“I
took down two men before being surrounded They had guns pointed
at my chest, back and head. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere.”
His grip tightens against my fingers as he coughs. I hold
on to him, waiting for the fit to pass. “Thought that was
it until I heard the craziest thing. None of them could figure
out where the heck the car horn was coming from.”
I
grin, imagining Alex beating the horn. “When those guys
turned to search for that car, I grabbed the shotgun from the first
guy and rammed it straight up under his throat. He went down hard.
After that it was easy. They were standing so close together it
only took one shot to take them out.”
Cable’s
tale of Alex steering the hotwired car, its backend fishtailing
wildly as he rammed into the gas tank, sounds like nothing more than
a fable. One a father would try to pass on to his wide-eyed
child as a bedtime story of amazing heroics. I never thought of Alex
as a hero, but he saved my life. I know that I owe him a lot.
We both do.
I
turn my head and place a kiss against Cable’s chin. “You
saved my life, just like you promised.”
Staring
down at his feet, Cable doesn’t react. I wait, waving my
hand before his face. He doesn’t blink, doesn’t
speak. Though his chest rises and falls, his face hangs without
expression.
“Cable?”
I shake him by the arm.
“Yeah.”
His gaze shifts slowly toward me. “Sorry. I guess I got
lost for a moment…”
Lost.
Is that what it feels like near the end? Confusion? A
wiping of memory? Like a fog settling over your mind that you
can’t escape?
“It’s
ok.” I feel shaky as I slowly release the breath I’d
been holding, sure that I’d lost him completely. That is
the first time I’ve seen him fade. How many more times
will come before the end?
“What
were you saying?” He rubs his forehead, as if trying to
massage the memory back into place.
“It
doesn’t matter.”
We
sit in silence as the forest darkens. I listen to the pattering
of rain beyond the walls of the cave. I used to like the rain.
Now it makes me sad.
Exhaustion
tugs at my eyelids. I try to fight back, to remain alert for Cable,
but it’s a losing battle. Sometime later he shifts beside
me and I rouse. A cold damp has settled over our clothes,
making my hair and pants feel moist to the touch. I should
build a fire but there is nothing dry to use.
“I’m
sorry,” he whispers beside me.
My
hands still as I rub my palms against my jeans to warm them. I
turn toward him. His face is lost to the all-consuming shadow of
night. “Sorry for what?”
“For
cutting out on you early.”
“Don’t.”
My throat clenches. “Don’t do this, Cable.
Not now.”
His
hands quake as he reaches out for me. Tears slip between my
eyes as I feel how cold he has become. I clasp his hands
between mine and blow on them.
“You’re
a tough girl. I’ve always admired that about you. I know you’ll
make it.”
A
moan of despair escapes my lips as I turn toward him, propping my
knee against his side. “I don’t want to hear your
goodbyes. I won’t accept them.”
The
wheezing sounds rise and fall with his chest, a fight for each
breath. “Tough.”
Tears
leak from the corners of my eyes as I cling to him. I don’t
want to lose him, to be all alone. Haven’t I lost enough?
Does the world really need to take this good soul from me?
“I
knew from the moment I first met you that you were special,” he
whispers. His head lolls back against the stone. I reach out
and press my palm to his cheek, easing the strain off his neck. “I
could see the fire in your eyes.”
“Most
guys hated that about me.”
His
laughter turns to a cough. He doubles over. I beat on his back
as he gasps for breath. Biting my lip doesn’t help take
away the gaping hole burrowing into my chest. Why him? Why
now?
I
help press him back against the wall. His shoulders slump. It
breaks me to see a man of such strength reduced to this. Anger
churns deep within my soul as I think of how many other good people
have been stolen away.
“I’m
not most guys.” He spits to the side and wipes his mouth.
“No.”
I scoot as close as I can to hold him. “You’re
better. A thousand times better, Cable.”
He
leans his head forward, cradling it in the crook of my neck. I
wrap my arms around him and clench my eyes as I feel the rattling in
his lungs as my hands splay across his back. He is suffering.
I
feel him rustling in his jacket and sit up. “Do you need help?”
“No.”
His arm moves against me. I stare into the dark, cursing
it for not being able to see. “Let me have your hand.”
I
hold it out for him, moving it in the dark until he finds me.
Something cold and heavy comes to rest on my palm. My
fingers curl around it and I fall still. “A gun?”
“Your
gun,” he corrects and leans back.
“You’re
out of ammunition.”
“No,”
he rasps. “I saved one final round.”
The
weight of his words falls heavily on me. “You could have
used that bullet back at the truck stop, could have saved yourself.”
“I
was saving it...”
I
bring the gun up to my chest, holding it close. “Saving
it for me?”
Though
I can’t see his nod, I sense it. “Just in case.”
I
set the gun aside and push it away. “I don’t want
it.”
Cable
reaches out for me, his hand falling on my upper arm. He squeezes but
there is little strength left in him. “I know, but I need it
now.”
“Cable,
don’t! Please don’t do this to me. I can’t—”
He
tugs on my arm, shushing me. “I know that I promised you
that I’d always take care of you. I tried to fight it, to
survive for you and I’m sorry. I tried to hold on—”
“Shh,”
I whisper, pulling him toward me. “It’s ok. We’ll
get through this.”
“I’m
dying, Avery, but I don’t want to be like
them.
Promise
me you’ll take care of it before the end.”
“Oh
god.” A whimper rises from my throat. My hands
shake as I clasp them over my lips. I can’t lose him. I
just can’t.
“There’s
something else. I need you to know that I’ve never
loved anyone like I—”
I
pull back and press my fingers to his lips. I know he can feel
how badly they shake as I try to silence him. My shoulders quake as
tears fall unheeded. My chest hitches as I begin to sob,
sinking into his weakened embrace. He holds me as I cry, slowly
petting my hair. He murmurs to me through my hair, pressing his
lips against the crown of my head from time to time.
The
moon doesn’t rise this night. The dark is absolute as I
cling to him, desperate for the morning’s return so that I can
see him again. Everything seems better in the light.
He
holds me for hours, sometimes humming as we rock, other times he
falls completely still and I’m forced to shake him so hard I’m
terrified that I might crack his head against the wall. He
always comes back to me, but it’s getting harder with each
slip.
I
ignore the cold, the numbness in my toes and nose. I ignore the
growling in my stomach or the dizziness from going too long without a
drink. I refuse to leave him, even for a moment.
Finally,
the east begins to brighten. “The sun is coming,” I
whisper.
Cable
doesn’t move. I bump his arm and he slides sideways
across the wall. The sound of his head hitting the stone floor makes
me sick. “Cable!”
I
crawl to my knees, rushing to pull his head into my lap. I feel
for a bump or a cut but feel nothing. Sweat no longer moistens his
brow. His forehead is free of worry lines. I trace my
fingers down to his lips, feeling for his slow breath.
“Cable,”
I pat his cheeks, using my free hand to shake his shoulders. “Dammit,
Cable don’t do this to me! I need you!”
I
look up at the sky, willing the sun to rise faster. The curve
of his shoes appear first since they lie nearest to the cave
entrance. I continue to call out to him as the new day arrives.
The clouds have begun to dissipate to the east. Sunlight
glistens off the puddles of water all around.
The
outline of his legs and hands begins to take shape. I never
really stopped to notice how beautiful his hands are, how powerful
the muscles that line his legs. His lean torso appears,
followed by his chest. I watch as the light slowly creeps up his neck
and then reveals his chin.
“Can
you feel the warmth?” I ask, wiping tears from my swollen eyes.
I use my sleeve to wipe at my nose, snuffing back so that I can
breathe. My voice is hoarse, a croaking that sounds
foreign in my ears.
I
wipe my fallen tears away from his cheeks. “We never did
watch a sunrise together. You always complained about me being too
lazy and you were right. If only I had gone with you.” I
hang my head. “Just once.”
Stretching
my leg out, I take his weight on me, cradling him beneath my chin. “I
should have not been so stubborn, admitted you were right about me
all along. I should have let you hold my hand or kiss me
whenever you wanted to. Held you through the night and never let you
go. I should have let you in sooner, when we still had time.”
I
clench my eyes shut as a burning in my throat chokes off my words. I
press my hand to my mouth as I sob, a deep gut wrenching cry of
remorse. I taste the salt of my tears as they pool in the
corner of my lip. Feel them trail down to my cheek and fall
away.
My
mother once told me that tears are the window to a soul. That
they are only for the things you hold dearest. For once, I think she
was right.
I
bite back a sob and embrace the pain, for it is the pain that brings
truth. No more barriers. No more lies or excuses.
Lowering
my gaze, I look down into Cable’s unblinking eyes. “I
should have told you that I love you. With all my heart, I do,
and I waited too long.”
Careful
not to drop his head, I inch out from beneath him and lay him down on
the floor. I use the rock wall to crouch beside him, my
shoulders curved to allow for the low ceiling. In the light of the
new dawn, I realize that Cable has never looked more handsome, more
at peace.
Though
his eyes hold no emotion, nothing more than a blank glazed stare, the
corners of his lips pinch just enough that his smile is frozen in
place.
I
kneel beside him and place a hand over his chest. His heart
still beats, his lungs still move, but the man I once knew is gone,
withered away into nothingness.
“You
are a man I could have loved till the end of my days. I didn’t
deserve you, but you still wanted me.” Leaning down, my
hair brushes against his face as I press my lips to his, one last
time.
My
fingers curl around my pistol at his side. As I lean back, I
draw the gun to my chest. I press it to his forehead, pausing
just long enough to burn the memory of him into my memory and realize
the truth that I’ve fought for so long. “One night
with you will never be enough,” I whisper and close my eyes.
Bang.
The End
I
stare at the sunrise with a longing gaze with my shoulders slumped
and my posture limp against the tree. I ignore the rain that falls
from above, trailing down my collar and soaking through all three of
my layers. The warmer day encouraged me to shed one layer. Soon,
I will be able remove more.
The
landscape remains the same. Barren. Vast. Trees as
far as I can see spread out before me. A road winds through
those trees, like a snake slithering along the hilly earth. I
have followed its path for many days. Embraced the loneliness
of the nights.
I
have not spoken in nearly three weeks since emerging from the cave.
My hair falls unkempt about my face. Dirt tracks wash
clean from my cheek as I turn my face to the rain.
Depression,
the darkest I have ever felt, took me those first few weeks. I
ate only when my body refused to let me walk any further. Slept
when I was forced to. I gathered supplies when the skies withheld
rain. Gathered ammunition and weapons for survival.
The
trees were my friends, resolute and silent, though it felt as if they
still managed to accuse me. At times I feel as if Cable is
still with me, keeping his promise to watch over me. I hear his
voice on the wind. Feel his palm against my cheek in those few
seconds just before I wake. I know it is not real, but even in
those briefest of moments I feel alive again.
The
clouds before me are broken. Shafts of light penetrate the dark rain
clouds. Wide swatches of land are illuminated, basking in
radiant light. The ache in my chest has not lessened, but as I
stare at the light a soft smile tugs at my lips. Cable would not want
me to linger. He would tell me to get up. To fight. To be
the strong women he always knew me to be.
I
buried him in that cave, piled rocks high enough to seal him into a
forever tomb. I couldn’t bear the thought of animals
getting to him. It was the best I could do.
I
have watched the sunrise each morning for him. These moments I
treasure. Never again will I oversleep, let creature comforts steal
away the moments most precious to me. With each rise of the sun
I’m reminded of just how valuable life truly is.
Turning
away from the sunrise, I stare at the land before me. From this
vantage point I see for miles. A veil of rain falls to the
north in thick sheets. A rainbow blooms just to the south.
Below me the ground is a blur of movement. Countless Withered
Ones shuffle along, each one rocking in step with those surrounding
them.