"Why did you go see her today?"
I don't know," he replied testily. "What difference does it make?
"It makes a difference to me. You've been unfaithful to our marriage vows. I want an explanation. At the very least, I deserve that."
Obviously feeling backed into a corner, he glared at her while gnawing his inner cheek. "It can't be explained, okay?"
"No. It's not okay." It cost her a tremendous amount of pride, but she had to ask. "Do you love her, Matt?"
He denied it with a shake of his head and a firm no. "But Lottie's always been able to . . ."
"To what?" she prompted. "What does she do for you?"
"She fulfills a particular need!" he shouted.
"A need that I don't fulfill?"
He clamped his lips together tightly and remained mute, although the answer was readily apparent and came as a hard blow to Kendall's self-esteem. After today, would she ever have confidence in her desirability?
As though reading her thoughts, he said, "I never wanted to hurt you."
"Well, it's a little late for that, Mr. Burnwood, because you've hurt me terribly. I'm also angry, but mostly confused.
If Lottie fulfills your needs so well, why in hell didn't you marry her?"
He gave a shore, humorless laugh of incredulity. "Marry her? That would have been out of the question. Dad would never have permitted it."
"What do you mean he wouldn't have permitted it? Was it Gibb's choice to make? Did he choose me, or did you?"
"Don't put words in my mouth, Kendall."
"And don't use that superior tone of voice with me."
"You're getting hysterical."
"I'm not hysterical. I'm mad. Damn good and mad. You duped me. You've made a fool of me."
He raised his hands at his sides, a gesture of dismay and innocence. "How did I dupe you?"
"By courting me and pretending to love me."
"I do love you. I waited years for the perfect wife to come along, and you are she. I those you because you possess all the qualities I wanted."
"Like options on a new car. You waited for the right model before you bought., "You're being unreasonable, Kendall."
"I think my unreasonableness is justified."
"Because I slipped up once? Because I spent one afternoon with an old flame? I can't imagine why you're so shocked and upset."
She couldn't believe her ears. Who was this man? Did she really know him? Did he know her? Didn't he realize how important faithfulness was to her? They had never discussed it per se, but surely it had been tacitly understood that she expected fidelity.
"What if I'd been the one to slip up?" she asked. "What if you'd caught me making love with an old flame?"
"Hardly the same thing."
"How is it different?"
"It's different," he said curtly.
"There aren't two sets of rules, Matt, one for the little boys and one for the little girls."
"This conversation has sunk to an absurd level. I'd like to lay it to rest, go into the house, and change." He tried to move past her, but she blocked his path.
"This conversation is not absurd, and it's far from being laid to rest. I saw you with her, Matt. I saw how the two of you clung together, and, frankly, I think you're fooling your self where your feelings for Lottie are concerned. It didn't look nearly as casual as you claim. Quite the opposite, in fact. I can't pretend it didn't happen. I can't easily dismiss that you committed adultery., Her voice cracked. She took a deep breath to ward off an outburst of tears. Any sign of weakness would jeopardize her position.
Once her voice was under control, she said, "I want you to move in with Gibb. I need time alone to sore this out. Until I do, I don't want to live in the same house with you."
He gave her a rueful smile, as though her naivete evoked his sympathy. "That will never happen, Kendall," he said softly. "This is my house. You are my wife. I didn't go to Lottie with the intention of hurting you. I'm sorry you saw me with her, but what you will do now is forget about e.
He brushed her aside and reached for the door. He said pleasantly, as though the confrontation had never taken place, "Dad and I are going to do some work at our deer lease. I probably won't be home until very late."
Chapter 17
In less than ten minutes, Matt had changed into outdoor clothes and boots, packed a canvas bag with hunting gear, and left the house. He seemed amused by her sullen lack of response to his goodbye kiss.
Long after his departure, Kendall remained in her chair on the porch, immobilized by despair. She didn't know which had affected her worse, Matt's unfaithfulness or his cavalier dismissal of it.
Was she expected to overlook it because this was the first time he had cheated? Was he to be commended for resisting temptation this long? How dare he treat her fury with such casual disregard and not the seriousness it deserved!
It would serve him right if she packed her things and left while he was out. That would get his attention!
But that was an angry impulse, not a wise, well-thought out course of action. If she was committed to making a good marriage, she mustn't react rashly. His infidelity had devastated her; she would never fully recover from it. Yet she knew that anger and pride could be equally as destructive.
The most difficult fact to accept was that Matt had been in love with Lottie for years and would have married her if Gibb had approved.
Lottie wasn't the type of woman Gibb had in mind for his son. She di dn't meet the Burnwood standards. But Gibb had approved of Kendall Deaton, who was cultured, educated, articulate, and poised.
Her only shortcoming was that she didn't fulfill all her husband's needs, she thought bitterly.
Had she been Matt's choice or Gibb's? she wondered. It frightened her to think that Gibb exercised that much control over Matt's decisions. As long as she remained in Gibb's favor, everything would be fine. But if she crossed her father-in-law, he would become a powerful enemy.
For the time being, she shelved that troublesome thought.
Right now she had to resolve what she would do about her marriage.
Did she want to preserve it? Yes, she did. So, how was she to go about it?
She had two distinct advantages over Lottie Lynam. First, Gibb didn't approve of her, and Gibb's opinion went a long way with Matt. Second, Lottie couldn't have children. Kendall was pregnant with Matt's child.
But rather than drawing comfort from that secret weapon, it only increased her heartache. She and Matt should be celebrating tonight. They should be marveling over this miracle of nature brought about by their loving. They should be designing the nursery, discussing names, mapping out a bright future for their child.
Instead, he had walked out, leaving her miserable, alone, and contemplating lingering images of him and Lottie. He was going about his business unfazed.
"Damn him!" she said. How could he just walk away and pretend that nothing had happened? He hadn't even honored her with a good fight.
Suddenly she shot from her porch chair and ran into the house. She stayed only long enough to grab her purse. Within seconds of her decision, she was in her car, speeding down the lane.
She wanted to remain married to Matt. She wanted to create a family. She wanted to belong to a family.
But not if it meant sacrificing her self-respect. She would not be ignored. She would not become a doormat. She would not allow Matt to reduce her outrage to a mere fit of pique.
If he wanted their marriage to remain intact, he must admit his culpability. She must have his word that there would be no recurrence of his affair with Lottie or with anyone else.
Fidelity was not a negotiable point. If he was willing to concede that what he had done was wrong, she would forgive him.
But the offer was good for tonight only.
She wouldn't wait at home like an obedient, obsequious, good little wife until he returned. He had walked out on a fight, so she would take the fight to him. If Gibb was with him, fine. Let him explain his sordid, extramarital affair with Lottie Lynam to his disapproving Other.
Kendall knew that in this respect she would have Gibb's unswerving support.
It had grown dark by the time she reached the outskirts of town. Soon it became apparent that finding Matt was not going to be as easy as she had thought. Now that the lights of Prosper were in the distance, there were no landmarks to guide her.
She had been to the deer lease with Matt only once. On it was a small, rustic cabin that he and Gibb had built themselves. He had proudly shown it off to her. She now wished she had paid more attention to how he had gotten there.
The roads that wound through the rolling forested hills surrounding Prosper were unpaved, narrow, and dark. Few were marked with road signs. Only a native of the area could distinguish one from the other. To an outsider, they all looked alike.
Determined that she would eventually come across some thing recognizable, she kept going. But when she passed the same derelict barn she had driven past ten minutes earlier, she had to acknowledge that she was hopelessly lost.
She stopped the car in the middle of the road. "Dammit!"
Tears of frustration filled her eyes. She was desperate to find Matt. The sooner they thrashed this out, the sooner they could put it behind them and get on with their lives.
Exasperated, she got out of the car and looked in every direction, trying to spot a familiar landmark. On all sides there was nothing but deep, foreboding forest.
She climbed back into her car and started out again, knowing that sooner or later she would find a road leading back to Prosper. She would have to give up trying to find the deer lease at this hour.
Now she realized that getting lost had served a good purpose. She had had time to calm down before confronting Matt.
Now she would have an opportunity to look at the problem from all angles. Maybe she could discover what had driven Matt to seek the company of his former lover in the first place.
Was she somehow to blame?
Eager to get on with the business of reconciliation, she sped up. As the car topped an incline, she noticed a reddish glow above the treetops about half a mile ahead. Her first panicked thought was that it was a forest fire. But she soon dismissed that alarming possibility because it appeared that the fire was confined to one area and not widespread.
Then, as she drew nearer to the blaze, the landscape began to look familiar. She realized where she was. She had been here last November on the morning of the hog slaughtering.
At least from here she knew her way home. And maybe by the time she got there Matt would have had second thoughts and would be waiting for her.
Nevertheless, she removed her foot from the gas pedal and applied it to the brake. What was burning?
Maybe her first thought had been correct. Someone could have left a campfire smoldering. There were no cars in sight, so it was easy to conclude that the fire was unattended. It could be a hazard to the entire forest.
She stopped her car but left the engine to idle. After taking a cautious look around, she unlocked her door and got out.
There was a strong but not unpleasant smell of wood smoke
It was warm spring air.
Apprehensively, she regarded the dark woods. Maybe she should return to town as quickly as possible and report this to the fire marshal.
But what if it was a group of teenagers having a wiener roast, or a family enjoying a cookout? She would have raised a ruckus over nothing. It would be another incident she would have to live down, just like fainting when the hogs were butchered.
One thing was certain, she couldn't walk away if there was the slightest possibility of a forest fire. Garnering her courage, she set out on foot.
Still wearing the business suit and high heels she had put on that morning, she was hardly dressed for a hike through the wilderness. Her pantyhose didn't have a prayer. Brambles and vines, burgeoning after months of winter dormancy, snagged her hair and clothing, leaving scratches on her arms and legs. Something rustled in the underbrush only yards away from her, but she hastened on without pausing to investigate and identify.
A scream rent the air.
Kendall froze. Fear clutched her throat. What in heaven's name was that? An animal? A wild cat of some kind? Didn't panthers sound like that?
No, it had been a human sound frighteningly, terrifyingly human. What in God's name had she stumbled upon?
That first high-pitched shriek was followed by several choppy outbursts of sheer agony.
Galvanized by someone's obvious need for help, and forgetting her apprehension, she plunged headlong into the darkness, losing the beaten path as she sought the quickest route. She had to claw her way through the dense foliage, ignoring the stabs of pain when her skin was ripped by branches and pricked by nettles and thorns.
Then, ahead of her, she saw the familiar clearing. Through the trees she caught glimpses of flickering firelight and human forms silhouetted against it.
There were two dozen people or more. They were shouting.
But their shouting didn't appear to be from alarm or pain.
Relieved, she stopped to catch her breath, concerned that the frightful hike through the forest had been too much exertion for the first trimester. Propping her hand against a tree trunk, she bent at the waist and breathed deeply.
A sudden burst of laughter brought her head back up.
Curiosity prompted her to find out what this odd gathering was about. But she felt she should proceed covertly. Until she knew who had screamed and why, caution was the best approach.