Authors: György Dragomán
I raised the glass to my mouth, the water was ice-cold but I drank it anyway, and then I stood and left the hut. As I climbed back up the ditch wall on the fenders, the change rattled in my jacket and I heard the birds down below start singing once again. Then I thought of Mother, and I thought that somehow I really should tell her I'd seen Father and that he would return, but then I felt the pinprick on the tip of my thumb start bleeding, and I knew I wouldn't say anything to her after all. I wiped my hands on my pants, reached into my pocket, and held Pickax's ID, but instead of taking it out I just went on home without a word.
W
HEN I STEPPED OUT
of the restaurant that used to be The Lion and was now The Hunter, with the two ice-cold bottles of Czechoslovak beer in my hands, I saw the gray van right away, parked on the other side of the street, so I knew I didn't have a choice, I had to run right by it, and I knew the van would follow me as I went running back to school with the two bottles of beer in my hands, but I also knew I couldn't do anything about it, that I'd have to keep running because Comrade Sándor, our gym teacher, said that at the end of the term he'd flunk anyone who didn't get back with the two bottles of beer by the time the class bell rang because this was more important than any timed run, he won those four cases of beer on Sunday while arm wrestling the head waiter at The Hunter, and he knew that he if didn't have them picked up quickly, the regulars would drink them all up. "So get going," he said, "run like hell, everyone, and as for those who get back fastest, I might just offer them a bit, a little glass of beer never hurt anyone, you sure will see how good it feels after a run, pure medicine."
By then the gray van had been tailing me for two days already, but I didn't dare tell anyone because I knew they wouldn't believe me anyway, and if they did believe me, that would be even worse, because no doubt they knew full well what usually happens to people whom state security tails in a car, so if I told them, no one would dare speak to me ever again. Luckily the van wasn't following me all the time, I usually saw it on my way to and from school, and a couple times when I went to the waterspout or the soccer field, but its license plate had only three numbers on it, so I knew it could only be state security, who else would have a gray van with mirror windows after all, but I couldn't imagine what they could want from me, maybe they somehow found out that I was there when the ironworkers set fire to the grocery store or that not so long ago during a power cut Feri and I climbed into the cinema's secret screening room, anyway, I didn't want to think about it, and I always pretended I didn't even notice them.
The two beer bottles were so cold that they practically froze to my hands, after a minute my fingers got so numb I could barely hold the bottles any longer, all I could feel was the icy cold, and that made me just stand there for a moment outside the tavern after noticing the van, besides, with my limp, I'd been the last one to reach the place, my ankle was still hurting because the day before I had tried a penalty kick with a punctured leather ball the guys had stuffed full of stones as a prank, so now I didn't head off right away from in front of The Hunter, there was no one else on the street except me, the others had headed back a while ago already, so I wondered what would happen if I went the other way instead of toward the van, but I knew that would mean going toward the main square, which would be at least a mile longer, and with my foot hurting like it was, there was no way I'd make it back that way before the class bell, and so I took a deep breath and started running toward the gray van after all, and meanwhile I thought that maybe it wasn't the same van at all, but just another one parked here by chance, that it wasn't here on account of me at all.
As I ran I could feel the beer swishing inside the bottles, and from far away I could see myself in the mirror window of the van's rear door, there I was, running in my white T-shirt and black shorts, but the mirror made me look distorted, sometimes I was really tall and sometimes really short, and when I got up beside the van I knew the engine would rev up right away and the van would start following me, but then nothing happened. I was so scared I could hardly even feel my feet hurting as I ran by it fast, the van still hadn't started up and I was already past it, five yards, ten yards, yes, I was halfway down the street at least twenty-five yards past the van, thinking I was home free, when it gave out a loud beep, and that startled me so much I almost stopped dead in my tracks and just about dropped the beer bottles, and then the engine roared and I could hear the van starting off, and before I knew it, it was right there beside me, and again it beeped loudly, but I didn't stop even then, no, I just ran on, but then the van headed me off and parked up ahead of me with its two right wheels up on the sidewalk, and I knew that this was it, they'd caught me at last, up until now they'd waited for some reason, but this was it, I was captured, they'd take me away. I looked back toward the restaurant and thought that if I ran back there, maybe they wouldn't come in after me, but I knew that was a dumb idea, they'd come in for sure, but I just had to turn around all the same, I couldn't give up, and I'd already done so when the van door began slowly opening up and I heard someone blurt out my name and tell me to stop moving this instant, it was my grandfather's voice, and once the door was wide open I looked and saw that indeed it was my grandfather, but I figured I was just imagining this on account of being so scared and that I'd better not look again, I'd better run, but then I did look, and I saw clear as day that it really was him, and he shouted at me not to even think of running because he swore he'd drive right through me, I should climb right in the car beside him, he just wanted to talk to me. All at once a sense of relief flowed through me, it was like being worn out after running except somehow hotter, but it lasted for a moment only before my belly knotted right back up because I couldn't imagine what my grandfather could want from me, we met only twice a year, and this was neither my name day nor my birthday, and so I took a step back and said, "I can't climb in, Comrade Secretary, I'm on a timed run and I don't want to fail, I don't want to give Mother another thing to be sad about," and my grandfather now told me not to bother myself about this run, he'd take me the distance and we'd get there before those other poor buggers, and he didn't want to repeat himself, I should get in at once, so I climbed in and sat down on the imitation leather seat and put the two bottles of beer down by my feet on the ribbed rubber floor mat, and I started rubbing my hands together to warm them up.
My grandfather slammed the door shut, pressed on the gas, turned off the sidewalk, and drove away. For a while he didn't say a word, but then all of a sudden he said he always did hate running, and he hoped I couldn't stand it either, and I said, "You bet I can't," and my grandfather nodded. "Very good," he said, it seemed that I was indeed his grandson, and I didn't say anything to that, I just looked at my grandfather, and I wanted to ask him where he'd got the van from, and if it was he who'd been tailing me for three days already, and if so, then why, and as I was thinking all this, I suddenly noticed that my grandfather's shirt was buttoned up unevenly and that he didn't even have a tie on, and that his shirt collar hung completely out of one side of his suit, and I was so shocked to see him looking like that that I didn't ask a thing, I just kept looking ahead and out the window, which was easy because the seat was a lot higher than in a regular car, and I could see farther too, no, I had never sat in a van like this before.
On reaching the corner, we didn't turn toward the school but in the other direction, onto what used to be Mud Street, and then at the end of that street we didn't turn left toward the main square, but right instead, toward the hill called Calvary Hill, and then I thought I'd better ask my grandfather where we were going after all, but before I could say a thing, he turned toward me, shook his head, and said I was a sad sight to behold, that's how terrified I looked, and he couldn't understand why I was so scared of him, and I wanted to say that I wasn't frightened at all, it was just that my leg still hurt from running and that I was cold in my gym clothes, and I hadn't even said a thing yet when my grandfather grumbled that I should stop worrying so much, he gave his word of honor that I'd get back in time for the class bell, but first he wanted to show me something, it was something he'd shown my father too, back then, so I should calm down and stop being so scared, he didn't have any bad intentions, and I didn't say anything to that either, I just stared in shock because my grandfather had never mentioned my father before, not even once, and he didn't let anyone else mention Father in front of him, no, he always acted as if he didn't have a son at all, that's how angry he was at Father for besmirching our name, for bringing shame on him and the whole family by signing that petition, everyone thought that he, my grandfather, was the one who'd signed it, since Father had exactly the same name as Grandfather, and so did I, every firstborn son in the family had always had the same name, it was an awful scandal, my grandfather had to resign immediately and go into retirement, and he could thank his lucky stars that nothing worse happened to him, so I really was pretty surprised now to hear him mention Father. Not that I replied at all, but as we kept going I thought to myself that I should say something already, I couldn't just sit there and not utter a single word, and I thought I could ask how my grandmother was, if she was any better, but if I didn't bring that up, I could at least ask him what it was he wanted to show me and why it was so important that he'd come for me specially with this van, and I was already wondering how I could ask him, but then all of a sudden my grandfather spoke, and even though he didn't look at me, I could tell from how the edges of his mouth crinkled that he was smiling, and he said he was really glad to see that I wasn't being nosy but was instead waiting patiently, like a grownup, because I had enough brains to understand that I didn't need to know everything ahead of time, yes, it was obvious that I was already a really big boy, and so I still didn't say anything, instead I only nodded and went back to looking out the window.
By then we were almost at the top of the hill, we'd already passed the military cemetery and we'd reached the hunting palace of the commander in chief of the armed forces, which the commander in chief used only once every five years, whenever he visited our town, and for a second I thought my grandfather wanted to take me in there, that that's what he wanted to show me, Feri's uncle had been there one time to do some electrical work, and he said that everything inside was pure gold, the faucets and the coat rack and everything else. Not that I was really excited about going in there, but I would have taken a look all the same, except that we drove right by its tall brick wall and black iron gate, yes, my grandfather didn't even slow down, no, we went on through a stretch of forest before reaching the big meadow way up below the observation tower where May Day cookouts were held after the parade. And then all of a sudden my grandfather drove right off the road and over the sidewalk, around the benches and by the helicopter landing pad, and the van was bouncing so much that the two bottles of beer kept rattling against each other down by my feet, and I had to grab the side of the seat as my grandfather drove the van straight to the big walnut tree at the right edge of the big meadow where the cliff began, and then he slowed down, stopped, shut off the engine, and said we had arrived and said to me, "Get out."
I was a little carsick, the drive had really shaken up my belly, so I took deep breaths, just the way Mother had taught me, and sure enough, in less than a minute the queasiness was gone, even though I could see in the reflection of the van window that my face was still pretty pale. Meanwhile my grandfather had gotten out and gone over to the big walnut tree, from where he called for me to come over and take a look, saying the whole city was here before our feet, the view was loveliest from here, from this tree, there used to be a bench here, but every last bit of it including its armrests had been plundered by now. "But that's all right," he said, "spring is in the air, the ground is pretty warm," and as he said that he'd already taken off his sport coat and laid it down on the clumps of grass under the big walnut tree, and then he sat down cross-legged on one side of his coat and tapped a palm on the place next to him and told me to sit down too, what was I waiting for, and I wanted to say that I wouldn't sit down, that the ground was chilly and I didn't want to catch a cold, but then I sat down all the same, and my grandfather patted me on the shoulder and said that when my father was little, he'd brought him here and shown him the city, his hometown, because way back when he was just a kid he'd been brought here too, by his own father, who was my great-grandfather, although I didn't know him, and at that instant I knew that
my grandfather was about to make me promise I'd bring my own son here, but then he didn't say a thing, he only gave a sigh. Then he picked up the two beer bottles from the grass next to his sport coat, which surprised me, since I hadn't noticed him taking the bottles out of the van, and then I knew that my grandfather would now drink both bottles of beer, but I didn't say a thing because I knew it didn't matter anyway, and my grandfather looked at me and smiled and told me not to be scared, my gym teacher was an old comrade of his, and if he dared to say even a word to me I should tell him that my grandfather sends his regards, and I shouldn't worry because there wouldn't be any trouble, I should keep in mind that I wasn't just anyone's grandson, and my grandfather then got all quiet and he held the two bottles up against each other so one of them was upside-down, and he hooked their caps together, never had I seen such a thing, it looked like an hourglass, and somehow he made it seem like he planned to break the necks off both bottles, but in one fleeting move he opened both of them at the same time, flicking off the caps with his thumb, white foam spilled out onto his hand from the upside-down bottle and he shook off his hand over the grass, and then he told me to remember well that a gentleman never drinks in the morning, but for him it really didn't matter anymore, and he raised one of the bottles and drank down almost half the beer in one swig, and then he lowered the bottle and reached it out toward me and asked if I wanted some, and I said no, and my grandfather nodded and said, "Right you are, you can still become a gentleman," and I looked at my grandfather's hand clutching the bottle, his skin was nothing but wrinkles, I saw, the wide brown band of his watch was really tight around his wrist, causing the skin touching the watchband to crumple up, as if his skin was made of paper or he'd suddenly lost a lot of weight, and then my grandfather smiled and took another sip of beer, and he
gave a nod toward town and told me to just take a look at that city down there, to take a good look, to do so as if I was seeing it now for the first time in my life, for the very first time or else the last time, and I really could see the city perfectly, all of downtown, the old fortress, the main square with its three churches, the theater, the museum, the old hospital, city hall and, a bit farther out, those big gray neighborhoods full of apartment blocks, the newer five-story buildings and the seven-story ones, which is not to mention the river on the other side of town, the big dam, and the ironworks, and my grandfather then put a hand around my shoulder and told me not to look at where every single different thing is, but instead to try looking at the whole thing, all of it as one, as if I was looking at a painting or a pretty girl, to try and see everything at the same time, it wasn't easy doing so, he said, but if I could do it, then afterward I'd see the world differently. My grandfather then got all quiet as he just kept staring down at the city and taking sips of beer now and again, and I was looking at the city too, but all I saw were all the different buildings and streets and squares, and then the wind started blowing a little, my arms and legs got goose bumps, and then my grandfather spoke again, he said he'd have me know that this was the loveliest town in the whole wide world, even in this dull gray weather it shimmers and it shines, but he'd advise me to leave it at once if I ever got the chance, to leave and not come back ever again, to leave not only the city but the country too, to leave my home behind. He fell silent, gulped down the last of the beer from the bottle, and then suddenly flung it straight toward town. A couple of seconds passed, but then I could hear the bottle smashing on the big rocks at the bottom of the cliff, and I was still looking at the city, but I couldn't make out either our apartment block or our soccer field, and I didn't know what to say to my grandfather, and so I only nodded, and my grandfather then asked if I'd heard what he said,
and I said, "Yes, I'd heard," and then my grandfather asked if I'd understood, and I said yes, but my grandfather shook his head and said he didn't think I could have, no, I was still too young to understand, but I should keep it in mind, and when the time comes I should remember what he said, and I said, "All right, I'll keep it in mind," and my grandfather nodded and picked up the second bottle of beer and began sipping that one too, and he went on looking at the city down below.