Authors: Leanne Davis
~ Year Four~
Will wasn’t kidding about spending a year not working. He didn’t start looking until after first spending a summer at their house. He claimed to have too much to do. There were fences to build, and new animals to house. They adopted another shelter dog within a week after moving into the house. The second month brought them a goat; and the chickens were just a given. Who doesn’t like chickens? Jessie was working on buying a couple of horses before summer’s end.
Will did odd jobs for the Clapsmiths to earn extra cash. The house and land were owned free and clear, thanks to
her mother.
Jessie was always adamant about whose cash made their dream possible. Will started seriously looking for work that fall when Jessie started her second year at the college. This time, she was enrolled at Central Washington University with the status of a sophomore. All summer long, she took courses to build up the extra credits she needed to go there. She was the antithesis of what Fuck-face always said and called her: stupid, lazy and useless.
The one ripple in her otherwise lovely life was her sister. Lindsey seemed to be pulling further and further away from her. She visited
Lindsey twice in the last year for a few days while Elliot was on travel for his hotel construction business. Jessie thought it was a weird-ass thing to start as a company, but when she saw Lindsey, a strange awkwardness existed that Jessie hadn’t experienced for five years. She didn’t like seeing the frozen smile Lindsey always wore, as if her face didn’t possess a neutral, or even natural expression. It was like she Botoxed her face into perfection. And annoying as fuck.
“I don’t like Elliot,” Jessie said to Will over the phone from Lindsey’s house. “He has her set up here like a fucking Barbie doll. It’s weird. She does nothing all day, but smile and look pretty.”
“I’m sorry. I hoped what we first thought of him was just from nerves or something. But be careful what you say to her. I get the distinct feeling she does not want our opinions. Be careful. You don’t need her being mad at you.”
She sighed. “I know. I wish things weren’t like this. Anyway, I can’t wait to get home. I hate being here. I hate being on the east coast. I hate being away from you. And I hate how strange my sister seems. So I really want to come home.”
Will was silent on the end of the phone. “Will?”
He sighed. “I really hate you being gone too. I finally, kinda get it.”
“Get what?”
“How boring and awful it is when you’re the one left behind. When I left you, I was always the one leaving to do shit that was stimulating and busy, and, you know, different than my normal life. So it always sucked, but I was busy, so it went fast. But shit. Now you’re gone and I’m here. There’s nothing to do. It’s so fucking quiet, I talk to the cats. The dogs. The goat even. I really don’t like it here without you.”
She sat down on the bed. After all these years and all their days together and all the
I love yous
, big and small, he still made her stomach flip and her heart swell. “That’s what it felt like for me all the time I was without you. Just two more days. I’m seeing Bella tomorrow and the next day, and then I’ll fly home.”
She was too close not to visit her friend and Finn. It was only a few hours’ drive.
“I should have just come.”
“You’d have been bored. Hell, I’m bored with Lindsey. But your just bored in general, Will. ”
He sighed. “I am. I’m finally getting bored.”
She bit her lip to avoid laughing at his despondent-sounding voice. Lucky for him, he never really had to wait for her like she did for him. The mighty soldier wasn’t very good at it. “I’ll be home.”
“Not soon enough,” he grumbled.
****
Finally, Will found a job. In December, he got hired as a manager at a newly developed industrial park that recently opened. A chain manufacturer for heating, ventilation and air conditioners moved into one of the big office warehouse suites. The owner was a former vet from the Gulf War, and seemed partial to Will when he heard about the Army connection.
Will came home; making a face that he had, indeed, gotten the job. He flopped down on the couch and sighed while staring out at the darkening day. It wasn’t even five and almost completely black outside. Jessie crawled into his lap and hugged him. “You don’t like it?”
He shrugged. “What do I know about HVAC manufacturing? Plus, it just reminds me of…”
“The fucking spot?”
“Yes. It’s been awhile since we’ve even mentioned it. And then, bam! I’m thinking of it as soon as I glimpse the giant parts they have stored in their warehouse. It looked like the one I hid on.”
“That’s because our entire life is no longer about my rapes. It’s nice, Will. It’s really nice we don’t have to talk about it every time we have sex. Or when and if I have an orgasm. Or not. It doesn’t have to be our sole focus in everything we do or don’t do. It’s progress, soldier.”
He made a face. “I know. It’s just weird. I have a job. Nine to five. Seriously. Monday to Friday. Nine to freaking five.”
She laid her head on his shoulder. “Thank you.”
“For?”
“Getting a Monday-to-Friday-nine-to-five-job managing a warehouse.”
He kissed the top of her head and laid his cheek on her hair. “Well, then, you’re welcome.”
“Will you be okay? Is it enough?”
His chest expanded and fell as he breathed deeply, but he finally nodded and his chin moved up and down on her head. “It’s enough. And coming home to you? Best thing in the fucking world.”
She lifted her head and held his gaze. “If that ever changes, you have to tell me, and not let it fester until you grow to hate me. Promise me.”
He held her gaze. “I promise.”
She let out a breath and cuddled into him. “Okay, then, HVAC manager, wanna have some dinner?”
“No, I want to sit right here, with you.”
“Oh. Well. Then, I think we could do that.”
****
“Hey, babe.”
Jessie turned when Will walked through their front door. He strolled past her only pausing to kiss her cheek absentmindedly because she was in his way. Grabbing the pile of mail, he started thumbing through it. She stared at him for a prolonged moment.
It happened.
The thought filtered in her brain. They were finally, totally and completely taking each other for granted. He simply came home from work and wasn’t shocked to find her starting dinner. He didn’t always need to wrap her in long, passionate embraces, so grateful to have her there, up and moving, accomplishing things. There was a time they had no idea what normal, ordinary and having the same day and routine for multiple days in a row looked like. Let alone, lived it.
She started to laugh. It wasn’t a soft chuckle, but an outright laugh. Will glanced up at her, frowning. “What’s so funny?”
“You. Me. Us. Do you realize how normally we interact? We don’t fall all over each other anymore in ecstasy. It isn’t such a grand achievement that you made it through your day at work, and I’m not locked in the bathroom.”
His face finally broke into a lopsided grin. “You’re saying we’re… ordinary?”
She threw down the lettuce she was shredding. “I think we’re so ordinary and boring, we might possibly need couples therapy to get the spark back.”
“Holy fuck, Jessie Bains, have you met yourself? There is not one day with you that could be classified as ‘boring’ or ‘normal.’”
She took the bowl of salad and threw it at him. He stood there with lettuce and tomatoes falling off his head. His mouth opened in shock, but he closed it quickly and scowled at her. “I can’t believe you just did that. Real mature.”
“Don’t call me ‘Jessie Bains.’ I hate that name.”
He shook his head and the salad pieces dropped to his shoulders and floor. He slowly started to grin. “Well, throwing random shit at me is exactly what Jessie Bains would do.”
He took a step forward, and she took a step back. The grin that split her face in half was eclipsed by the shriek she screamed as he lunged after her. He managed to tackle her on the floor, and held himself back, being careful not to hurt her. Still, he had her pinned under him so he started tickling her everywhere.
“Stop! Stop it!” she gasped between spasms of laughter. “I’m going to pee my pants.”
“Go ahead. Doesn’t bother me. Wouldn’t be the first time.”
He suddenly stopped and froze
. “Ah, shit, Jess. I’m sorry, that was a shitty thing to say.”
The roof. Mexico. Her fear and worry she was about to die made her pee on herself, and him. She picked off some cheese still clinging in his hair and smiled at him. “Well, at least your guilt managed to make you stop torturing me. You know I hate to be tickled.”
He finally released a smile. “I know. It makes it so much fun. He settled her under him and kissed her nose. “So, not too normal, right?”
Her heart softened like butter. “Do you remember our first morning
at the apartment, right after our reunion?”
“I don’t forget much about anything with us. Of course, I remember.”
“We never thought we’d get here. We were so… so scared of us. Being together. We were ready for it all to combust at any moment.”
“But it didn’t.”
She feathered his hair. “That’s what I’m trying to say. It’s so much better now. We know we’re not going to combust. We know normal, Will. It’s a lot easier to believe in us, and forever, when we can just be normal. We’re not fighting everything, not even fighting to just
be
normal. Do you know what I mean?”
His look of understanding warmed her heart. “I know exactly what you mean.”
She sighed and looped her arms around his neck. They were sprawled on the floor between the kitchen and the living room. The cathedral ceiling overhead was highlighted by the spring sun, which streamed in, revealing dust particles that floated lazily around. It seemed to Jessie the perfect moment to tell him.
“Will, I’m pregnant.”
His entire body went tight and taut under her fingers. He suddenly released her and sat up. “What did you just say?”
She sat up too when he looked stressed. Almost like he was about to pass out. She touched his arm and rested her head against his side. “We’re going to have a baby.”
He let out a long, wheezy breath as if he had asthma. “Holy fuck,” he whispered as he ran his hands through his hair. “I thought that’s what you said.”
“We wanted this, remember?”
He glanced down at her and his face softened. “It’s what we want. It’s just, holy fuck!”
She stared at her toes, knowing what he meant. It was so much to comprehend. So much had happened. How did they ever get here? “I love you,” he said finally.
She smiled up at him. “I should hope so. That’s why we’re having a baby together.”
He nodded. “I was just saying.”
Silence fell between them. It was a quiet, profound, nice kind of silence. Both were remembering things that they wished they didn’t have to, but knew they always would. It was just a part of them. He finally took her hand in his. “Are you okay?”
“So far? Yes. One day at a time, soldier. Just like always.”
He nodded slowly. “Just like always.”
“We can do this, Will. We’ve done so much already. And things that were much harder. This is just… natural. What couples do. It’s normal.”
He was unnaturally pale. “It scares the shit out of me.”
“I think it’s the first time you’ve ever admitted that to me.”
He smiled sheepishly. “Not so good at normal. I was always better at bombing things or finding insurgent terrorists.”
“It’s just a baby, Will.”
“There is no ‘just’ and ‘baby.’”
“You said you wanted this too.”
He whipped around. “I do. I really do. I’m just…”
“Me too,” she finally admitted.
He rose to his feet and put his hand out to her. “How about I help you make another salad? Then you can show me the latest wonderful bean concoction you’ve created just to convince me I’m happy we no longer eat meat.”
She grabbed his hand and let him pull her up.
Having recently become a vegetarian, she was pretty sure it wouldn’t be one of her passing phases or short-lived obsessions. She felt pretty sure she actually liked it. Will didn’t. He grumbled and complained, even showing up with his own groceries or fast food. She glared at him when he did that. He responded by grinning back and savoring the hamburger or fried chicken he was munching on even more.
****
“Are you sure you should do that?”
She turned her head so Will could not see her face as she rolled her eyes. Holy crap! He was a crazy nanny on steroids. He wouldn’t let Jessie do anything. He was like a strict, overprotective parent.
“Yes, Will, I’m sure I should get my teeth cleaned.”
“Well, I read something about the X-rays…”
Oh my God! He needed to stop reading about pregnancy. All the what ifs of Jessie’s pregnancy scared Will more than any Al-Qaeda terrorist. “They won’t do any X-rays once I tell them I’m pregnant.”