There's Something About a Rebel- (13 page)

That was what Blake wanted too, he told himself. And what better way to de-stress than a fling with a gorgeous, fun-loving woman who knew where they stood? It had always worked before.

So why did he feel as if he’d been trussed with barbed wire and tossed overboard into a storm-ravaged sea?

He was a navy man, he reminded himself. He knew how to swim. Tension coiling through every muscle in his body, he pushed off the door frame. ‘Food’s cooked,’ he said. ‘You about ready to eat?’

She jumped at his voice and scrambled upright. ‘Sure am.’ Facing away from him, deliberately, he guessed, she rose, all loose-limbed grace, and stared at the tangerine-smeared sky.

‘I never tire of this view.’

‘Me neither,’ he agreed, willing to stand there for however long it took and watch her with the balmy breeze carrying her scent to his nose and the languid sound of a clarinet drifting from a house across the river.

Then she turned and she was smiling and the force of it hit him smack in the chest. He rubbed
a hand over the tender spot, then said, ‘I’ll miss it when I go.’

Her smile remained but something in her eyes changed. His words had hit their intended target and he wished he’d kept his mouth shut. He wished he knew what she was feeling.

He wished to hell he knew if he was the only one suffering the same gut-rending, devastating force that held him motionless.

Rubbing her upper arms, she glanced away over her shoulder, as if a chill were stalking her. ‘It’s gorgeous outside. Why don’t we eat by the pool?’

They shared a bottle of white wine with their meal as the violet dusk settled into night and the insects chittered. He lit the tea candles he’d brought out with them so he could enjoy the way the light glinted on the gold highlights in her auburn hair.

He didn’t pay much attention to their conversation. He was too distracted by the sound of her voice and the way her hands moved as she talked and his own thoughts racing inside his head.

Until she said, ‘Gilda was telling me how you saved her life. She had other good things to say about you too.’

Thanks a lot, Gil.
What he didn’t need right now was to have his life dissected, however well intentioned. The less Lissa knew, the less involved she’d be when he left. ‘I just did what anyone would have done.’

She spread her hands on the table. ‘I guess you’ve saved a lot of lives over your time in the navy.’

He shifted, uncomfortable with the conversation, and poured himself another glass of wine, drank half of it straight down. ‘It goes with the job.’

‘And do you—did you—like your job?’

‘It has its moments.’ He’d been thinking a lot about that over the past couple of weeks. He’d reached his personal horizon as far as the navy was concerned. It had been time to leave and plot a new course for his life.

‘So why did you join the navy?’

‘I always loved the sea. Its vastness. The solitude.’

‘Solitude? In a navy vessel?’ She grinned.

‘Yeah, okay, you got me there.’

‘I still remember when you left. Here one day, gone the next.’

He shook his head. ‘Not quite but it might have seemed that way.’

‘Heartbreaker,’ she murmured. ‘I cried for a week.’

He stared at her, remembering the young teenager and felt. odd. He was still uncomfortable by the whole idea that she’d more than likely projected her sexual fantasies onto him, a guy nine years her senior. ‘You did not.’

She lifted a shoulder. ‘Okay, maybe it was only a couple of days, but I might have if I…
Not after. Never mind,’ she finished quietly. ‘It’s not important.’

And as if Lissa had conjured her up, an image of Janine shimmered in front of his eyes. The Ghost of Mistakes Past. His mood darkened. ‘Don’t stop now, it’s just getting interesting.’ He drained his glass, leaned back and gestured for her to continue.

She was silent a moment, then said, ‘Okay. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t hear the rumours.’ Her voice was as soft as the evening air.

‘Why would you?’

‘To spare you pain … or embarrassment maybe?’

He shook his head. Not pain, not any more. He’d taught himself not to react every time he thought of Janine. Not embarrassment because he didn’t give a rat’s ass what others thought they knew. ‘Don’t spare my feelings, Lissa. Either you believe the gossip-mongers or you don’t.’ Watching her, he reached for the wine bottle, raised it to his lips but didn’t drink.

‘I didn’t really know you back then. You weren’t real. You were more a. fantasy.’ She looked down at her hands, then back at him. ‘But I’m beginning to know the man you are now. You’re kind and generous, you’re a good listener, you care about others—’

‘But you don’t know whether to believe the rumours or not.’

She lifted her glass, sipped from it, set it down again. ‘Of course I don’t believe them.’

Was she telling the truth about how she felt? Or was it a carefully disguised attempt? He realised that what she thought mattered to him a great deal more than he’d have liked.

‘You can’t decide,’ he said, watching her. ‘You want to believe they’re lies but deep down inside you, there’s always been that doubt. Who is Blake Everett? Not the man you wanted to see, but the real man? Could he make a girl pregnant then walk away? Could he walk away from his own child?’

‘Stop it, Blake.’

‘And now we’ve had sex, you think a bit further. and you wonder, what if, just once, your pills don’t work? You ask yourself, ‘Would he walk away from me? Would he leave me to raise our child alone?’’

She shook her head, closed her eyes. ‘Stop.’

‘Maybe I could walk away. Maybe my upbringing convinced me that alone was best, that responsibility didn’t matter.’ He turned the bottle in his hands, studying the distorted image of the burning candle through the glass. Everyone had their own way of looking at things.

‘Or perhaps back then, I simply made the problem go away. Don’t tell me that never crossed your mind.’ He looked into her eyes, read the answer.

‘Blake, please, I know you better now.’

He picked up her glass, downed the rest of her wine in one long swallow and said, ‘Let me tell you about Janine.’

Y
‘OU
don’t have to. I know you’d never do what they say you did.’

He challenged her clear-eyed gaze. ‘Maybe I want to set the record straight.’
For you at least.
He cared more than he wanted to what Lissa believed and what she thought about him.

He looked up, away from the warm distraction before him, to the cold blue emotionless stars. ‘I met Janine at the beach. She asked me about life-saving. Said she was interested in joining. She lived in a small apartment on the edge of town and was studying law and pulling late-night shifts at a nearby club to pay her fees.

‘Her body was every teenage guy’s fantasy but she didn’t even seem to be aware of it. She had a freshness about her and a keen mind and I found the combination irresistible.

‘We started dating. I saw her every day for lunch and in the evening before she had to go to work. We were together for two months. The houseboat didn’t feel right so I told her I
intended getting us a bigger place and supporting her so she didn’t have to work nights. I’d already bought and sold my first property and was making a reasonable income at the dive shop.

‘But before we’d met I’d arranged to sail from Perth to Port Lincoln. I wanted to test my sea legs and the Great Australian Bight has some of the world’s roughest seas. Throw in some scuba diving and I was supposed to be gone five weeks. She cried all over me the day before I left and told me how much she loved me and how she couldn’t bear to be without me. I cut my journey short by ten days for her.

‘Then a week later she told me she was pregnant and that we needed to get married fast. I hadn’t known who her parents were until then. She’d kept very quiet about her privileged upbringing.’

Lissa frowned, doing the calculations. ‘How pregnant?’

Exactly.
‘She didn’t say and it didn’t occur to me to ask. She said it didn’t matter since we loved each other and I’d forget the navy now we had a baby on the way.’ He blew out a breath. The old pain still had the ability to crush. ‘You know, she nearly had me. Then I saw her due date on a report she’d carelessly left inside a pregnancy advice book on her bedside table. There was no way I could have been the father.’

He’d been devastated. He’d let himself be
drawn into love only to be betrayed again.
It had been the last time.

He jerked himself out of the memory. ‘So I did some quick investigating. Turned out her night shifts hadn’t been of the waitressing kind. I went to Sydney and joined the navy a week later.’

‘How could someone do that?’ Lissa’s voice seemed to come from a long way away.

‘Quite easily, it would seem.’

‘Blake, I’m …’ Lissa swallowed. He wouldn’t want her pity. ‘That must have been tough.’ She reached out and covered his hand with hers on the table and felt him flinch.

Before she could think of how to tell him she understood his anguish, she stopped. Because she
didn’t
understand. She had no idea how he felt. Whether he’d have given up his navy dreams to be a father. To make a home with her and the baby.

He pulled his hand away, flexed it at his side and rose abruptly. ‘I’m going for a run.’

Lissa’s heart ached on his behalf. She’d tried reaching out and he’d rejected that, so she just said, ‘Take care,’ as he stalked away.

There was a coolness in the air and it wasn’t just the evening’s breeze from the river. Janine’s deception had broken something inside Blake and talking about it tonight had scraped at the old wounds. She knew he needed that alone time.

She cleared the dishes, hoping Blake would
come back soon and she could see how he was. When he didn’t, she went to the room where she’d set up her artwork. She pushed the window wide to let in the evening.

Ears strained, she listened for the sound of Blake’s footsteps on the pavement. She could hear nature’s soft night music, the distant sounds of a party in progress. The frangipani’s scent from outside mingled with the tang of turpentine and charcoal.

With a sigh, she tucked her legs beneath her on the tarpaulin she’d set on top of the carpet, letting her gaze meander through the window to the river with the spill of moonlight shimmering like pearl beads on black velvet.

The moonlit scene reminded her that she loved working with black and white. She opened her sketch pad. If only problems were as clear-cut. She selected a black pencil with a blunt smudged tip and drifted it at random over the blank page.

She wasn’t aware of time or her cramped fingers or the moon’s slow arc across the sky. Nothing took her attention from her work. Until she felt the hairs on her neck rise.

For a few seconds she froze, remembering how Todd used to creep up on her, finding it funny to see her jump.

She looked over her shoulder. And her heart started beating again.
Blake.

‘I startled you.’

‘Only a bit. I’m all right.’

He watched her a moment without speaking.

‘You okay?’ she asked.

He barely nodded.

No words could describe the moment. The way he looked at her. The way she felt. No words necessary as he crossed the room and stretched out behind her on the tarp. No words spoken as she turned and slid down beside him.

They undressed each other with only the sounds of their breathing and the whisper of clothing being shed in the silence. Slow in the intimacy of night’s darkness, skin slid against skin. Heart beat against heart. Fingers entwined. Mouths coming together, clinging a moment then moving on to sip and soothe.

And Lissa knew, with every touch, every murmur, every lingering look, that this understanding could only be forged from love.

If only he knew it too.

Over the next couple of weeks, Lissa barely had time to turn around. Gilda’s nursery was finished, photographed and filed for future reference. It was a magical ‘Cinderella meets Snow White’ theme with a pumpkin-shaped crib and a fortune in fabrics and fittings. Blake praised the new-look living room with its deep turquoise walls and mustard and dark gold furnishings. Another nursery was completed for a client she’d met at Gilda’s party. Primrose walls, clean white
furniture and a black lacquered crib for the central focus.

The rest of the furniture for the shop arrived. Spacious sofas, unique lamps, wallpaper hangings for customers to browse and office supplies. All were pulled together with the use of vivid colours and hours of hard slog.

They worked as a team. Blake handled the finances, any purchases needed and worked with an IT tech to build a website. When she wasn’t trawling catalogues and home-living stores, Lissa was visiting clients, sketching ideas, giving quotes and working on the publicity for the upcoming launch.

But at night they fell asleep together. There were some days when those few precious hours were the only time they saw each other and Lissa grew accustomed to waking with someone beside her again.

She’d learned to read Blake’s pain. She was happy to note that he’d only had one headache since that first time she’d found him on the couch. He’d needed the break to recover. If only he would come clean about his military past. He’d done his duty for his country and it was time he tried something else, even if it took him away from her.

Lissa knew he wasn’t going to be around for ever. The business was her dream, not his. As if to reinforce that point he’d gone to Surfers one
day to look at boats. He’d come home with a renewed enthusiasm. and it scared her.

Requests for work came in, thanks to Gilda’s abundantly wealthy friends. Blake had suggested it might be time to start looking for a suitable part-time employee. ‘You don’t want to lose business because you can’t keep up the pace.’

Because he wasn’t going to be here to help, she thought, and another piece of her heart broke. The reality was, he’d never said he would be and he’d been up front about it from day one. Silent partner.

The night before the big event, they celebrated their hard-won achievements with oysters, Thai fish cakes and French champagne beneath the white shade sails of an open-air restaurant on the esplanade and watched the night-darkened waves lap the shoreline. Then they took off their shoes and strolled along the beach, which was still populated with tourists and locals alike enjoying the warm evening before heading home.

When they arrived back at the house, Blake kissed Lissa the moment he switched off the car’s ignition. A long, deep kiss that reached right down to her toes and left her breathless and had every cell in her body clamouring for more.

‘I’ve wanted to do that all evening,’ Blake murmured when he at last lifted his head.

‘And I’ve been waiting for it all evening too.’

His gaze darkened within the car’s confines and dropped to her tingling lips. ‘Have you now?’

‘Seems like for ever. I have to tell you I can’t wait much longer …’ Feeling bolder than she had in a long, long time, she reached across and rubbed her hand over his crotch. She watched him harden against her fingers and felt its heat reflected in her cheeks as she looked up at him. ‘Obviously you can’t either.’

Humour danced around his mouth as he yanked the car key from the ignition and their gazes locked. ‘And who’s responsible for that?’

Still watching him, she pulled her house key from her purse. ‘Race you to the bedroom.’ She swung open the door and was out of the car like a rabbit. She laughed when she heard Blake swear, kicked off her shoes and kept running, urgency skipping through her veins.

He’d gained ground by the time she’d unlocked the door and pushed inside. Just behind her on the stairs. She screamed when she felt his fingers touch her hair and threw herself onto the bed. ‘I won.’ She let out a slightly inebriated whoop and flopped back onto the quilt.

‘I was at a disadvantage.’ He flicked on the bedside lamp, filling the room with a warm glow.

‘No.’ Out of breath, she stared up at him and bit her lip to stop the smile. ‘You have longer legs.’

She watched him whip off his belt, slide it
through his fingers. His eyes turned to smoke, the humour faded, replaced by an intensity she’d never seen before, and a sliver of uncertainty shimmied down her spine.

Her pulse stuttered, but not in a good way. ‘Okay, call it a draw. It’s over.’

‘It’s only just beginning,’ Blake told her, and followed her down.

In a lightning move she wasn’t prepared for, he grasped both her wrists, propelled them above her head as his mouth swooped on hers. The weight of his body pushed her into the mattress, one rock hard thigh pushed her legs apart.

Her heart pounded in her ears. She couldn’t get enough air. She couldn’t
breathe.

But the instant she tried to pull her hands free, his hold loosened. ‘Lissa?’

She dragged in a much needed breath. ‘It’s okay. I’m okay.’

Guilt steamed through Blake. What the hell had he been thinking, going at her that way after what she’d told him? He knew she didn’t want to talk about it so, without a word, he leaned down and kissed her. Then he rolled over, bringing her on top of him.

Her hair fell in a curtain, cocooning both of them in its fresh fruity fragrance. He soothed her back with light strokes for a few moments, then kissed her shoulder and said, ‘How about you doing all the work this time?’

‘Me?’ she murmured against his chest.

‘I don’t see anyone else here.’

She lay so still he wondered if he’d got it wrong but then she stirred. A slow sinuous movement that made his toes curl and his stomach muscles spasm as she pressed her lips to his chest and stretched. ‘Hmm. If you insist. But it has to be my way all the way.’

He jerked when she scratched his nipples with the tips of her fingernails. ‘Your way, sweet cheeks. I’m waiting …’

She sat up, her thighs gripping his hips, the hem of her loose-fitting dress sliding up to her waist. Wordlessly, she began undoing his shirt buttons. When she’d finished that task she pushed the fabric aside and smoothed her hands over his chest, her eyes clear now, and focused, and he breathed a sigh—part relief, part pain, but mostly he was just plain hot.

Lissa looked into his eyes and wished she could tell him what he’d done for her with his one simple suggestion that showed he understood. He’d given her her soul back, this man.

This man she loved.

Her heart both swelled and wept. She’d been so stupid. She’d fallen into the trap she’d told herself to steer well clear of. And he’d warned her, hadn’t he? He’d been up front with her from day one. He was a sailor, he had a life and he didn’t want to share it. With her unrealistic romantic fantasies, she only had herself to blame.

So no tears. And above all, no regrets.

‘Jeez, woman, you’re killing me here.’

His edgy demand brought her back to the present, and that was about all she had left. ‘Patience,’ she told him.

He reached for her hem but she batted his hand away. ‘No.’ She did it herself, lifting it up, throwing it to the floor. And, oh, the rush of feminine empowerment as she reached behind her back to unsnap her bra and toss it behind her.

He eyed her bare breasts with barely restrained hunger but she shook her head. ‘No touching. Not yet.’ Then she leaned back and took her weight on her hands and ordered him to, ‘Take off your shirt.’

A difficult task, she conceded, since she was sitting on the tops of his thighs, but he managed to free his arms. He stuck them behind his head and lay back to await further instructions.

What freedom. What joy. What delight to have this man at her mercy beneath her. ‘You know, I used to fantasise about doing this,’ she told him, and watched his eyelashes flicker.

‘I don’t think I needed to know that,’ he murmured, his voice thick.

‘Then I won’t tell you what else I imagined.’ She slanted off him to one side and gestured at his crotch. ‘Now the pants. Then hands back behind your head.’

When the clothing was gone and he’d resumed his semi-relaxed pose, she moved back on top of him. She took him in her hands and
slowly slid herself down his length. ‘Ooh, that feels so good …’

She raised herself up, sank again and he thrust his hips to meet her, pushing further inside. Slow and slick and slippery. Watching his face now, she ran her hands through her hair, relishing the moment as they moved together. Glorying in the final rush to fulfilment.