Things We Never Say (48 page)

‘Is Alex mad at us?’ asked Abbey.

‘He’ll get over it.’ Ryan told her. ‘Gives him time to focus on other cases.’

‘I’m sorry,’ said Abbey. ‘I’m sorry that I left it till the last minute to do what was right.’

‘It would’ve been just as right for you to take what had been left to you,’ said Ryan.

‘Somehow it never felt that way.’

‘But Fred Fitzpatrick wanted to look after you,’ protested Ryan.

‘He wanted to look after his family.’ Ellen spoke for the first time since they’d got into the car. ‘And the truth is that we’re not his family. We’re people who are related to him by blood. Family is more than that.’

‘He wanted to make it up to that woman, though, didn’t he? Dilly.’

‘Giving money to me and Abbey couldn’t change what happened to her. More important was that he thought about her in the end. Regretted how things had turned out, respected her.’

‘I wonder what she was like,’ Abbey said. ‘Seems to me that you must be more her than him, Mom.’

‘Seems to me that I’m more of a Connolly than a Fitzpatrick,’ said Ellen.

‘You believe in nurture not nature, so.’ Ryan stopped the car outside the hotel.

‘Yes,’ said Ellen. ‘I realise that I might have genetic links to the Fitzpatricks. But I’ll always be Ellen Connolly.’

‘I thought you were Sister Benita now,’ observed Abbey. ‘I thought you’d left Ellen Connolly behind.’

‘I can never leave a part of myself behind,’ said Ellen. ‘Nobody can. Everything that’s happened to us makes up who we are today. That’s as true of a nun as a pop diva.’

‘You know many pop divas?’ asked Abbey.

‘A very famous one does occasional retreats at Los Montesinos,’ replied Ellen.

‘No?’ Abbey’s eyes widened. ‘Who?’

‘I can’t tell you that,’ said Ellen. ‘But you’d be surprised.’

‘Mom! That’s so not fair! Give me a clue.’

Ellen smiled. ‘No. But not everyone is exactly how they appear to the outside world either.’

‘Lady Gaga? Katy Perry? What about Madonna?’ Abbey looked at her hopefully.

‘My lips are sealed,’ said Ellen. And she winked at them as she got out of the car.

Because they’d thought that the court hearing would last a few days, Ellen and Abbey were booked into the Harbour Hotel until the end of the week. Ryan told them that they needn’t worry about the bill, it would be looked after by the estate.

‘Are you sure?’ asked Abbey.

‘Definitely,’ he assured her. ‘And don’t feel bad about that, for heaven’s sake.’

‘I don’t. To be honest,’ she added, ‘I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.’

‘You’re freaky.’ But he sounded amused. ‘If I’d handed over a valuable property for nothing, I’d be feeling a bit hard done by.’

‘I guess I’m my mother’s daughter after all,’ Abbey said. ‘Unfortunately.’

‘Or maybe fortunately,’ he said. ‘You did an incredibly generous thing today.’

‘Thanks.’

‘Perhaps we’ll meet again before you go back to the States?’

‘I sure hope so.’

‘Great.’ He kissed her on the cheek. ‘I’ll be in touch. Meantime, I’d better get back to the office. Things to do.’

‘Goodbye,’ said Ellen. ‘It was nice meeting you.’

‘You too,’ he said. ‘You’ve changed my ideas of what nuns are like.’

‘Only because you saw me out of my environment,’ Ellen told him. ‘I can look incredibly stereotypical when I choose.’

She and Abbey went into the hotel lounge and sat in front of the fire again.

‘I’m proud of you,’ she told Abbey. ‘It wasn’t about money, and you knew that all the time.’

‘Pete won’t agree,’ said Abbey. ‘And Claudia will go ballistic.’

‘Oh?’

‘Even though she accepts me as part of Pete’s life, I’m a constant reminder that he had a relationship with you,’ said Abbey. ‘Maybe she’s afraid that one day he’ll leave me an inheritance too. Wow, I don’t even want to think that might happen!’

‘Pete knows better,’ said Ellen.

‘I hope so. But there’s still the apartment to deal with.’ Abbey grimaced. ‘I’m not looking forward to broaching that with him.’

‘I’m sure it’ll work out. Things do, for Pete.’

‘Except with you,’ Abbey told her.

Ellen looked rueful. ‘I’m sorry about that,’ she said. ‘He’s a good man. But he’s happy now, isn’t he?’

‘Yes,’ said Abbey. ‘He is.’

‘So he’s found his place and the right woman, and I’m glad for him. Now I only have to worry about you.’

‘Do you worry about me?’

‘All the time,’ said Ellen.

‘Seriously?’

‘Perhaps worry is the wrong word,’ conceded Ellen. ‘But you’re always top of my prayer list.’

‘What do you pray for me?’ asked Abbey.

‘That you fulfil your potential and that you find happiness.’

‘Like – happiness with a man?’

‘Only if that’s what you want,’ said Ellen. ‘Love is wonderful but you shouldn’t ever define yourself by a man.’

‘I told you – Ryan Gilligan isn’t in my life,’ said Abbey. ‘He’s a nice guy and everything, but—’

‘I was thinking of the man you spoke to on the phone,’ said Ellen. ‘The one you miss.’

‘Oh. Cobey.’

‘Is he not the man who walked out on you?’ Ellen’s voice had lost its usual serenity.

‘Yes.’

‘And he’s back?’

‘Not … not as such. And possibly not at all now.’

Even as she spoke, her phone vibrated and she saw a text message from him.

How’s it goin’?
he asked.
You a millionairess yet?

He was only interested in the money. She knew that. He’d turned up after he’d heard about it and he talked about it constantly. What it would buy, what they could do with it, where they could go … and she’d let him because she’d liked … well, she knew it now, she’d liked being the one in control. For as long as she was a potential source of cash, she had Cobey Missen exactly where she wanted him. And she’d liked that. Only it wasn’t healthy, and it certainly wasn’t a relationship.

It’s going OK,
she typed.
But I won’t ever be a millionairess. Because I’ve just signed everything away.

She knew that he’d call to see if she was telling the truth, so she turned off her phone and put it in her bag.

‘Well?’ asked Ellen.

Abbey grinned suddenly. ‘Very well! It’s cool, Mom. I know what I want and it’s certainly not Cobey Missen. I know what I don’t want too. And I’ll get there in my own way.’

‘Excellent,’ said Ellen. ‘I’m sorry I won’t be there to watch over you.’

‘Don’t be,’ said Abbey. ‘A nun’s gotta do what a nun’s gotta do.’

‘I love my life at the monastery,’ said Ellen.

‘I know.’

‘But the last few days have been exhilarating.’

‘Mom!’ Abbey stared at her. ‘You wouldn’t think of leaving, would you?’

‘I …’ Ellen turned her gaze towards the flames of the fire. ‘I don’t think so. But I’ve been wondering … if my reasons for joining were the right ones. If I was trying to escape …’

‘Escape what?’

‘Sometimes day-to-day life is hard to take,’ said Ellen. ‘You know that already, don’t you? You think you’re doing it right but you still make mistakes. It’s nice to have a community to help take the strain.’

‘Weren’t you happy before?’ asked Abbey.

‘It’s not that,’ said Ellen. ‘I didn’t quite feel like I fitted properly. I should have. I liked what I did and I had you – it should have been enough. On one level it was. But on another … I don’t want you to think you’re not enough for me, Abbey. It’s just that there was another part of my life that I had to explore.’

‘I understand.’

‘Ever since you came to see me with the news about the inheritance, I’ve been halfway back in my old life. I’m remembering why it was fun.’

‘What would you do if you didn’t make your final profession? If you left?’ Abbey couldn’t believe what Ellen was saying.

‘I’m nowhere near thinking that,’ said Ellen. ‘All I’m doing is … asking questions. Re-evaluating. Like you did.’

‘Seems like we’ve all had to do a lot of re-evaluating,’ said Abbey. ‘You, me and the Fitzpatricks.’

‘Hopefully we’ll all come to the right conclusions, too,’ said Ellen.

‘I’ll have to do some more when we get back to the States,’ Abbey told her. ‘Especially when it comes to the apartment.’

‘Perhaps Pete will give you a long-term let.’

‘Perhaps. Though I’m not sure I could afford what that might be. He hasn’t charged me anything till now. He said I could repay him out of the house sale money, and I’m not looking forward to telling him there won’t be any.’

‘He’ll get over it.’

‘Poor Pete,’ said Abbey. ‘First you, now me. Both of us letting him down.’

‘I’ll pray for him,’ said Ellen.

‘You’ll be exhausted with so much praying to do,’ remarked Abbey.

‘I never get tired of praying,’ said Ellen. ‘Honestly.’

As she’d already known, Pete was horrified when Abbey rang him and told him what they’d done.

‘I’m sorry about the apartment,’ she said. ‘But I’ve been googling real estate in the area and it’s doing pretty well, so hopefully it’s a good investment for you.’

‘I bought it as a good investment for
you
,’ protested Pete. ‘Something sensible to do with your inheritance. I thought you were OK with all of it. I should never have let you go to Ireland with only your mother in tow. I might have guessed she’d be a bad influence on you.’

‘It was nothing to do with Mom,’ said Abbey. ‘It was me. And Pete, you can tell Claudia not to worry. Just because I won’t be buying the apartment doesn’t mean I’ll be looking to bunk up in your house again.’

‘She’s not worried about that,’ said Pete. ‘She only wants you to be all right.’

Perhaps that was true. Perhaps all that Claudia wanted was for Abbey to be less dependent on Pete in the future. Abbey had thought the money would make that the case, but even now, knowing that she was in the exact same financial situation as before, she believed that their relationship had changed anyway. Pete would always be there for her, but she wouldn’t need to depend on him quite so much. Because she’d grown accustomed to thinking more for herself and living with the consequences, whether it was to do with her career or her personal life.

‘And you’re right about the real estate prices,’ added Pete. ‘Another apartment in the block recently sold for more than I paid for yours.’

‘That’s good news, isn’t it?’ she said.

‘Yes, but I wanted you to make the money,’ Pete replied. ‘And I wanted you to have a nice place to live.’

‘I’m sure I’ll find somewhere.’

‘I’d like it if you rented from me,’ Pete told her. ‘I’ll do a good deal for you and—’

‘We’ll talk when I get back,’ she told him. ‘I might not be able to afford it, and I don’t want special treatment, Pete. I’ll find somewhere, even if I have to share. Don’t worry about me.’

‘I’ve never heard you talk like this before,’ he said. ‘You’re way more decisive than usual.’

‘I feel decisive,’ she said. ‘I feel – oh, I dunno Pete, I guess I’m happy, is all.’

‘They say money doesn’t buy happiness,’ remarked Pete.

‘Maybe giving it to someone else does,’ she joked.

‘I’ll take your word for it,’ he said, but he sounded happy himself.

Then she called Cobey. If Pete had been horrified, Cobey was furious.

‘We could have done so much!’ he cried. ‘You’re some crazy woman, Abbey Andersen.’

‘I guess you’ll be heading back to the cruise liner,’ she said. ‘Now that I’m not worth anything any more.’

‘I came back because I missed you,’ said Cobey.

Perhaps that was true. Or perhaps he really believed it. But Abbey knew that he didn’t miss her enough to want to be with her without the money. She hadn’t wanted to believe that at first. But today she was facing up to things. And facing up to the fact that Cobey – fun though he was to be with – was something of a fair-weather boyfriend was something that she should’ve done before now.

‘You still owe me money,’ she reminded him. ‘If you want to keep in touch with me, you can put it into my bank account. If you don’t – well …’

‘You’re a hard-hearted woman,’ said Cobey.

‘And you’re a freeloader,’ she told him. ‘We were good for a while but I’m not in the business of having someone break my heart on a regular basis.’

‘I didn’t break your heart,’ said Cobey.

‘You did,’ Abbey said. ‘But now that it’s mended, I want to keep it that way.’

Both Solí and Vanessa were disappointed that she’d given up the money, but they both agreed that that disappointment was balanced out by the fact that she’d also dumped Cobey Missen.

‘I’d rather you were poor but happy than rich and living with that ass-wipe,’ said Vanessa.

‘He wasn’t a total ass-wipe,’ protested Abbey. ‘He was a bit of a fool, is all. Hey, and I’m not poor,’ she added. ‘I’ve nearly doubled my earnings in the salon the last few months. I’m doing OK.’

‘And there’s the possibility of your own business,’ added Vanessa.

‘Which I’m seriously thinking about,’ said Abbey. ‘Everything will work out. I know it will.’

‘I know it will too,’ said Vanessa. ‘And I can’t wait to see you again. So get yourself back here double-quick, Miss Andersen, and we’ll have a girlie night.’

‘I aim to be home soon,’ Abbey said. ‘And I’ll call you the minute I am.’

The following day, as the weather turned even milder, Abbey and Ellen went into the city centre. Abbey took Ellen to Christ Church, which she’d seen before but knew her mother would love, and then they went to Dublin’s other cathedral, St Patrick’s, after which Abbey declared herself cathedraled out and spiritually sated, so they went for something to eat before returning to the hotel.

‘You’ll be sick of the sight of me before the week is out,’ said Ellen.

‘We used to be together all the time,’ Abbey reminded her. ‘It’s nice for me to be with you now, though I’m sure you’re used to much more time on your own.’

‘Not entirely,’ Ellen said. ‘I live in a community. We do a lot of things together.’

‘That’s different.’

‘Yes, it is,’ agreed Ellen. ‘Anyway, what I really meant was that if you want to spend some time with that man of yours, that’s fine by me.’

‘If you mean Ryan, he’s not my man,’ said Abbey. ‘He can’t possibly be. We live on different continents.’