This Regret (14 page)

Clearly knowing her intentions, usually this would be where I take her somewhere private, remind her it's just sex and nothing more, then fuck her senseless. She’s not so lucky today. I have too much on my mind. Particularly, the girl to the left, dressed in that short, gray cotton dress. She has always had beautiful legs.

I watch as Phoenix stands up and grabs her plate before walking away, leaving my brother alone.

“Yeah, well it's a bad addiction. You should consider quitting." I brush past her. “If you will excuse me, Luna, I have words for my brother.”

I admit my actions were probably a little rude, but right now, I have my radar set on a certain someone. This conversation is happening whether he likes it or not.

I stride across the grass, my aim set on Kade, avoiding everything else around me. As soon as he notices my approach, he leans his head back and looks up, no doubt not happy to see me.

“What do you want, Kellan?” He motions around the empty picnic table, without bothering to look at me. “Can’t you see I’m busy here, trying to avoid you?”

I lean against the edge of the picnic table, cross my arms over my chest, and look down at him. “What’s going on with you and Phoenix?”

It's probably not the greatest way to start this conversation, but it will do. I might not get a chance to ask later.

He stops picking at the tablecloth and looks at me. “Are you serious? You came all the way over here to ask about Phoenix? You’ve been gone for eight years, eight fucking years Kellan and that’s the first thing you decide to talk to me about.” He laughs sarcastically. “You really have a lot of balls showing up here of all places." He motions around him, waving his arm at the various people having fun with
their family and friends, "For everyone in town here to see you break mom's heart again. Cut the crap, you don't have to play games with me. Stop acting as if you plan on sticking around.” He studies my face, waiting for an answer. “You don’t, after all. Do you?”

A flood of emotions swarms through me and in this moment, I don’t know how to answer. How can I explain my fucked up life? I can’t, so I don’t answer at all.

He snorts and stands, pushing my chest. “Just as I expected.” He pushes past me to walk away. “Oh yeah, and to answer your question," he pauses, standing there

stiff, but doesn’t look back. “We're fucking. See ya, bro.” He waves a dismissive hand at me and walks away.

That son of a . . .

Rage courses through my veins, my muscles tighten, and suddenly I want to hit something. I grip the edge of the picnic table, pick it up and slam it into the ground, before taking off in search of a much-needed beer. I’m going to end up choking someone today.

* * *

After saying goodbye to my parents and watching Kade speed off in his truck, I notice Phoenix by herself, packing something into the trunk of her little car. Most of the party has already cleared out and the only ones that seem to be left are Phoenix, Jen and myself. It almost seems as if she’s lingering around, trying to avoid something, or maybe someone. Who knows? She probably has plans to meet up with Kade when she leaves and the thought of that does not leave me happy.

I make my way over to my bike and lean against it, watching her from across the lot.
She doesn’t seem to notice I'm still here, so I figure it won’t hurt to watch her and make sure she gets out of here safe. It’s starting to get dark now and who knows what kind of creeps linger around parks at night.

She gives Jen a hug and waves her off as she jumps into a Jeep and the driver speeds off, barely even giving her time to close the door. She leans against her car and places her face against the window, looking distressed before opening the door and getting inside.

I wait for the car to start but it never does.

Moments later, I hear her cursing loudly, slamming her hands against the steering wheel.

If she’s looking for someone to rescue her, then today might just be her lucky day.

Phoenix

__________

After watching Nathan speed off with Jen in the Jeep, I definitely got a feeling in my stomach I don’t like. His behavior has been way more off than usual and it’s driving me crazy. Every time I ask her about it, she just says he’ s stressed out from work and is just having a hard time handling it. I guess that could be the problem. I can only hope that is the only thing going on.

Now, I’m supposed to go home, fre
shen up and meet at Kade’s place in thirty minutes. Usually, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but after all of our flirting and kissing, this is definitely becoming more complicated than I’d hoped.

Cursing aloud, I slap my hand against the steering wheel to let
out all of the frustration I have been keeping in for the last couple of days. I slap it repeatedly while leaning into the back of my seat. “Shit! Shit! I hate this.”

First, my parents start going all crazy. They're constantly leaving Zoe at my house to look after. Kade just had to make a move on me, causing me to question my feelings for him and now Kellan showing back up out of nowhere. Along with his return, bringing back all of the
old feelings I had for him, but had never returned in the past. Maybe it was because he was too old back then or because I was his best friend’s little sister, but eventually I would’ve been old enough to make my move and hope he felt the same way. Because of his disappearance, I never got that chance and it crushes me to even think about the what ifs.

I’m sitting here, finally starting to calm down. Breathing out my frustration, out of nowhere, someone knocks on the window, star
tling me and causing me to scream. “Oh crap!”

I look up to see Kellan standing there with a smirk on his face, lookin
g sexy and calm, with his knuckle pressed against the window.

I hadn’t even realized he was still
around. I had just assumed he left after saying goodbye to his parents. Clearly, my brain's not functioning right at the moment, or else I would’ve noticed. How could I not?

Rolling down the window, I reach up with my other hand to brush my sweaty hair out of my face. “Kellan, I though
t you were gone.”

He leans into the window and brushes away a piece of my hair stuck to my lip. “Nah, I was about to leave until I saw yo
u. I just wanted to be sure you got out of here safe.”

I turn my head away embarrassed. Out of all the people that should be worried about my safety, it would be Kellan.

“Is something wrong with your car,” he questions.

"No," I shake my head,
"I just don’t have anywhere I want to be at the moment.” I have somewhere I’m supposed to be, but I’ll leave that part out.

He smiles but doesn’t say anything. He reaches over me and places his hand on m
y keys, turning his head so our faces are almost touching. “I might have somewhere you want to be.” He pulls the keys out of the ignition and pulls the car door open. “Let’s go.”

Confused, I grab for my purse and follow behind him. “What do you mean? You don't have to take me
anywhere, Kellan. I’m sure you have-“

He grabs for his helmet and hands it to me, running his fingers through his hair. Mmm, it’s so sexy when he does that. “I don’t have anywhere to be and neither do you . . . so yo
u say. Why not go somewhere we don’t have to be, together.”

I stand there for a moment and watch as he swings one leg over his motorcycle and kicks up the stand. When he flashes
that dimpled smile, I know there’s no turning back. As angry as I should be and not go. I just have to. My body won’t allow otherwise.

“Alright,” I say unsure. “Am I going to die though? I’ve never been on one of these before,” I tease. My nerves are running wild, but with one look into his calm eyes, the nerves subside.

“I would never let you die.” He reaches out his hand and I take it, letting him help me onto the back of his bike. “All you have to do is hold on tight.” He grabs my arms, wraps them around his waist, and in that moment all I want to do is bury my face against his back and breathe him in. “Now, don’t let go.”

He starts the bike, revs the engine and takes off with me clinging to him for dear life.

After about ten minutes of riding, I close my eyes and place my cheek against his muscular back, finally feeling comfortable. My hands somehow seem to wander over his stomach, feeling the stiffness of his abs, my body getting heated in response. Moaning, I lean my head back, feeling free and alive. I didn’t realize that being on the back of a motorcycle could feel so damn good. Maybe, it’s just my body being against Kellan’s. Whatever it is, I’m going to breathe it all in.

Unconsciously, my hands wander up to his firm chest, my fingers exploring his body through the thin fabric of his shirt. A moan rumbles in his chest before his body stiffens.

Suddenly, realizing my actions, I pull my hands away embarrassed. I clear my throat and loosely wrap them around his waist again for support. “Where are we going?” I place my chin on his shoulder, whispering into his ear.

He turns his head, causing our lips to almost touch. I can feel his breath as
he speaks. “Somewhere we can be alone. Just close your eyes and enjoy the ride.” He speeds up, causing me to grab him tighter and I swear I feel him straining, to keep from laughing.

When I open my eyes, we are parked in the back of a tall brick building. I can’t
be for sure, but I believe it’s
Adi’s Attic.
“Are we at your shop?” I'm now confused.

He gently grabs my arm and helps me down to my feet before getting off himself.

We both just stand there for a few moments before he speaks.

“Yeah, we are. This place helps to calm me down.” He reaches over, pulls the helmet off my head, and sets it down. Now turning and heading toward the building, he nods. “Come on.”

I follow behind him, stopping once we reach the building. That’s when I notice a narrow, rusty ladder leading up to the top of the building. Staring up at it, the height makes me dizzy.

“Whoa!” I stumble back before he reaches for my arm. “We’re going up there?” I shake my head back and forth and my legs begin to shake at the thought.

He runs his hand over the front of his shirt and laughs while reaching for my hand again. “What? Are you afraid of heights still?” Smiling, he grabs my hand, interlocking his fingers with mine. My heartbeat skyrockets from his touch and it becomes hard to focus.

“I’ll be right behind you. Remember what I said? I would never let you die.” Guiding me to the ladder, he stands behind me with his arms on either side of my body. “If you fall I’ll be here to catch you.” He smirks. "At least I’ll try.”

I grip his muscled arm and squeeze it. “That's not funny, Kellan.” A part of me wants to laugh, but the bigger part is petrified. I’ve always been afraid of heights. For that exact reason, when Adric built his tree house, he built it close to the ground. I loved him for that, always keeping my best interests at heart.

With his hands on my waist, he steps onto the bottom step of the ladder, closing the space between our bodies. He leans over my shoulder, his warm breath kissing my neck. “I guess I’ve gotten a little rusty over the years,” he says teasingly.

Instinctively, my eyes go right to the rusty ladder that just so happens to be the only thing keeping me from plummeting to my death. “I’m going to get you back for this.” I grip the ladder tighter, my knuckles turning white, as Kellan wraps one arm around my waist and gives me a boost to get going.

“Either that, or you’re going to thank m
e later. There’s something I want to show you.”

Once we reach the top of the building, he picks me up, placing my feet onto the roof. His arm lingers around my waist for a moment, until he’s fully up to his feet. Just as quickly as I was in the safety of his arms, he lets go, leaving me feeling wobbly on my own two legs.

He smiles. “That wasn’t so bad, now was it?” He turns to face the front of the building and stretches, placing his arms linked behind his head. His shirt slightly lifts up, revealing the top of his black briefs. Thoughts of sliding them down, followed by the trail of my tongue cloud my thoughts. “It’s beautiful and peaceful up here, don’t you agree?”

I pull my eyes away from his body, trying to get my mind out of the gutter. “Yeah," I walk over to stand next to him, “It is beautiful.” My eyes land on his face, watching him intently as he smiles and runs a hand through his hair. “A little scary, but still beautiful.” My s
tomach knots up, realizing I’m not so sure as to what my comment was referring to.

We both stand here quietly, him watching nothing, me watching him and both of us in complete peace. It reminds me so much of Adric. H
e was good at finding spots no one else bothered to care about and making them his own. I have a feeling this place is just that to Kellan. A place to make his own and be alone.

He walks over to the edge and reaches for my hand again. “Come on.” His face softens when I den
y his invitation. “You know I’ll keep you safe. I just want to show you something.”

Grabbing his hand, I take a deep breath and let him walk me over to the edge. “I can’t believe I’m even up here right now. I feel like vomiting.”