The Wolf Within (19 page)

I looked back at the bag of blood. It was almost a third empty. Tears ran down my face as terror caught me. I couldn’t be a vampire. I
wouldn’t
be a vampire. A monster.

“Ashley!”

Dan’s voice. Just like I’d dreamed of hearing over the last few days. I wanted to call out to him but there was no point. Tate was right. It was too late.

“Ash? Are you here?”

Booted footsteps—running footsteps—thudded down the corridor then I heard him again call my name again. Closer this time.

“God. Ashley.” He sounded relieved and terrified.

I turned my head. Dan stood in the doorway, face smudged by smoke, wearing dark fatigues and carrying some sort of automatic weapon. The sight should’ve made me happy but it just made me realize exactly how much I’d lost.

He stared at me then sprinted across the room, coming to a halt by the table. He tore at the restraints at my legs and the leather popped like rubber.

“Ashley? Are you okay? Are you hurt?” I saw his gaze go to the bag of blood.

“It’s Tate’s blood,” I said wearily.

His gaze went to my throat. I knew the moment when he spotted the fang marks. His eyes flew back to the bag and he made the same connection I had made. “Christ, Ashley.”

“You’re too late,” I said. “Kill me.”

Horror rushed over his face. “What?” He eased the needle out of my arm and hurled the bag across the room.

“Kill me. You’re too late, Dan. He’s turned me.”

“No!” Dan’s voice was rough. “No, I won’t let him.”

“Sir?” Behind Dan several more men in fatigues appeared in the doorway. “Sir, did you find her?”

“Leave us alone,” Dan roared. The men looked at each other but retreated.

“Ashley, listen to me,” he said, taking my hand. “You’re vaccinated, aren’t you? You’re okay.”

“No. I mean, yes, I am vaccinated but they’ve done something to me. You have to kill me.” My voice broke. “If you ever loved me, just do it. Don’t let me become like him.”

Pain flooded Dan’s face. He shook his head. “I can’t do it, Ash. I can’t lose you again.”

“You already have,” I said.

“No!” He dropped my hand, rubbed the back of his across his forehead. Then he stilled. “There’s another way.”

I closed my eyes, wanting him to just do it. I couldn’t fight any longer. “There’s no other way. If you don’t do this, I will.”

“Lycanthropy is more contagious,” Dan said slowly. “If I bite you—”

“No!” That option wasn’t any more acceptable to me. I’d seen what the monsters were really like up way-too close. And it had made me even more convinced I couldn’t live like that.

“We could be together.” His voice was deeper, rumbling almost.

I opened my eyes and the expression of hope on his face felt like he’d stabbed me. “Daniel, no. Listen to me. They said what they did would affect my immunity to vampirism. They didn’t say anything about lycanthropy. It won’t work.”

“It might.” His voice was rough. “I love you, Ash. You love me.”

God, it hurt. Why did everything in my life always hurt? It was too much. “If you love me, you’ll kill me. Please.” I was crying now. “Please, Dan, let me go. I can’t be a vampire.”

His face twisted. “I’m sorry,” he said, backing away from me, shaking his head. “I can’t. Not when I can save you.”

“Don’t do this,” I screamed at him. “Kill me.”

“I love you. Forgive me.” Dan blurred and suddenly a huge black wolf stood in his place.

“No.” I twisted against the remaining restraints, as the wolf paced toward me, whining softly. “Daniel, don’t!”

The wolf put his front paws up on the table, pressed his nose into my hair and whined again. His eyes were silver, still, I noticed through my tears. And Dan’s wild scent rose from his fur.

“Please, don’t,” I begged one last time.

He nuzzled my hair again then dropped back down off the table and took my forearm in his mouth ever so gently, warmth surrounding my skin.

He looked up at me. I shrieked at him to let me go, to change back. To
stop
. Then there was a searing pain in my arm as he bit me.

Chapter Fourteen

I woke in an ambulance with Jase sitting beside me as a female paramedic worked on me. Tears streamed down his face. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong but all that came out was a croak. But even that was enough to alert him.

He leaned forward with a smile. “Hey, you’re awake. You scared the crap out of us. Don’t do that again.” He patted my right hand and the motion sent a searing pain up my arm.

My bandaged from wrist to elbow arm.

Horror filled me as the memory came flooding back. “Dan bit me,” I croaked.

Jase nodded, his expression carefully neutral. “Yes.”

The paramedic shook her head. “You shouldn’t talk too much, Ms. Keenan.”

There wasn’t really that much to say. I was either going to be a vampire or a werewolf. I swallowed, trying not to think about either option. My throat hurt. “Thirsty,” I managed.

She looked apologetic. “Sorry. They might have to give you an anesthetic at the hospital. It’s better if your stomach’s empty.”

I swallowed again then looked back to Jase. I needed a distraction. Or else I was going to lose it right here in the ambulance. “Where?”

“Where were you?”

I nodded carefully.

“Way the hell in the country. Up near Sutton. Big old house. Tate had built this whole complex underneath. They’re still checking it all out. What’s left of it.” His expression turned savage for a moment and I suddenly noticed he was dressed like Dan had been, in black fatigues. He looked pretty grubby and tired.

Had he been
looking
for me too? Was that how they found me? Sutton was miles from Caldwell. Why would they even look there? “How?” I whispered.

“We’ve been looking for you ever since we realized you were gone. Five days almost. Dan’s been a mad man.”

Mad was right. Insane
, I thought as pain flared again in my arm. He
bit
me. Worse, he didn’t kill me.

And I didn’t even want to think about the bit where he turned into a wolf first. My arm throbbed again and I bit back a moan. I wanted to ask Jase for more information but it didn’t seem to really matter. Vampire or werewolf, I could only see one path left to me.

“He wouldn’t kill me,” I said, so softly I didn’t think Jase would hear.

“Who? Tate?”

Damn vamp hearing. “No. Dan.”

Alarm flared in Jase’s eyes. “Why would Dan kill you?” He turned to the paramedic. “She seems a bit confused, what did you give her?”

I shook my head. “Not confused. Don’t want to change.” Tears started leaking from my eyes again and it brushed them away with my good hand. I was getting tired of tears. Tired of fear. Tired of hurting.

Jase stroked my hair and I flinched, reminded of Tate.

He froze and then took his hand away, putting it back on top of mine. “Sweetie, it will be okay. You’ll see.”

I didn’t see at all but I knew as soon as he said the words that Jase wouldn’t help me either. He didn’t understand wanting to die. He’d chosen to turn when faced with a death sentence. He thought
any
life was worth living.

Maybe I was just going to have to help myself.

It should be easy enough once I was free of the hospital.

“I’m tired,” I said and closed my eyes. Jase just held my hand while I pretended to sleep. The ambulance rushed toward the hospital, sirens wailing. It seemed to take forever and the whole time I thought about dying.

As they wheeled me into the ER, another thought occurred to me and shame heated my face. “Bug? Where is she?”

Jase grinned even as nurses and doctors began to swarm around me. “She’s okay. The FBI had the place surrounded when a car drove out with Bug and two weres. The Taskforce let ‘em get about ten miles down the road then stopped them. She’s fine. Better than you.”

Bug was okay. Peace swept over me. So I’d achieved that much. Even if I died, she was okay. That was enough for now.

“Ashley!”

I turned my head and saw Dan striding through the doors. “I don’t want to see him,” I said to the room in general.

“Whatever you want,” one of the nurses said and the last thing I saw before they pumped me full of something very pleasant that took all the pain away was Dan looking shocked as they pulled the cubicle curtain across in his face.

***

“Are you awake?”

I didn’t know the voice. Female, though it was unusually low and husky. A nurse? I opened my eyes slowly, not wanting to jar anything. “Kind of.”

My voice cracked and I winced. But at least this time I remembered where I was.

I’d woken screaming during the night thinking the darkness of the hospital room meant I was back at Tate’s. It had taken three nurses, a sedative and Jase to calm me down. They’d left the light on after that. But I’d still tossed and turned for the rest of the night, despite the drugs.

The woman standing at the foot of my bed was tiny. Five foot if she was lucky and built along elfin lines. She wore a deep green tee-shirt and black skinny jeans and her head was covered in the sort of dark red curls Little Orphan Annie might have had if she grew up and was having a very good hair day. Not a nurse. I reached for the call button.

“It’s okay, I’m a friend,” she said.

I pressed the button anyway. Being around a stranger had the fear streaming through me again. My pulse raced and I wished desperately I had a gun. “You’ll excuse me if I don’t take your word for it.

She nodded. “I’d do the same in your place.”

The door opened and a nurse stuck his head in. “Is everything okay?” He looked toward my visitor.

“I don’t know who this woman is,” I said.

He looked surprised then shrugged. “The agents let her in, it’s okay. Do you want me to get one of them for you?”

I shook my head, feeling foolish. I should have realized my room was guarded. And I didn’t want to risk it being Dan who came to answer my question if I asked for an agent. I wasn’t ready to deal with Dan. The nurse nodded and withdrew.

I turned my attention back to my visitor.

“Do you want some water?” she asked.

I ignored her question. “Who are you?” I vaguely remembered something about guards on my door so presumably anyone in my room was allowed to be there. Then again, Tate had snatched me from a house full of police the first time.

“My name’s Anastasia Rogan, but most people call me Ani.”

She
was
Annie! For some reason that struck me as hilarious. I half-laughed then choked it back. I didn’t want to explain the joke. She waited, watching my with her head tilted on one side. It was almost as if she thought I should know who she was.

I didn’t. “Is that supposed to mean something?”

She frowned. “Dan’s never mentioned me?”

Dan? Nerves started to bubble in my stomach. “Until last week, I hadn’t spoken to Daniel in years.”

“Ah.”

There was a world of meaning in that small sound. “Why should Dan have mentioned you?” I coughed as I finished speaking, my throat still felt like I’d been drinking battery acid or something.

She poured some water from the jug on the tray table at the foot of the bed then brought it to me. “You must be thirsty. The doctors said you were dehydrated.”

“Having someone drink half your blood does that,” I quipped but I took the water and drank. “Why are my doctors talking to you? Who are you?”

“Your tests came back.”

It took me a second to remember. Tests. Right. Vampire or werewolf. Feeling sick, I put the glass down. “Are you some sort of counselor?”

“Kind of.” Ani perched on the end of the bed. “I’m the pack’s Alpha.”

“Excuse me?”
She
was a werewolf?
The
werewolf, kind of?  She didn’t look big enough to boss anyone around.

She grinned as if used to my kind of reaction. “Well, one of them. But we thought you’d be more comfortable with me than Sam, given what you’ve just been through.”

I wondered who Sam was but then the meaning of what she’d been saying sunk in. “Does this mean I’m a werewolf?”

“It looks that way. The Stoker variation hasn’t taken hold. But you are carrying lycanthropy. Of course—” she put a hand on my leg “—we won’t know for sure until the full moon.”

“But I was vaccinated.” It was all I could think of. Tate hadn’t said anything about their anti-vaccine or whatever the hell you’d call it affecting the were vaccine. “Was it what Tate did to me?”

Ani shook her head, looking sympathetic. “The doctors can’t tell. The lycanthropy is already affecting your antibodies.”

Shit. I should’ve figured that out. Weres don’t get human bugs ‘cos of their hyped-up immune systems. It’s part of what helps them heal so fast. And apparently it was going to help Tate get away with this by wiping the evidence of whatever he’d done to me out of my bloodstream “So maybe I’m just fucking unlucky and my vaccination didn’t work?”

Ani frowned a little and I realized that I’d just insulted the Alpha by telling her turning into a werewolf was a bad thing.

A werewolf.
God
. I closed my eyes, leaned my head back on the pillow, not knowing what to say as Ani’s news started to sink in. Grief welled up inside me. I’d lost. Tate had won. I was going to be one of the monsters.

Even worse, I was going to be a werewolf. At least as a vampire, one good dose of sunlight would solve the problem for me. As a wolf—

“Ashley? Are you okay?”

I blinked back tears. “No. I’m going to be a fucking werewolf.”

“You should be happy. Dan saved you from becoming a vampire.”

“Is that any better? He should’ve just killed me.” I believed what I said. I’d never wanted this. After Tate and everything else I didn’t want to have lost my humanity. I was never going to forgive Dan.

I heard a rustle then a hand closed over my mine. “It’s going to be okay, Ashley.”

I didn’t believe her any more than I had Jase but her hand was warm and it felt good knowing someone else was in the room. Her perfume was fresh smelling with an undertone that reminded me of. . .something elusive. A forest maybe. Green growing things and earth and air. It was strangely comforting.