Authors: Fisher Amelie
January’s home was a typical Jersey split level, baby blue and ugly as hell. I stood just down the street from it, my family flanking me and immediately feeling for all the world like an absolute idiot for agreeing to bring them along.
“You all wait right here,” I said with conviction, eyeing them all harshly. “I swear to God, if I see one of you girls anywhere near us, I’ll have your prospective spouses whip you, fifties-style.”
“Ugh!” Marty yelped. I focused in on her and she pretended to zip her mouth.
“Stay. Here.”
I nervously walked January’s way and shook out my hands to steady them, wiping the sweat onto the thigh of my jeans. I scaled the sidewalk to the front door. My finger lingered over the doorbell.
“Here goes nothing.”
Chapter Thirteen
Settle Down
January
I’d barely rinsed the conditioner from my hair when I heard the doorbell. I’d hopped in the shower almost immediately after coming home. I needed two things. One, I needed privacy so I could bawl my eyes out after seeing Tom at Seven where he proceeded to blow me off, making me feel worse than I ever thought I could. Two, I needed the water to soothe myself and my aching heart.
Who could that be
? I thought as the doorbell rang again. I shrugged my shoulders and continued to cry into the falling water, sniffling like a little girl. They could sit on the porch for all I cared.
“You!” I heard loudly.
I turned the water off and stilled, listening for the commotion coming from the direction of the living room.
“You don’t understand!” I heard my cousin Collin say loudly.
I hopped out of the shower quickly and wrapped my short robe around myself. Hauling ass outside of the bathroom, almost slipping on the wood in the hallway. Sounds of fighting came from the front lawn along with...
chanting
? I ran to the front door and stepped out onto the front porch.
“What’s going on?” I asked, stopping still at the sight of Tom’s hands around Collin’s neck. “Tom?” I could feel the burn of tears beginning to surface again. “What-what’s going on?”
“January,” he said desperately, releasing his grip on my cousin and coming toward me. He stood on the bottom step beneath me.
Collin fell to the grass, rubbing his neck. “Do you know him?” he asked.
“Yeah, this is Tom,” I explained, gesturing towards Tom like an idiot. Collin started laughing.
“What?” we both asked, turning his direction.
“This guy thought I was your boyfriend. He said he recognized me from the airport and told me I couldn’t have you, that you belonged to him.”
“Tom,” I sighed, realizing for the first time I was standing on my porch in a short ass robe, naked underneath and hair dripping in front of fifteen random people. “Can I talk to you inside?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said, climbing the porch steps.
I glanced behind me and saw a guy who looked exactly like Tom but older.
“Who are those people?” I asked quietly, as we entered my grandmother’s home.
“Uh, those are my parents and sister and friends.”
“Great, I just embarrassed myself in front of your entire family.”
“I’m so sorry, January,” he said, running his hands over his face and through his hair. “This was not how this was supposed to go.”
I led him into my room and shut the door. “You attacked my cousin.”
“About that,” Tom said, sighing deeply. “I’m so sorry,” he began but stopped short when I burst out laughing. “What?”
“Nothing, I just- never mind. Why are you here?”
Tom stood tall and stepped closer to me, grabbing my shoulders in the process. “I’m in love with you, January MacLochlainn, and I want you to take me back.”
The tears had already started flowing. I couldn’t stop them. His mere touch was enough to break me down. “Why?”
“Because you love me as well.”
“No, I don’t,” I lied.
“Yes, you do.”
My head fell toward my feet and a soft sob escaped my lips. “You hurt me so badly, Tom. For weeks, I felt like I had to tiptoe around you. I was walking on eggshells and when I finally felt comfortable enough to stomp around, you pulled the rug out from under me. I don’t think I could take another surprise like that. It’s not healthy, no matter how much I’m in love with you.”
“January,” he said, hugging me closely. Irrationally, I worried that my hair would soak his shirt. “I am so sorry for not trusting you in Europe. I never really believed you would betray me like that. I think I was just scared of what you are to me.”
“And what am I to you?” I asked, looking up into his blue eyes.
“You’re the love of my life, January MacLochlainn,” he said without shame.
He ran his hands along my forehead and down my face, stopping at my collarbone. He stared at me like I was the last woman on Earth.
And the tears came in droves. “Don’t say things like that to me, Tom.”
“I’m not just saying them because I think that’s what you want to hear. I’m telling you this because it’s the truth. I can’t live without you, J. You’re it. You’re
it
. Get me?”
I nodded, afraid to speak. He took me in his arms and brought me closer, inching me nearer to his chest slowly as if he was frightened I’d spook. His eyes searched my face like he was drinking me in for the last time. “God, I love you,” he said without thinking.
He brought his mouth to mine and I could feel the desperation he felt for me. It matched mine completely. I grazed my hands up his shoulders and wrapped them around his neck. Staring at him afforded me the first sense of peace I’d felt in the weeks since I last saw him.
His lips moved over mine languidly and I felt drunk from the warmth of his breath. His bottom lip trembled against mine in restraint and I decided to give him the permission he was begging for.
I pressed the kiss deeper, breathing in deeply through my nose. I was on the brink of ecstasy.
Incredible
, I thought. I broke free a moment and told him how I felt before diving back in.
“January,” he whispered, sending a thrill up my arms and legs, where it pooled in my belly.
His tongue stung sweetly and I realized I wanted to be the only one who would be able to taste him
forever
. We edged slowly toward the bed, never breaking the kiss and toppled onto my disheveled quilt. Tom was wedged between my legs and my robe came undone a little, the edge of my breasts exposed.
We stopped for just a moment, realizing where things were headed. His eyes roamed my entire body before he ran the backs of two fingers over the exposed skin at my chest. “You’re so beautiful, January,” he told me.
I brought him closer to me and I kissed him fiercely. I was ready for him.
“I want you,” I told him.
“I want you too,” he said, kissing me deeper.
His right hand followed the line of my body starting at my shoulders, his thumb cupping underneath my breast before continuing down, pinching my hip and holding the back of my thigh, bringing my leg up and around him.
This seemed to bring something out in me but stilled him. I peppered his face and neck with kisses.
“What’s wrong?” I asked him.
“This isn’t right,” he told me, but his body told me differently.
“It doesn’t feel wrong,” I told him, sucking on the lobe of his ear.
“January,” he moaned before sitting up and bringing me with him.
I continued to kiss him and he kissed me back. He wanted this but he was fighting me the entire way.
“January,” he said softly, kissing the side of my neck. “This secret I’ve yet to earn. It’s not right for me to learn you yet. Please,” he said, kissing my forehead, “I can’t do to you what I’ve done with the others. I owe you so much more than that. You’re worth so much more.”
A heated embarrassment painted my entire body. “I’m so sorry,” I said, wrapping the robe tighter around my torso, feeling so ashamed of myself.
Tom stood and adjusted his clothing before helping me to my feet. He brought me close to him and hugged me, kissing the top of my head. “Don’t be sorry,” he said, running his hands down my back. “There’s nothing to be sorry about. We’re just going to do this right, is all.” He eyed me with a slight smirk. “It’ll be hard as hell, but I’m determined.”
“Thank you,” I told him sincerely.
“No, thank you,” he said, kissing my temple.
I startled when someone knocked on my door.
“January?” I heard Grandma Betty say on the other side.
Tom panicked but I stifled laughter.
“Yes,
Maimeó
?”
“Are you in there alone with a boy?” she asked.
“Yes,
Maimeó, but we’re behaving,” I told her truthfully, running my hand along the side of Tom’s face, he buried it in my hand and kissed my palm.
“All the same, young lady...out.”
This time we both laughed. “Yes,
Maimeó.”
“Also, there’s ’bout fifteen people sittin’ out on our front lawn. Would you know anythin’ about that?”
Chapter Fourteen
The Gambler
Six months later...
Thomas
“Move your hand a little to the left,” the photographer told me.
January and I were at a photo shoot for
Junkie
, a national music mag doing a piece on the people who helped shape the bands America knows and loves. We were honored, to say the least, because we were being featured in the article and might even earn the cover. Apparently, they were impressed.
They’d done a short interview a few weeks prior already and it was time for the shoot. They’d done a few posed shots and told us to take a minute while they made some adjustments to the set.
I threaded my hands through January’s while we waited.
“What do you want to do tonight?” I asked her.
She playfully leaned back, forcing me to hold her body weight upright for her. I couldn't help but laugh at her.
“I’m not sure. What do you want to do?” she asked, bringing her face up, her nose near mine and wiggling her brows.
I swung her in my arms and she laughed out loud.
“You mean besides you?”
“Stop,” she laughed.
“How about we grab a bottle and meet the gang for a game or something.”
“Yeah, that’s it. That’s what we’re doing tonight.” January got on with my friends better than I did, it seemed. “Well, that and making out.”
I grinned at her. “Oh, you’d like to make out with me, J?” I asked, wrapping my arms around her waist and blowing into her neck.
She laughed. “Hell yeah I do.”
Music was playing in the room so I swung her in my arms and began dancing with her, shifting her from side to side. Her hair swayed across the hand I had splayed against her back and I felt her shiver at my touch. God, how she affected me with her reactions.
“How about we skip the wine, our friends and the game and go right to the make out part.”
“Okay,” she said in a silly voice.
I attacked her neck with my lips, following up her jaw and kissing her lips softly and slowly. Lazily, taking my sweet ass time, I tasted her tongue, running my own against the ridge of her teeth.
“I love you, January,” I said, when the kiss broke.
“I love you too, Tom.”
I ran my hands down her face and lightly squeezed her cheeks, puckering her lips a little. I kissed them and brought my hands down.
That’s when we realized we had an audience, and a large one at that. January’s face lit up to impossible shades of red and I instinctively tucked her into my side.
“Sorry, we didn’t realize you were waiting,” I apologized.
“It’s okay,” the photographer smiled, as he put up his camera “you’re done. You’re free to go.”
“Oh,” January said, “but I thought - never mind. Cool.”
We wrapped up the shoot and decided to head to my apartment. Grandma Betty’s wasn’t exactly conducive to make out sessions, if that wasn’t already obvious. My lease was up a few weeks after I got the R&D position and January helped me move into my own place. Yeah, it was a studio, but it was mine and I’d never had anything to myself before.
“When do the mags come out?” January asked, rummaging through my fridge for a Coke.
“Next month, on the first. They’re sending us our own box.”
What I hadn’t told January and for a very good reason was that I ensured they’d go to her studio on a day I knew we’d both be there because this magazine wasn’t just an article on what we did for Seven. Oh no, it was much, much more.
“Oh, cool,” she said, popping the top off the glass bottle in her hand.
“Come here,” I said, tossing myself on my bed and flipping the stereo on.
She took a swig and set the bottle on the bar before coming over and cuddling into my side.
“I like this,” she said getting comfortable and kissing my neck.
Get used to it
, I thought.
We kissed for hours. I didn’t know how many more make out sessions I was going to be able to endure. I found her fascinating and every time I touched her, I felt more and more drawn to her.
“Come on,” I told her later as she was falling asleep.
She groaned in displeasure. “Let me just sleep here,” she complained.
“No, come on. I’ll take you to Sam’s.” Sam’s is where January would sleep sometimes on the weekends. Sam didn’t care because she was barely there and I had peace of mind at Sunday night dinners with Grandma Betty and her curious eyes. That woman saw all. Especially since our last "conversation."
“Fine,” she huffed, blowing her hair out of her eyes and sitting up.
I looked on her. “Just a few more minutes,” I conceded, making her smile.
She fell into my arms and all felt right with the world.
April 1st, the next month
Thomas
I took extra special care to look nice that day. I wore the suit I wore to Callum and Harper’s wedding and even went to the trouble of buying new black Converse for the occasion. I cut my hair, but not so much that I couldn’t still tuck it behind my ears.
That entire morning I paced back and forth in my office. Suzanne asked if I wanted decaf and I told her that I wanted nothing. She kept looking at me with this worried expression. It made me want to laugh. My office felt stifling, so I cracked the window at the top of my ceiling with one of those circulating bars. I played with that thing so much when I first got there, I thought it was going to break. It was probably the only thing that kept me from messing with it so much.
I turned on a few tunes, thought better of it and shut them off then rethought that as well and picked a few Max Richter songs to rotate at a low volume instead. I messed with the pillows on my sleek black leather sofa a million times before finally realizing January wouldn’t even notice. I had Suzanne dust my long windowsill and water the plants the day before and those looked good.
I was just straightening my Warhol print when I heard January’s lively voice telling everyone around her hello. My entire body went bloody warm and my hands began to shake. I sat in my chair and picked up a book, thought twice and pretended to be working on my computer.
“Hello, Suzanne!” I heard her say and I had to clench my jaw shut to keep it from chattering.
“Hi, Miss MacLochlainn. You can go right in!”
“Thank you!” January said before bursting into my office like a breath of fresh air.
“Howdy!” she said, dancing into my office, swinging a cardboard box around.