This Side of Home (14 page)

All the drama at school hasn't dampened our excitement for the winter formal, which is Valentine's Day weekend. We have two weeks to get our dresses. Somehow Nikki convinced Mom to let us use the car so we could go shopping. I don't know what I'm most nervous about, telling everyone who I am going to the dance with or riding in a car that Nikki is driving.

I am making my bed when Nikki comes into my room, without knocking, as always. She says, “You know it's not too late. Devin hasn't asked anyone else.”

I fluff my pillows and toss them at the head of the bed. “I have a date,” I say.

“Whatever,” Nikki says. Then when she sees I'm not laughing, she yells, “Who?”

“I'll tell you later, when Essence gets here.”

Mom gave Essence money for a dress, so we decided to all go shopping together.

“Why can't I know now?”

“Because I want to have the conversation only once.” I leave my room and walk downstairs.

Nikki follows me, running down the steps. “Who? Charles and Tony are the only guys you hang with, and I know it's not one of them.”

I ignore her comment and say, “I'll tell you when Essence gets here.”

Why did I even bring it up? Guess I needed to get myself ready. This way, there's no backing out. Nikki is not going to let it go. And besides that, I'm tired of hiding our relationship. I didn't mean for it to go on this long. Seems like there just hasn't been a good time to say something.

The doorbell rings.

“I'll get it,” Nikki says. “It's probably Kate.”

“Kate's coming?”

“Yeah, I invited her. She hasn't found a dress yet.”

I wanted to talk with Nikki and Essence today. Just the three of us. I can't say anything about Tony now.

Once Essence gets here, we leave. As soon as we back out of the driveway, Nikki says, “Okay, so who's this guy you're going to prom with?”

“We'll talk about that later,” I say.

“Maya,” Nikki whines.

“She's going with Devin,” Essence says. “I don't even know why we're having this discussion.”

“We'll talk about it later,” I tell them. I don't want to make Kate feel awkward.

Kate changes the subject—I think maybe to save us both. “I love it downtown,” she says. “Look at all the characters here.”

We drive past Pioneer Square, the part of town everyone calls Portland's living room. Every type of person is hanging out in the square today—girls with hair the colors of a kaleidoscope, parents on play-dates with their children, businesspeople on their lunch breaks, teens skateboarding—everyone fits here.

I remember the walks I used to take with Dad through this square. The bricks have names on them, and I felt bad for stepping on people's names. I always wondered how a person got to have his name on a brick. I still don't have an answer, but I'm sure ordinary people don't get to have their names here.

It takes us forever to find parking, and once we do it takes even longer for Nikki to parallel park. The four of us go inside a small shop that Kate swears has the best formal dresses and begin our search.

It doesn't take long for Essence and me to decide. She chooses a grayish-blue strapless dress that falls
to the floor in the most elegant way. I'm wearing black. I found a dress that hits right at the knee and flares out. There's a turquoise sash that can be tied around my waist in lots of different ways. It's simple but stylish. Fits me perfectly.

Essence and I take our dresses to the counter and pay for them. Then we plop down in the soft armchairs in the waiting area of the dressing room. Nikki and Kate are trying on everything in the store. The clerk has brought them all kinds of dresses and sometimes the same dress in a different color or size. “So, Maya,” Nikki calls out from her dressing room. “Are you just messing with us or are you really not going with Devin?”

Essence answers for me. “They're going. I mean, okay, they're not dating anymore, but they can still—”

“Can we please stop talking about this?” I say.

Essence can't stop. “I'm just saying. We've planned out our whole senior year and—”

“And you're talking about
not
going to Spelman, remember?”

Nikki comes to Essence's rescue. “Maya, that's so different.”

I concede. “Can we please just talk about this later?”

“Fine,” Nikki says. I can see her feet stepping
into a gown. I hope she likes this one. I'm hungry and ready to get something to eat.

Finally, Kate and Nikki come out together for their big reveal. Kate's dress is the color of a pomegranate; Nikki's, the inside of a peach. They stand in the full-length, four-way mirror and look themselves over.

“I think these are the ones,” Essence says.

Nikki asks, “You guys don't think it's too tight?” She turns around so we can see how it fits over her butt.

“No, girl, Ronnie will like that,” Essence says.

Kate agrees. “You look good.” She stands sideways so she can see her figure in the mirrors that are in front of us. “I wish I could fill out a dress like that.” She pats her flat butt and laughs. “It's really pathetic back there, isn't it?”

Essence looks her over. “Big butts aren't everything. And, girl, your front definitely makes up for it.”

We all laugh as Kate covers her breasts, as if they're bare. “They've always been big. I hate that.” Then Kate holds her hair in her hand as if she's going to put it in a ponytail. But she has no hair tie. She swings it from side to side. “And this hair. Ugh! It's unstyleable. It can't hold curls or do anything but hang flat.” She lets out a big sigh. “I need a makeover.”

I never thought Kate would have these kind of insecurities.

Nikki takes one last look at herself in the mirror. “You sure it's okay?”

“Yes!” we all say at the same time.

“All right. I'm just not trying to look like a skank.” Nikki goes back in her dressing room.

“You know I'm not going to let you go out looking a mess,” I tell her. “People might think you're me.”

We all laugh.

Nikki and Kate purchase their dresses, and we decide to get something to eat. Essence wants burgers from Red Robin, but when we get to thinking about the dresses we just bought, we decide to go the healthier route.

“How about Soul Food?” Nikki asks.

Essence says, “Ribs, greens, and mac and cheese are worse than a burger.”

“Not that kind of soul food,” Nikki explains. “It's—”

“Food that's good for your soul,” Kate says.

“I don't want no rabbit food. I'm hungry,” Essence says.

I agree.

Nikki promises us that if we're hungry afterward we'll get burgers. “Come on, just go once and if you
don't like it, you don't have to go back. You two never want to try anything new.”

“Let's go,” I say.

Nikki looks surprised.

If she only knew all the new things I've been trying.

Nikki pulls up to Soul Food. It is crowded, no parking spaces in the lot, so we park on the street.

As soon as Essence opens the menu she goes to criticizing everything. “Looks like all they got for me is water,” she says.

“Try the edamame hummus,” Nikki tells her. “It's actually good. I've had it before.”

“You mean
that
?” I point to the table next to us, shaking my head in disgust. A glob of green in the middle of whole-grain tortilla chips.

“Just try it,” Nikki says.

“Or what about those?” Kate points to a plate of food belonging to a man sitting at the same table as the hummus girl. There are three skewer sticks that
have what looks like meat on them. “Those are vegan buffalo wings. Tastes just like chicken,” she says.

“If you want to taste chicken, why don't you just eat chicken?” Essence asks. Loudly.

The man looks at us.

“No offense,” Essence says.

He turns away.

I start laughing.

I pick up my glass of all-natural ginger ale. The pulp from the ginger has sunk to the bottom of the glass. I stir it with my straw and pass Essence the glass. “Here, taste this.” She just about spits it out.

I think we'll be taking her to get a burger tonight.

“This is not soul food,” Essence says. “They need to call the restaurant White Food!”

“Essence!” I can't believe she just said that. Out loud. In front of Kate.

“I'm just kidding.” Essence laughs.

“No, you're not,” Nikki says.

“Well, okay, I'm not,” Essence says. “I mean, look who's up in here!” We all look around, and Essence, Nikki, and I are the only people of color in the entire restaurant.

We all get to laughing and can't stop. Kate is laughing, too, and it feels good to joke with her.

When the waitress comes, Essence says, “I'm
getting something I know,” and orders pasta. I order a vegetable stir-fry with brown rice. Nikki and Kate order some fake meat dish and ask for two plates so they can split it.

When the food comes, everyone digs in and it must be good because none of us say anything for a while. Once Nikki is halfway through her soy barbeque chicken she looks at Kate and says, “So, Kate, are you and Roberto going to the winter formal together? Or are you going to bring someone from St. Francis?”

Kate hides her smile with her napkin, but her eyes are smiling, too. “Roberto,” she says.

Essence gives a nod of approval, like she's a matchmaker. “Good choice,” Essence says. “Who is Tony going to the dance with?”

It is definitely time to go.

I pick up the unpaid check and take money out of my purse so I can pay my half.

“I don't think Tony is going. He doesn't have a date,” Kate says. “But who knows, he never talks about who he likes or who he's dating. I always find out through the girlfriend.”

Well, she'll never know because I'm not saying anything.

Kate slurps the last of her iced tea. “My mom swears he's dating one of you,” she says.

“Me?” Nikki and I say at the same time.

I almost choke on my ginger ale.

“Why me?” Nikki says.

“She swears she sees one of you and Tony together all the time at our house. But she can't tell you apart, so she can't say which one,” Kate tells us. “I keep telling her you've only come over with me and that Maya has only been over for student council meetings with Star and Charles.”

Kate looks at me, and my eyes drift quickly to the floor.

Nikki laughs. “That's so funny.”

Kate's eyes won't give up. She is determined to make eye contact with me. “Yeah,” she says. “I don't know where my mom gets her wacky ideas from,” Kate says. “But I do think he's in love with someone. He's been acting weird lately.”

I feel the left side of my mouth rise to a half smile, but I suppress it.

Essence asks, “So have your parents met Roberto yet?”

“Well, my mom met him once, but I'm probably not going to introduce him to my dad.” Kate's eyes look down at the table, then at Nikki.

“Why not?” Essence asks.

Nikki starts making excuses. “It's not like they're boyfriend and girlfriend. Roberto only needs to meet
Mr. Jacobs if it gets serious. It's just one date.” Nikki looks at Kate. “It's no big deal. Your dad doesn't even have to know.” Nikki says this like she's said it before to Kate. “It's just a dance. Really. Just tell your dad you're coming with us.”

“Why she gotta lie?” Essence asks. I kick her under the table.

Kate's voice gets real low. She looks around the restaurant and then leans in real close to the table. “My dad's from Canby. He just wasn't raised—he—”

Nikki finishes her sentence. “She doesn't think he'd be comfortable with her going out with someone who's Mexican.”

I don't even think before I ask, “Well, what about Tony? Would your dad approve of Tony dating a black girl?”

Now Kate's eyes are avoiding mine.

Student council has definitely become two separate teams. Charles, Star, Tony, and I are one team. Cynthia, Tasha, Rachel, and Joey are the other. Vince and Bags don't really count. Team One has started using our lunchtime to meet, but this morning Principal Green has called a meeting so he can check in with us about the scheduled activities coming up. We had to have it before school because just about all of us have an after-school class, club, or job to go to. Tony and I yawn our way into Richmond. “I have to stop at my locker,” I say.

“Okay. I'll meet you in there.”

I go to my locker and pull out another poster I put together. This one is of W. E. B. DuBois. Since no one is in the hall, this is a good time to hang it. I walk
upstairs and find a spot. I take a roll of tape out of my bag and put the poster on the wall. Just as I smooth out the edges, push the corners against the wall really well, I hear footsteps.

Tap
,
tap
.

Not
click
, or
squeak
.

These sound like nice shoes, like men's shoes. Not high heels, not sneakers.

I know I am in trouble.

I turn around, prepare myself to plead my case to Principal Green or some teacher who has caught me, but when I look up, Charles is standing there.

“It's you,” he says.

I just stand there with the roll of tape dangling from my wrist.

Charles steps closer to me, reaches behind me, and says, “It's crooked.” He straightens the poster, says, “There. That's better,” and we walk away.

The next morning Charles and I meet each other in a new spot. Charles says, “If Principal Green won't let us celebrate black history in the assembly, we'll celebrate it in the hallways.”