Authors: Reginald Hill
'Call me Cap,' she said.
'Why?'
'It was a nickname my ingenious fellow pupils at my boarding school gave me. Captain Marvell. I tried to live up to it during my adolescence. In fact it was trying to live up to it that lost me it. It seemed a Captain Marvellish thing to do to get married to an Hon. at seventeen, but I soon discovered you cannot be called Cap if you're Mrs Rupert Pitt-Evenlode. In fact with that chain of words to trail around behind you, it's difficult to be anything at all except the Hon. Mrs et cetera. But back in '82 I got myself rechristened. I was a born-again pagan . . . But I see I'm boring you. Why should that be? I know. None of this is news to you, is it? You've been checking up on me!'
'Aye,' said Dalziel completing his yawn. 'Since they cut back on my taster, I'm careful who I eat with.
Why
didn't mean I wanted the story of your life. It meant, why should I call you anything but Mrs or Miss or Ms Marvell?'
'It would be friendly.'
'Ah well, I try not to get too friendly wi' folk I might have to bang up.'
'I take it your idiom is penal rather than penile, superintendent? Does this mean ALBA are going to prosecute? Excellent.'
'Fancy your day in court, do you? Slap on the wrist? Tuppenny fine? Headlines in the
Guardian
and flash your kneecaps on breakfast TV?'
'That would suit me nicely. But, despite your intimidatory threats, I doubt if it would suit ALBA. Such people are usually more concerned with damping publicity than provoking it.'
'Could be you're right about ALBA, missus. But it's not them you should be worried about.'
'I'm sorry .. . oh, you mean you. But what charges could the police bring against me if ALBA won't press for trespass?'
Dalziel smiled like a crocodile being asked if he'd got teeth.
'Going equipped for burglary. Criminal damage. Assault. Obstructing the police.'
She considered this then said, 'Assault?'
'You threatened the TecSec boss with them wire cutters.'
'Threatened
? He must be a man of very nervous disposition. The cutters are a tool not a weapon.'
And a very clean tool too. Forensic had found no trace of blood.
Surprisingly clean
? Dalziel had asked hopefully.
That would depend on the mind-cast of their owner,
Dr Gentry, Head of the Forensic Lab, who disliked the Fat Man heartily, had replied.
'Weapon's a tool for killing,' said Dalziel. 'And you could have taken his head off if you'd made contact. Courts don't like that sort of thing, especially not since Redcar.'
At least she didn't pretend not to take the allusion.
'That was terrible, and a great disservice to the movement. It wasn't even good protest. Simply turning the poor animals loose achieves very little in terms of their wellbeing and nothing at all in terms of public support.'
'You mean it's the tactics you object to, not killing the odd security guard?' said Dalziel.
'Of course I deplore the man's death,' she said with some irritation. 'It was tragic. But I cannot believe you seriously suspect my group had anything to do with it.'
'Why not?' said Dalziel. 'By all accounts once you got inside the building last night, you all ran wild like a bunch of lagered-up Leeds supporters. What was that all about? Premenstrual tension?'
She was unprovoked. Very cool this one. But beneath it all there was plenty of heat. The notion had him crossing his legs.
'A release of tension, certainly,' she said. 'We'd had a shock. Then suddenly I realized that we'd got where we wanted to be, inside the building. It seemed foolish not to make a gesture.'
'A gesture?' He articulated the word as if some passing bird had crapped in his mouth.
'That's right. An act which resounds with significance far beyond its mere physical limitations. You should try one some day, superintendent.'
'At my age it happens all the time,' he said. 'So you took off. And headed straight for the labs. Just a bit of luck that, was it?'
'What else could it be?'
'Prior knowledge. Like, from being there before.'
'Being there when?'
'In the summer, maybe, when there was a break-in at Wanwood.'
'Yes, I recall . . . ah, I see your game, Mr Dalziel. Or may I call you Andy? If I remember right, the raid on Wanwood had many of the characteristics of the raid on Redcar. Lots of mindless vandalism and the animals merely released into the countryside. And you think they could have been done by the same people. Therefore link ANIMA with the second, you link us with the first. Right?'
'Right as a confession,' said Dalziel.
'Which it isn't. Do you have dates for both these raids?'
'Can't remember? I get like that,' said Dalziel. 'June 28th. May 19th.'
She rose and went through into the living room, returning with a leather-bound diary.
'Here we are,' she said. 'On June 28th I had dinner with my son, Piers.'
'He'll vouch for you, will he? What's his line? Urban terrorism?'
'In a manner of speaking. He's Lieutenant Colonel Pitt- Evenlode MC of the Yorkshire Fusiliers. Like his number?'
'Just tell me which bishops you were with on May 19th,' growled Dalziel.
'Sorry. No clergy. I went to a wedding at Scarborough, but it was a civil rather than a religious ceremony. I stayed the night there. In fact, I stayed up most of the night. There was a postnuptial party which went on until dawn. I think you'll find I made my presence felt sufficiently to be recalled through the alcoholic haze.'
Dalziel belched. She took it as an expression of doubt.
'Don't you believe me? Please, feel free to check.'
'I may just do that. And it's nowt to do with not believing you. It's just that I never believe my luck when folk start volunteering alibis before I've even asked for them.'
'That is perhaps because most of your customers are of a lower order of intelligence in which such pre-emptive thought would indeed be suspicious. If our acquaintance is to mature, you'll have to get used to dealing with someone whose brain is quite as good as yours. And also with someone who, unlike most of those others, is unworried by your ultimate threat of locking them away. For me to get a prison sentence would be a real publicity coup, so you must see that your threats, even if you meant to carry them through which I doubt, have little weight with me.'
She gave him a smile of great sunniness which was well worth basking in on a drab November day. He returned it gladly. She did after all have a point, and he never minded letting opponents build up a points lead. The more confident they got, the more likely they were to drop their guards and reveal a fatal weakness. Like here. Anyone who seriously doubted his willingness to carry through any threat he cared to make was wide open to a sucker punch any time he cared to throw it. But no need to rush, not with beer and crisps and pickles still on the table, and them lovely sugar loaves to leer at.
He drank and nibbled and leered, and waited to see where she would lead the conversation.
She said, 'I cannot of course provide alibis for all of my colleagues though two of them, Meg and Donna, were in fact at the Scarborough wedding also.'
'That 'ud be Jenkins and Linsey? The dykes?'
His reaction when he'd come across this surmise in George Headingley's notes had been, 'What the fuck's that got to do with anything?' But now he was happy to use the term as a possible irritant.
‘That's right,’ she said, unirritated. 'The dykes. As for the others, all I can do is vouch for their commitment to peaceful protest. Except perhaps Wendy.'
'Walker? But she acted as peacekeeper, didn't she?'
'Rather out of character, I feel. What about you? I got the impression you were already acquainted.'
'Aye. We've met.'
'And did I get the impression you were surprised to find her in such company?'
'What're we talking here?' he said. 'Class or causes?'
'Are the two really distinguishable in some people's eyes? But what I meant was, at the peaceful protest end of the activist scene.'
Dalziel laughed and said, 'You call what you got up to peaceful protest? I'd not like to see you if you went to war.'
'I'll try not to invite you then. But you've not answered my question.'
She was very insistent, he thought. That little exchange he'd overheard between her and Wendy Walker must have really got her going for some reason.
He said, 'What surprised me weren't so much Walker joining you lot as you lot taking her on board. How'd that happen?'
If he'd hoped to throw her off balance by reversing the question, he had failed. She was smiling rather slyly, an expression he found strangely exciting.
He crossed his legs the other way and waited for the answer.
'Oddly enough,' she said, 'it was through a colleague of yours in a manner of speaking, man and wife being one flesh. A mutual acquaintance introduced us. I expect you know her well. Mrs Ellie Pascoe.'
'You're not saying she's one of your lot?' he groaned.
'Not really. Sympathetic but too concerned with suffering humanity to have much energy left for the animal kingdom, so no need to be embarrassed.'
Another weakness, imagining embarrassment was one of his.
'Still, a bit of a handful, isn't she? Wendy, I mean.'
'She's certainly got her own ideas, and I'm not sure she'll stay with us forever. Too much energy and resentment, not perhaps enough self-knowledge. Like me, her marriage broke up, but she thinks it was because her husband was a scab, while the truth I suspect is that she so enjoyed the role she found in the Strike that there was no way she was ever going to go back to the life servitude of being a pitman's wife.
Pitman.
I had my own Pitt man too, so I can sympathize. But the difference is, I changed sides, while she lost; not only a battle but a whole bloody war. So perhaps it was no wonder she was looking for a new role where the issues were clear cut, even if it meant she has to work for a while at least alongside an old class enemy like me.'
She laughed and Dalziel grinned too. Weakness three. Believing she'd got Wendy Walker and her kind sussed. Couple of weeks on the dole could root out the centuries-deep deference of the British worker, but it took major surgery to eradicate the built-in smugness of the middle class.
He sucked the last drops out of the last can. Every plate was empty. Time for business.
He said, 'All right, missus
'Cap,' she urged.
'All right, Cap. So why did you want to see me?'
'To make a statement, of course. You were very keen for us to make statements last night.'
'Was I? Funny how you take these fancies, then go off them. Like being pregnant they tell me.'
'So you don't want a statement?' she said, disconcerted.
'Depends what you've got to state.'
'I thought we could negotiate,’ she said, recovering. 'I mean, you've got a body in the grounds of Wanwood House. I bet you've got some ideas about that already. So if it would help for me to say I saw that plonker Batty start like a guilty thing surprised when he got the news, just say the word. Or that TecSec Nazi, Patten, if it's him you fancy and you need an excuse to search his pad, maybe I could help there.'
Dalziel scratched his bubaline neck and said, 'What makes you think I'd take kindly to the idea of fitting someone up?'
'Oh, I know you wouldn't do it maliciously,' she reassured him, her candid brown eyes gazing deep into his. 'Only if you were sure it was in the best interests of justice. I mean, when I contacted the local media this morning to ask why ANIMA was hardly getting a mention, and got told that in matters sub judice it was editorial policy to afford the police full cooperation, I didn't immediately think, that bastard Andy Dalziel's put the frighteners on. No, I thought, that nice superintendent's imposed a temporary media blackout in the best interests of all concerned. No need for me to go running hysterically to my cousin who does features for Channel 4 or my old school chum who's a junior minister in the Home Office, is there? Why have confrontation when you can have consultation instead?'
Not bad, approved Dalziel. Just because he'd identified three weaknesses didn't mean she couldn't still kick him in the balls. But he was still intrigued as to why she should think he was susceptible to consultation. She didn't give the impression of being thick.
He said, 'Let's get things straight. I take the frighteners off the local media and you'll sign any statement I care to dictate to you?'
'More or less,' she said.
'Talking about fitting folk up always makes me thirsty,' he said, crushing the last empty can in his huge fist.
'Have to be Mexican,' she said, going to the fridge. 'It's good. So good some of the American companies started spreading rumours the Mexican workers piss in it.'
'So what? Yon reservoir up Dendale, the one supplies most of our tap water, we fished five bodies out of there last year. Cheers. Don't have another bit of pork pie in there too, do you?'
'Another
bit?' she said.
It took him a second to work this out.
'You mean it weren't pork?'
'I don't eat dead animals, Andy, nor encourage my friends to do so. It was basically tofu.'
'Bloody hell,' said Dalziel, taking a long cleansing suck at his beer. 'Two things I don't do, missus. One is feed folk stuff they don't know what it is. T'other is fit people up. Understand that and we might get on a bit better.'
'Oh dear,' she said, concerned. 'I've offended you. I'm not very good on moral codes. I suppose that means goodbye to Plan Two as well.'
'What's that when it's at home?' he asked suspiciously.
'Well, after our first encounter last night I had the feeling that my boobs hadn't been so closely scanned since my last radiography checkup. I thought if all else failed ... let me rephrase that... I rather hoped all else might fail and I'd have to fall back on the flesh, so to speak. But naturally I'd never come between a man and his moral code.'
Dalziel considered. Another man might have played for time by pretending to suck on the empty bottle or making reference to the weather, but Dalziel did his considering in plain view. Offers of trade-offs of sexual for constabulary favours weren't uncommon. He rarely bothered himself. A bang was only a bang but a good result was a collar.