Thicker than Blood (29 page)

“It’s better than nothing.” I pulled away
from him somewhat, disappointment coursing through me at his lack
of response to my kiss.

I didn’t trust this place either, but as far
as I could tell there were no forced marriages happening here, no
religious zealots feeding the living to the dead. And the brand
still stinging on my wrist gave me a sense of comfort I’d never
thought possible from a tattoo. We each had to work to stay, to
contribute, but we were able to carry weapons to protect ourselves,
we had a bed to sleep on and the promise of food and water come
tomorrow. It was almost too good to be true, yet I found myself not
wanting to wait for the other shoe to drop, just for once to not be
consumed by fear of the unknown.

Alex didn’t respond. His gaze remained fixed
on the shadows cast by the moonlight on the opposite wall, but he
lifted his hand and slipped it beneath the back of my shirt,
settling it heavily on the small of my back. His warm, comforting
touch caused a small sigh of pleasure to escape me. Arching my
neck, I moved in to kiss him again as Evelyn emitted a small noise
in her sleep, the springs in the mattress creaking loudly as she
rolled over restlessly, then nestled herself against the wall.

“I’m worried about her,” I whispered,
watching her legs twitch.

Alex’s gaze moved to her fidgety form.
Frowning deeply, he shook his head. “She was stupid tonight.”

“You don’t understand her,” I whispered. “She
needs…” I bit my bottom lip, unable to find the words to convey why
Evelyn did the things she did without making her sound like a
slut.

Though I knew Alex was right, she had been
stupid tonight, I also recognized how lonely she was, still
suffering from the loss of Jami. It was how she dealt with it,
using men—using her body to fill the loss. It was how she kept
going.

“No,” he said flatly. “I understand her. Jami
wasn’t the first guard she hooked up with. And he wouldn’t have
been the last. They all talked about her—”

“Don’t,” I snapped, sitting up straight and
shrugging his hand off my back. “You don’t get to talk about her
like that. You don’t understand her.”

Alex’s hard gaze focused on me. “Lei,” he
said gently, “I get it. We all deal with shit differently. But she
can’t do this here. She could get hurt. She could put us all in
danger. That guy she was with, he was pissed. She should have been
up front with him.”

Feeling calmer, I relaxed in his lap,
nestling my head in the crook of his neck. “She doesn’t know who
she is without a man,” I whispered. “It’s not her fault.”

Again, his hand found my back, traveling
upward, higher than before, his fingertips lingering on each bump
of my spine. I shivered slightly at his touch, wrapping my arm
around his firm waist.

I still felt the same sort of restlessness as
when we’d been on the road, itching for something more with Alex.
But as he simply cuddled me closer, continuing his gentle
exploration of my back, I knew I wasn’t going to get it, not
without expressing exactly what it was I wanted. It would mean
being bold, more so than I’d ever been before, and taking matters
into my own hands, something I wasn’t used to doing when it came to
the opposite sex.

“Get some sleep, Lei,” Alex murmured, then
dropped his face into my hair. “We all need it.”

“Alex…” I pulled away, glancing up at him
through my lashes, suddenly feeling foolish. When he glanced down
at me, his gaze questioning, I swallowed hard and cleared my
throat. “I don’t want to sleep,” I said, and pressed my fingertips
into his skin, willing him to understand. “We’re safe right now.”
Glad for the darkness, glad that he couldn’t see the blush I could
feel creeping up my neck, undoubtedly coloring my cheeks, I said,
“Eve is asleep…”

Alex’s eyes met mine as a small, knowing
smile curved his lips. His hand pulled free of my shirt and lifted
to the back of my head, cupping it. I leaned forward, eager for his
mouth, my own hand digging more deeply into the skin on his
side.

Our mouths met softly, too softly for what I
was feeling, and I instantly deepened the kiss while maneuvering my
body until I was straddling him. The broken chair beneath us tilted
precariously but I couldn’t have cared less; I was already lost to
him, to what he made me feel when he was kissing me, touching
me.

He grew hard beneath me, and the knowledge of
that only furthered my want. Of their own accord my lips moved
faster, my tongue delving deeper as I pulled his shirt up over his
abdomen, then greedily ran my hands over the rippled muscles
covering his stomach.

Alex had such a beautiful body, soft but
hard, powerful and strong, and I needed more of it, needed more of
him than he’d given me yet. Reaching between us, I fumbled with his
belt, the desires of my body now overriding any embarrassment I’d
felt. Continuing to kiss him, I pulled his belt open, softly
rocking my hips over his.

“Lei.” Breaking our kiss, he circled his
fingers around my wrists and pulled my hands from his pants.

Breathing hard, I blinked, focusing on his
face. “Don’t,” I whispered. “Don’t make me stop again.”

Tears formed in my eyes, born of frustration
without an outlet. I was instantly embarrassed, but more angry than
anything. Twisting my arms in his hold, I tried to free myself, but
his grip only tightened.

“Not with Eve in the room,” he said.

“She’s asleep!” I hissed. “She won’t
care!”

“She will care,” he said. “You know she
will.”

My body went lax, disappointment causing me
to sink listlessly against him. He was right; she would care. And
after tonight, with her being so careless with a strange man, if
she happened to wake up…

“Dammit,” I whispered as a tear slipped free.
My body ached while my thoughts spun wildly. I wanted to let go for
a moment, to feel instead of think, to get lost in the tornado Alex
created inside me whenever we kissed.

“Lei, don’t.” Releasing my wrists, Alex
hugged me tightly, bringing me flush against him. I tried to fight
him, to pull away, the closeness of him only increasing the
maelstrom of need still flurrying within me, but he didn’t relent,
pressing my body hard against his.

“Shh,” he whispered, his voice raspy, more
affected by our circumstances than I’d thought. His hips raised
slightly, pressing forward between my thighs, causing me to whimper
as the throbbing ache there grew stronger.

If possible, his hold on me grew even
tighter, making my already shortened breaths come faster and
harder. His hips retreated and returned as he dragged the length of
himself purposefully against me.

Biting down on my lip, I buried my face in
his shoulder, allowing my body to relax as best I could. He
repeated those same movements, stoking the already raging fire
inside me to a roaring intensity, bringing me to that edge I was
craving, time and time again until I finally reached it and fell
weightlessly over the cliff. I floated on air, my body throbbing,
humming, as I fell into oblivion.

As I sagged against him, he loosened his grip
on me, and for a moment neither of us spoke, both of us breathing
heavily as the sound of my own heartbeat echoed loudly in my
ears.

“What about you?” I eventually managed to
whisper. He was still hard beneath me, his body still pulsing,
trembling ever so slightly.

Choking out a quiet laugh, he pressed a kiss
to the top of my head. “It’s been three years,” he said, his tone
full of humor. “I can wait another day.”

I pulled back from him and sat up straight,
meeting his dark gaze. His eyes dropped down, taking in all of me,
my heaving chest and my quivering legs, before returning to my
face.

“Three years?” I whispered, shocked. “You
haven’t been with anyone… No one in Fredericksville?”

Alex said nothing, easily falling back into
his typical silence. But words weren’t needed in that moment; his
eyes spoke volumes. His feelings for me, I could only guess, went
far deeper than I’d ever realized, or could have ever imagined they
would.

Not knowing how to respond, I dropped my
head, pressing my cheek against his chest as I closed my eyes.

Evelyn

I was hungry.

I was always hungry, but this was a need of a
different type, an angry hunger that I could feel straight through
to my bones. Part of me was afraid of having to fight, yet a sick
part of me was eager to beat on someone—to hit, kick, scratch, do
whatever the fuck I needed to rid myself of my anger.

The pain I wrestled with on a daily basis
made me more than angry, pissed off with myself and everyone else.
My rollercoaster emotions, and my frustration with this whole damn
crazy-assed world were spilling forth, trying to breach the
surface. It was all too much, like a pan of boiling water
precariously bubbling over, that any moment was going to spatter,
making a mess too hot to clean up.

I had heard Leisel and Alex last night, heard
their heated whispers, listened to their heavy, lust-filled
panting. I hadn’t meant to, but once I woke up I was unable to fall
back to sleep. And so I had lain there, my lashes damp from silent
tears, my thoughts dark and angry, feeling cold and alone until
morning had finally come.

Quietly, I crept from the mattress, and after
slipping my feet into my boots, I turned to look back at them. They
were curled up together in the chair, Leisel looking small in
Alex’s arms. They were perfect for each other, complementary, the
yin to the other’s yang, and I was happy for them. Happy that they
had found each other in such a shit-filled, horrible world. He
would be good to her in the way that she deserved, in the way that
Thomas would have been.

My chin trembling, I quickly left the room,
clicking the door silently closed behind me. I leaned back against
it, the realization that I no longer needed to stand tall for
Leisel was a foreign thing for me. Knowing that now I only needed
to be strong for myself, that I could finally take a breath, take a
hundred breaths if I needed to, was an incredibly hard adjustment.
I imagined that it was something like what a parent experienced the
moment they realized their child was growing up, wasn’t as
dependent on them as they once had been. It was an empty sort of
feeling, and inexplicably lonely as well.

I rushed down the hallway to the stairs,
suddenly desperate for fresh air. But when I pushed outside the
heavy doors, I was greeted with the smoky scent of fire pits and
the bitter tang of body sweat, the oaky smell of alcohol brewing,
and the unmistakable scent of sex, all hanging thickly in the
air.

I continued on, feeling the stares of eyes
everywhere, watching me, appraising me from head to toe as if I
were prime beef at a cattle market. Unnerved, I kept walking,
refusing to look down, to look anywhere but directly in front of
me. They could look all they wanted, look down at me as if I were
little more than an object or something to trade, but I knew
differently. I was a woman, a survivor, just like everyone else
here. Even if they refused to treat me with the respect I deserved,
I was determined not to fall victim to it.

As I explored the area, weaving around
buildings, going farther than we’d ventured last night, I was
surprised to discover that Purgatory was even larger than we’d
first thought. There were pathways everywhere, leading between
buildings, and something was happening at every turn, on every
corner.

It was overwhelming at first, especially
after being on our own with only endless miles of nothingness
surrounding us. Even back in Fredericksville, it hadn’t been like
this. Things were quiet and organized there, everything and
everyone in their rightful place. This was far different, an
organized sort of chaos. It was noisy and smelly and crazy, filled
with so many people from different walks of life, all simply trying
to survive.

Suddenly, I found myself no longer angry with
them, not even at the men staring at me as I passed them. Instead,
I shared a sense of common ground. None of us had anything left,
and we were all doing what we could to make this life somewhat
worth it—worth living through the horror, even if that meant using
the only thing we had left to barter with. Men had their fists;
women had their bodies. We used, we abused, just like in the old
world, but at least here, this seemed to be accomplished with some
element of control. At least here it was an honest and up-front way
of life. They didn’t hide what they were or what they wanted, not
like in Fredericksville where everything was done behind closed
doors. Here there was no upper class, no middle class, and no lower
class, we were all on equal footing, and there was a surprisingly
strange comfort in that fact.

Stopping, I stared at the small bodies of
animals roasting on top of a metal barrel that had been fitted with
a grill, flames burning low from inside its depths. Their fur had
been stripped, revealing the soft, meaty flesh beneath, and the
scent coming off their quickly crisping bodies was utterly
delectable.

Behind the barrel, both a man and woman were
working the grill, flipping the animals, replacing the fully cooked
with new pink meat. I watched them work for a moment, noticing that
the woman had a similar brand on her wrist, as well as a wedding
ring on her finger. She was pretty in a basic sort of way, clean
and pale, with long brown hair tied back in a low ponytail.

“You from the wild?” she asked, her voice
surprisingly rough, like that of a pack-a-day chain-smoker.

“The wild?” I asked, hungrily staring down at
the meat. Jeffers had said something similar, but I had no idea
what he’d meant.

“Out there,” the man answered and glanced
behind me, past the electrified fences, beyond the gates. “The
wild.”