The Winter Love (18 page)

“
You have been to church with Robert?”

“Yes, he lives in the next parish and we thought, well, we thought it better to leave you
and Edward alone.”

Eleanor smiled without feeling
; she knew Isabelle expected her to marry Edward. That was not so strange, but she would rather not have it discussed so much by others. It seemed it was as difficult to keep private things private in the world as it had been in the convent.

“Your
company would have been agreeable,” she said. Then added, “Although I’m sure you would rather have been alone with Robert and he with you.”

“Do you think so?”
Isabelle grasped Eleanor’s hands. “He says nothing, but I think he enjoys my company.” Despite her practical approach to marrying a wealthy main, it seemed that Isabelle was falling in love with Robert. Eleanor suspected that Robert was also in love with her.

“Has he not spoken to Edward?”

“No. He has not even enquired as to the size of my dowry.”

“Perhaps he would rather speak to your father.”

“He has never met my father, nor shown any inclination to do so.”

Eleanor looked out of the window
and saw that the snow was still falling. “And perhaps it is now too late to do so before Christmas.”

“Do not worry, Eleanor, this will not last long. We will be back with my parents as soon as you are well enough to travel.”
For the first time Eleanor saw Isabelle’s frustration at being stuck in the town with her. Although it would give her more time to spend with Robert, it also made it more difficult for him to ask for her hand.

Eleanor hoped that day would come soon.
And not just for Isabelle’s sake. Each day they spent in Edward’s house was another day during which he might make his own proposal. Isabelle sighed and shook herself.

“Since we have no other entertainment, shall we start work on your new clothes?”

“Very well, but I warn you that I am not skilled with a needle.” Eleanor smiled. Isabelle was always practical; if she could not do what she wanted she would find something useful to do.

“Then it as well that I am very skilled and a good teacher.”

Despite herself Eleanor laughed and, after they had eaten at noon, she and Isabelle began work.

They sewed all afternoon. Isabelle was
indeed good with a needle and very patient with Eleanor’s mistakes. Eleanor’s hands were better suited to working with horses than with a needle, but she could do what was necessary and Isabelle did the fine work. By the time the evening meal was ready Isabelle declared herself satisfied with what they had done and Eleanor had to admit that she had enjoyed herself. They had spoken little and she had found the silence calming. She had had to concentrate on their stitching and had not had time to worry about when Edward would ask her to marry him and what she would say.

That night Isabelle resumed her place in the bed in bedchamber
at the front of the house and Edward returned to the back of the house.

Isabelle had been right about the snow. It
snowed another day and lay on the ground for a further day, then disappeared the following morning. That afternoon Edward’s parents arrived. Eleanor guessed that Edward had sent for them in response to a request from Robert. He had sent them a messenger after she had been injured to explain why Isabelle would not be returning home as expected.

Sir
John and Lady Mary were cold after their journey and Sarah served them all warm spiced wine in the hall. Eleanor was not sure that she should stay, but when she looked to Edward for guidance he smiled and gestured at her to sit on the stool that Sarah had brought for her.

“You look well,
Sister Margaret,” said Sir John. “From Edward’s message I expected to find you prostrate in bed.”

It
took a moment for Eleanor to realise that she had been addressed and she blushed from shame. Isabelle and sometimes even Robert called her Eleanor now.

“I am recovering well, thank you,” she said finally. “Your children have cared for me with great attention.”

“We are glad to hear it. We would have come sooner, but the rain caused the river to flood our fields. Then the snow...”

“Please, there is no
need. Edward and Isabelle did everything that was needful.”

“I am glad to hear it.”

Edward enquired after the state of the fields and the conversation moved on, leaving Eleanor to consider how far she had fallen already. She thought for a moment that she should go into the abbey for a while, but that would not be the answer. She resolved to speak to the priest at St Michael’s tomorrow. If she could not go to Mother Abbess for advice, she would seek out the priest.

The afternoon passed pleasantly enough and
Eleanor’s guess as to the reason for the visit seemed to be confirmed when Robert arrived to join them for the evening meal.

He
seemed determined to please Sir John and Lady Mary and was charming and entertaining. Eleanor joined in the laughter, even though she was becoming very tired.

Not long after they had finished eating Eleanor excused herself.
Immediately Edward was by her side, searching her face for any sign of weakness.

“I am tired,” she explained. “I have grown unused to being awake for such a long time.”

“You look so well that I forget how ill you have been. I shall send Sarah to help you, so that Isabelle can stay with our parents.” Eleanor knew that Edward lied. Her face was still bandaged to keep the poultices against the wound on the back of her head and the cut on her cheek. Every glance must tell him how ill she still was. It was a sign to Eleanor of how tired she was that she did not turn the offer of help down and was instead very grateful for Sarah’s assistance.

Sarah left a candle in the bedchamber, but Eleanor extinguished it and lay in the darkness, worrying and praying
until she shortly fell asleep.

Eleanor broke her fast early with Edward. His parents and Isabelle still slept. Eleanor was grateful that no one else would know her plan.

“I should like to speak to your parish priest.”

“So that he can play the part of your Mother Abbess? A good idea.” Edward smiled.

Eleanor
was surprised and pleased that Edward understood so quickly.

“I shall take you to his house, but....”

“You do not need to stay with me. It is not so far away that I cannot walk back on my own.”

“That is not what worries me. You
have the stamina and strength to do so, but I fear you will be robbed. We will take Sam and he will escort you back.”

Eleanor thought that Sam, the small kitchen boy, would be of little help if she
were attacked, but said nothing. She doubted she would be robbed; everyone knew that Edward’s guest was a nun who had nothing, but she appreciated his concern. She had been hurt once and he did not want her to be hurt again.

As soon as they had finished eating Edward sent for Sam and they set off.
Sam was very proud of his task as protector of his master’s guest and he kept looking around as they walked and constantly fingered the hilt of the knife in his belt. Eleanor bit her lip to stop herself smiling; it would not do the boy good to think she was laughing at him.

Father Timothy’s
servant led them to the small room in the middle of the house where the priest was sitting thoughtfully before a fire.

“Ah, Edward, come in.”

“This is Sister Margaret,” Edward introduced her.

“Of course. I have heard
that you are visiting Edward with his sister.”

“And you have heard of the attack that injured her.”

The priest nodded. “Yes. I’m sorry you are having such a terrible time in this town.”

“I have also encountered friendship and good care.”
Eleanor smiled up at Edward.

“Come, sit and warm
yourselves.”

“I have
brought Sister Margaret to talk with you and I will leave her with you if I may.”

“Of course. Will you take some wine, Sister?”
Edward left them and Eleanor was alone with the priest.

“Thank you.”

Eleanor sat and looked at the man opposite her. He was in his early twenties and thin as if he did not eat enough. His eyes seemed older than the rest of him and it was these that persuaded her to trust him.

“
You know something of my story?”

“I know that you arrived with Edward and his brother
Henry from the west and that you are a nun.”

His keen eyes looked at her fashionable clothes and she told him about how Henry had taken her from the convent and brought her here.
She did not give him all the details, but enough for him to understand why a nun was wearing such clothes.

“
It is an interesting story and I thank you for it, but I do not believe you came here just to tell it to me.”

“No,
” Eleanor paused. “I have spent most of my life in the convent and I find it hard here to find my way. There is so little peace and quiet.” She hesitated and the priest smiled encouragingly. “I do not know whether to stay here or to return to the convent and take my vows.”

The young man thought for a moment.

“Before you left the convent did you wish to leave the convent?”

“No, I never thought about it.
”

“Why do you think about leaving now?”

Eleanor had her answer ready. “Because I believe Edward intends to marry me.”

“And that is enough to make you doubt your vocation?”

“Life here is so interesting and Edward would let me travel with him. I would see so many new things.”

“So you wish to be
entertained.”

Now the priest looked stern and
Eleanor knew that her argument was trivial. It had seemed so as she had rehearsed it to herself over the last few days.

“It is also a vocation to be a wife and mother.”
This was the discussion she had had many times with Mother Abbess. The older woman had made it clear that she did not consider either vocation to be more pleasing to God then the other, the important thing was to discover the one that was real and then pursue it. A woman called to be a wife and mother should do that to the best of her ability and a woman called to be a nun should do that to the best of her ability. Then both would face God’s judgement with confidence.

“
It was a vocation which you gave up when you declared yourself ready to take your vows. Sister Margaret, I do not blame you. You have lived a sheltered life and it is only to be expected that the adventure of coming here with Edward should seem exciting to you. And Edward is an attractive and wealthy man. But if God has called you to the convent, should you disobey him?”

“I am no longer sure that he has,” admitted
Eleanor. “If I were certain, there could be no struggle.”

“Why do you wish to marry Edward?”

Eleanor had not thought about an answer to this question. She thought the priest had already answered it to his own satisfaction. And she had no wish to lie to him.

“I do not love him,” she began, “
and I do not believe that he loves me. I do not need his wealth, I have enough of my own and it is at my disposal.”

Eleanor fell silent as she
saw the scornful look on his face. Love was not important in a marriage, they both knew that. If she could not explain to herself why she wished to marry Edward, how could she expect to explain it to someone else?  Sadly, she realised that the priest could not take the place of Mother Abbess; he had neither the experience nor the imagination.

“Sister Margaret, are you unwell?”

Eleanor was recalled from her reverie. “Sometimes I am dizzy because of the blow to my head.” It was the truth, but not the reason for her pallor or the shaking of her hands.

“Perhaps you should return when you are feeling better.”

Eleanor nodded and Father Timothy called for Sam to come and take her back to Edward’s house, but Eleanor went into the church first. It was cold and empty, but she knelt and prayed and lay prostrate on the tiles until Sam began to worry that she would die there. He touched her shoulder tentatively and she started.

“Oh, Sam, forgive me. I forgot you were here. Let us return.”

“You scared me, Sister Margaret.”

“Did I? I did not intend to. Have you never known the need to throw yourself on God’s mercy and beg for his help?”

The boy shook his head.

“Then pray that you never need to. It is a terrible thing to know that your only choice is between two sins.”

The boy frowned.

“But you are a nun. You can’t sin.”

“Of course I can sin; we all can. We all sin every day. Sam, you should pay more attention in church.”

The boy grinned at her. “Course I pay attention in church. I stand and look at the maid from two doors down.”

Despite herself Eleanor laughed.

“Come on, lead me back to your master’s house.”

Sam stayed by her side until they were inside the house and Edward came to greet her.

“Did Father Timothy help you?” Edward had excused himself from the shop, leaving Simon to attend to the customers. His smile faded as he looked into her face. “How sad you look, Eleanor, and cold, you’re so cold.” He had taken her hands in his. “Come into the hall and warm yourself. My parents and Isabelle are out with Robert so you can be alone if you wish.”

Grateful for his understanding Eleanor climbed the stairs. Sarah shortly brought her some beer and bread and cheese. Eleanor took it all and stared into the fire as she thought about what she must do.
If no one would take her back to the convent, she must marry Edward.

Two days later Eleanor and Isabelle rode back to Sir John’s house with Sir John and Lady Mary. Edward didn’t accompany them, but sent Sam and Simon, both heavily armed. He wished to make sure that his business would be able to continue as he wished when they went to visit Henry and so had much to do. Robert also sent an armed servant with them; there had been reports of travellers being attacked on the roads. Eleanor remembered the men who had attacked her and Henry and was grateful that they were so well escorted.

Eleanor was glad that
she and Edward would be apart for a few days. She had not been back to see Father Timothy, but she had taken Sam and gone to St Michael’s each morning. She had made her decision, but did not get much comfort from it. Isabelle complained about her restlessness at night and she was tired all day.

Robert had committed himself to visit Sir
John in two days’ time and it was clear to everyone that he intended to ask for Isabelle’s hand. Eleanor hoped that this would not encourage Edward to do the same with her.

To
her relief Robert came alone. He was greeted by a very breathless and excited Isabelle, then he went into Sir John’s solar. Eleanor sat sewing with Lady Mary and Philippa. Isabelle fidgeted and could not be trusted with any fine work. Lady Mary sighed.

“Isabelle, do you think Robert will want a wife who cannot be relied upon to be calm
at important moments?”

“But mother...”

“Sit still and finish your embroidery. I should like to think I have raised a woman able to manage her husband’s household.”

Eleanor stopped sewing and stared at her hands. She had not thought of this. She had no
idea what was required of a wife. Life in the convent had taught her to work hard in the fields and with horses. She could read and write, but she could not sew well and she did not know how to manage servants. She had visited merchants with Isabelle, but she did not know how to judge the quality of wool or cloth or even food. At the convent they had used mainly what they produced themselves. How could she be a wife without knowing these things? How could she have learnt them? Who would teach her to be a good wife to Edward?