The Winter Spirit ARE (10 page)

Detroit, Mi, Dec. 26
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In two days’ time, Gabriel would be dead exactly one hundred years.

Did that mean something? Did it have anything to do with why he was becoming more real every time I saw him? And why did he keep trying to set people up together?

I chewed this over all morning long and came no closer to anything even resembling a logical explanation. Now that I knew what to look for, I could google his past and see what came up, find more information, but the thought of invading his privacy made me feel terrible.

That afternoon I had to run errands, making sure everything we needed for our little Christmas dinner would be ready. Elisa was cleaning out the dining room we rarely used this time of year, In the slow season everyone could fit around the kitchen table, but for Christmas she wanted to decorate properly and have everyone eat at their own table. The dining room and the lounge used to be one, and were now separated by two sliding walls. Other than the annual New Year’s Eve party, I rarely had any cause to open up the entire thing.

Apart from the happy couple, we had seven more bookings of people who wanted to eat Christmas dinner at the Lake House. It was a service we’d provided from the very beginning, and while we were never overwhelmed with guests, we did pretty well. Since it was just me and Elisa cooking dinner, and two girls from the village who did the waiting for just one night and a nice bit of pocket money, I always had a set menu. Any vegetarians needed to give me a heads up when they booked, but this year there were none.

So I shopped for turkeys and hams, and all the winter vegetables I’d ever heard of. The rush of the supermarket and figuring out what I needed kept me out of my own head, which wasn’t a bad thing, really.

That night I fell into bed late, completely exhausted, but certain we had everything set up for the next day. I was nearly out of it when I felt him.

“Gabriel?” I mumbled, blinking into the darkness.

He sighed very softly. “I’m sorry,” he murmured. “I thought you were asleep already.”

“No, it’s fine. Everything okay? I didn’t see you all day.” I pushed the duvet and sheet off me a little and sat up. When I reached for the lamp, he stopped me.

“Leave it off. It’s okay.” I could see him in the soft glow of the moonlight filtering through the curtains. For a second he hesitated, then he sat down on the bed. “You can go back to sleep. I’m perfectly fine.”

That energy was there again, pulling at my belly. I had no idea how this was possible, but I swear to God I’d never wanted to kiss anyone as badly as I wanted to kiss this ghost. He looked the same as always, and yet…

“Won’t you tell me?” I whispered. “What’s going on? Something’s weighing on you.”

He shook his head and his hair didn’t give an inch. I wanted to see him relaxed and out of that damn suit so much it hurt. “It’s nothing,” he said, then smiled gently. He reached for me and pushed the hair off my forehead. “Nothing you can help me with, anyway.” He followed the path of his fingertips with wide eyes, his mouth slightly parted.

“Gabriel…” I whispered, because I felt his yearning like a fire in my own chest. When he pulled his hand away he touched his fingertips together, as if maybe savoring the warmth of my skin. “Let me touch you.” My face flushed scarlet but I pushed on. “So you can feel what—” I shook my head, unable to explain, but I think he understood because his eyes traced my face. Like he hungered and I was everything that could appease him. “You’re always so terribly overdressed, let me just…”

Slowly, I reached for him and undid his suit jacket, button by button, taking my time so he could stop me if he needed to. He didn’t. He just sat there on the edge of my bed. If I’d ever done anything more intimate than this, I couldn’t remember.

When the jacket was undone I reached for his shoulders and helped it slide down his arms. The shirt underneath was as crisp and unwrinkled as always. The contrast of the vest to the white of his sleeves was so sexy, my mouth watered. I tugged at his tie, loosening it just a little, and popped the top button of his shirt. When my fingers brushed his Adam’s apple, he swallowed.

“What are you doing, Nathaniel?” he asked.

“You always look ready for a business meeting or something,” I told him. “And I’m in my pajamas. It’s just not fair.”

“Oh.” He looked down at himself. “I never really thought about it. This is just…how I appear.”

“Tight and in control,” I whispered. “Is that what it was like? How it had to be?”

“Could I be myself completely, you mean?” His blue gaze snagged mine and I, for the life of me, couldn’t look away. “No. You though…” He ran his hand over the flannel sleeve of my silly snowman pajamas, stopping short of caressing the back of my hand. “You wouldn’t know how to be anyone but yourself, and that’s admirable.”

I looked down. “Some people would call that something else entirely.”

His fingers touched my chin. He didn’t push, it was just a suggestion. If I wanted to look at him, it was welcome, but I didn’t have to. I did, though. Because he felt safe.

“Some people are idiots.” He hesitated, then held out his right wrist. I stared at it for a second, then undid the button. Slowly, I rolled up one sleeve, then did the same for the other.

His forearms were strong and wiry, covered in thick, downy blond hair, and I ran my hand up and down his skin. The breath that left his lungs trembled and his eyelids drooped a little. Again I wondered how long it had been since he’d had any kind of real contact with another human being. All these years… I wanted to cry for the lonely man he must’ve been. And take care of him. Hold him.

“You feel so real.” I glanced at him and found his eyes on me, unwavering. I had no idea what I was doing but he didn’t seem to mind the road we were taking. “So warm. Why is that?”

“Every year, around this time, I come alive.”

“Because this is when you died?” I asked carefully. I held on to his wrist, afraid he’d disappear again, but he didn’t. He remained where he was. Under his skin, his heartbeat danced.

“Yes.” He dipped his head and his eyelids fluttered down, hiding that intense blue gaze from me. “I didn’t kill myself,” he whispered. “I know what the rumors were, but I didn’t.”

I wanted to hear more, but I sensed this wasn’t the time. I let go of his wrist and brought my hand to his hair. “May I?” I asked.

He frowned a little, maybe not understanding what I meant, but he nodded anyway. I touched his hair, expecting it to feel hard and sticky. While there was something that seemed to hold it into place, as soon as I came into contact with the rich, thick texture of his hair, it gave in and let go of its forced shape.

“I knew you were gorgeous,” I told him, completely awed. “But, oh my God.” His hair was light brown and straight, but so thick it bounced around his skull. I couldn’t stop running my hands through it, it felt so smooth. Every time I let go, it tumbled across his forehead, tickling his beautiful cheekbones. It was shorter on the left than it was on the right, but not by much. I fingered the strands, rubbing them lightly.

“Nathaniel,” Gabriel murmured and I startled a little, realizing I’d basically been fondling his hair. I took one of his hands in mine. A strong, wide palm, slightly calloused, with a broken lifeline I ran my finger over once. He gasped lightly. I trailed my fingertips from the heel of his hand all the way up to the pads of his fingers. They twitched lightly under my touch, but he didn’t pull away. I did it again, and then again. Gently, I massaged between the bones, stroked his knuckles, threaded our fingers together and then let go again. I was about to reach out for his other hand when my breath caught in my throat.

His pupils were blown so wide his eyes were dark pools filled with secrets rather than their usual sea blue. He held his hands clenched on his thighs and…he was hard.

“Oh,” I whispered. “Is that for me?”

“I apologize, I’m—” He tried to stand, but I didn’t let him. I grabbed his wrists and held on.

“Only for a few days?” I asked him.

He was quiet for a minute, then said, “On the day after Christmas I go back into the mirrors.”

That hurt me more than I thought it would, but I pushed it aside. This wasn’t about me. “Then please.” I shifted up onto my knees and put my mouth near his temple, not touching yet. “Please. Let me.”

His gaze was down, fixed on my fingers wrapped around his wrists. He worked himself loose. With Herculean effort I stayed quiet. Slowly he pushed our palms together, then moved his head ever so slightly until my mouth touched his skin. I pressed the faintest of kisses to his temple.

“Nathaniel,” he breathed.

I moved a little, kissing his cheekbone. He let out a long, soft sigh. I kissed his jaw. He shivered, squeezed my hand harder. I moved to the other side, kissed him there, feather light. His breathing was the only noise in the room.

When I sat back the look on his face undid me. He might’ve still been wearing most of a suit, but I’d never seen anyone so naked.

I cupped his face tenderly with one hand and kissed him on the mouth. His lips moved against mine, warm and sweet. I pulled back a little, wanting to give him a chance to come to terms with this, but he followed me, dragged his mouth over mine, then down, to kiss my jaw, my neck.

I held my breath for so long I went lightheaded. It’d been a century since anyone touched Gabriel, but I hadn’t exactly been bathed in affection my whole life either. Every kiss was like lightning against my skin.

“You’re so hot.” He nuzzled my throat, the line of my collarbone. I figured he meant temperature-wise, and kept quiet. “And your heart…I can feel it.”

I wanted to fall back and pull him on top of me, but didn’t. He let go of my hand and hesitantly touched my biceps, then held them tighter and drew me near. My pulse began to beat faster as his confidence grew, and I knew I’d made the right choice. I’d instigated it, showing him it was okay, but he needed to have ultimate control and that was just fine by me.

For a split second I had a little out-of-body experience, showing me how ridiculous we must’ve looked to an outsider—more specifically me in my silly pajamas with the slightly too short sleeves and the straining button in the middle, while he was all sophistication.

Gabriel didn’t allow my mind to wander for long. He grew more sure, as if he remembered how to do this. He let his hands travel up my arms until he held on to my face and tilted it the way he liked it. The first time his tongue probed my mouth I felt it all the way down to my toes.

I made an incoherent noise and opened for him. He kissed me deeper, shifting a little closer so I had to tilt my head back. I heard a thud, then another one, and then he climbed onto the bed with me. He pulled back a little to look at me, a question in his eyes. I didn’t care what the question was, I was up for everything, all of it. I nodded.

The hand on my shoulder wasn’t anything more than a suggestion and I went willingly down. Gabriel settled beside me and caressed my cheek, then kissed me lightly, never closing his eyes.

“Are you always this quiet?” I asked him and he smiled.

“I’ve always had to be. I’m sorry if that’s strange for you.”

“No,” I said and I held his hand to my face. “It’s nice. Intimate.”

A faint flush climbed his throat and I stared at it, mesmerized. Carefully I unbuttoned his shirt a little further and touched the divot between his clavicles.

“Maybe you had to be quiet,” I whispered. “But I think you were a good lover. A considerate one. I can tell.”

“How?” His gaze was on his own fingertips where he explored the part of my chest that was visible under my open collar.

“The way you look at me, and touch me. It’s…different.”

His eyes flicked up. “Than that oaf downstairs, you mean. When he was pawing at you, I wanted to grab a book and whack him over the head with it. He had no idea how to—” He stopped short and I slipped my hand under the collar of his shirt.

“How to what?”

“To seduce you,” Gabriel whispered and then he kissed me again, deeper this time, pressing me back into the bed. His hands roamed over my clothes, never going near the waist of my pants, but his mouth devoured me. Within seconds I was so hard I could feel my heartbeat in my cock. I knew the tent in my pajama pants looked ridiculous but I didn’t let it faze me.

I played with Gabriel’s hair, ran my fingers over the shells of his ears, feeling very aware of everything, like I’d been sleepwalking for the longest time and Gabriel’s touch awakened me.

His mouth played havoc with my insides, every kiss tugging me deeper into an abyss of mindless want. I could smell him and taste him and he was more real to me than any meager fumbling I’d ever endured before.

When my hips arched aimlessly off the bed, I moaned uncontrollably. “I want you so much.”

He stilled, his hands on my stomach, fingertips just slipping in the gap between two buttons of my pajamas. He kept staring at me until my face was on fire.

“I know I’m not as handsome as you,” I said, my voice quivering. “But if you could overlook that, if you’re not too turned off by me, I would really like to…I could make it so good for you, I—”

Tears prickled my eyelids.
What the hell?
I snapped my mouth shut and finally dared to look him in the eye.

He looked livid. “You,” he said, “don’t see yourself very clearly, if that’s how you think. I don’t want to hear you say that, Nathaniel. My handsome—” He shut his mouth, shook his head, and looked away. “You have to know that this isn’t…I can’t…”

“Even if this happens only once a year, I’d be completely—”

“No, you don’t understand.” He took a deep breath, lifted his hand from my stomach and put it over my heart. Other than that, he didn’t move, and still he was miles away. “I had a task. A certain amount of time to do it in. I failed. I don’t know…if I’ll be back, after this. If my time is up.”

I pushed up on my elbows, suddenly feeling completely hollow inside. “What are you saying?”

“When Christmas is over, I might not be able to return.”

“Gabriel…” I whispered. I swallowed hard, pushing my own feelings aside. “But that’s good, right? If you can move on?”