Authors: Katlyn Duncan
“No!” she barks. “But where has my best friend been these past few weeks? What am I supposed to do, just sit at home and wait for you? I got a taste of what it will be like when you leave and just like you, I’m going to move on.”
“But him?”
“It’s nothing serious,” Carter mumbles.
She shrugs. “We’re just having a little fun.”
My stomach hardens at her betrayal “You could have anyone. Were you trying to hurt me?”
“You would have never known,” she says slowly, almost slurring her words.
Carter bobs his head and stands up from the couch. “I should go.”
She grabs his arm and her eyes bore into mine. “No. I think you should leave.”
“What is your deal?” I ask, my heart breaking for the second time in one night.
She scoffs and crosses her arms. “You want to know what my deal is? Everyone walks on fricken eggshells around you. Oh poor precious Hadley, she’s going to get her feelings hurt after her friend left her in the dust.” She lets out a strangled laugh. “And the thing is you don’t even realize that every guy wants you. But we have to treat you like glass because any mention of Will fricken Carson will drive you into some black hole.”
The silence in the room is deafening. “Where did this come from?” I ask. “We’re best friends.”
“Best friends,” she mocks. “Best friends are honest with each other. And they don’t just skip out when their crush comes back into town. You can’t just pick me up and put me down like a doll whenever you are ready to play.”
“I never did that.” But I know that’s not true. I have been different since Will came back to town.
“Why did you come over here tonight?”
My lips part but I say nothing.
She raises her eyebrows. “Is Will unavailable? Did you have a fight?”
“That’s not—”
“Don’t even bother,” she says. “Just because I’m not going to college, doesn’t mean I’m an idiot.”
“I never said you were.”
“You didn’t have to. Your actions spoke louder than words. You’ve moved on and were too much of a chicken shit to tell your so-called best friend about it.”
My eyes flick to Carter then back to her. “I’m telling you now.”
“Too little too late, hun,” she says condescendingly.
“Where did all of this come from?” I ask in a small voice.
She looks at the ground then back at me, her expression hostile. “It’s been a long time coming, I just had to see it for myself. I always took the backseat to Will in your mind and this summer just proved that. And I don’t deserve that. I’ve been there for you through your worst and yet I still get thrown to the side when you finally get what you want.”
“Lily—”
“You talk about heartbreak,” Lily interrupts, her voice strained. “But you aren’t the only person in the world who's ever felt it. Even from a best friend.”
“I—”
“Just go,” Lily says. “I’m done.”
I shuffle to the door, my mind fuzzy as if I’d been the one to have the beer. She tends to get emotional when drinking but she's gone too far this time. I can’t even stand to look at either of them. I cross the room to the door and pull it open. I slam into Ethan and I sag against his body. A choked sob escapes my lips. He holds me steady as he takes in the sight of Lily and Carter. His jaw clenches and he wordlessly leads me outside.
I’m numb as we make our way to the car. Ethan drives home slower than normal, as if he was the one to catch his best friend and ex-boyfriend together. But I suspect with him having a crush on her, seeing her with another guy, especially Carter, was tough to witness.
When we arrive home, neither of us get out of the car. The air around us is weighted with the events of the night and my head falls back against the seat under the heaviness. The front porch light flickers on and Dad comes out of the front door, staring at the car.
“We should go in,” I say, not making an effort to move.
“Yeah.” Ethan squeezes my shoulder before opening his door.
I take off my seatbelt and get out of the car. I can’t seem to make my legs move so I stand by the car until Mom steps out onto the porch. Her hands are open by her sides. Hot tears blur my vision as I sprint across the lawn into her embrace.
She lets out a small grunt as I wrap my arms around her. The entire night shatters me and I sob into her shirt. She strokes my hair and whispers soothingly against my hair. “Let’s get you inside.”
***
That week at camp is more awkward than any of the others combined. Will is on autopilot. He’s as charming as ever with the kids but keeps all interaction with me a little too professional. In the few chances I see from my bedroom window, he spends his time outside of camp either packing or his truck doesn’t come home until later at night. Savannah’s car left mid-week and even though she was a short-lived blip in my life, she left quite a wake.
I can barely look at Lily, but she manages to act as normal as I do, even though I know she’s still pissed at me. Guilt floods my veins and with each passing day I realize some of what she said was true. I was selfish when Will left and she was there with me through it all. And the second our relationship was tested, I went right back to that naive sixteen year old girl. I wanted closure with Will and I certainly achieved that. When I thought back to what my goals were for the summer, I wonder if I went about it all wrong. I wanted it to be memorable, and it will no doubt stick in my mind for a long time, but I have a hard time regretting any of it. Moving on from anything isn't easy, but I just need to decide how I want to come out on the other side.
I’m thankful when camp ends on Friday. The counselors are mingling with the kids and parents in the lobby when Ethan finds me. “Dad wants to see you.”
All of my kids have cleared out of camp and Will has already departed so I head over to Dad’s office.
Déjà vu strikes me when Dad looks up from his desk at me, reminiscent of the camp orientation. I sit at the chair in front of him.
“You wanted to see me?”
He scratches his chin before steepling his hands on the desk. “I wanted to inform you that Will is exempt from the last week of camp.”
I sit back in the chair as he continues. “I made arrangements for your group to join Tyler and Skye’s group for the last week to accommodate our licensure.”
I try to keep my voice steady, even though I had an idea this was going to happen. “Okay.”
His gaze dips to his hands. “He’s going—”
I stand up. “I don’t care where he’s going. I’m just going to do my job. That’s what you want right?”
His mouth presses into a hard line. I see the battle between Dad and boss wage across his face, but after a few seconds the boss wins. “Thank you for your professional attitude.”
“No need to thank me. I learned from the best.” I leave the office, closing the door behind me. Ethan looks over at me and I go to him. Over the last week we’ve silently grown closer. And I don’t know if it is because he's the only stability in my life, but for once this summer, I don't have the need to talk about it.
***
It’s past noon on Saturday and I’m still in bed. Ethan and I stayed up late for a marathon of one of his favorite detective shows. I figured I owed him. Neither of us left the house for a week after camp which was suspicious on its own.
Someone knocks on my door and I roll over. “Come in.”
Mom enters the room holding a laundry basket filled with freshly folded clothes. She puts the basket down on my bed and ruffles my hair. “Good morning sleepyhead.”
“Hi,” I groan into the pillow.
She piles folded clothes on the dresser and sits next to me. She pulls me into a hug and I rest my head on her shoulder. “The summer has just flown by hasn’t it?”
“Yup. Just one more week of camp and then college orientation.”
A low whistle escapes her mouth.
I get up from the bed and start putting my clothes away.
“Will is leaving today,” she says.
My hands tighten around a pair of jeans, bunching the fabric. “Okay.”
“You should at least say goodbye to him.”
“I will.”
She rifles through the basket and presents Will’s shirt from the pile. A knowing smile spreads across her lips and my cheeks ignite. She pushes it towards me and I take it. “At least to give this back to him.”
The emotions from that night flood my body and I stare at my toes.
Mom tucks a lock of hair behind my ear and I look up at her. “As much as it hurts, I believe a broken heart is an excellent excuse for self-growth. At the very least, he was a friend and now you have a chance to say goodbye and move on, even if it’s not together.”
A tear slips down my cheek and I swipe it away. “Thanks, Mom.”
“Anytime, sweetheart.”
***
Later that afternoon, I make the decision to be the bigger person and say goodbye first. There’s no use dragging out the inevitable. I grab Will’s shirt and roll it up as I descend the stairs.
“Mom! I’ll be right back,” I call, unsure of where she went.
“All right!” her muffled voice floats up from the basement.
I make my way across the front lawn towards Will’s house, each step proving harder than the last. You will not cry, I promise myself as I make my way to the front door. The back of Will’s truck is full of cardboard boxes. I knock on the front door and wait a few seconds before it opens.
Will wipes the sweat from his forehead and steps back from the door.
I hold out his shirt as if it’s an olive branch. “My—I washed it.”
He takes it, brushing his fingers against mine. “Thanks.”
I point a thumb at my house. “Mom said you were leaving today.” Why is this so hard? Maybe it would be better if he disappeared without a trace. I seriously underestimated goodbyes.
“I was going to come over in a bit. After cleaning up.”
“Do you need any help?”
“Nah. I think I’m okay.” He hesitates. “But I could use a break.”
He moves to the side and I enter the house. His body is close to mine as he closes the door. He leads me into the kitchen and I look around the house, which is bare bones other than the larger pieces of furniture. I guess he has no use for them at the ranch.
“How’s your dad?” I ask.
He opens the refrigerator and pulls out two bottles of water, handing one to me. “Better. They released him after a few days of observation and he’s returned to the rehab center.”
“Is that good?”
“Yeah.”
“What about your mom?”
He takes a large sip of water and recaps the bottle. “Who knows. I haven’t spoken to her. She’s not that interested in me. And the feeling is mutual.” He waves his hand. “Anyway, I don’t want to talk about her.”
“Okay.”
He takes a step toward me. “I do want to talk about us though.”
I swallow, my mouth suddenly dry. “What about?”
“I wish things were different. But other than the drama with my Dad, I had a really great summer.”
I put on my brave face. “Well it had to end sometime. We did say that.” My words trail off.
He nods a few times.
I don’t want to talk about us, I’m not sure I’m ready. “When do you start your new job?”
“Wednesday. Dr. Alexis gave me a few days reprieve because of Dad.” He turns to the refrigerator again, placing the items in an open box on the floor.
“That’s great. I’m happy for you.”
He turns around slowly, deliberately. “Are you?”
I shrug. “Of course. It’s all you ever wanted right?”
“It is. But—”
I step forward, taking charge of the conversation, because if I don’t I might just cry. “No buts.” I take a deep breath. “I know it's been weird between us, but I don’t want you to leave like that. I’m fine. You’re fine. This was the plan. All I ask is that we try to keep in touch?”
“Yeah.” He unexpectedly grabs my arms and pulls me close to him. I sink my body into his as his arms tighten around my shoulders. I inhale against his shirt and the scent of detergent mixed with sweat fills me. “God I’m going to miss you.”
I sigh against his chest. “There’s this amazing technology called a telephone, or text messaging if you feel so inclined.” His body vibrates against mine, and I hear the chuckle rumble around in his chest. “I don’t know when I’ll be back up here. With the house sold…”
I lean my head back to face him. “You’re going to be busy. Don’t worry about visiting, just focus on you. And who knows? Maybe I’ll come visit if you’ll have me.”
He grins. “Of course I’ll have you. Name the day.”
We stare at each other, knowing that we probably won’t keep that promise. It would be too hard to keep saying goodbye. But neither of us points it out.
Instead, he pulls me close, and we hold each other. I know I’ll never love anyone like I love Will, but at least I have the best summer of my life to look back on. After a few seconds, the weight of the situation lifts from my shoulders. I’m the first to pull away.
“Goodbye Will,” I say, pressing a kiss to his cheek.
“See you,” he says, and I turn and walk away from my best friend for the last time. On the way home I hold onto the memory of his touch. It’s something I know I’ll remember for a long time.
Will
On Wednesday morning, I put on the only blazer I own. Mabel promises that as soon I'm done with the first day of work, she’ll go into town with me to buy more. We’d be there anyway, securing the new loan with Dr. Alexis.
“Let me get a good look at you,” Mabel preens from the doorway.
I can’t help but grin around her. I didn’t realize how much I missed her until she hugged me for ten minutes straight when I arrived the day before.
“Well I’ll be,” she says, adjusting my tie. “You look like a doctor already.”
I chuckle and look in the mirror again. “I have a long way to go for that.”
The phone rings and she hustles out of the room. I look around at the boxes piled around me. Unpacking will mean settling. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that yet.
The doorbell rings and I glance at the clock. Who would come here this early? I head down the hallway, my shoes clomping across the wood floor. Mabel peeks out of the kitchen, the phone pressed against her ear and her mouth pursed.