This Girl Is Different (11 page)

“Who are you talking to?” I ask.

She ignores me. More tapping; she’s calling someone
else. “It’s me. I need you to come pick me up.” Pause.
“No, I’m still at Evie’s. How soon can you get here?”

It’s Rajas. It has to be. Who else knows where I live?
She must have tried other friends first…but how would
they have found their way here? The Dome Home is not
a main feature on Google maps.

She’s listening to her phone, nodding. “Okay. And
also? I am so sure that Evie’s going to try to tell you some
things? You shouldn’t believe her. Seriously, it’s bullshit.”
She glares at me, distant and cold. “Let’s just put it this
way: Evie’s not as cool as we thought she was.”

The attempt to combine wisdom and power has only rarely been successful and then only for a short while.

—A
LBERT
E
INSTEIN, PHYSICIST AND
N
OBEL
P
RIZE WINNER,
1879–1955

Monday’s drive to school feels especially long.
Martha is sulking in the passenger seat, taking
it as a personal affront that I’m withholding
information. After Jacinda left in her huff, Martha
demanded details. I said we had a disagreement about
a guy she’s seeing—someone at school who is not
good for her. Which is the truth, as far as it goes. But
Martha can tell it isn’t the
whole
truth. It’s the first time
in history that she hasn’t been privy to every last drop
of information about my life. I hate holding back, but I
can’t tell her. Not until I have more time to think, talk
to Rajas, talk to Jacinda. I have to figure out what to do,
because if Martha found out it was a teacher, she’d tar
and feather Brookner, whether I wanted her to or not.
A man abusing his authority with one of her daughter’s
friends? Good luck, Brookner. You’d need it.

Jacinda and I haven’t talked since she left my house.
She won’t answer my calls or respond to my texts. She
made Rajas take her home before I could even kiss him
hello or goodbye. Later, when I called him, Rajas was
brusque and aloof: “I should go. I have to help my mom
seal the driveway.”

Seal the driveway?
I sat on my hands for twenty minutes
and then finally texted him.
R U OK?

Late that afternoon, he responded.
WNTT. Mon
lunch.

WNTT? I didn’t know that one. My mind flipped
through the possibilities until it came to me:
We need to
talk.
My stomach fell to my feet.

I wrote,
Y?

There was no response. An entire weekend of total
radio silence.

Now it’s time for school. As I bump The Clunker onto
the paved road, I ask Martha to check my phone for the
millionth time.

“Anything?” I ask.

“No. Sorry, darling.” She reaches for my hair.
“Everything will be okay. Be strong.” Martha strokes my
hair until we get to Walmart. She’s got a bag of peace
symbols we made, to paste onto the toy guns. It’s her
turn to stock the toy section. She kisses me on the
cheek. “Call if you need me.” She wrestles with the door
handle. “But don’t let The Man catch you with your
phone.”

I arrive at school in a daze. It’s hard to move with my
insides tied in knots, but I cruise the halls looking for
Rajas before first bell.

He’s nowhere to be seen.

I take my seat in Global View. Jacinda stops talking
to Marcie when I walk into the room. She sits, arms
crossed, foot waggling. Brookner’s not here yet.

“Hi, Jacinda.” Can she tell I’m freaking out? About
our fight? About her silence? About Rajas? About her
freaking
love affair
with the teacher who is about to
walk in? “Um. How was the rest of your weekend?”

Jacinda won’t look at me.

I try again. “Did you do anything fun?”

She hugs her arms tighter across her chest. “No.”

Well, at least she said
something
. More of this silence
would be unbearable. “Do you know—is Rajas mad?”

“How would I know?”

“He didn’t call or text much, and I was so worried
when you didn’t call back, either. Hey, do you want to
get together after school? I have an extra hour until I
pick up Martha.”

She keeps her eyes on the doorway, as if she’s dying
to see Brookner. “No. I’ve got Cheer Squad.” She sits
bolt upright and her cheeks go red; Brookner’s here.
She whispers, so faint I almost can’t hear, “And don’t
you
dare
say anything about the quote.” She nods
toward the board, the words about power and wisdom.

But Jacinda used to love that I respond to quotes.
Now I’m supposed to keep quiet?

Brookner flicks his gaze at Jacinda but his expression
doesn’t change. He stands in front of the board, rocks
on his heels, claps his hands, rocks back. Blech. I’ve
been so preoccupied with Jacinda and Rajas, I hadn’t
thought about how it would be to see Brookner again. I
don’t want to look at him. I’m overflowing with disgust.
What kind of teacher thinks it’s okay to have a relationship
with a student? Revolting.

“Class, settle,” Brookner says. “Good morning.
Today’s quote is from Einstein, about power, hmm?
Comments? Reactions?”

Of course no one responds.

Brookner adjusts his glasses. “Evie? How about it?”

He seems vile to me now, like he has an affliction.
His lack of boundaries is a pus oozing from his pores.

“Evie?” he repeats.

Jacinda’s whispered warning echoes in my brain. My
throat stings as I hear myself say, “No.”

“You don’t wish to respond?” Brookner seems genuinely
surprised.

I stare at my desk. My stomach is wringing itself—
and I realize that I am furious. Yes, Jacinda is my friend.
But she’s not my keeper. I don’t take orders from anyone.
Why should I feel sheepish about speaking up
now? That’s not who I am. Or who I want to be. This girl
is different.

“Well. I guess we’ll get started. If you will all turn to
page—”

I raise my hand. “Actually, I do have something to
say.”

Jacinda takes a sharp breath. Her foot stops wiggling.

“I agree with Einstein,” I say, steeling myself against
Jacinda. Will she go ballistic? “Wisdom and power rarely
go together. If at all.”

Brookner smiles. “Yes, well. Wisdom is a fairly rare
commodity, isn’t it?”

I hold his stare without blinking. “That’s beside the
point.”

“How so?”

“The point of the quote is that wisdom only really
matters when someone has power over someone else.
A doctor and a patient, for example. It wouldn’t matter
much if a
patient
was wise. She—or he—doesn’t have
the power in the situation.” I straighten my shoulders.
“What’s not okay is when the person with power does
not have wisdom.”

Jacinda’s foot is wiggling again, hard—like a rattlesnake shaking its warning. Tense, coiled, ready to
strike. Brookner, on the other hand, seems relaxed. He
smoothes his tie and waits.

“A doctor,” I continue, biting my tongue to keep from
adding
or a teacher
, “should be wise. Should observe
boundaries. Or he should relinquish his power. One or
the other. Power without wisdom is the definition of
arrogance.”

“Well put. Thank you, Evie.”

Does he not see the irony? Or is this fun for him?

I peek at Jacinda. Her expression is a cascade of
animosity.

The class period sloshes by. As soon as the bell
drones, I turn to Jacinda. “Please just listen. I—”

“Do
not
talk to me. Ohmigod, I cannot even believe
that you—” She lowers her voice to a contemptuous
whisper. “It’s like you wanted to tell the whole class!”

“Jacinda, no! That’s not—”

“Do not talk to me.”

Bad. This is bad. I search for Rajas between classes.
He is in none of his usual places. Is he avoiding me or
what? By lunch, my nerves and stomach are completely
frazzled. I’m at the shop room door, scared out of my
mind. What if it’s locked? Are the clandestine make-out
lunches history? Head dreading, heart hoping, I try the
knob. It turns, the door opens. I breathe deep relief.
Rajas is waiting for me.

But something’s wrong. Instead of greeting me with
a long kiss, he is standing stock-still. His face is serious,
fixed.

My heart flops into my neck.
What has Jacinda said to him? Is he giving me the
silent treatment too? Or worse—worst of all—is he ending
things? Damn it. Do we qualify for break-up status
if we were never labeled in the first place? My heart,
flopping around like a dying fish, seems to think so.

I’ve lost my best girlfriend. And now I’m going to
lose the boy I’m in love with. Both in one day.

How can things have gone from status quo, to
sprained ankle and ecstatic heart, to total train wreck,
in such a short time?

I open my mouth to talk—to say
what
, exactly?—but
Rajas beats me to it.

“I’m done with this.” His voice is steeped in hate. “It
has to end.”

Well-behaved women seldom make history.

—L
AUREL
T
HATCHER
U
LRICH, HISTORIAN, B.
1938

My hands go to my stomach like I’ve been
punched. He’s ending it. What did Jacinda
say
to make him hate me so much?

Or have his feelings for me just…changed?
Disappeared? As if they weren’t even that strong in the
first place?

I don’t know which is worse.

I can’t speak.

Rajas’s hands fly up. “Eve?” He takes my elbows.

“Stop,” I say through gritted teeth. If he wants to end
it, fine. I’ll survive. But to be so cold and cruel—
it has to
end
—then flip a switch and act concerned? No. It’s
humiliating. I wrench free of him. “So. That’s it.” I swipe
at my tears and set my jaw.

His forehead rumples in confusion. “What’s wrong? I
thought you’d agree.”

“Agree? Why on earth would I agree?”

“Because Brookner’s sketch. It’s nasty.”

“Because Brookner? What…?” I shake my head, trying
to think.

“Yes, Brookner and Jay,” he says. “It has to end.”

“Wait.” Hope! Joy! My heart races. “We’re not breaking
up?”

His eyes widen. “Eve. Why would I do that? Not that
I like the term
breaking up
. It’s such a label…” His complexion
goes blotchy. “Why? Do you want to?”

“No!”

“Well, good.” He gives me his lopsided smile. “Holy
crap. You freaked me out for a second.”

“I freaked
you
out? You freaked
me
out. What was
with the cold shoulder all weekend?”

“There was no cold shoulder. My shoulders are very
warm.”

I give him a look that says
answer the question.

He says, “I had to seal the driveway, like I told you.
And we had family stuff all weekend. Jacinda was there,
so I couldn’t really talk.”

“You couldn’t find one minute to call me?”

“You’re right. I should have called,” he says. “I’m
sorry.”

“I was worried.”

“Allow me to reassure you.”

“With your warm shoulders?”

“Exactly.” He wraps his arms around me. We kiss. I
make it intense, backing him up against a workbench
and pressing hard. It feels so good…so necessary. The
world dissolves away.

We are still kissing when the bell rings.

“Damn, Eve,” he says, his voice hoarse, “I wish we
weren’t in school right now.”

“No kidding.” We kiss again. I can’t get enough of him.

“Eve. We have to go.”

With great reluctance, we pull ourselves apart and
step into the hallway.

“Like I was saying.” Rajas speaks only loud enough
for me to hear, walking right next to him. “This thing
with Jacinda and Brookner is nasty. Has to end.”

“I couldn’t agree more. But how?”

I meet Rajas in the parking lot after school. We duck
into the back of The Clunker and evaporate into each
other, kissing.

After a while, I pry myself away from him. “Martha’s
shift ends soon.”

Rajas touches my cheek, his eyelids heavy. “We
have a little more time.”

“I know,” I mutter between kisses, “but we need to
talk about Jacinda.”

“Do we really?” His hands find their way under my
shirt. He glides his fingertips along my ribs.

“How did you find out about her and Brookner?” I
persist. “She didn’t tell you, did she?”

He sighs. “No. When I picked her up from your place,
she said you were being mean.”

I start to sink, thinking about Jacinda’s anger, but
Rajas buoys me. His touch keeps me floating.

“Seemed weird.” He shrugs. “Can’t see you being
catty.”

“Meow.” I claw his arm.

Smiling, he runs his thumb over my waist. Can he
feel my stomach somersault? “She’s been acting weird
for a while. Then, on Friday—”

“At Brookner’s?” His touch is so mesmerizing it’s a
strain to concentrate.

“Yeah. Jay seemed so out of it. I knew something was
up. So I finally managed to drag it out of her yesterday.
I told you he was a slimeball.” He makes an angry noise
in the back of his throat. “Did she come right out and tell
you? How did you find out?”

“I overheard her and Brookner when I was looking
for the snake.”

He grimaces; his fingers stop moving for an excruciating
moment. “There are rumors. That he’s hooked up
with his students before.”

“Wait, does this have to do with Nishi? You said
something to Jacinda about ‘remember what Nishi
said’?”

He rolls onto his back, the moment officially ruined
by our miserable conversation. “Yeah. Nishi told us
Brookner hit on her friend.”

“Nishi’s the older one, right?” He has two sisters,
both at Boston University.

He nods.

“You could call her.” I sit up. “She could check with
her friend and find out what really happened.”

“But even if it isn’t true—”

“There’s still Jacinda.”

“Yeah.” He rubs his nose. “It’s like a bad ’80s song.
‘Hot for Teacher.’”

“We could confront Brookner,” I say. “Tell him we
know what’s up.”

“I don’t see what good that would do. It wouldn’t
stop him. And he’d tell Jay we talked to him. She’d probably
stop talking to us.”

“She’s already not talking to me.”

Rajas looks surprised. “Really?”

“As of Global View today.”

He reaches for my hand, like he senses how painful
her silence is for me. “I knew she was mad. But that
sucks.”

My throat gets dry and lumpy. “Brookner’s quote
was about power today.”

“What else is new?”

“She didn’t want me to say anything. But I got stubborn,
so I did say something.”

“No! You? You got stubborn and spoke out?” He
smiles. “That never happens.”

“I know, I know. But you wouldn’t believe how upset
Jacinda got. She told me not to talk to her.”

Rajas blows out a big breath. “That’s what I’m saying.
She’s not herself. She’s being unreasonable, and weird.”

“Love can do that.” I lie down and nestle onto his
shoulder. “It can make you insecure and irrational
and…afraid. It makes you crazy.”

“Love? Makes you crazy?”

My heart thumps. I hold my breath.

He shifts. “Are you talking about Jay? Or…us?”

Deep yoga breath, courage. “Both.”

He is silent and perfectly still for an agonizing
moment. Then he wraps his arms around me. “Love,
huh?” He nuzzles my neck. “I can deal with that label.
For this, me and you. But not Hot for Teacher.”

Even though my heart is leaping, dancing—
love! He
loves me!
—I manage to adopt a serious tone. “Right.
Love is a no-no for teachers and students. Love is a yesyes
for boyfriends and—”

Rajas groans.

“Oh, my goodness.” I make my eyes wide to emphasize
how very understanding I am. “What was I thinking?
We are not boyfriend and girlfriend! We are…um…” I
frown, serious now. “What are we?”

“We’re this.” He kisses me. We lose ourselves again.

In the distance, a phone rings.

No, not in the distance. Right here in my bag.

I sit up. “Oh no! I forgot Martha!” I find my phone, flip
it open. “I’ll be there in two seconds!” I snap it shut to
curtail her rant. “I have to go. Crap. When are we going
to figure out what to do about—”

“Brookner.” He scowls.

Clambering over to the driver’s seat, I tell him, “I’ll
drive you over to the Biohazard.”

“Okay.” Rajas climbs into the passenger seat. “So
Jay’s really that into him?”

“She is really that into him.” I crank the key in The
Clunker’s ignition.

“How would you know how into someone you are
without even kissing them?” His mouth drops open and
he looks horrified. “Holy crap! Has he kissed her? I’ll
clock that joker!”

“No no no!” I wave my hands for emphasis. “No.
According to Jacinda, Brookner says they have to wait
until graduation.”

Rajas’s eyes bug out. “
Brookner says?
Graduation!
And then what?” The boy is going to explode.

“Calm down! Breathe.”

His breath comes out as a growl. “She did
not
tell me
any of that.”

“So I gathered.” Finally, The Clunker’s engine chuffs,
sputters, starts. I roll the forty feet to Rajas’s parking
space, thinking. “What if we tell Dr. Folger?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think I could betray Jay
like that. Not to mention, it’d be our word against
Brookner’s and Jay’s, and they’d deny it.”

“You’re right. And it would alienate her more. Push
her further away.”

“Yeah.” He rubs his face.

Still trying to think, I stop next to the Biohazard.
“Wait—I have it!” I slap the dashboard. “Lightning!”

He looks puzzled, and then gives a slow grin. “Oh,
nice! That’s perfect.”

My mind races. “But she’d know it was us.”

“Wouldn’t matter,” Rajas says, “because then the
whole thing would be out in the open. And we don’t
even need to name Jay, or mention her at all.”

“Right. Right. It will shame Brookner into stopping.”

“If he has any ounce of decency.”

“Which is definitely not a foregone conclusion.”

He runs his thumb along the dashboard as he thinks.
“Jay could rat us out—”

“To Dr. Folger?” I finish his thought. “But how would
she explain she knewit was us? She’d have to admit her
role in PLUTOs and the lightning against Ms. Gliss. Dr.
Folger would drag a confession out of her.”

“But she has the right to remain silent,” he counters.

“I bet she’s not allowed to plead the Fifth. I mean, if
First Amendment protections—free speech, freedom of
the press—don’t apply in school, why would Fifth?”

Rajas lifts an eyebrow at my mini-tirade.

“Don’t look at me like that. You’re the one who
brought up the Bill of Rights.”

“The what? The swill of bites? Sounds vaguely familiar.
Where have I heard that before?”

“You, my friend, would be in grave danger of flunking
homeschool.”

“Oh, the shame!” He laughs. “Don’t worry. I know
my AmHist.”

“AmHist? That sounds like cough medicine.”
He ignores me. “First Amendment is religion and
speech and press. Second is arms. Third was anachronistic
and therefore my brain does not care. Fourth,
search and seizure. Fifth is ‘You have the right to remain
silent’.” He looks very pleased with himself. “Do I get an
A, teacher?”

“I don’t believe in grades. They’re just a form of
labels.”

“Doh!” He laughs.

I kiss him.

“Uh-oh. Another teacher-student relationship.” He’s
joking, but when his words sink in, we pull away. A
scowl dampens his sepia features. We’re back to
Jacinda and Brookner.

“She’ll be incredibly furious at us if we strike
Brookner,” I say. “Spitting mad. Hopping mad.”

“She’s already spitting and hopping,” Rajas says.

“True.” Just thinking about her silent treatment twists
my insides. “But if we strike Brookner, she won’t speak
to me for
years
.”

“She’ll come around. Jay never holds a grudge for
long. We’ll give it a few days before we do the lightning.
Maybe next week.” He reaches out, takes my hand.
“She’ll be talking to you by then. You’ll probably already
be sick of all the yammering. Trust me.” He smiles his
gorgeous crooked grin. “Besides, what’s the worst that
could happen?”

“Uh, Cornell?”

“Yeah. Okay. That would be bad,” he concedes. “But
I meant with Jay. She can’t not talk to you more than
she already is.”

“Right. Right.” I hug my stomach. “Then why do I feel
like horking?”

“Look, even if everything else goes to crap…you
have me. We’re in this together. All for one and one for
all.”

“Hmm. Sounds vaguely familiar,” I say.