Thicker Than Water (26 page)

“And I'm making it all worse,” Kia mumbled.

“That's not my point. It's the exact opposite of my point. If I hadn't been screwing up, screwing up in the worst way possible, I wouldn't have been picking you up at the emergency room.”

“It's not your fault.”

“Don't let me off the hook,” he said. Then he laughed a short, hard laugh. “Maggie always said your mother let me off the hook too much. That's why Maggie and I don't get along so well.”

Kia was too tired to stand up anymore. It was going to be light soon; she could tell by the change in the color of the sky. She slid to the floor. Her father joined her down there.

“Listen,” he said. “As hard as this is for us to imagine, it's going to be just you and me from now on. I'm it. I never expected to be a dad by myself. But I promise I will try to figure it out.”

“I'm not a kid,” Kia said.

Kia's dad tugged the tip of her black hair and then released it. “You may not be a child, but you're still a kid. You're a kid coping with things I never had to deal with when I was your age.”

Kia couldn't help herself—she yawned.

Her dad laughed. “Okay, fine,” he said. “We have time.”

He groaned as he stood up. He held out his hand and helped Kia off the floor.

K
ia stared at the phone. She had already called Virgil to ask for help catching up on her art program projects. Now for the really difficult call: Carol.

She had wanted to call Carol ever since that night in the hospital but didn't really know how. But her dad had started on dadhood by talking to the powers that be to figure out what classes she could still pass and how and getting her this week off at home to start catching up so she could actually pass them. Still, the only way that passing thing would really be possible would be with serious help in the cramming department. Carol's specialty.

Kia reached for the phone, then went to her computer instead.

 

Carol
, she typed.
I'm just going to cut to the chase. I know I messed up, and I know you're pissed, and I'm sorry. We need to talk, but right now the only way I won't flunk out is with major help. You willing?

Kia hit send and let out the breath she'd been holding.

 

“Thank God for incompletes,” Kia said, dropping her notebook onto the floor and sprawling on her bed.

Virgil glanced up from the computer at her desk. “They aren't ‘get out of jail free' cards,” he reminded her. “You're going to still have to do these.”

Kia's stitches were at the itchy phase, and she pressed on her arms. She knew she wasn't supposed to scratch, but sometimes squeezing helped. The bandages made funky lumps under her sleeves, and she had cut all the way down to her wrists, so even under long sleeves the bandages were visible.

She caught Virgil looking at her arms. When he noticed her watching him, he looked away.

She pushed herself up and sat cross-legged on the bed. “I wasn't trying to kill myself,” she told him.

“Okay,” Virgil said. He turned and faced her. “Actually, I never thought that.”

“Yeah.” For some reason, she had a feeling that he'd understand. Even more than Carol or Aaron. More important, she wanted him to understand.

“I thought things were ... different. Than they really were.”

“It happens.”

“Things got kind of blurry for a while, and I guess I went too far.”

“That happens too. The too-far part. I'm not so sure about the blurry thing. I have twenty-twenty vision.”

Kia threw a pillow at him. It landed on the floor. He picked it up and laid it across his lap.

“Does everyone at school know?” Kia asked.

Virgil shook his head. “Nah. They all think you had some drug overdose.”

“Oh.” Kia thought that over. “That's better than the truth.”

“Maybe.” Virgil grinned. “The stoners are all feeling really rejected. If you were into drugs, they can't understand why you weren't hanging with them.”

Kia cocked her head and narrowed her eyes. “And what do people think if I'm hanging with you?”

Virgil plumped the pillow on his lap. “Don't know. Don't care.”

“Yeah, right.”

Now he threw the pillow back at her. “I don't.”

“What I want to know is does it help your rep or hurt it? Hanging with the freak.”

“You're not a freak,” Virgil said. “Though my mom did call your dad for the four-one-one.”

“Why?”

Virgil took in a breath. “They heard the drug thing. Remember I told you the reason I have to keep a budget—'cause they were afraid I was getting high? Which I was, but not anymore. So, I know something about going too far with things too.”

“Oh.”

“I don't anymore,” Virgil repeated. “But it's not like I'm a prude or anything.”

“It's okay,” Kia said. “I'm not into altered states much these days either.”

A little voice on the computer let Kia know that she had mail. Virgil glanced at the screen.

“Who's it from?” she asked Virgil.

“Hecate,” he said.

Kia rubbed her face. It was hard to deal with Hecate. Word must have flown around the scene about her flipping out at Damon's, and Hecate kept sending e-mails asking Kia if she was okay.

Kia knew that Hecate meant well, but she was too associated with Damon, with the clubs. Which was precisely what Hecate was worried about. She kept apologizing for bringing Kia into the scene, asking if there was anything she could do. The worst thing about it all—Hecate had been right all along about Damon.

“She's the chick at the store,” Virgil said. “The short pretty one.”

“You think she's pretty?” Kia asked. A strange sensation that Kia thought might be jealousy warmed her skin.

Virgil blushed. “Well, in an unattainable kind of way.”

Kia considered telling him that Hecate said he was cute too but shrugged off the idea.

“She's asked me a lot about you,” Virgil said.

“You've seen her?”

“I went to the store a few times. I think she really wants to hear from you.”

“I know. It's just ... hard.”

“Well, if you ever want to go over to see her, I'll go with you. If that makes you feel better.”

Kia laughed. “Oh yeah. It would be for
me
that you'd go see cute unattainable Hecate.”

“Shut up,” Virgil said, but he was smiling.

“Kia, Carol is here,” her dad said the next evening, popping his head into her room.

“Okay,” Kia said. Just the sound of Carol's name made her feel sick with nerves. They hadn't spoken in, well, months. Not really. Carol had replied to Kia's e-mail with a brief
Okay,
so Kia had no clue what to expect.

She heard Carol's footsteps in the apartment, and then Carol reached Kia's doorway. She hovered in the doorway, uncertain, looking as nervous as Kia felt. Her hair was shorter, Kia noticed. And redder.

“Hey,” Carol said.

“Hey,” Kia replied, and looked away. How could she fix this? She wanted things the way they used to be. Simple and clear. But that wasn't possible.

“So,” Carol said.

“Yeah.”

Carol sat on Kia's bed. Then she popped back up again. “I am so mad at you,” she said. “And I don't know what to do about it.”

“I don't either.”

“You just vanished!” Carol said. “Into some weird place and you wouldn't let any of us ...” She shook her head. “You seriously screwed up. Screwed me up. Aaron too. And I'm not going to just let you slide.”

Kia opened her mouth and then realized she wasn't feeling defensive or angry. This was Carol—direct, angry, and not treating Kia like a fragile nut job.

“You screwed up too,” Kia said. “You acted as if you knew everything, knew more than me about what would help me. You vanished too.”

Now Carol's mouth hung open. She frowned, thinking, then smiled. “So we're both screwups.”

“Yeah,” Kia said. “I guess we're more alike than we're different after all.”

Carol sat back down on the edge of Kia's bed. “I still don't get the vampire thing,” she said. “Don't get pissed, but it's just way out there.”

“Not for everyone,” Kia said. She lay on the bed next to Carol and looked up at the ceiling. “It doesn't have to be. I just kind of made it that way.”

“Oh.”

Kia glanced at the back of Carol's head. Should she tell her? About the cutting? Stop keeping that secret?

“I—” Kia stopped. No. The secret had been carried for too long. Maybe later. Maybe after these new tracks had healed, she could tell Carol and Aaron. Once it was really in her past.

Carol turned to look at her. “What?”

Kia shook her head. “Nothing. It's just there was other stuff too. Things you and Aaron didn't know about. It made things ... harder.”

“We figured,” Carol said. “We're not stupid, you know.” She sounded mad again.

“I never thought that, I swear.”

Carol nodded.

“So is Aaron ever going to forgive me?” Kia asked.

“He's always been less mad at you than me. I think he's kind of waiting to see what I do.”

“So he's on your side.”

“You kind of put him there, after that scene the two of you had.”

“I guess.” Kia smirked. “Maybe I should do a magic spell to get you both to like me again.”

Carol laughed. “Aaron's not so into that anymore. Now he's into getting on a reality show.”

“He could be his own reality show.”

“That's what I told him,” Carol said. “So watch out, he bought a video camera.”

Kia laughed, cringing. “Oh my God, that's dangerous. Thanks for the warning.”

Carol stroked the bedspread. “He made me promise to call him after I saw you. To see if we wanted him to come over later.” She didn't look at Kia.

“That would be cool,” Kia said. “Later.”

Carol flopped down so that she lay stretched out next to Kia. “I wish . . .” Her voice trailed off. She shut her eves. “I wish a lot of things.”

“Me too,” Kia said.

 

Kia felt every muscle in her body tense as she walked into Spin, a dance club on the far West Side. She halted in the doorway, making several people bang into her.

“Go in if you're going,” a man behind her ordered.

“Come on,” Virgil said, guiding Kia out of the way.

Kia's eyes automatically flicked to find the DJ, her chest tight with fear. Then she looked down and stared at her shoes.

Kia had managed to pass her finals, and winter break was now in full force, so her dad had given her permission to go out with Virgil. With a 1 a.m. curfew.

Things were definitely different.

Kia had never been afraid in a club before. She didn't like it.

Virgil must have guessed what she was feeling.

“Don't worry, I pre-screened for vampires,” he said. “And I brought these along, just in case.” He pulled two cloves of garlic from his pocket. “Can't be too careful.”

Kia burst out laughing.

“Excellent reaction,” Virgil said.

“Did you know that you have dimples?” she asked.

Now he blushed. “Well, yeah. They're kind of right there on my face.”

“Did you know they're cute?”

He blushed harder and looked away. “Want something to drink?”

“Sure.”

Kia followed him toward the bar. The place was crowded, with no particular scene in force. Goths mixed with preppies mixed with arty-cool neighborhood types. Not a fang in sight. Virgil had done his homework.

“Kia!”

Kia turned and saw Hecate. Her feet stopped moving.

Hecate hurried toward her and stepped in as if to hug her, then stopped herself. She looked uncertain. “So, what's up?” she asked cautiously.

Kia shrugged rather than say anything. Seeing Hecate brought it all right up front.

“Look, if you want me to back off, cool,” Hecate said. “But I want you to know ... I'm really, really sorry about getting you into that scene. I never would have if—” Hecate shook her head. “Well, you know.”

“Yeah. I—I don't blame you,” Kia said. “You tried to get me out before I got so in.”

“One of the few times I wish I wasn't right,” Hecate said. “But you're here. You're looking good.”