Things We Never Say (37 page)

‘And I was right, because you’re doing wonderfully well.’

Abbey’s emails to her mother, though short, only ever talked about the good things going on in her life. What was the point, she often thought, in worrying someone who couldn’t do anything to help, other than pray?

‘Generally speaking I’m … I’m grand.’ She smiled to herself as she used Ryan Gilligan’s expression. ‘But there are other things to consider now. You and me and the Fitzpatricks.’

‘You did a good job on Mr Fitzpatrick,’ said Ellen. ‘I’m proud of you.’

‘He died, Mom,’ Abbey reminded her. ‘Not such a good job after all.’

‘You did the right thing, though. You were there with him. And you were right to stay on and tell the family what had happened.’

‘That’s what I was thinking at the time. Of course when the whole thing about the will came out – then I kinda wished I’d legged it sooner.’

‘I’m sure it was a big shock to them.’

‘Not as big a one as it was to me.’

‘Indeed. So – let me get this straight. He’s left us his house but the family are furious, and unless we give up everything, they’ll take a court action to overturn the will.’

Abbey nodded. ‘I guess I can’t blame them. They had no idea we existed, and then – bam! We get what they consider to be the jewel in the crown.’

‘And how do you feel about that?’

Abbey gazed into the distance. ‘At first I felt terrible for them. And guilty. But …’

Ellen waited for her to continue.

‘But now I’m thinking – why not, Mom? What happened to Dilly was terrible, and it’s easy to understand why he’d want to … to make reparations for that. Our lives and his would’ve been so different if he’d faced up to his responsibilities and hadn’t abandoned her and her baby. You. He might even have married her!’ As she had on various occasions since learning about Dilly, Abbey tried to visualise what life would have been like if her mom had been raised in Ireland by Dilly and Fred. And then, as always, she wondered what her Gramps and Gramma would have done without Ellen.

‘How did he feel about me being in a monastery?’ asked Ellen.

‘He didn’t know,’ said Abbey.

‘Nobody told him? Why?’ Ellen was surprised.

‘When Ryan Gilligan came looking for you, I didn’t know if you’d already been told about being adopted or not. I wasn’t having him barge in here with that sort of information. I didn’t want him making judgements about you and the sisters either. Besides, you were on a retreat, so I told him I couldn’t get in touch with you. I thought I’d go to Ireland, check things out, see what was going on and then let you decide if you wanted to contact him or not. I didn’t for a second expect Mr Fitzpatrick to drop dead in front of me.’ Her voice suddenly wavered and Ellen looked at her sympathetically.

‘Of course you didn’t.’

Abbey took a deep breath before continuing. ‘But unsurprisingly, the family went ballistic when I said you were a nun. They think I kept it quiet for some nefarious reason and that you’ll give all your money to the monastery.’

‘The bell tower does need replacing,’ murmured Ellen.

‘Mom!’

‘What?’ Ellen’s expression was innocent.

‘I thought …’ Abbey hesitated. ‘I thought you’d think it was wrong to accept the inheritance.’

‘Really?’ Ellen looked at her with interest. ‘And do
you
think it’s wrong?’

‘I don’t know what to think,’ admitted Abbey. ‘At first I sympathised with the family and I thought Mr Fitzpatrick had made a terrible mistake. But then the two sons were horrible to me and implied that you were a nutter and that I’d killed their father.’

‘You’re joking!’ exclaimed Ellen.

‘I don’t think they were entirely serious about the killing him part,’ said Abbey. ‘But they were throwing out some pretty nasty accusations. All the same, their sister, Suzanne, is lovely and she made up for them.’

‘You seem to have got on well with her.’

Abbey told Ellen about her visit to Girona and her mother looked at her in surprise.

‘You’ve been quite the globetrotter,’ she said. ‘She must be an interesting person if you stayed with her for a time.’

‘There’s no love lost between her and her brothers,’ Abbey told her mother. ‘She thinks we should take what we’ve been left. So do the legal people. So does Pete.’

‘Of course Pete would think that,’ said Ellen.

‘And the thing is, Mom, my situation has changed since I first learned about it.’

‘How?’

Abbey explained about Pete having bought the apartment.

‘He did what!’ exclaimed Ellen. ‘Is he out of his mind?’

‘He did it to inspire me,’ said Abbey. ‘A kick in the butt to make me fight for my rights.’

‘Hmm.’ Ellen’s eyes were suddenly flinty.

‘He thinks I’m too passive.’

Ellen looked thoughtful. ‘Obviously fighting the Fitzpatrick brothers would be a fairly active thing to do.’

‘It’s not that I want a fight,’ said Abbey. ‘But I’m beginning to think that the old man had his reasons for doing what he did. And besides, I can’t help loving the apartment.’

‘You have to let go of the past,’ said Ellen.

‘Thing is, Mom, it’s not the past. It’s been renovated and it’s very different. It’s exactly right for me. And – well, I deserve something to go right in my life.’

‘Why?’ asked Ellen. ‘I thought you said that you were … grand. Have things been going wrong?’

Abbey grimaced. ‘There was this guy …’ She told her mother about Cobey, and Ellen’s eyes darkened.

‘I’m sorry that happened to you,’ she said. ‘He treated you very badly.’

‘I know.’

‘And getting the house, or at least the money for it, is a bit like getting him back, isn’t it?’

‘Partly,’ agreed Abbey.

‘Obviously the Church preaches turning the other cheek,’ Ellen reminded her.

‘I’m
so
not convinced about that policy,’ said Abbey. ‘I can’t entirely turn the other cheek anyway. Pete dug me out of a hole with the rental too by negotiating a deal. I owe him. Big time. And this way I can pay him back.’

‘You do realise, I’m sure, that I can’t keep anything myself,’ said Ellen. ‘We don’t have personal items here and we certainly don’t have bank accounts with large inheritances. I wouldn’t accept it and hand it all to the monastery; that wouldn’t be right either. So the reality is that I’d be giving my half to you.’

‘You would?’ Abbey was astounded.

‘Of course I would,’ said Ellen. ‘And from that you could make a donation towards the upkeep of the bell tower, if that was what you wanted.’

‘I can’t quite believe you’re saying I should have everything.’

‘If the man wanted to leave something to us, and if you want to take it, then the logical conclusion is you take my share too,’ said Ellen.

‘But …’

‘But what?’

‘It’s worth a lot of money,’ said Abbey.

‘And?’

‘And I don’t know if it’s right.’

‘Why?’

‘I …’ Abbey thought about it for a moment. ‘The family don’t think I deserve it. I wasn’t there to look after their father.’

‘And he wasn’t there to look after me,’ said Ellen.

‘Mom!’ Abbey was shocked. Ellen had passed judgement on Fred and she never passed judgement on anyone. At least, not since joining the monastery.

‘That’s the argument you’re using, isn’t it?’ said Ellen.

Abbey took a sip of water before speaking. ‘Actually, the argument that the legal people are using is that Mr Fitzpatrick was perfectly entitled to do whatever he liked with his money.’

‘I know it well,’ said Ellen. ‘Sometimes benefactors leave us a legacy. The families aren’t always happy about that either. D’you think if I wasn’t a nun it would make a difference to them?’

‘I’m not sure,’ said Abbey. ‘It would certainly have meant that challenging the will would’ve been more difficult for them. Basically they’re saying he never would have left you anything at all if he thought you were a nun, because they were the ones who treated Dilly so badly.’

‘Makes sense,’ said Ellen.

‘You know, I liked Mr Fitzpatrick in the few minutes that I knew him,’ said Abbey. ‘Although I’m not so sure his own children did. But I wish he hadn’t left us quite so much. It would’ve made things a lot easier.’

‘It was somewhat overgenerous,’ agreed Ellen.

‘I tried to say that we could talk about it,’ Abbey told her. ‘But Gareth and Donald are really angry with their father. They don’t like me and they like you even less. They don’t think we should have anything at all. Well,’ she added, ‘they offered us fifty thousand and I was supposed to accept that straight away. I couldn’t, not without talking to you, but they said that if I didn’t take it, they were going to court, and I guess that’s what they’re doing.’

‘There are times when I can’t help thinking God was having an off day when he created men,’ said Ellen. ‘They accuse us of being emotional, but when they get an idea into their heads, they start to think with the stubborn part of their brain. It becomes a win or lose situation, and they hate to lose.’

‘I thought you loved all God’s children equally,’ said Abbey.

‘I can love them all equally while acknowledging design flaws,’ Ellen said.

Abbey couldn’t help laughing. ‘You know, sometimes you’re like a regular person.’

‘I
am
a regular person.’ Ellen looked offended, but there was laughter in her voice. ‘I haven’t lost my sense of perspective just because I spend my days here.’

‘Don’t you get bored?’ asked Abbey.

‘I’m far too busy to get bored,’ replied Ellen.

‘Busy praying?’

‘And working in the infirmary and with the sisters and on the retreats. There’s lots to do. But our dilemma is something I have to pray about. I want to honour Mr Fitzpatrick … my father.’ For the first time since she’d come into the room, she sounded uncertain. ‘Well, I want to honour his wishes, but I do understand the family’s issues.’

‘I thought perhaps if we offered them half they might come round,’ said Abbey tentatively. ‘We’re being true to what Mr Fitzpatrick wanted but also giving them a lot.’

‘That sounds very reasonable to me,’ said Ellen.

‘Do you really think so?’

‘Yes, I do.’

‘I thought you’d be against accepting anything at all. Either for you or for me.’

‘I might have renounced all my worldly goods, but that doesn’t mean you have to,’ said Ellen.

‘But I didn’t know him,’ said Abbey. ‘And it’s a lot of money.’

‘Would you be uncomfortable having so much?’ asked Ellen.

‘Not if I was spending it all on the apartment,’ replied Abbey.

‘Ah yes, the apartment.’ Ellen looked thoughtful.

‘Do you think it’s wrong to want it?’

‘I think it was wrong of Pete to buy it and put you in a difficult situation,’ said Ellen. ‘But that’s an entirely different issue. So I think you have to try to negotiate with the Fitzpatricks and then decide what you want to do about Pete and the apartment.’

‘Mom, for a spiritual woman you have a great grasp of the material world.’

‘I’ll take that as a compliment,’ said Ellen.

‘Um, right.’

‘And I’ll do the praying.’ Ellen added. ‘For Dilly too.’

‘Would you like to have known her?’

‘Of course,’ said Ellen. ‘It wouldn’t have affected how I felt about your Gramma and Gramps, but – yes, I think everyone needs to know where they came from. And even if the Fitzpatricks are being difficult right now, I’m glad to know they’re there.’

‘You might not be if it all gets messy,’ said Abbey. ‘I’m still not sure that Donald and Gareth are interested in negotiating.’

‘I’ll pray,’ repeated Ellen.

‘I think we need more practical stuff than prayer,’ remarked Abbey. ‘Much as I’m sure you’re good at it.’

‘I’ll get the sisters on the job too,’ Ellen said. ‘When all of us get going, God knows we mean business.’

‘I hope He’s listening.’

‘He’s always listening.’

‘Fingers crossed,’ said Abbey. ‘It’ll be interesting to see if a bolt of lightning from heaven arrives with a message.’

‘We won’t need lightning,’ said Ellen.

‘But until then, I make the offer and we run with the punches.’

‘Yes.’ Ellen stood up. ‘I have to get back now.’

‘Already?’ Abbey glanced at her watch and was surprised to see that over an hour had passed. ‘Can’t we have longer together?’

‘It’s almost time for the Lectio Divina, the sacred reading,’ said Ellen. ‘That will put me in a good frame of mind for the prayer bombardment.’

‘Can you be a bit more worldly about things for another moment,’ said Abbey. ‘If they get in touch and there’s something I need to talk to you about – what will I do? Will the prioress allow us to have another discussion so soon?’

‘You can send an email. I’m sure the prioress will pass it on under the circumstances. In any event, I’ll talk to her about it so that she knows what’s going on. She’ll understand. She’ll pray too.’

Abbey looked at her in frustration. ‘You’ll probably have to sign things. Even if you’re handing your half over to me and even if I’m doing a deal with the Fitzpatricks, the house was left to us jointly, so I’m sure there’ll be paperwork. You can’t ignore it.’

‘The modern world is all about paperwork,’ said Ellen gloomily. ‘Maybe it was all the form-filling I used to have to do that drove me into the arms of the Lord.’

This time Abbey laughed.

‘It’s good to see you smile,’ said Ellen. ‘When I first saw you it seemed that you were very burdened.’

‘Still burdened,’ said Abbey. ‘But …’ She looked around. ‘It’s hard to stay tense in here.’

‘I know.’

‘It’s a good life,’ Abbey told her.

‘But you’re telling me the truth when you say you’re all right, aren’t you? The occasional cheating boyfriend notwithstanding?’

‘I guess so,’ said Abbey. ‘I have good friends and I like my job.’

‘Who would’ve thought there was a living to be made in painting nails?’ Ellen couldn’t hide the scepticism in her voice.

‘I thought you’d come round to the whole nail-care thing,’ said Abbey.

Ellen glanced at her own perfectly plain nails. ‘Perhaps we should get portraits of the saints on ours,’ she mused.

Abbey stifled an exclamation and Ellen looked at her quizzically.