He rubbed his chin. His
brown eyes seemed to be smiling as he confessed. "I always imagined
one day we'd look each other in the eye and wham, we'd fall in
love. I suppose that's not very realistic."
"
Oh, I don't know. It happens sometimes. Just not with
us."
"
You know, this actually feels good, doesn't it? We've
defined our relationship."
Quietly, Duke called from
the open window. "Belle, phone for ya."
She turned around,
surprised. When did the phone ring? "Who is it Daddy? Can I call
them back?"
Spencer patted her hand
coolly. "Go ahead and take it. I have to get going. Early court
date in Tulsa."
"
Spence," she started, not wanting the evening to end with
him feeling dejected.
He stepped off the porch,
turned and flashed Belle his crooked smile. "I'm fine," he said as
if he read her thoughts. "Talk to you later." Belle watched as he
got in his truck, then waved as he drove away.
Duke met her as she
stepped inside the door. "Everythin' okay?"
Belle nodded, tears
stinging in her eyes. "Yeah," she said. "I'll take the call
upstairs."
She picked up the hall
phone. "Hello? Daddy, hang up, I got it."
"
Hello, Belle, it's Burke."
Belle dropped into the seat of
the old phone desk, her heart pounding like a symphonic drum.
"
Hello," she said again, her voice cracking.
On the other end, Burke
paused before asking, "How are you?"
So unlike him, Belle
thought, to sound unsure. She answered without thinking. "Why do
you care?"
"
I guess I deserve that."
She felt the familiar tug of
conviction. If she truly had forgiven Burke, if she truly believed
she could press on to the high calling of God in Christ, she had to
forget what her past held. Including the actions of Burke.
"
No. No you don't," she said, "I'm sorry."
"
So, how are you?" he tried again.
"
Good, good, I'm good." Belle whacked herself in the
forehead with the palm of her hand. Klutz! After being in the
presence of the svelte, polished Grace, she must seem like a
bumpkin.
"
I'm glad," he answered.
The next minute went by without
words.
"
How's Grace?" Belle asked, wanting to say something, but
not really wanting to know the answer to her question.
"
She's doing well. She leaves soon for Australia to finish a
film shoot."
"
Australia. How exciting." What else could she
say?
"
How's your dad? I don't think he recognized my
voice."
"
No, he didn't. He's fine; workin' too hard."
"
Sounds like your Dad."
"
You remember old Chet Guthrie? We bought some of his land
in order to expand our grazing acres. We're fixing to plant some
new fences. Bought a couple of new Brahman bulls."
Burke chuckled softly. "I
always hated planting fences."
"
I remember," she said low into the phone.
The conversation faded
into another minute of awkward silence. Burke finally cleared his
throat and asked, "I'd like to get together sometime."
"
I don't think so," she responded rapidly. As much as she
wanted to heal the past with Burke, she dreaded the agony of
digging it all up again.
"
Belle, please."
"
And say what, Burke?"
He sighed. "We have a lot
to say, I think. Don't you?"
She bristled at his tone.
"Maybe the time for saying things should've happened twelve years
ago. I have nothing to say to you now."
"
We can't go on like this forever," he said, sounding calm
and in control.
"
Why talk now? After twelve years? Did some mystical mark in
time pass where we suddenly have to scour the past and clean our
souls?" Belle stood, trembling. "What if I don't want to talk? I've
worked hard to forget what you did to me."
"
No chance for me to explain?" he said, a hopelessness
echoing in his words.
"
It's a little late for explanations, don't you think? I'm
sorry, I'm just not ready to listen at the moment."
"
I understand."
"
Good night." With that, Belle dropped the phone onto the
receiver.
She wrapped her arms around her
waist, leaned against the wall, and cried. First Spencer, then
Burke. Her emotions crumbled under the burden.
Duke called up the stairs.
"Belle?"
"
Yeah?"
"
Ya okay? Who was that on the phone?"
"
Burke."
"
Burke? Well now, I didn't recognize his voice." Duke
started toward her. "What'd he want?" He joined her on the floor by
the antique phone desk.
"
To talk."
Duke slipped his arm
around her shoulders and cradled her in his arms. "'Bout
time."
"
I'm not reliving all that pain so he can feel
better."
"
Ah, Belle, now, ya need to talk as much as he does. Get all
'em unspoken words out of your heart. Maybe then ya could fall in
love again."
Belle dropped her head
into her hands, her rapid heartbeat slowing a little. "Burke is not
the reason I haven't fallen in love again."
"
I don't know 'bout that. It's what's been in my mind for a
long time."
Belle eyed him between her
fingers. "What's been on your mind?"
"
You and Burke. Talking. Clearing the air. Don't ya want to
know? Don't ya want to tell him how it hurt? This is a puzzle in
your life that needs to be solved." Duke lowered his head to see
her face.
Belle rested her chin on
her knees. "I tried so hard to forget; I don't know if I can find
the words. Besides, what good can come from solving the puzzle? It
won't change anything."
Duke scratched his chin
with thick, weathered fingers. "I'm not one for livin' in the past
and hangin' my hat on life's disappointments, ya know that, kitten.
But I am for healing hurts, askin' for and receivin' forgiveness.
Talkin' to Burke ain't gonna change anythin', but it will close a
door that's been standin' open too long."
"You're right. It's just
weird, Daddy," Belle began, tenderness in her tone. "At the reunion
softball game, I actually enjoyed being around him. I thought I'd
gotten over the anxiety of seeing him. Then he calls tonight and
all those old feelings and fears take control."
"
Well," Duke said in his soothing tone, "then fix it. Talk
to him."
She shifted her position
and stretched her long legs out in front of her. "Next time I see
him," she said dubiously.
"
Keep seekin' the Lord, Belle. He's got a purpose here, I
know it."
She dropped her head on Duke's
shoulder. The overwhelming events of the evening caused tears to
slip down her smooth cheeks. Quietly, she recounted her
conversations with Spencer and Burke.
Duke listened, gently patting
her shoulder from time to time, interjecting words of wisdom.
Finally, when she ran out
of stories to tell, Belle kissed him lightly on the chin. "For
moments like these, I bet you wished Mom was alive."
Duke chuckled. "Tears have
always been a little rough for me, but I do enjoy helpin' ya with
your problems. If Colleen were here, I'd miss all the good
stuff."
Belle hugged her father.
"You're the best, you know that?"
Duke grinned. "Know what,
kitten, if Colleen were here neither one of us might love Jesus
like we do - you singin' your songs to Him and me spendin' my extra
time in prayer ev'ry day."
"
It's amazing how He turns all thing for good."
Duke offered an analogy.
"He gives beauty for ashes. Maybe this time He will draw a diamond
out of the ashes of you and Burke."
"
What do you mean?" she asked.
"
For a long time now, your relationship with Burke has been
nothin' more than ashes and coal dust. I'm thinkin' the Lord is
about to reach in that mess and bring out somethin'
beautiful."
"
I don't have your faith, Daddy. Not when it comes to
Burke."
"
You will, kitten, ya will," Duke said. Quietly he began to
share his heart. "I used to be right mad at Burke, myself. He was
just about the closest thing I ever had to a son. I raised him
right along with you. Cheered at all his football games, shared
holidays and birthdays."
Belle listened as her
father reminisced. "You loved him."
"
Of course I did. Still do." He cleared his throat a few
times, his hazel eyes fixed on the wall. "But when he broke your
heart, it darn near tore me in two. It felt worse than your mother
dying. I had a broken, wounded daughter I could not mend. Didn't
understand the mystery of Burke walkin' out on ya like that. I lost
one of my best friends."
Belle slipped her arm
around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. "I never
heard any of this before."
"
I didn't want to add to your burden," he said. "After
awhile, time passed and we didn't discuss him around
here."
He continued with a
sentimental lilt in his voice as he recounted the summers and
school holidays Burke worked around the Bar J. "Reese accused me of
cheatin' when he wanted to use Burke at the Circle B, and he chose
to work over here. Said it wasn't fair having a purty girl to lure
away his help."
Belle's mind replayed memories
of Burke as Duke spoke: swimming in the pond after a hot summer
day's work, riding into town after lunch for a Charlie's chocolate
milkshake, racing Trixie and Tracer over the range to the most
northern point and back again, every Friday night meeting the gang
in town for burgers and a movie.
All through high school, they
taught Sunday school to the five and six year olds. Every Saturday
night they would plan their morning lesson, then met at the church
early to setup and pray for their young students.
The routine remained the same
for four or five years until the summer after their sophomore year
at college. Burke stayed on campus that year to train and attend
summer classes. The following spring, he left college for the
pros.
Then her world fell apart. Belle
squeezed her eyes shut, trying to end the mental parade through the
past.
Duke still prattled on,
however. "We worked like a fine tuned machine. Each knowin' what
the other was a thinkin'. I didn't have to ask, he'd just know.
Jake Morley and Cole Mitchell are fine hired hands, but Burke and
me-"
"
I think you're remembering it better that it really was,
Daddy," Belle said
Duke shifted his kind,
wise gaze toward Belle. "My memory is fine."
"
Sometimes, I wish I'd never met him."
"
Ah, nonsense girl. I hate to hear ya say that," Duke said.
"I treasure my memories of him."
"
Mine all lead to this tragic end."
"
Then ya aren't looking at this right. We have to be
grateful for our experiences in life. If'n they turn sour on us,
don't mean they were worth nothin' to begin with."
"
Daddy, I don't just remember our experiences together. I
remember the laughter that led to love. The plans and dreams we
shared."
"
I know," he said, softly.
"
I'm scared to get close to him, Daddy. Even just a little
bit. Can you understand that?"
Duke sighed and nodded.
By now, the evening's events had
drained Belle's emotional well. She excused herself from Duke's
company and went to her room. Curling up in her window seat, guitar
in hand, she stared at the twinkling heaven and offered her burdens
to the Lord.
Late in the afternoon, Burke cut
his convertible into the Benning's Circle B driveway, his mind
weighted with unresolved relationships and new opportunities.
Warm, inviting lights glowed
from the windows of the ranch house, but Burke's mind and heart
remained fixed on his mission. He parked the car next to the horse
barn and tossed his keys into the glove box.
Inside the barn, dim light
filtered in through the open door and the high windows. The smell
of leather and clean hay filled the air.
"
Hello, Tracer," Burke said softly, making his way to his
old friend. He patted the horse gently on the neck. The large
gelding greeted him with a familiar nudge and snort. "Want to go
for a ride?"