There Will Come A Stranger (17 page)

Best to get it over. Best to finish it. Yet she felt she could not face the crisis. As their taxi drew up outside the flats, she said, “John, I won
’
t ask you to co
m
e up with me—I
’
m so very tired.”

“I know you are. That
’
s why we
’
ve got to talk. You
’
ll never rest—you
’
ll have no peace until we
’
ve had this out.” He took her unresisting hand and held it for a moment in a strong, reassuring clasp, then helped her out, paid off the taxi, and followed her to the lift.

The sitting-room was very quiet, very peaceful, scented with the spring flowers he had brought her from the garden of Bieldside, wallflowers and polyanthus and narcissi, poignant in their intensity of sweetness. She turned to face him, waiting for him to speak, so that she might give him her reply and put an end to it.

But John, without a word, strode from the door and took her in his arms, masterful and overpowering. Helpless, with pinioned arms, she could not struggle.

“
John!
No—let me
—
”

He bent his head and silenced her with relentless mouth against her own. At first she stood there rigid and unyielding. Then, slowly, her resistance lessened and she became submissive, until gradually she responded with an ardour and a tenderness that matched his own.

At last, releasing her, he said, “How soon will you marry me? I
’
ve been patient. But I
’
m very tired of waiting.”

The radiance left her face. She drew a long breath. “John, I
can
’
t.
I never will.”

He said, not questioningly, but as a statement, “But you love me.”

Bitterly she said, “Do I? And if I do, what of it? I loved Pete. I love him still. If I were to marry you, it would simply prove me to be inconstant and disloyal and faithless. Not worth your loving. I should despise myself! And you
—
you would despise me too, when the first glamour had worn off, and you could see me clearly as I am.”

“So I was right! I
’
ve always thought that was what might be in your mind, holding you back from me, ever since that night when we had dinner at the Moulin Vert. You spoke then of disloyalty to Pete. Otherwise I would have told
you that I loved you long before this. But I
waited, hoping you might learn to miss me
—
”

“And I did—I did! Until you wrote, asking us stay, I thought you had forgotten me. I couldn
’
t understand your silence, when I
’
d thought—you liked me.”

“I didn
’
t write because I felt you needed time. And there
’
s a saying
‘
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
’
. Silence sometimes works like that as well
...
Darling, the love you gave Pete was the love of a young girl. If you two had grown old together, that love would have changed, as you both changed, in the sharing of experience and suffering: the suffering you have endured alone. The suffering and experience that have made of you the woman that you are now. The woman I love, and who loves me.”

“Yes
...
Yes
...
But
...
”

“Love isn
’
t something concrete, something that you can
’
t give to one human being save by taking it from another, to whom you gave it first. It has no limits. In loving me, you would be taking nothing from Pete. Nor do I want anything that should be his.”

Vivian was silent. He went on. “Forgive me, darling love, if I
’
ve seemed rather—brutal. If there had been any other way, I would have taken it. But if I
’
d let you, you would have gone on keeping me at arm
’
s length for ever. You would have gone on pretending to yourself, and me too, that you could only give me friendship. And I can
’
t be satisfied with friendship from you. I want everything you have to give. Your love. Yourself. Our children.”

There was no more that he could say. He waited for what seemed to him a very long time, watching her downbent profile as she stood in silence, resting one elbow on the mantelpiece.

At last she turned to him, and he could read his answer in her face, even before she gave him
both her hands and said, “I
’
ve been a fool! But you have made me see sense at last.”

John
’
s hands slid up her arms and gripped her shoulders.

“How soon will you marry me?” he asked her for the second time.

“Just as soon as it can be arranged,” said Vivian.