This Girl Stripped (22 page)

And I know for a fact Magnolia and Scarlett are going to be over the damn moon when someone finally tells them they are both going to be big sisters. My heart swells for her growing family.

“I love you, Star. I’m so sorry I’m leaving now. I wish I could stay for your pregnancy.” I’m just being honest. The closer the move gets, the higher my anxiety has been climbing. I’ve lived all over the country, but even after Facetiming with Diesel’s family, I feel like I am going to be an outsider.

“Paisley, you are going to get the opportunity to live an amazing life. With a great family. They all love you already. This is your chance for the life you deserve. Plus, every time I want to see you and my nephew, I’m going to tell Chrome to call Diesel up here on
business
, so make sure you are up for all the traveling.” She winks in my direction and rubs my belly.

“I’m going to miss you little guy. Finally a little boy in our family. I hope you look just like your mommy, since they’re naming you after your daddy.” She talks directly to little Danny.

“I think they should name you something fucked up like the rest of us. I think you’re gonna look like a Joplin, or even Zen. Zen would be a good name for you. Why do they have to ruin two generations of good shitty name traditions?”

“I am not naming my child Zen. Star, we’re gonna live in the South. Can you imagine how bad they would make fun of him?” I laugh thinking about her absurd idea. Leave it to Star to come up with something like that.

“You know what name I really love?” I ask Star. “I love Cash, after Johnny Cash. You think I could get away with that in the south?” I ask her. Maybe I should bring it up to Diesel. I don’t know if I could deal with my baby boy being called Junior most of his life. I know it’s a tradition thing, but I want him to have his own identity. Does that even make any sense?

“I think Cash would be a brilliant cross between southern roots and fucked up Woodstock tradition. It is settled, DIESEL!!!” Star bellows across the house. My loving boyfriend runs full speed ahead across the house, instantly assuming something is wrong with me or the baby.

“Everything okay?” He asks while catching his breath from his sprint.

“Oh, Diesel everything is fine. We just decided we are changing your son’s name.” She says without batting an eye. I doubt Diesel is going to enjoy where this conversation is about to go.

“What?” He looks at me in question and Star continues.

“You know, it’s a Woodstock tradition to name your child some fucked up hippy name right? I mean, Star, Paisley, Journey… SEVEN!” She laughs and he cringes.

“I understand you guys are gonna be raising that little boy in the south, so we can’t give him a
true
Woodstock name, but he can’t be named after you. Daniel is too simple. It just isn't acceptable.” Diesel rolls his eyes, and laughs at her.

“And how do you feel about this?” He looks at me and I shrug my shoulders. He knows I’m on Star’s side in this one and he rolls his eyes, and lets out a sigh.

“Okay, so what is my son’s name going to be?”

“Cash, Cash Daniel. I figured we can let you fuck his middle name up.” Star laughs.

“Like Johnny Cash.” I add. I hold my breath wondering what he’s thinking. Does he love it? Does he hate it? Did Star just bulldoze him and the name we decided on for our little boy without any input from anyone else? I wonder if I just agreed to the name to make him happy. I didn’t want to argue over it.

“I like it. Cash.” He says, and makes his way to my belly and kneels in front of me. “How do you like that name little buddy? You think your a Cash?” Right on cue as if he was approving of it, his foot slams into the side of my belly. I gasp at the distinct movement. It is one of the first clear movements I’ve been able to feel.

I’ve gotten a handful of butterfly feelings, but I never knew if it was actually him moving around or my dinner not agreeing with me.

“Did he just kick me?” Diesel asks as he stares up into my eyes.

“I think so. Maybe he likes the name?” I’m pushing it. I want to win the name debate with Diesel.

“Cash Daniel Bloom,” I say, “I like the ring of it.” Diesel freezes, lets out a deep breath and stands up quickly.

“King.” He says.

“What?”

“His last name isn’t going to be Bloom. It’s going to be King. I’m sorry Paisley, but he has to have my last name.” I never really thought about it. If it’s important to Diesel, I really don’t care.

“If that’s what you want, honey.” I kiss him on the cheek and continue packing.

“Well that was easy,” he laughs. “I expected a fight on that one.”

“Why would I fight you, Diesel. Of course he should have your last name. You are his father. I just never put that much thought into it. Don’t overthink it, honey.” I laugh as I push a box toward the front door.

Most of the house is empty. Our suitcases are in the truck, ready for the drive south. I packed my laptop to write in the truck since I’ve been slacking so much recently. The jewelry store online has taken up most of my time.

“When are you gonna take my last name too?” His question takes me off guard.

“What?” I ask him, standing in the doorway, Star silently watches a couple feet away. Diesel takes a couple steps toward me, and wraps his arms around my waist.

“You heard me, Princess. When are we gonna change your last name too?” Is this him asking me to marry him? He makes no damn sense sometimes.

“Are you asking me to marry you?” I laugh as I push away from him. “Because I hope you have enough damn sense to get your shit together, buy me a nice ring and do it right if you want me to actually say yes.” I walk out of the room with a little extra shake to my hips.

“How are you feeling, Seven?”I made it a point to drive to the small rehab facility Seven has spent the past couple months recovering in. It was nasty at first. After everything happened with Zane, she snapped. I feel bad because I feel like I’m responsible for it. The doctors said it was the underlying depression that’s been a lifelong struggle for her mixed with all the hormones from her pregnancy. The stress she was undertaking at work didn’t help either, because she ended up going right back to work even though she promised Levi she would quit.

“I’m good, love. It’s so good to see you Paisley. Look at that adorable little belly! Oh my gosh, come here. Let me rub it.” I laugh because if I tried to rub Seven’s belly she would probably karate chop my hand out of the way. It happened once already.

“How is your little girl doin’?” Seven’s belly is only slightly bigger than mine. It’s clear that my little boy is going to be a beast compared to her petite little girl.

“She’s good. Is it July yet? Because I’m pretty sure I am done with this whole pregnancy thing.” She motions over her belly, and I laugh. She has been the world’s most miserable pregnant woman.

“Not too much longer to go.” I smile and plop down in the chair next to her. “So when are you busting out of this joint?” I laugh.

“Should be next week actually. I think I’m going to stay up here in Woodstock for a while though. I don’t think I can deal with the stress of the city yet. I’m just so overwhelmed by everything. I need to get through Marley’s birth. Then I will worry about getting back to life as we all knew it before I jumped on the crazy train.” She laughs and pokes fun at herself.

“Where is Levi?” He’s been camped out with her since he made his way to Woodstock. Both him and Seven have taken a leave of absence from work, which no one batted an eye at, given the circumstances.

“He went to Maggie’s to get me some decent food. I barely want to eat any of the crap they offer here.” Hospital food is kind of garbage and this place may not be a hospital, but the food ranks the same.

“I could go for a burger from there before we head out.” My stomach chooses that moment to growl. “I guess my little guy is hungry too.”

“A boy huh?” I forget for a moment that I haven’t had a chance to visit Seven since we found out the sex of the baby.

“Yup, first boy in our clan in a really long time. We were gonna name him Daniel, but Star flipped out because he wouldn’t have a
Woodstock
name like we all got stuck with. So, she bullied Diesel into the name Cash.” It’s cute to think of how the whole baby name thing worked itself out.

“Cash it a cute name. I’m sure he is going to be adorable. If he looks anything like Diesel, I’m sure my Marley will be following him around when they hit puberty.” We both laugh because we all know it’s true. I just hope that we’re all still this close when our children are grown. I know I’m going to miss Woodstock, especially since Seven is going to be staying for a little bit. I want to stay, but I also want to move on and make a new home for our growing family.

“So, when do you guys hit the road?” Seven asks, breaking my inner thoughts.

“Tomorrow morning, as early as Diesel can drag me out of bed. We’re gonna drive half way and then spend the night where ever we can find a decent hotel room for the night.” My anxiety creeps up on me as I think about the long trip ahead of us. Maybe I should have just flown?

“I’m gonna miss you kiddo.” Seven pulls me into her arms, and I wrap my arms around her and nuzzle my face into her neck. I don’t want her to see me cry. I’m emotional and hormonal. I’m going to cry, but I want to be strong for her. She doesn’t need to deal with my bullshit. She’s dealt with enough.

“Paisley, I love you like my own sister. Listen to me, none of this is your fault. I don’t want you thinking you caused any of this. I’m the only one to blame for putting my own well being off for so long. I could have hurt my daughter. I could have hurt myself. I see this now. But, I don’t regret for one minute what I did.” She rubs her hand along my back and continues whispering in my ear.

“I would never have been able to live with myself if I let you hurt him. If I let you do anything to him, because your guilt would have eaten you alive. You’re a good person. That’s not your sin to bear. I can deal with it. I can live with my actions, knowing exactly why I did it. You go and live your life. You are free from it all.”

I shouldn’t feel relieved. But I know a huge weight has been lifted off of me. The guilt was eating me alive, knowing what she did to Zane which landed her where she is now. No matter what Seven tells me, I’ll probably feel like I own some of the blame. If I never went to her after Zane raped me, would she have ended up here? Would she have snapped on someone else? Did I save her from seriously hurting someone else, or herself, the baby?

“You saved me Seven. You helped put me back together. I will always be in your debt.” I kiss her on the cheek and start to pull away. Her eyes catch mine, and I watch a tear fall.

“Paisley, you saved me from myself. You saved my daughter from my demons. I will forever owe you.” I shrug it off.

“Well Seven, I guess we saved each other from our own personal hells.” I pull her into an embrace again. “We’re lucky to have each other.”

I hate to leave her, but this is unfortunately where we need to say goodbye. I have plans with Star for the evening and a lot of packing to do still, along with a goodbye I know I have to say, but don’t have the guts to accomplish. River.

This is Goodbye

I sat down in the booth at Maggie’s, someplace River and I had shared so many late night dinners together. Before shit got complicated. Before we realized everything about us together was wrong, a genuine disaster from the very start.

“Hey,” River says, as he scoots into the booth, sitting directly across from me.

“Hey, thanks for meeting me.” I’m sure by now the word through the town has spread. We haven’t talked about the paternity test results, but he’s well aware that Diesel is the father of my baby. I’m almost positive Star or Chrome had something to do with delivering that news. It was better off that way anyways.

“I wanted to say goodbye in person.” He looks like he hasn’t been sleeping or taking care of himself. The dark circles around his eyes are a dead giveaway.

“So you really are leaving with
him
?” I wish River could just be nice. Be an adult about this all, but it’s clear as day he’s bitter.