Later that day, during dinnertime, Ozma was refusing to eat anything, even my best airplane and
train sound effects weren't working. She remained tight-lipped and turned her face away every time
I moved the spoon toward her. Stacey had wormed her way onto Luke's table, and I was left sitting
on my own. Lane and Jasper hadn't come down for dinner yet, I kept looking around for them, but
the next time I looked up I saw Josh headed my way.
He sat down beside me straddling the bench, with Ozma in-between us.
“Is she not eating?” he asked.
“Not today. I may have given in and let her have half a packet of cookies earlier.”
“Let me try.” he said, taking the spoon from me.
“I'm telling you, she won't eat... huh,”
Ozma opened her mouth straight away for Josh, and happily took the spoonful of mushy stuff we
called dinner.
“Wow, you're really good at that.” I said.
Josh was always good with Ozma, he was friendly with the other children, but when it came to
Ozma he was always interested.
“Where's Lane?” he asked.
“I don't know, I think he's with Jasper somewhere.”
“He's always with Jasper, or in the gym.”
Uh oh. I knew where this conversation was going.
“He's still a teenager, he likes to do his own thing.”
“And just because you're the girl you get stuck with looking after the kid?”
“It's not like that. I'm the one that's taking care of her, I'm not going to force him to help out. He's
nineteen I don't think he's really ready for kids.”
“And you are?”
“I don't have a choice. I think it's obvious she sees me as a mother figure and I've accepted that.”
“Alex,” His hand moved across the table and rested on top of mine. I looked at his hand, then my
eyes landed on Lane, standing by the serving area, glaring at us. I quickly pulled my hand away.
“Don't-”
“I just want you to think about it. If Lane's not ready to step up and be a responsible father then I
want you to know you have other options.”
By options he meant him.
I grimly smiled and nodded. I could feel Lane's eyes boring into me.
Josh finished feeding Ozma for me, making cute little animal sounds, making her laugh and giving
her mouthfuls in-between. When he had finished he set the bowl down and leaned over her, toward
me.
Oh, my God... what is he doing?
I turned my face away and looked down at my own half eaten bowl of food. He placed his hand on
the back of my head and kissed the top of my head. It was a friendly gesture, but it felt oddly
intimate. He stood up, patted Ozma on the head and left without saying another word. I didn't dare
look up, afraid of the accusing looks Lane would most certainly give me if our eyes connected. I
lifted Ozma onto the floor, gathered our bowls and walked back to the kitchen. Then I had to chase
Ozma to catch her, I scooped her up into my arms and Stacey followed us out into the corridor.
“Slow down, Speedy Gonzales,” Stacey said, catching up to me. “What did GI Joe want?”
“Nothing,” I replied too quickly.
“You know, when you say
nothing
it means it was probably something really juicy that I want to
know about. And what was with that weird top-of-the-head-kiss? Has he done that before?”
“No.”
“Do you... do you like him?”
“He's a nice guy.”
“A nice guy?”
“Okay, okay, he's kinda great, funny and-”
“Hot!” Stacey interrupted.
“We get along, he's only four years older than me, and he loves Ozma...”
“But?”
“This is a really complicated situation.”
“Well, if you stopped fighting and bickering over stupid things it wouldn't be so complicated.” she
said.
“Since coming here things aren't as clear, Lane is his own person, I'm not sure I'm everything he
wants anymore.”
“Then why is he always staring at you when he thinks you're not looking? Why do I wake up and
find you two sharing a bed? Oh, and not that I like to gossip, but I hear you two like to shower
together.”
“All right, you can stop there. I'm not about to go into the complex details about mine and Lane's
relationship. We're not Romeo and Juliet.”
“Didn't they die?”
“Okay, not the best example. I'm just trying to say relationships are messy, you're young-”
“Only by three years.”
“Still, you've never been in a proper relationship and neither have I for that matter, and with
everything else, zombies, babies, it gets confusing. I'm still a kid too.”
I put Ozma down and she ran along the corridor and into the playroom.
“Do you think things will ever be normal again?” Stacey asked.
“I don't know, but if things ever change it's going to take a long time for the world to recover from
this.”
“So you're saying I probably won't be getting a burger and fries from
Wendy's
anytime in the near
future.” We both laughed. “I think you should do what makes you happy.” she said.
“I have spent so long pushing Lane away that I've sort of built up this tolerance to him, and because
of it, we end up fighting over the smallest of things.”
“I know, I think everyone's noticed... or should I say everyone's heard the pair of you.”
I stopped in the doorway and watched Ozma as she crawled into a box.
“You going to stay in here for a bit?” she asked.
“Yeah, until it's her bedtime, which shouldn't be too long, she looks really tired.”
“I'll stay with you. I'll just go get my make-up bag.” she said, eyeing my face.
“Ugh, do you have to?”
“Yes, your eyebrows need to be tamed.”
“They're not that bad.” I said, running my fingers over them.
“You're more likely to attract a bear than a man looking like something that belongs in the wild. You
might want to shave your legs soon as well, I caught a glimpse the other day and-”
“You can stop talking now. Just go fetch your bag before I change my mind.... and I'll borrow your
razor later.”
“Where's yours?”
“Lane took it.”
“You two are like a married couple.” she said before disappearing down the corridor.
After I had got Ozma down for the night and made a much-needed trip to the bathroom to sort my
hairy legs out after Stacey had compared me to Bigfoot, I wandered around in search of Lane.
I found him in the gym, mercilessly pounding the crap out of a punching bag.
There were three other guys in the gym, I smiled at them and one waved as I made my way over to
Lane. I walked past him and leaned against the wall.
“Hey,”
He didn't say anything and pounded his fist into the bag again.
“You not talking to me again?” I asked.
“Depends?”
“On what?”
He didn't reply.
“It wasn't what it looked like.” I said.
“It was exactly what it looked like.”
“You know I could say the same thing about you, I saw you with Meghan the other day, with your
arm around her waist.”
I hated myself for sounding so jealous. She had asked him for some pointers in batting which
involved Lane behind her holding the bat with her. It was hard not to get jealous or angry when she
was obviously sticking her butt out on purpose into Lane's crotch.
“You're jealous of Meghan?” he asked, stopping his attack on the bag, looking at me confused.
I wasn't sure whether he was blind to Meghan's attention or he was pretending because he didn't
want me to know about it.
I didn't give him an answer, he already knew I was jealous.
He shook his head and after a moment, he carried on punching the bag again.
“Maybe you should go and play happy families with Josh, he'd like that.”
His eyes flickered in my direction for a split second.
He was trying to wind me up, or get rid of me. I couldn't talk to him when he was like this.
I walked past him and was about to leave when he laughed.
“Someone should really tell him you don't do long-term commitments.”
I carried on walking. He was jealous of Josh. I was jealous of Meghan. It was a vicious circle.
I walked back to my cell, running into Josh in the corridor. I tried to edge around him, there was a
whole corridor but he wasn't giving me much room. He slid in front of me, placing his hand on the
wall, blocking me, then he did the same on the other side, trapping me between his arms so I was
backed up against the wall.
“Err... Josh?”
“Alex,”
“What are you doing?” I asked.
“I thought we could hang out.”
“I can't I've got to get back to watch Ozma.”
He looked at me for a moment trying to work out whether I was telling the truth. The truth was
Ozma was down for the night and wouldn't wake up until the morning, I didn't need to supervise
her.
I was about to duck under his arm, but he stopped me by placing one hand on my shoulder, pushing
me back to the wall. I wasn't frightened of Josh, his touch was so gentle, in a way that showed me
he meant me no harm. His other hand slid down the wall and grabbed the top of my arm so I
couldn't run off.
“He's not right for you.”
“And you are?” I blurted.
“I want to take care of you.”
I looked down the corridor, checking no one was watching us.
“I think I can make it back to my cell without getting eaten by a zombie.” I said, making a joke out
of it.
He stared at me with even more determination.
“That isn't what I meant.” he said.
“I know.” I mumbled.
His hand wandered to my face where he moved a piece of my hair away from my eyes. I looked
into his eyes. Josh had been so kind to me, and he was one of the friendliest guys in here, but I
didn't feel that way about him.
Someone cleared their throat behind us, Josh's hands dropped away. I looked over his shoulder to
see Jasper slinking past us, tut-tutting at me, with a smirk on his face, then he turned the corner.
“I have to go.” I said, practically running away from Josh.
I found Stacey leaning over the balcony reading a girlie magazine. I jogged up the stairs and
stopped next to her.
“Josh is like a dog with a bone, he's not going to let this idea go anytime soon.”
“Maybe you could set him up with Tammy, she has a thing for him.”
“She does?”
“Oh, yeah, she does.”
“How did I miss that?”
“Too busy with your brother.”
“Ha ha, very funny, you've got to stop calling him that. Lane's not my brother!”
“You sure? You squabble like siblings sometimes.”
I sighed and leaned over the railing.
“Guess what?” she said.
“What?”
“Jasper's going into town tomorrow and he said I can go with you this time.”
“What! No, we talked about this.”
“Alex, it's not fair, you get to go out with them whenever you want.”
“Yes, I'm older and more aware of what can happen out there. You've spent most of the zombie
apocalypse sheltered indoors.”
“Well, Jasper said I could, so...”
“Well, we'll see about that... wait, what did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“Then what changed his mind? Before he didn't want you coming with us, he thought you were a
liability, which is a joke, he's more of a liability when we're outside. Lane won't look after you and I
refused to take you with me, so what did you say this time to change his mind? Wait... you didn't
offer him...y-you?”
“No,” she giggled. “He has a thing for Helen, and I said I'd do a little snooping and see if she's
interested.”
“Isn't she, like, forty something?”
“Jasper has a thing for the older ladies.”
“What makes him think she would be interested in him?”
“Haven't you noticed how she always gives him a second helping of food if he wants it, and how
she sneaks a sweet treat onto his plate now and then. And when she does the laundry, she always
folds his neatly and ours comes back crumpled in a box.”
“Maybe she's just been motherly toward him, maybe she lost her son.”
“Or maybe she's got a warm spot for Jasper.”
“Right, well, good luck with matchmaking those two. I don't see it somehow. Anyway, back to
tomorrow-”
“I'm coming, so suck it up.”
“I'm really not happy about this, you have no idea-”
“Alex, I've heard it all before, it still doesn't stop me from wanting to go outside the gates. I've been
stuck in this place for well over a year.”
“Yes, this place is safe! Outside is not safe!”
“Then why do you still go outside?”
“You know why I go.”
“Because you're smitten with Lane and won't admit it.”
“No, I go to keep an eye on the pair of them, and make sure they don't get themselves killed.”
“And tomorrow I can help out.”
“Help out? Have you even killed a zombie before?”
She pursed her lips and picked at her nail polish.
Living at the prison was completely different to the Lab, here we had our freedom to come and go
whenever we pleased. The nearest town was a two-hour walk away, it was a smallish town and I
had been there before with Lane and Jasper. Others from the prison trekked that way when they
wanted supplies. It wasn't like other towns, we had only ever run into three zombies during our trips
over there, the place was like a ghost town. Jasper and Lane searched houses for smokes and
alcohol, and I searched houses for more useful items, like shampoo, clothes, and necessities. I
usually found what I needed and brought back extra to be shared out to those most in need. I liked
to give back to the prison what I could, everyone had been so nice to me and it was my way of
helping out and saying thank you.
“I won't get in the way. I can defend myself.” she said, pulling me back from my thoughts.
She handed me her magazine and walked off.
“Where are you going?”
“To pick out something to wear.”
“Something to wear? It's not prom!” I said, following her back to our cell.
Stacey stood chatting to Luke. He was giving her the grand tour of the weapons, guns, and ammo.
She was loving every minute.
“She's not taking a gun.” I called over.
Stacey pouted and Luke put the shotgun back down. He then pulled her over to another weapon
stockpile and started showing her all the different ways she could attack a zombie using an ax. It
looked kind of cool when he did it with all his special moves... he did this for all the girls. I didn't
know using an ax needed a tutorial.
I sighed and leaned back against the wall. I dropped my messenger bag to the floor and dug through
it, making sure I had everything. I didn't need too much, we would be back before dark. I still
packed a flashlight. I liked to be prepared, not that I ever needed it. I was still on the floor when I
looked up and saw Josh walking this way with Stew.
Crap!
He saw me and excused himself away from Stew and beelined over to me.
I straightened up and placed my bag over my shoulder.
“What are you doing?” Josh asked.
I ignored him and pulled out my lip balm from my pocket.
“Alex, you went out last week. You can't possibly need anything, we just got a delivery two days
ago.”
I rubbed my lips together.
“Stacey wants to go exploring.”
“Exploring? Is that a joke?” I didn't answer. “What is it this time? Let me guess, Jasper wants to see
if he can score some more weed and Lane goes with him to keep his scrawny ass from getting eaten,
and you religiously follow Lane, and
now
Stacey's joining in. Those two idiots are gonna get you
killed.”
“Those two idiots are gonna get themselves killed if I don't go with them.”
“What if more appear this time?”
“They're a striving breed, there's always going to be more of them appearing. But I'll be fine.”
“Is there anything I can say to talk you out of this?”
“Nope! I'm craving sugar and there are still streets which have cupboards I haven't raided yet.”
“Where's Ozma?”
“I left her with Tammy.”
“She gets upset when you leave her.”
“It will only be for half a day, I'll be back before sundown.”
“Why don't you just let them go on their own? If they are stupid enough to venture out
unnecessarily, let them.”
“I can't.”
“Alex-”
“No. Stop! I'm going with them and there's nothing you can say that will change my mind.”
Josh frowned and shoved his hands in his pockets. I stared at his dog tags so I didn't have to look at
his face. His eyes always made me feel guilty, and he always knew exactly what to say to make me
feel guilty about leaving Ozma.
“Look, let me get some things together and I'll come with you.”
“No, that's a bad idea.”
“Why? What if you get attacked?”
“I'm not worried about the zombies.” I said, watching Lane and Jasper as they both walked past the
windows, and in through the door, laughing and joking.
“I can just imagine how much fun we would all have altogether... not!” I muttered.
I shook my head. I didn't want Josh risking his life for me, and I didn't want to lead him on, but
whatever I did never made a difference, he still kept chasing me.
“Alex, let me come with you, I can keep you safe.”
“Josh, I said NO! I'll be fine with Lane.”
Josh didn't respond, instead, he turned away and walked over to Luke.
I pulled my hair elastic off my wrist and tied my hair up into a small ponytail just as Jasper
sauntered over to me.
“It's about time. I do want to get out of here before noon.” I snapped.
“Chill-lax, Al,” Jasper said.
I hated it when he called me Al and told me to chill-lax. I was sure all the weed he smoked had fried
all his brain cells.
Lane pulled his rucksack up his back, watching us, then he called Jasper away to look at the
weapons.
What, I wasn't allowed to talk to Jasper now?
Stacey rejoined me, holding a golf club.
“The ax felt too heavy. My arms would be aching by the time we got there. Plus you have a gun if
we're attacked anyhow.”
“Yes, but we use our weapons first, guns are just the backup.”
“Do you think we'll see any real zombies?” Stacey asked excitedly.
I wanted to use that golf club on her. She had spent most of the zombie epidemic indoors, she had
no idea what it was really like outside. To her, this was an adventure. To me, this was unnecessary.
This wasn't fun for me. It just meant I had to make sure she didn't get killed... another person to
keep alive, like I didn't have my hands full with Jasper. He was completely reckless and Lane
always got dragged into whatever he wanted to do. Last time we went out the pair of them had
found a working vehicle and spent the afternoon racing it up and down the main road between here
and the town.
Meghan walked into the room, her individual too-perfect curls bouncing as she made her way over
to Lane. She was wearing a denim mini skirt that barely covered her ass and a crop top with wedge
sandals. She linked arms with Lane and pulled him down to her level, whispered in his ear, then
kissed his cheek, making sure I was watching.
“Bitch!” Stacey hissed.
“Shh...” I said.
“She did that on purpose.”
“Just let it go. If Lane wants her, he can have her.”
“You and I both know he doesn't really want her.”
“Stacey drop it, okay?”
“Fine,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Do you think Luke likes me?”
I think Luke liked all the girls, she was too naive to see that.
“I think he's too old for you.”
“He's only twenty-six.”
“
Only.
That's ten years older. As in a whole decade. I think you should stick to your own age
group.”
“So... what was that little thing between you and Josh?”
“Nothing.”
“Uh-huh.
Nothing
again. Lovers' tiff, was it? I wish I had all the hotties wanting to eat out of my
bowl.”
“Stacey! That's disgusting! Can you please not speak like that.”
I caught Lane watching us (me), he managed to pry Meghan's fingers off his arm and walked over
to us. Meghan quickly moved on and started flirting with Luke.
“What? It's true.” Stacey said.
“Shut up! Lane's coming over.”
“Yes, mom.” Stacey said, smiling at Lane.
“You ready?” Lane asked.
“I've been ready for the last hour. Did Jasper remember his map?”
“Yeah, I've got it.”
“Yay! Road trip.” Stacey squealed.
I looked sideways at her. “You do realize we're walking into town?”
“What? We're not taking one of the vehicles?”
“No.” I laughed. “They're for emergencies.”
“How far is it?” Stacey asked.
“A two-hour walk. That's why I wanted to be leaving... like, an hour ago.” I replied, glaring at Lane.
I pushed past Lane and walked over to the armoury. Lane already had his baseball bat, that he kept
in his cell. I usually used my own bat, but I had left it with the other weapons for if anyone else
wanted to borrow it. Only today it was missing.
Lane called my name, then Jasper started whistling at me. Of course, now they were all ready to
leave, Jasper was even waiting by the door with the ax in his hand.
I waved them on, and continued searching for the bat, I hated using anything else now, I was about
to give up and go with the pickaxe when I saw Josh watching me with the bat resting over his
shoulder.
“I need that.” I said, reaching for it.
He smirked and lifted the bat out of my reach. Josh wasn't as tall as Lane, but he was still taller than
me.
“Come on, give it back, they're waiting for me.”
He lowered the bat and I gripped onto it, trying to pull it away, but he held on firmly.
“Josh, can I please have the bat?”
His brown eyes became fixed on mine, I fidgeting around, uncomfortable under his gaze, he leaned
down and whispered in my ear.
“Be careful.” he said.
His fingers brushed my cheek as his lips moved across my other cheek and stopped a breath away
from my own lips. I looked into his eyes.
Maybe I shouldn't have because I found him staring back at me. His lips touched mine. I froze, a
little taken back. I hadn't been expecting him to kiss me, not like that, completely out of the blue, I
couldn't even remember what I was supposed to be doing. I found my lips responding to his, I heard
a door slam somewhere in the distance and remembered what I wanted. Josh had got so caught up
in the moment that he had released the bat to me without even realizing it. I abruptly stepped back,
leaving Josh opened-mouthed.
“I have to go.” I said, gripping my bag strap on my shoulder and running to the door.
“Alex!” Josh called.
I ignored him and ran out through the door, then along the corridor, and out the main door. Outside,
the warmth of the sun hit me like a wave. It was a warm sunny day and I was wearing a hoodie.
Great! I would just have to bake. There was no way I was taking it off and risking a zombie clawing
me. I had never forgotten what had happened to Crystal's arms. I didn't have time to go back inside
and search through Stacey's clothes for a long-sleeved T-shirt, I knew I didn't have any.
Ryan and Danny were already outside playing football, they met Jasper and Lane by the gate.
Stacey was impatiently waiting for me with her hand on her hip.
“What took you so long? Before you were complaining you wanted to leave, then you spend
another ten minutes saying farewell to Josh.” she said, placing the back of her hand against her
forehead theatricality. Stacey was always a drama queen.
“Oh, Josh,” she said, making kissing sounds and pursing her lips together.
“No. I couldn't find my bat.”
“Whatever! I bet you two were smooching.”
Lane overheard her and looked at me. I pretended there was something extremely interesting on the
ground. Stacey giggled and caught up to Jasper who was stood next to Ryan, talking about chopping
up zombies while Danny opened the gates for us.
There weren't really any rules about going outside, obviously if we came back covered in blood and
missing a limb they might not be so willing to let us back in.
Ryan waved at Stacey and she went all googly-eyed over him. Jasper high-fived Danny and walked
out onto the main road. Lane was trailing him, and Stacey was behind me acting like a teenage girl
that had never seen a boy before. She finally tore herself away from Ryan after he had blown her a
goodbye kiss.
“Do you think Ryan likes me?” Stacey asked, falling into step beside me.
“I think he was just being friendly.”
“He didn't blow you a kiss.”
“Yes because he knows I'd probably give him the finger.”
“You're so grumpy today. Are you getting your period?”
I gave her a sidelong glance. “You wanted to see outside, you're outside, now stop bugging me and
go annoy someone else.”
“Fine.” Stacey skipped ahead (she actually skipped) and stopped next to Jasper. Lane looked back at
me to see what I was doing, he fell back a few steps and waited for me.
“Aren't you hot?” he asked.
Lane had opted for jeans and a loose vest, exposing his muscular arms.
In the last four months, the only thing different about my body was I'd put weight on, with all the
extra food and lack of exercise. Maybe I should start using the gym.
“I'd rather be hot than risk getting scratched by a dirty fingernail.”
Lane lit up a cigarette and we walked beside each other following the other two. I could hear Stacey
giggling again. All she ever did was giggle and ogle boys. I found it pathetic, but she had been
trapped inside for over a year with the exception of the yard. It wasn't that bad inside the prison, and
it wasn't as boring as Stacey made it out to be, we kept ourselves entertained, playing games,
reading books, one of the girls was teaching us Yoga, we played ball games, and even had a social
night where everyone gathered together once a week for music and games.
Lane and I didn't talk and walked side by side in silence, then he picked up my hand. My feet
slowed down as I looked at our entwined fingers, and when I didn't protest he pulled me closer to
him.
“I miss you,” he said, making sure the two in front didn't hear.
Not that it made a difference, Stacey turned around and saw Lane holding my hand and grinned
before whispering something to Jasper.
“You see me every day, Lane.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do I?”
“We never spend any time together, the only time I catch you on your own is gone midnight.”
“So you just climb into my bed because?”
“Because I miss you.”
I sighed. “Meghan not keeping you entertained enough?”
“You know I don't want Meghan.”
I laughed. “Have you told her that?”
“What happened between us?”
“Everything! I look after Ozma, I help Tammy out in the playroom, Jasper won't leave you alone,
and Stacey follows me around like an annoying wasp.” I said.
Stacey turned around and pulled a silly face at me. “Things are different.” I added.
“Not the way I feel about you.” Lane said, rubbing his thumb across the back of my hand.
“You know they can hear you, actual people with ears that can hear you.”
“I don't care.”
“Maybe next time Meghan throws her arms around you, you can tell her how you feel about me.
She tells everyone I'm obsessed with you and the only reason you're nice to me is because you don't
want to hurt my feelings.”
“What?” Lane laughed.
“Yeah, she does, she even told me that.” Jasper butted in.
“See,” I said.
“She's not my type... not anymore.” Lane said.
Grrr! Boys were so confusing. They want you one day, then the next they ignore you.
It was a long hot walk into town and I was already halfway through my water bottle. I wasn't too
worried, I knew I would be back by tonight and if I got really thirsty I could just steal Lane's bottle.
The town came into view and Stacey started getting excited again.
“What is with you?” Jasper asked, eyeing her up and down.
“I'm excited! I can't wait to start digging through other people's closets. I really want some new
underwear, the ones I'm wearing now, are like, jumbo sized granny panties.”
Jasper burst out laughing.
“It's true they are. I want something a little smaller, maybe a bit stringier, like yours.” she said,
playfully smiling at me.
“Stacey, I don't think the boys really want to hear about your underwear... or mine.”
“Oh no, do go on. What were you saying about Alex's stringy underwear?” Jasper asked.
“Okay, can we stop talking about my girl's underwear.” Lane said, letting go of my hand, pulling his
bag around, and pulling out the map.
“Hey, man, where did you want to search today?” he asked Jasper.
They both stood examining the map together, turning it around every few seconds.
“Do you know how to