cradling their baby in his arms.
“Forgive an old man for asking such a delicate question so directly but time isn’t on my side. You and Mateo are going to start a family?”
Ava was saved from answering by the arrival of a home health nurse.
“I’m sorry to interrupt,” the nurse said as she set her bag on the end of the bed. “It’s time for me to check your port, Mr. Ortega.”
Ava stood and set aside the book she was supposed to have been reading aloud. She leaned down and gently kissed the old man’s cheek. “I’ll stop by tomorrow morning if that’s okay, Mr. O.”
He smiled. “That would be lovely, Ava.” He beckoned for her to come closer and once she did he continued, “What about your baby plans?”
Ava forced herself to smile even though she felt tears forming in the back of her eyes. “You can say we’re in the process now.” She gently laid a hand on his arm. “Rest as much as you can today.”
After a brief conversation with Sylvia and her husband, Ava slipped into her convertible and headed for the office. Her mind turned over her parting words to Mr. O, ‘You can say we’re in the process now’. She shook her head. Somehow her fierce desire not to add one more lie to the pile of lies she’d already told had made her utter that nonsensical sentence. It didn’t even mean anything. In the process of trying? In the process of discussing it?