This Ordinary Life (5 page)

Even though school isn't packed yet and even with Frankie at my side, walking in is like taking some kind of risk. I can literally
feel
the gossip as soon as I walk in the front door, like some kind of weird pervasive cloud of drama to push through. No one is exactly looking at me or saying anything, but they all know and I get enough side eyes to make me feel like I've got a cartoon blinking sign over my head in that hey-she-broke-up-with-her-longtime-boyfriend-who-had-another-girl-in-his-bed way. Nothing like small town schools, where everyone's life is everyone's business.

Frankie sticks right by my side. I've got a thick skin so I toss my shoulders back and cross the hallway as if nothing has changed in my life. Eyes forward, do not look for Sebastian. It's bad enough I have one class with him later. I don't need to see him now. Goal one: make it to my locker.

It's going to be a long day.

“Phew.” I spin the dial on my locker. “That was awkward.”

Frankie's eyes fill with tears. “I am so upset you're going through this.”

I shrug. “Is what it is, right?”

“It's not fair.” She blinks, her dark eyes wide with concern. She does her deep in thought, nervous habit of rearranging her bangs over her slightly too big forehead. It's a habit she's had since we were little kids and she'd get nervous around boys she had crushes on or when she thought her parents were mad at her.

I shrug again. “Just going to try and push through and not think about it. I need to talk to Ms. Hudson ASAP anyway. I missed the Get Up and Go trip and I need to find out if there's any way for me to be back in the running.”

“Damn. I forgot about that.” She frowns. “And how's Danny today?”

“Better.”

“Good. Hudson will come through for you—”

“Jazz?” Sebastian's deep voice cuts through our conversation and I'm all bottom-falling-out-of-the-earth inside. But I turn around.

“May I help you?” I lace my voice with about ten tons of sarcasm as I cross my arms. But the arm crossing? It's barely holding me together.

Frankie takes a step back, her gaze darting between us. Again with the bangs being rearranged.

“How's Danny?” he asks, all genuine too. And don't get me wrong, Sebastian does care about my family. But I'm not falling back under his emotional spell.

“What do you want, Seb?”

“I want to know how your brother is.” He has the nerve to say it incredulously, too, as if my refusing to tell him about my brother's hospital stay is me being a jerk. Even him mentioning my brother's name starts a low boil in me. He may have been part of my life, part of my family, for close to a year, but he's not now. So he doesn't get that right to know how any of us are doing.

“How's your new girlfriend?” I retort. My nerves are like jumping jacks on speed but I keep my face as blank as possible.

The color drains from his face and while my heart still feels like it's gone ten rounds in a boxing ring and lost every one, I have to admit, seeing him squirm feels pretty damn good.

Sebastian looks left and right. “Can we talk about this somewhere else?”

I realize he's right about me sort of making a scene. People are watching, even if they're pretending not to.

“Why?” I cock my head and pretend to be innocent.

He rubs a hand down his face, his expression changing from worried to plain old pissed. “Grow up, Jasmine. You know, you never gave me hardly more than a kiss. What did you expect?” He turns around and storms off.

My insides are in full earthquake mode. I turn back to my locker and dig through random piles of stuff on the bottom shelf to keep me busy and hidden. I squeeze my eyes shut and hope no one heard what he said.

“How dare he! Is he even for real?”

“Don't,” I answer. I can't listen to Frankie, or anyone else's, sympathy. If I'm going to keep myself together, I need to create a new reality. One in which Sebastian Young never even existed.

“I need to go see Ms. Hudson. Catch you at lunch?”

Frankie puts a hand on my forearm. “Are you sure you're okay?”

“I'm fine!” When I smile as big as I can, Frankie's eyes narrow. I'm not fooling her.

She nods slowly. “Yep. See you then. Besties?”

“Forever,” I reply.

M
S.
H
UDSON SHARES
an office with the band director. Being the teeny school that we are—our junior class has like 65 people in it—a lot of the extracurriculars have been cut, or at the very least, pared down to almost nothing. I'm actually kind of in shock that television and radio electives still exist considering they've toyed with cutting so many other programs, but, Ms. Hudson fights for us, and her ties to some of the New York radio stations give Easton High a bit of prestige, or something like that.

Let's hope those ties give me an in, too.

Have I mentioned how much I
need
that internship?

I knock softly.

When Ms. Hudson opens her door, I'm instantly filled with the everything-is-going-to-be-fine feeling she almost always gives me. Which doesn't even really make sense, considering my life is a big ole pile of everything-is-not-fine-at-all.

She's wearing one of her typical outfits, and I don't mean that in a mean way. It's just that Ms. Hudson is kind of stuck in the clothes of her heyday, the 80s, and that whole era has some strange looking stuff. Like today's outfit, a leatherette pencil skirt and an off the shoulder pink shirt. Her earrings have the circumference of a soda can but they complement her face well. Her blond hair is pulled back today, highlighting her heart shaped face. I mean, she's obviously older, but you can tell she was one of those kind of dorky, but cute girls when she was younger. She ushers me into her office, which, like I said, she shares with the band director. So it's half his stuff and some of hers. I look at the photos on the wall, like always. Ms. Hudson with some of the biggest radio names of the 80s and 90s. I sigh and fall into my seat.

“You look terrible!” she says.

Oh yeah, Ms. Hudson is really blunt too.

I don't even know where to start. Tears suddenly burn my eyes and I try to blink them away.

“I'm sorry,” I say, swiping a finger under my eyes. “Monday was pure hell and I can't even believe I missed the Get Up and Go trip. Have I lost all hope of applying for the internship?”

Ms. Hudson purses her lips. “We'll see what we can do. I had a feeling something horrible had gone on. You aren't one to miss school for no reason and I know how excited you were for that trip.”

“Beyond excited,” I sniffle.

“So what happened?”

I launch into the whole sordid tale. Because I can be totally honest with Ms. Hudson, I even tell her about the girl I found with Sebastian. By the time I get through the hospital ride, my mom getting called into work and my sitting bedside with Danny all night, her face has fallen into an extreme look of pity, her mouth turned down in that deep frown she gets when she's particularly
sad or upset, with her eyes crinkling and studying me like I'm a problem that needs solving. Pity is one thing I definitely do not want. I can handle myself.

“So anyway,” I say, fighting my voice to regain some strength. “As you can see, missing the WYN60 trip and internship application thing was way out of my control. If there is any way possible for me to still go for it, I would pretty much do anything to at least try.”

Ms. Hudson scrolls through her iPhone, pretty much the only proof in her life that the eighties are in fact over. “Many of the folks that were in the business when I left are now retired, but I do know the producer really well. She's the one who set up Monday's trip. I'll text her now and see if I can call her after school. Will you be available if she wants to conference you in?”

My body thrums with instant joy at even the hope of this phone call happening.

“Of course! Let me know.”

She pulls me into a tight hug. “Everything will work out for you, Jasmine. Even if it doesn't feel like it now. This is a hard time for you, but you're one of the strongest girls I've ever had the pleasure to teach.”

My eyes burn again.

The crackle of the intercom system makes me jump. Wow, I'm on freaking edge.

“Jasmine Torres, please come to the office. Jasmine Torres to the office.”

A loud groan escapes me and I swallow the lump in my throat.

What the hell now?

I
READ GUIDANCE
counselor Mr. Fielding's scrawled message a few times. Naturally, it's from my mother. God. I crumple the note in my fist and toss it in the office garbage can on my way out. Apparently she got called into work early, for the afternoon shift, so she wants me to be home in time for Danny's bus. So she called to excuse me early. I mean, seriously? I've been out for two days and now leaving early? There goes my possible call with Ms. Hudson and the radio people.

I'm two parts blood boiling and one part close to tears. Is there anything she doesn't manage to ruin?

I'm still brooding as I make my way to my next class. I'll have to find a second between classes to tell Ms. Hudson to pick a different time for the call. This sucks.

I yawn through all my morning classes, but luckily, most of the teachers leave me alone. At lunchtime, I realize I forgot to pack lunch or bring money just as I'm reaching the cafeteria. I scrounge up two dollars from the bottom of my backpack and get in line for a bagel.

As I'm walking toward the courtyard with my bagel bag and milk, my eyes scan the room. Frankie is nowhere to be seen, which is no surprise. She has gym before lunch and with the amount of makeup and perfectly coordinated outfits Frankie wears, she takes a long time to get put back together. I push the door open and step into the warm day. I settle under the biggest tree—a magnolia. It's green now, the flowers all gone, but it's
still my favorite. The courtyard is the best place to eat. The tables that line the large area are already filled, and more than a few people lounge under some of the other shade trees. But no Frankie yet.

As I'm unwrapping the bagel and opening the book we're reading in English—
The Invisible Man,
which, I have to admit, is pretty good—my mouth almost drops open when I hear a squeaky, syrupy-sweet voice.

“Give it back!”

It's her.

My head whips to the side, my gaze sweeping the courtyard. Great. And him. There they are, Sebastian and mystery girl, sitting at one of the side tables, her lying on the bench with her head in his lap, looking up at him. He smiles down at her and tweaks her nose.

Puke.

I turn my back to them, letting my hair fall like a curtain to hide my face, which feels like it's on fire. Breathe, Jasmine. Don't cry.

So basically, he had the nerve to come up to me at my locker this morning and act like he gave a crap about me or my family, and now here he is with her? Appetite gone, I shove the bagel back in the bag and lean against the tree trunk, studying my book as if it's got the answers to my life scrawled on its pages. I'm not about to leave this courtyard. I'm certainly not being driven out by them. I blink furiously against my gathering tears, thankful for my dark sunglasses.

Eleven months. That's how long we dated. I mean, he was my first boyfriend, first kiss. I think of his comment this morning. So what if we never got as far physically as Sebastian always wanted to go? Is that really a reason to find someone else? Whatever. Looks like I made the right decision about that after all. Shallow bastard. My heart is wrung out just thinking about
how much I cared about him, that I thought I maybe even loved him. Never again will I trust someone so quickly.

When Frankie finally steps outside, swinging her bright paisley lunch bag, her eyebrows go so high, they're completely hidden under her bangs.

“Really?” She practically yells. Frankie does not know the meaning of an inside voice. She flops down on the grass next to me. “Is he even serious right now?”

Still yelling.

“Shhhh. Can we not alert every single person out here to the awkwardness of the situation?”

“As if it's not obvious?”

“Fantastic. Really.” I groan.

“I'm just saying!”

“Shhhhh! Please stop. I know you're trying to help, but talking about him makes me want to throw up.” I lie back on the grass, resting my open book on my chest. I flip my glasses back down over my eyes. “Who is she, anyway?” I whisper.

“She's a freshman, I think? I'm pretty sure she is the youngest of the Lanes.”

“Ah, I
can
kind of see the resemblance.” The Lane family has a zillion kids, which until now I had thought were all boys, all of which already graduated.

“I think her name is Alexa. I'm pretty sure she runs on the cross country team. Don't worry, I'll dig for more. Please tell me she isn't
the
one. Is she?” She flops down on the grass next to me and lowers her voice. “The one, one? The one you found him with?”

I nod.

Please don't let me throw up out here in front of everyone.

“Good God,” Frankie says. I turn toward her as she continues to shake her head. “Sebastian is an ass.”

“Obviously.”

“Obviously.” She unwraps her sandwich slowly and takes a bite. “She's got nothing on you. She's not even pretty. And listen to her. Obviously she's annoying as hell.”

I groan. “Don't bother to try to make me feel better.”

Frankie sighs. “I'm sorry. What else can I do? Let's do something fun. Want to hang out after school?”

“Can't. I have to be home for Danny.”

“Where's Elena?”

Frankie is the only one who refers to my mom by her first name.

“Working.”

She bites her lip. Frankie doesn't like to say bad stuff about my mom, but she knows me better than anyone so she knows what's up. Frankie has known me since before my dad left even, so she remembers Mom before she was like this. Sometimes I think she feels the brunt of Mom's demise almost as much as I do.