This Shattered World (26 page)

Sofia ventures out a couple of times, bringing back bits and fragments of information with her. Through her I learn that open hostilities have broken out despite the base’s added security, that the rebels in the swamps are attacking guerrilla-style—drawing out the soldiers with hit-and-run tactics, getting them out where they’re vulnerable. It forces the military to play their game, to fight them on the ground, taking away the technological edge the organized troops have over us.

It’s agony not running out there to stop it, or to help. Is Sean out there? Would he shoot if he saw me? I’d give anything for a chance to talk to him, to make him hear me and understand why I stood between him and Jubilee. His anguish is with me every moment—the instant he lifted his gun, all our years together not enough to bridge the gap between us. The crack of his gun still echoes in my ears. Did his shot miss me because he jerked his hand aside at the last second? Or was he simply shaking too hard to aim true?

Sofia tries to put me to work to distract me, pointing out furniture that needs fixing and leaks in the ceiling her father always meant to get to. My hands do the work, but my mind is frantic, leaping back into panic every time I hear a shot from a new direction.

“Do you think she’s out there?” Sofia asks finally, watching me drop the screwdriver for the third time as I try to fix a wobbly chair. “The trodaire you saved?”

“I don’t know,” I reply tightly. “Probably.”

“I can’t believe she just left you, after that, with nowhere to go.” Despite what she’s said, I can hear the disgust and fear in Sofia’s voice every time she speaks of the soldiers, of Jubilee.

“I left
her
,” I whisper. The screwdriver feels like lead, and I let my hand fall to rest on my thigh. “I saved her because I need her alive. I can’t find out what’s happening alone, but I can’t—” My voice cuts out as abruptly as if I’d been punched in the gut.

Sofia doesn’t respond right away. “I’m sorry,” she says after a drawn-out silence, her voice much softer now. “I know the pain of sitting, and waiting, and knowing answers may never come.” I lift my head to find her watching me, her gray eyes thoughtful, concerned. “What can I do?” she asks finally.

“You’ve done too much already,” I reply. “I’ll be gone soon. I can’t let you take this risk.”
I just wish I knew where I was going to go next.

“You’re not the only one who’s lost someone,” she replies, voice sharpening. “I’ll choose my own risks, Flynn.”

When I look back she’s staring at me, hard, her hands tightening into fists. I remember her as a child always being so careful not to reveal anything through her body language, through her voice; a natural at reading others, she never wanted to be read. Now, I wonder if she’s choosing to let me see this. Choosing to show me this need.

“There’s a place,” I say slowly, “where she’ll leave a message if she learns something. But I can’t risk going there.”

“Where is it?” she asks immediately.

“Molly Malone’s, on the base.”

“Keep the doors locked and the lights off until I get back.”

The girl is waiting, listening to the heavily synthesized tech-rock ballad playing on the jukebox. The green-eyed boy was supposed to meet her at Molly’s, but every time the door opens, it’s someone else. A tall woman with blond hair takes the stool on the opposite end of the bar; a soldier with warm eyes and a laughing redhead on his arm occupy the corner in the back; a guy with pink hair tries to buy the girl a drink, but she doesn’t want a drink, and he eventually gives up.

Her mother sits down on the stool next to hers, trying to get the girl’s attention.

But the girl won’t listen. “I’m supposed to meet someone,” she insists. “I’m not supposed to have to do this alone.”

Even the ghost from Verona has gone.

FOUR DAYS AND THERE’S BEEN
no word from Flynn; he hasn’t even gotten the message I left for him at Molly’s telling him to sit tight. I shouldn’t be surprised. I’ve found nothing since, despite my efforts to comb through the records in the security office, despite examining the security feed of Davin Quinn before the bombing. I find a few frames of myself the night of the massacre, passing through the cameras on the north end of the base, heading for a boat. I don’t remember doing it, but there I am. I can’t see my own face, but I act like me, I
move
like me. I’ve heard nothing more from Merendsen either—my one lead, my one hope.

I check the bar again and get only a sympathetic head shake from Molly. I try to contain my frustration as I stalk away from the bar, headed for my bunk. Luckily, I’m not known for being all sunshine and light, so if I’m looking a little pissed off, no one’s going to think it’s strange. I can’t remember how I’d act if everything was normal.

Luckily for me, nothing is normal anymore. Our base is now a war zone, and we’re under siege. For now we can still get people and supplies in and out by air, but munitions has reported a number of surface-to-air launchers missing, and there’s speculation that the rebels have them. And that it’s only a matter of time before they start using them on military vessels coming and going.

I punch open the door to my quarters, making the rickety prefab walls quiver. It’s only after pulling off my boots and throwing my jacket over my chair that I see the monitor in my desk is up and its light is blinking at me. A priority message. It can’t be good if it’s from the brass.

Maybe it’s from Merendsen.

I throw myself down into the chair, pressing my palm to the screen to turn it on and register my identity. It takes the machine a few seconds to boot up, my heart pounding in the silence. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for one of the machines they’ve got at HQ that goes from dormant to fully functional faster than your eye can follow the monitor. It’s been four days; perhaps that’s long enough that he’s found out when the next transport is swinging through whatever isolated planet he’s on.

Finally the monitor flashes to life, and I navigate through until I see the message that tripped my alert—it’s from Commander Towers. Not Merendsen. My chest tightens with disappointment and apprehension. Though I know it’s impossible, some part of me panics that she’s discovered what I did at the Fianna hideout, or my distress call to LaRoux’s soon-to-be son-in-law, or that I’ve begun systematically betraying every oath I’ve ever taken in order to help a rebel save his people—and mine.

I expect a video message, but when I open it up it’s only a few lines of text.

TerraDyn’s sending a field expert to evaluate the base’s security effort after the recent attacks. He left to come here before the current situation erupted, but has decided to land despite the risks. I’m putting you in charge of his detail. Given your recent experiences, you’ve got the most insight into what’s going on out there. Be dressed and at my office by 1900.—AT

My heart sinks even lower. How am I supposed to find answers, conceal my connection to Flynn, keep the rebels from overrunning the base, and meet with Merendsen when he arrives, if I’ve got some polished-up “expert” from a shiny city planet following me around the base?

I glance at the clock and groan. I’ve got ten minutes to figure out where the hell my dress uniform is and get to Central Command.

The girl is standing in the background, running a hand through her hair, leaning back against the lush wallpaper as though it might swallow her if she presses close enough.

A young woman with red hair and piercing blue eyes is applying makeup in a mirror to a face familiar from screens and billboards. She’s blotting her flawless lipstick when she spots the girl and turns with a gasp of dismay.

“You poor thing,” she exclaims. “You need a dress, or the boys will never dance with you.”

The girl tries to protest, but the young woman with red hair can’t hear her, and wraps her up in a long, gently shimmering dress the color of sunrise on Avon. When the girl looks in the mirror, she doesn’t recognize herself—she’s been transformed, changed forever. For the first time, she takes a breath and sees the reflection smile back. She turns, admiring the dress, which is the color of hope.

But then the girl notices a spot on the fabric. She rubs at it, but her fingers make it worse, smearing the stain. With both hands, she tries to wipe the stain away, desperate to keep anyone from seeing. She scrubs harder, but it’s her hands that are staining it, and every effort leaves behind red streaks, until the whole dress is the color of blood, and she’s sobbing with horror and shame and guilt, but the blood never washes clean, it never washes clean.

I CAN’T STOP REREADING THE WORDS.
I may have found
something. Just sit tight.
There’s no name attached, but the existence of the note itself tells me who it’s from. “Are you sure this is all there was?”

Sofia, shedding her jacket and stomping the mud from her boots, raises an eyebrow at me. “You think there was another half and I decided to leave it behind?” The jacket goes on its peg, the boots lined up next to her father’s. Everything in its place. It’s been years since I lived in a house like this.

I turn the scrap of paper over. The other side is part of a receipt for a shipment to Molly Malone’s, and though I try to see a hidden meaning, some code I could’ve missed, there’s nothing there.

“You told me the bartender said it had been there for a few days—what, does she think I’ll just wait here when she might know something?” I crumple the paper up, throwing it into the basin so the water will dissolve the ink.

“Maybe she doesn’t want your head getting chopped off.” Sofia’s tone is light, though the humor doesn’t touch her expression.

I stalk across to the window, peering through the gap between the shades and the frame. The sliver of outside shows me mud and not much else, except for the occasional flash of someone passing by too quickly for me to identify them. My legs are restless, unused to such inaction. Hiding out in the swamp, all I could think of was having a real bed to sleep in. Now I’m just aching to be free to go where I want.

And where I want to go is Jubilee.

“What is it she thinks she might have?” Sofia’s voice interrupts my thoughts, and I look over to see her watching me, leaning against the laden table.

“You read my note.”

“Please.” She lifts an eyebrow. “Tell me what’s so important.”

“We’re trying to figure out what’s happening to Avon. Why this planet never changes, why it drives people mad, why corporations are hiding secret facilities in no-man’s-land.”

Sofia’s quiet, not reacting to the revelations in my little outburst. “Well,” she says slowly, “sounds like she’s making progress. And you’re safe here a while longer before they ship me out.”

Some of my frustration drains away, sympathy rising in its place. Sofia’s only a few months shy of sixteen, but according to the law she’s a war orphan. She’ll be bound for one of the orphanages on Patron or Babel. There’s less of a chance rebel orphans will grow up into rebel fighters if you take them away from their homes. It’s where I was going to be sent after Orla died, before I fled to live with the Fianna. “When?”

“Don’t know.” She lifts a shoulder, flashing me a wan smile. “They’re trying to find my mother, but they won’t. She’s never wanted to be found. It’ll be next supply run, or the one after—they don’t tell you when they’re coming for you so you can’t run away.”

My fault. Again. “I won’t be here when they come, Sofia. I’m going onto the base. I have to find a way to get to Jubilee if she’s found a lead.”

“You’re mad, right?” Sofia straightens, staring at me. “Yes, their attention’s on the fighting, but your face still cycles through the security feed every fifteen minutes or so.”

“Then I’ll go tonight, when it’s dark.”

Sofia doesn’t answer, chewing at her bottom lip, brows drawn together. She watches me, fighting some internal battle she doesn’t voice—and then she breaks, muttering under her breath and turning for her room. “Wait here.”

She vanishes into the next room for a moment before returning with the water bucket and a small canvas bag. She sets the bucket down and drops to her knees, upending the satchel and sending clothes and a few keepsakes tumbling. When a tiny framed drawing—most of the townsfolk don’t have access to cameras—of her father clatters onto the floor, I realize what this is. It’s her grab bag, for when the officials come to take her away.