I
stare at him. He stares back, appearing unfazed by my obvious
lack of caring. “Why did you bring me here?”
“You’re
sick.” I turn to look at the pregnant girl as she lowers
herself onto a chair against the wall. As she sinks back I
can’t help but notice she looks as if she’s about to pop.
“So?”
She
refocuses on her stomach. “So you needed help. We
all need a little help at times.”
“I
didn’t ask for help. I’m just fine on my own.”
I press on the ground in an attempt to rise. My arms
quake and give out on me a second time, spilling me back onto the
thin mattress I’m laid out on.
“You
were saying?” Alex helps me rise to a seated position against
the wall. He presses the back of his hand against my forehead
and his smile fades away. “She’s still a bit
feverish.”
“It’s
better than it was though,” the girl speaks up. At a
vicious glare from Victoria, she draws inward and falls silent. I
stare at her. No girl this timid will survive in this fallen
world. She needs someone to protect her from people far worse than
the likes of this old bat.
“I
told you time and again that she shouldn't be here.” A cold
voice calls from the couch. I glance over to spy a man in his
mid-forties emerging from the blankets. His hair is
receded at the temples and splattered with gray. “She’s
turning into one of
them
.”
Victoria
paces back and forth in a stunted line. Two steps left then
shuffles back again. She fumbles with her hands before her,
almost like she longs for knitting needles to busy her hands. “I
knew this was bad,” she moans and pats at the wild strands
falling from her poorly constructed bun. “Bad, bad, bad.”
“Quiet,”
Alex commands. He places his hand upon my chest and I
smack at him. He ignores me as he presses against my side,
splaying his fingers over my bandaged ribs. When he lowers his
head to press it against my breast, I whack him hard enough to get
his attention.
“I
am not one of them.”
Alex’s
shrugs and draws back, leaving me in peace. “I think she’s
right.”
“How
can you be sure?” the surly man over his shoulder presses. I
don’t like the look of him. He seems shifty. A real loser
that would give me the creeps any day of the week. I glower
back at him as he gives me a once over. “Then again, she
could be good for something.”
“She’s
not coughing,” Alex interrupts as I ball my fists against my
lap. “No phlegm in her throat. I don’t see
any rash or blisters, and she’s obviously aware enough to be
preparing to smash your nose in, Sal. And for good reason.”
He
turns to look at me. “We aren’t like that.”
“Sure
you’re not.” I scowl as Sal rolls his eyes.
“You’re just a bunch of good Christian men looking
out for an old lady and a teenage girl. Nothing wrong with
that.”
Color
seeps from Alex’s face. His gaze narrows but he says
nothing in response to my biting remark.
“The
signs could be hidden,” Victoria speaks up as I start to slide
to my right. I notice she has inched closer, her fretting
mounting with each step. She reminds me of a squirrel, pulsing
her bushy tail to show her nervousness. Her beady little eyes
don’t help her case any.
I
push against the floor and right myself fully. “If you
think I’m going to sit here and let you people strip search me,
you’re nuts! Toss me back out on the street if you want.
That’s where I’d rather be anyways.”
“It’s
too late for that.” I turn to see a man enter the room
from the door Alex and Victoria emerged from a few moments before. I
try to see beyond him, to make a mental map of my location. When
the opportune moment strikes I am out of here and I need to make sure
I run in the right direction.
At
best guess I would say the new guy is probably hanging out around his
mid-thirties. His skin is dark as night and the top of his head
gives evidence to recent hair growth on what I assume was once a
shaved scalp. Two rolls of fat appear along the back of his
head when he sinks down beside Alex to look at me. “Too
much risk now that you know where we are.”
“You’re
worried that I’m going to tell...who, exactly? My best
friends out there blowing shit up?” I laugh and shake my head.
“I’ve got no one left to tell, dude.”
The
young pregnant girl in the corner finds my gaze. “Don’t
you have anyone out there worried about you?”
“Do
you?” I counter.
She
looks stricken and for a moment I almost feel sorry for my jab, but
the moment passes as she turns inward again. I meet the new
guy’s direct gaze. “Look, I didn’t ask to
come here. Your boy over there dragged me down the street
against my will. All I’m trying to do is get a ride out
of here.”
“A
ride to where?” I turn to look at Alex. I can almost
picture him as a pilot, sitting behind the wheel in some jumbo plane,
jetting off to Hong Kong or Australia. He has the look and the
swagger. Albeit probably a lot less pronounced now. I bet he
even rocked the aviators every chance he got. “Anywhere
but here.”
Alex
shakes his head and pushes up to his feet. He runs his hands
through his hair and blows out a deep sigh. “There’s
nothing out there anymore. Trust me, I’ve seen it.”
“You
don’t know that. There will always be pockets of
survivors.”
“That’s
a kid talking for you.” The man before me laughs. The
whites of his eyes seem brilliant against his dark skin. “This
isn’t a movie, girl. This is real life and contrary to
what you might like to think, this shit is real. People are
dying beyond these walls. Some in ways I don’t even want
to speak about. You hit the road in your condition and you
won't last the night.”
“And
I will here?”
He
smiles. “There’s a better chance of it.”
“Wow.”
I turn my head to spit to the side. Blood tints the glob of
saliva that lands a few inches from Alex’s shoe. “That’s
real reassuring.”
The
man rises and walks away, heading toward the door. With his
hand upon the handle he turns back. “You’re gonna
have to grow up fast, kid. This world is no place for fairy dust and
happy thoughts.”
When
the door closes behind him I bark out a laugh. Alex glances
down at me. “Sorry,” I smother my laugh as I rely
on the wall to hold me upright. “I just think it’s
funny that he totally referenced Peter Pan when he was trying to be
all macho.”
There
is a twinkle in Alex’s eye. “Devon has his moments.
They are few and far between, mind you. You just gotta
learn how to roll with his moods.”
“Is
that what you do?”
He
grins and dips low, grabbing my arm to help me stand. I follow
his lead, only because I don’t have the energy left to fight.
“All I can promise you for tonight is a place to sleep
and a little food in your belly. Tomorrow everyone will decide
if you can stay.”
“And
if I don’t want to?”
He
eases me down onto a thin sheetless mattress spread out on the floor
not too far from the pregnant girl. She casts a furtive glance
in my direction but says nothing as I lay my head back. Alex
bends low over me. His hair looks wind tousled and I wonder if he’s
been outside again. Maybe to round up his next victim. “You
sure you don’t have someone out there looking for you, missy?”
I
start to speak, to give him a definitive
mind
you own business
response
but I pause. Cable is out there. Will he come looking for
me? Has he already given up and skipped town with his team?
Alex
chuckles. “I thought so. Pretty girl like you must
have someone that still cares.”
I
roll my head to the side to watch him walk away, knowing that my
hesitation just gave him the upper hand: knowledge.
Annoyed
with myself, I roll onto my side and stare at the wall. I hear
footsteps from time to time, whispers in a distant space. At
one point I’m sure I hear a cry of pain, but it vanishes the
instant it arrives.
Victoria’s
mutterings drive me up the wall but no one else seems to pay her any
mind. They must be used to it. After an hour I begin to wonder
if she’s a little bit off. Maybe her dementia is legit or
maybe she’s starting to change.
At
some point I doze off, despite my efforts to remain alert. I don't
trust Devon or Sal. I’m still on the fence about Alex and
Victoria. The only one who seems halfway normal is the teenage
girl nearby, but she isn’t saying anything. Doesn’t
make a sound. Her silence is a bit unnerving since she was so
chatty before. Maybe I really did hurt her feelings.
Remorse
floods in as I watch her smooth her hand over her belly. Her
smile is filled with expectant love and it makes me ache for that
connection. I don’t think my mother ever looked at me
like that.
“I
had a kid once,” I say to the ceiling. Startled, she
turns to look at me. When she doesn’t say anything, I breathe
out a sigh and roll onto my side to meet her expectant gaze. “The
guy was a real loser, but for a while he made me feel special. Took
me to a movie. Bought me ice cream. Won this ridiculously large
teddy bear when the fair came to town. Small stuff that no
other guy had done for me before. Guess you could say I fell
pretty hard. Stupid really, but it happened.”
She
shifts to cross her legs before her, draping a blanket over her to
ward off the chill on the air. The fire has died down with no
one to tend to it. Sal fell back asleep a while ago on the couch,
ignoring his fire tending duties. His snores were a welcome
change only so that I didn’t have to listen to Victoria’s
rambling.
“His
name was Tommy Wainright. Had a mop of the blondest hair you’ve
ever seen and more freckles than a spotted owl.” I smile at the
moment. “My little boy had his coloring but he had my
eyes and nose.”
The
girl leans forward and props her elbows on her knees. “What
happened to him?”
My
smile falters and I glance down at the floor, wondering why I allowed
myself to open that door again after so many years. “Found
a better home and never looked back.”
Her
eyes widen. “You gave him up?”
I
snort and shake my head, curling my knees in toward my chest. My
back curves, allowing me to hug myself into a ball. The stretch
in my muscles feels good now that my fever broke. “I
didn’t give anything up. My mother stepped in and took him from
me.”
“How
could she do that?”
Anger,
set on a low simmering these past few years, begins to bubble up
within me. “I was fourteen. An unwed and unfit
mother. My own mother said she wouldn’t lift a finger to
take care of someone else’s offspring. Can you believe that?
She couldn’t even call him a child.”
My
back teeth grind. I take three slow breaths, as familiar as
they are necessary. A trick I’ve learned over the years
of living with my mother. “I only got to hold him for a
moment,” I glance over at her and smile, “but it was the
best moment of my life.”
She
looks sad as she places a protective hand over her belly. “Did
you ever look for him?”
“No.
I never did. I couldn’t. What sort of mother
doesn’t fight for her child?” The words catch
in my throat as I shake my head. “Maybe I was too young.
Maybe I would have done a crap job of taking care of him, but I
deserved the chance to find out. I deserved a mother who would
at least have a little faith in me.”
She
lowers her head. Her eyes cast downward, her lips purse. I can tell
that I’ve made her sad.
“You
never told me your name.” I draw her back.
“Oh!
How silly of me. I’m Evangeline.” Her smile
pushes aside her sorrow. This sweet girl’s sympathy
touches me and I’m reminded of the girl I once was, before life
became a battleground. Maybe she and I share more in common
that I first through. A snap judgment gone awry. “My
friends called me Eva for short.”
“Nice
name. I’m Avery.” My returning smile is
tentative but genuine enough. I wish that I could offer more.
She seems like a nice girl, but nice girls always end up getting
hurt. For her sake, I hope I’m not the one who does it. “When
are you due?”
“I
don’t really know any more. I’ve lost count of the
days.”
“Are
you excited?”
She
falls silent for several moments, long enough to make me think that
she will refuse to answer, but finally she responds. “I’ve
always wanted a boy. Ever since I was a little girl and the
neighborhood girls would torment me. They would dip my hair in
honey and laugh when the bees would come for me. Boys aren’t
cruel like girls are…” she trails off and places her
hand over her swollen belly button, “but I know they will come
take him away from me.”
“Who
will come?” I push upright and draw my legs under me. I
have no way of knowing what time it is or even if it is still night.
I feel stronger than I did before, but not by much.
“The
soldiers.”
I
blink, sure that I’ve heard her wrong. “Why would
soldiers take your baby?”
“Experiments,
of course. Haven’t you heard what’s going on?”
Brushing
my hair back out of my face, I press my hand to my neck. Still
warm but not as bad. “No,” I shake my head, feeling
the ache that’s settled deep into my neck muscles. What I
wouldn’t do for a good dose of pain meds right about now I
looked for my pill bottle when I awoke earlier but they were gone. No
doubt Alex confiscated them after I arrived. “I’ve
been out of the loop.”
The
soiled layers of her skirt brush against the floor as she moves
toward me. She glances over at Victoria and waits until the
older woman’s snores begin again. Between the old bat’s
whistle snores and Sal’s foghorn there’s no way I’ll
get anymore sleep tonight.