The World Outside (11 page)

“She was fair. It’s poor work.” I stuffed the report back into my bag. “Anyway, let’s forget about that. I want to talk to you about something else.”

Devorah Leah squealed. “It’s about David, isn’t it? You’ve seen him again, haven’t you?”

“Stop screeching, Devorah Leah! It’s annoying.” I glanced around the restaurant to make sure that nobody could overhear us. “But you’re right: I did see him again. In fact, I’ve seen him every Sunday afternoon for weeks now.”

Her mouth fell open.

“What’s she talking about?” Jade asked. “Who’s David?”

“Let me start at the beginning.” And I did. I told Jade about meeting David in the mall, then explained that
he’d started studying with Yossi, which led to our meeting in Prospect Park. Then I told them both that the first meeting had led to a second, which led to many more.

Devorah Leah’s face turned white. “Are you out of your mind? You told me that you’d meet him only once.” She grabbed my arm. “I can’t believe you’d do something like this. If your parents find out, they’ll kill you!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Jade interjected. “If she likes him, why shouldn’t she see the guy? They’ve done nothing wrong.”

“It’s not our way,” Devorah Leah said.

“I bet you haven’t even kissed,” Jade said, winking at me.

“Kissed! We haven’t even
touched
!” I blushed as I remembered my daydreams. “You don’t understand!”

“I definitely don’t,” she said.

I glanced at Devorah Leah’s ashen face, then swallowed. “Let me tell you the rest.”

“You mean there’s more?” Jade cried.

I told them that David had helped me apply to Juilliard and that I’d been granted an audition.

“I accepted it, but I don’t think I’ll go. Why should I waste my time? They’ll never take me.”

“You never know unless you try,” Jade said. She was grinning so widely, I thought her face would break.

But Devorah Leah was staring at me in horror. “You can’t go to Juilliard!” she finally spluttered. “Your parents
will never let you attend a school where boys and girls study together. They want you in the seminary.”

I began to cry, burying my face in my arms on the table so nobody would notice. “I don’t know what to do. Juilliard is the best music school in the whole country. Maybe the whole world. I’m never happier than when I’m singing, but my parents will never approve. Should I go to the audition or not?”

“Ask the Rebbe,” Devorah Leah said finally. “Go for Sunday dollars and ask his advice. The Rebbe will tell you what to do.”

CHAPTER 11

T
he three of us got into the habit of meeting at the pizza parlor several times a week after school. We never stayed at the restaurant for long, though, because I always had to go home to help Mama with Moishe. Classmates who hung out at the pizza parlor became accustomed to seeing me and Devorah Leah with Jade, and they eventually stopped staring at her. But Faygie still made a point of not acknowledging us.

One afternoon, the students in the restaurant were buzzing with excitement because of the proximity of graduation. Only two more weeks and we would be through with high school forever! Best of all, we had finished writing the Regents, standardized exams given to all grade twelve students in New York State. I was certain I did well, even though I had to guess at several questions in the science section of the multiple-choice exam. Our teachers refused to cover some of the
information in our textbooks because it was wrong. We knew from studying the Torah that Hashem created the world in six days and rested on the seventh, and that our universe was not the result of a “big bang,” as described in our textbooks. We also knew from the Torah that we were descended from Adam and Eve—not from monkeys, as scientists claimed.

“I can hardly wait for grad,” Devorah Leah sighed. “We’ll officially be adults. About time!”

“But not adult enough to make up your own minds,” Jade muttered.

“What did you say?” Devorah Leah asked.

“Nothing. Forget it.” Jade turned toward me. “So have you decided about Juilliard?”

“She wants to see the Rebbe first and ask his opinion,” Devorah Leah said.

I took a sip of my Coke before answering. “I do want to see the Rebbe. But I also want to see how my audition goes. I can decide then what I want to do. I don’t think there’s much of a chance that they’ll take me.” As always happened whenever the audition was mentioned, butterflies flitted in my stomach. “I don’t want to talk about Juilliard. Even the thought of the audition makes me nervous.”

Jade laughed. “Don’t be silly! You’ll get in for sure.” She looked at her watch. “Before we go home, tell me about the plans for your prom. Have you bought your
dresses? Neither of you has said anything, and your graduation is around the corner.”

“We don’t have a prom,” Devorah Leah said. “We aren’t allowed to dance with boys.”

“No prom? What will you do instead?” Jade asked.

“We’ll have class parties. They’ll be fun.”

“Okay, so you’ll still need dresses for the parties and for the graduation ceremony. What are you going to wear, Devorah Leah?”

“One of my sister Goldie’s hand-me-downs.”

In many of my classmates’ homes, including Devorah Leah’s, money was so tight that a graduation dress was an unattainable luxury.

“And you, Chanie? Have you got something to wear?”

“Not really.” I couldn’t help sighing. “My sisters took their clothes with them when they went on outreach in different parts of the world. And Esther is so tiny that none of her clothes fit me. I guess I’ll have to wear my Shabbos clothes.”

“You must buy a dress!” Jade exclaimed. “Let’s go shopping together after school one day.”

“I don’t know … Mama and Papa work so hard. I don’t want to waste their money on something so frivolous.”

“It’s not frivolous. It’s a necessity!”

“Jade’s right, Chanie,” Devorah Leah said. “If you don’t have your sisters’ clothes, you don’t have a choice. You
have
to buy a dress.”

I thought long and hard. If I bought a new dress, I could wear it to my audition at Juilliard. I wondered what David would say when he saw me in it.

“I’ll ask Mama tonight,” I said finally.

“If your mother agrees, let’s all go to the mall after school tomorrow. Jade and I will help you pick out a nice dress,” said Devorah Leah.

“Maybe we should ask Faygie to come with us,” I suggested.

“She won’t want to,” Jade said. “Not if I’m there. You see, I’m not Lubavitch.”

“You’re not? You could have fooled me!” Devorah Leah’s voice was full of mischief.

Jade smiled at Devorah Leah, but then her face turned serious. “To be honest, I’d prefer if Faygie didn’t come with us,” she said.

“Then we won’t ask her.”

“I hope she doesn’t find out that we went without her,” Devorah Leah added.

To my surprise, Mama agreed to a new dress.

“I’ve actually been meaning to talk to you about buying something for your graduation,” she said. “Do you want me to go to the mall with you to help you pick something out?”

“I told Devorah Leah that I’d go with her.” I couldn’t
think of anything worse than going dress shopping with my mother at my age!

She nodded. “That’s fine.” She gave me her credit card and told me how much I could spend. “If you find a dress, make sure that it can be returned, just in case I don’t like it.”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her that since I’d be the one wearing it, it only mattered if
I
liked it. But I thought better of it and took the credit card without comment.

That afternoon, my friends and I scoured the mall from one end to the other. The dresses we saw were either too short or too revealing or too expensive.

“I guess today isn’t my lucky day,” I groaned. “So many dresses and none that I like.”

“We haven’t been to Sassy yet,” Devorah Leah said.

“What’s Sassy?” Jade asked.

“The Sassy Boutique,” she explained. “They have great clothes.”

“It’s useless to go there,” I said. “They only have casual outfits displayed in the window.”

“It doesn’t hurt to check it out,” Devorah Leah said.

“Okay, but we’ll have to hurry. My father will be here in a few minutes to drive us home.”

We took the escalator to the second floor. At the top, we were greeted by the sight of Faygie, a box of
Shabbos candles in her hand, matching steps with an older woman and asking her, “Are you Jewish?”

Several of our classmates were similarly occupied, their shopping bags of candles piled up in front of the boutique’s window.

“Oh, no, they’re doing outreach.” I turned to Devorah Leah. “Did Faygie ask you to come along?”

“No.”

“Let’s leave,” I whispered. “She hasn’t noticed us.”

But it was too late. Faygie’s prey had quickened her steps and Faygie gave up following her. When she turned around, our eyes locked.

“Why are you here?” Her face brightened. “Did you come to do outreach with me? How did you know I was in the mall?” Just then, her gaze fell on Jade. “What’s she doing here?”

“We’re here to shop. Jade’s shopping with us.” Devorah Leah’s voice carried a hint of anger.

Faygie’s eyes widened. “Shopping?”

“They’re helping me find a dress for grad. Are you going to buy one?”

She snorted. “I never even thought about it. I have more important stuff on my mind—like doing the things the Rebbe wants us to do!”

Devorah Leah rolled her eyes. “Do you have to be so perfect all the time?”

Faygie nodded primly. “I do my best. That’s how the Rebbe wants us to behave.”

With that, she turned her back on us and approached another woman walking by. “Are you Jewish?” we heard her ask.

Devorah Leah, Jade and I left her and went into the boutique. The same saleslady who’d told us not to bother her customers all those months before was standing behind the counter. I could see that Devorah Leah had recognized her too.

The woman gave us a false smile. “Hello,” she said. “What can I do for you?”

“I want to buy a dress for my graduation.”

“Not a prom dress but something suitable for graduation parties,” Jade explained.

“A modest dress,” Devorah Leah added.

The saleswoman pointed to a rack at the back of the shop. “Our dresses have been picked over, but there are still a few left. I have more in the back. I’ll bring them out to you.”

We rifled through the rack while she was gone.

Devorah Leah held up a pink dress and cackled. It looked like a long shirt. “Look at this one! They forgot to add the skirt,” she said.

A blue dress was pretty from the front, but its back was missing. All the dresses were sleeveless.

“It doesn’t look like I’ll be buying anything here,” I said just as the saleswoman came back from the stockroom. She was holding a hanger with another dress on it.

“All the others were strapless,” she said. “This is the only one that might be suitable.” She hung it on the end of a clothes rack. “It’s a pretty dress.”

It was. It was actually more than that. It was the dress of my dreams.

The black dress was made of a soft jersey material that fell well below the knees. It had a wide leather belt to cinch in the waist, a high neckline and a full skirt that billowed out. But what made it so special were its lace sleeves in the pattern of flowers. The flowers were so fine that they looked like they’d been woven by a spider.

“What a gorgeous dress!” Jade cried. “Do you like it?”

I nodded. I wanted it so much that I couldn’t speak.

“You can’t buy this dress, Chanie. You can’t! The sleeves …” Devorah Leah mumbled.

“What’s wrong with the sleeves? They’re beautiful,” Jade said.

“You can see through them,” spluttered Devorah Leah. “We’re not allowed to wear dresses with see-through sleeves.”

“That’s nonsense,” Jade said, dismissing Devorah Leah’s concerns with a wave of her hand.

“It’s not nonsense. It’s our way,” Devorah Leah replied sharply.

The saleswoman put the dress in my hand. “Why don’t you try it on and see how it looks?”

It fitted to perfection. It made me look taller, slimmer, more like a woman. The lace sleeves were beautiful, but the skin of my arms did show through the flowers. I felt shy but forced myself to leave the changing room.

“It’s perfect on you,” Jade exclaimed. “You have to buy it!”

“Chanie, you can’t get this dress,” Devorah Leah said. “Your arms aren’t properly covered.”

I looked in the mirror. The dress made my waist look smaller and my skin glow. I twirled around again and again. The skirt ballooned out in a satisfying manner. I looked like a new and improved version of my old self. I forgot all about not wanting to spend my parents’ hard-earned money. I wanted this dress more than I had ever wanted anything in my life.

“Don’t be so old-fashioned,” I said to Devorah Leah. “My arms are covered enough!” I turned to the saleslady. “How much does it cost?”

My friends’ eyes widened when they heard her answer. It was exactly twice what Mama had told me I could spend.

I twirled around in the mirror once again. “I don’t care how much it costs! I’m buying it.”