The Widow's Friend (2 page)

Levi Stone? I tried to remember, but I couldn’t, really.
Only vague feelings of emotion clouded my mind. There was happiness and some
good times there, but…he’d walked away. Why had he left? I was sure it must
have been something I’d done, but I couldn’t remember what or why. I was so
stupid back then. I wondered if he would remember. Maybe he wouldn’t even know.
There was only one way to find out. We might as well talk a bit. I sat down,
popped open my laptop, and clicked on his e-mail. There was only one line
there, one measly little line. “It couldn’t be,” he said, “I’m only thirty
nine.” Only thirty nine? What? Oh yes, I read my e-mail above. I’d mentioned
forty years. Oh, a clever one, huh? I guess that’s better than a dull one. Lord
knows I’d known enough of them over the years. But was he a smart alec? I hoped
not, but now I wanted to know more, so I shot off a few more lines.

I clicked shut my laptop and turned on the TV. I surfed from
channel to channel but couldn’t focus. I could only think of Levi. Dang! I didn’t
have time for this. I had places to go and things to do, and besides, it had
been so very long ago that I hardly knew the guy anymore. I turned off the
lights and the TV too. I sat in the dark and pondered. I was frustrated
because, after all, the guy was a married man, at least I thought he was
married and I had so many other things going on. I tried to mentally break away
but I couldn’t drop him from my mind. My curiosity was getting the best of me.
I needed to know more and I wanted to know more now, not later. I went to bed
and tried to read but I couldn’t concentrate. Crap! I took a pill and tried to
sleep, and that seemed to do the trick.

From Callii Wilson

Aug 21st

Hi Levi, it’s so nice to hear from you again. How have you
been? Where do you live? Please tell me something about yourself. Thanks for
answering, Callii.

“Tiptoeing
My Way Forward”

I mulled over how to answer Callii’s response, but I wasn’t
really sure what I should say. We had started up a dialogue and I was eager to
continue, but this seemed like such a danger zone. My recent reflections on our
past compelled me to go forward, but I had been married for the last thirty
five years, and this was all so…weird. I sat back and pondered, but I didn’t
have to think very long. Memories of Callii were stirring and real. She had
always been alluring and nice, so really, what was there to think about?

But I still felt somewhat anxious. Indeed, I still didn’t
know if there was some boyfriend looking over her shoulder and laughing in the
background as she answered my e-mails. But no matter what the circumstance, I
had something to tell her. I’d thought about our past the last few days and I’d
mulled things over a bit, and there was definitely something I wanted her to
know. I owed her an apology for some things that I did, and for some things
that I never did, and for other things that I’d never really understood. I
clicked the keys and pounded out an e-mail. There was more that I wanted to
say, but I couldn’t somehow do it. Maybe it was still too soon. I told her
where I lived and added a few more details, and of course I asked her a
question. I wanted to be certain that she’d answer back.

From Levi Stone

Aug 22nd

Hi Callii, it’s been a long time since we dated, and there
are a few things I’ve wanted to tell you. I always did like you, even though I
kind of walked away, or whatever you want to call it, way back when. But I
always did like you, and I wanted you to know that. I live in Idaho Falls, not
that far from good old Rexburg. And I still get back home occasionally.

Now, you want to know something about me, so I’ll reveal a
former health issue. I had a hip replaced several years ago, two years before I
turned fifty. It changed my life. I have a desk job now and I also write books
for a hobby—weird, huh? I don’t tell many people that, most folks think that it’s
odd. Where do you live, and what has your life been like?

Thanks, Levi

“Say
What?”

I read Levi’s e-mail and, as in a vision, it brought back
the past. The entire episode between us seemed to play through my mind. He
apologized for dropping me, and elaborated on it just a bit, but it was such a
slap in the face. “You always did like me,” I said sarcastically, repeating his
words. I got up and walked around. “I always did like you,” I said in a nasal
and whining voice, mocking him. “Yeah, right!” I muttered. He had walked off
with no explanation, leaving me and my daughter high and dry at a time when we
were so young and scared. I couldn’t help but feel a bit annoyed. “I always did
like you!” I shouted at the ceiling, the sky, and the heavens above. “What a,
what a…MAN!”

I slapped shut the laptop and stormed outside. I jogged up
the sidewalk and into the darkness. I needed to let off a little steam.

The night was warm and the stars were bright. I didn’t
really understand why I was so annoyed. After all the things I’d been through
in the last forty years this kind of thing shouldn’t even be a distraction, and
besides, it had all happened so long ago.

“I always did like you!” I said aloud, barking it into the
darkness.

“And I’m so glad that you do,” said a voice from a darkened
porch. I didn’t look back—this jackass didn’t deserve a response.

“Gosh damned jerk!” I hissed. “Men!” I spat on the sidewalk
and doubled back for home.

It took me quite some time to simmer down, but it hardly
made sense, even to me, why I’d gotten so riled up, but I finally cooled off,
and a day or two later I shot him back a reply. I told him where I lived and
asked him to tell me a few more things about himself. I sent off the e-mail and
tried not to think about him for a few days. After all, he was an old flame but
he was also a married man, and besides, I was flying to Los Angeles with a few
friends next week. It would be a welcome getaway, a long awaited shopping trip
and a little fun. Yes, I had other things to do, and they were much more
important than e-mailing some old boyfriend.

From Callii Wilson

Aug 30th

Hi Levi, I have to admit I’m surprised that we’re talking to
each other—it’s been a long time. I live in good old Rexburg, Idaho. Imagine
that? I live on 2nd South, right in the center of town and not too far from our
old high school. My life has been one long adventure. You would never think it,
living my whole life in Rexburg, but it’s been one long rollicking
journey—trust me. In fact, I just quit my job. I am thinking of adopting my
eight year old granddaughter, Mattie. I’m giving it a trial run and we’ll see
how it evolves. She has a handicap and some special needs. Her mother and dad
adopted her from an orphanage, and it hasn’t worked out all that well, at least
not yet. So far, Mattie and her mother have not really bonded.

So there you go. And what about you, what kind of a life
have you had?

Callii

“Rexburg”

So she still lives in Rexburg, that’s a shock. She still
lives in her little home town and I’m just thirty minutes away. I got up and
went outside. This bit of information made our conversations just a little more
nerve racking, knowing that she was just down the pike a bit. It might have
been better if she was living in Georgia or Minnesota or someplace like that.
This just made things a little too convenient, and maybe a little too easy for
my own good. So now what do I say?

And she’d quit her job? Not just anybody can up and quit
their job. She must have some cash stashed away, though it was none of my
business.

I turned on the TV and grabbed the remote. I settled onto
the sofa and clicked away. I tried to think of nothing at all, but it didn’t
seem to work.

The neighbor’s cat sat outside the patio door. It was a
small cat, striped and gray. I waived a finger. She caught the motion with her
eyes. She looked at me through the glass and mouthed out a meow. I knew what
she wanted. Females always wanted something from me. I got off the couch and
went for the tuna.

I went out to the patio and delivered the goods, and of
course the cat loved me for it. She couldn’t decide whether to rub up against
my leg or eat the tuna. She seemed to want to do both. She finally settled on
the tuna and I was glad.

I stared into the darkness and mulled things over. An old
song ran through my mind: “Who are you?” by The Who. It was just there in my
head. That’s all. I had no idea who Callii was now. A lot of water had gone
under the bridge since our youthful fling. Was there a man in her life? Was she
interested in my e-mails, or was she having a good laugh with a boyfriend? Or
maybe there were some girlfriends viewing them with her, maybe even some
roommates, or possibly even her kids. I felt vulnerable and at risk.

“Who are you?” the tune broached the alcoves of my mind as
more questions flickered there.

It was quiet. My backyard was a sanctuary. A cinderblock
wall sealed me in on the left. An empty and darkened street ran along the
boundaries on the right, and nothing but hayfields ran directly behind me. It
was roughly a mile before the lights of a home twinkled on the other side. It
was dark and it was peaceful. The cat hopped up on my lap and began to purr.

“You love me, don’t you little girl?” I whispered. She
continued to grind out sounds of affection. I scratched her head and petted her
back. It was nice to be appreciated.

“How do women think?” I asked the cat. She hopped off my lap
and sauntered away. Her tail wagged back and forth, taunting me in an
egotistical display of feline righteousness. Then suddenly, I was tired. I
stood up, opened the door, and slipped off to bed.

From Levi Stone

Sept 2nd

Hi Callii, it’s nice to hear from you again. I live in Idaho
Falls now, not that far away. I’ve been here quite some time. I’m surprised
that you still live in Rexburg. I don’t really know why, I just am. My life, in
a word, is boring. It really is. Mr. Excitement—that’s me in a nutshell.

I want to finish my apology and I hope you’ll understand. I guess
I’ll just say it straight out. I really liked you when we dated. You were fun,
you were beautiful, and you were very passionate—what’s not to like. But we got
a little frisky one night, the night that I stayed there, and I wasn’t ready
for that. Now you didn’t do anything wrong, I want you to know that, it’s just
that I was young for my age and naïve. I withdrew from you afterwards, and I
didn’t really understand why. I remember sitting in your apartment one night.
My friend and another girl were snuggling across the room. You and I were
sitting on the floor, up against the wall. You wanted to cuddle, but I just
couldn’t do it, and I didn’t understand why. I could sense your desire, and I
had no wish to hurt you, but I couldn’t bring myself to reach over and pull you
in. It was years later that I figured out why. It wasn’t you, it was me. I was
young for my age, and you were divorced, and I just wasn’t ready. I retracted
from you emotionally. It was my upbringing—I was just such a straight arrow. I
hope you can understand that, and I hope you can forgive me. It was my fault
entirely.

Thanks for understanding, Levi

“More
of the Same”

I sat back and mulled over Levi’s e-mail. The soft light of
my computer screen reflected off my face.

Well, that was nice—I think. Levi blames himself. His
explanation seemed sincere, but I still felt somewhat responsible and I always
have, though I’d never been quite sure why. And to be honest I was still a bit
confused. I’d always wondered why he’d left without any explanation. “It wasn’t
your fault but mine,” he’d said, laying the blame on himself, but I still had
to feel I had a hand in it. I mean I had hoped I hadn’t done anything stupid,
but I’d known in my heart that I had. He had spent the night at my invitation.
I may have even tricked him into it. I certainly wasn’t blameless. But now I
was a little mixed up. He said I hadn’t done anything wrong, but he’d still
walked away. I’d just thought that was what men wanted—didn’t they? Most men
would have walked away if I hadn’t let them stay. I still think most men feel
that way, even after all these years, especially after all these years, and
besides that I was still annoyed. I couldn’t decide if this explanation was a
good thing or a bad thing, it just baffled me all the more. But I had liked
him, I have to admit that I’d liked him, and he said that he’d liked me, and he
does seem kind of nice, just like he did back then. Holy Moley, what’s a
grandma to do?

I wanted to call Anne and talk things over, but she was so
judgmental, and this Levi thing was all so new. I’d better keep it to myself.
That would be for the best, at least for now it would.

And this was the first time he hadn’t asked me a question,
so I didn’t feel any pressure to write him back. Maybe I’d just let things lie
for awhile and mull things over a bit. What’s more, I had to clean the house
and pack my bags—we were flying to Los Angeles in less than a week. Anyway, I
had plenty of other things I needed to do, and besides, Levi was a married man
so I shouldn’t let myself get too close to him. I went out to my car and drove
up the street. A burger and fries sounded good about now, maybe a milkshake
too. A little fast food always makes me feel better about things, especially
when I’m confused.

“Tick,
Tick, Tick”

It had been one solid week and Callii hadn’t answered back
yet. I was getting anxious. I tried not to let it bother me, but how could it
not? There was no denying the way she affected me and there was no denying my
feelings inside. She was beginning to get to me in ways that I had never
expected, or intended.