Thread of Innocence (Joe Tyler Mystery #4) (6 page)

He was right. I had gotten used to working by myself. I didn't depend on anyone else. I ran all of the scenarios through my head in silence until things made sense. I asked for help when I needed it, but I did the thinking by myself because I'd spent so much time alone. He was right, though. I couldn't operate the same way if I was re-entering my old life. I wasn't sure I was doing that yet, but I was in my old home, living with my ex-wife, back in my hometown. I couldn't pretend I was elsewhere.

“
There's a cop,” I said. “He's helping me.”

Chuck gave a slight nod of his head. “Okay.”

“And we're looking at some stuff,” I said.

“
Stuff?”

I explained to him my suspicions and what Lasko brought to me. He listened without speaking, nodding occasionally, his eyes focused on me. It was somewhat strange having him there, upright, alert. When I'd come back to San Diego, I'd gotten used to seeing him in a hospital bed. It was like going back in time, seeing him nearly healthy and sitting the living room.

When I finished, he said, “Wow.”

“
Yeah.”

“
Why the hell would either of them kidnap Elizabeth? And then sell her off?”

I shrugged. “Money? I don't know.”

“So you're making some jumps there,” he said.

“
I know.”

“
Be careful with jumps,” he said. “Don't get so set on something that you don't know for sure.”

I nodded. “Right.”

“But let's say you're right. Why would they do it?”

“
Money's the only thing I've got right now.”

“
Nothing personal?” He raised his eyebrows. “No vendetta?”

I shook my head. “Not with Mike. No. Bazer? He and I were good until she disappeared. Then it went to shit. But before she disappeared, we were okay. So I don't think it was personal.”

He nodded. “They knew her, right?”

“
Sure,” I said. “I'd had her at the station. We had barbecues, all that stuff. So, yeah, they knew her.”

“
So she would've known them.”

I nodded again. I'd maintained for years that for as quickly as she'd disappeared from our front yard, it had to have been someone she knew or, at the very least, was familiar with. She was a cautious kid and she never would've just gotten in a stranger's car or walked down the block with them. Given what she'd remembered about the person being in a uniform, that theory still fit. It may have been someone impersonating a cop, so it may have been the uniform she trusted. But either way, there had been some familiarity.

“But isn't that pretty crazy to think one of those two guys showed up and took her right from your front yard?” Chuck asked, his brows furrowed. “That seems pretty brazen to me.”

“
Maybe,” I admitted. “But would anyone even bat an eye at a cop? You see a uniform, you think it's okay, it's all good. There's no reason to question anything.”

“
Sure,” he said. “I just find it hard to believe someone who you knew pretty well would've just waltzed into your yard. What if you'd walked outside?”

I shrugged again. “Then they could've blown it off as just stopping by or some bullshit like that. Or it may have just been someone impersonating a cop. I don't know.”

He made a face like he was still skeptical. “I guess.” He paused. “Okay. So again, working under the assumption it was one of them...what now?”

“
I need more,” I said. “It can't be an assumption if I'm going to act on it.”

“
But assuming you get more. What then?”

I didn't have that answer yet.

TWELVE

“
I just think we need to concentrate on Elizabeth,” Lauren said.

We were sitting in the bedroom. Lauren's bedroom. Chuck had left after we were done talking, as we hadn't really come to any conclusions. It was good, though, to sit and talk with him and air out what was in my head. Lauren and Elizabeth had returned home and we'd had an early dinner. Elizabeth wasn't terribly talkative and had disappeared into her room after we'd eaten. Lauren and I had loaded the dishwasher in silence and then gone into the bedroom. I'd finished telling her what I'd learned from Lasko and the things Chuck and I had discussed and she was telling me that she wasn't all that interested.

“I am concentrating on her,” I said, stretching out in the easy chair next to the bed. “But I'm concentrating on this, too.”

“
Like always.”

“
What does that mean?”

“
It means you won't let it go.”

“
No. I won't.”

She shifted on the bed and frowned at me. “But why, Joe? She's home. She's here.”

“Because I want to know who took our daughter,” I said. “And why.”

“
And then what?” she asked. “Bring them to justice? Seek vengeance? Maybe torture them in the garage?”

“
Stop.”

“
I'm serious,” she said, folding her arms across her chest and leaning back against the headboard. “Then what?”

I didn't say anything.

“I don't see how it helps Elizabeth,” she said. “I just don't. And let's say you do find out exactly what happened. Anything that would involve arresting them or prosecuting or whatever would mean Elizabeth would have to get involved in multiple ways. Do you really think that's the best thing for her right now?”

It wasn't. I knew that. But I also wasn't okay with the idea that the person who had wrecked our lives might get away with it.

“I'll keep her out of it,” I said.

Lauren snorted, not bother to hiding her derision. “Really? How exactly? You and I both know she'd have to relive the whole thing again, and probably pretty damn publicly.”

I knew that, too, and it wasn't something I had an answer for. Given how quickly the media outlets had picked up the story of her return, I had no doubt that they'd feast on a criminal trial.

But I'd spent a decade focused on finding her and finding whoever took her. Now that half of the equation was solved, I couldn't seem to just drop the other half.

“I don't have all of the answers, Lauren,” I said. “I'm just trying to feel my way through this.”

She sighed and shook her head. I remembered that exact sigh and that exact shake of her head from the days right before we'd finally decided to get divorced. We'd reached an impasse. Neither of us were happy and neither of us wanted to travel the same path as the other. I wondered if that's where we were headed again.

I shifted in the chair and lifted my feet on to the ottoman. “You think any more about Minnesota?”

“
Yeah. I still think it's not happening.”

“
You tell her that?”

She adjusted the pillow propped behind her back. “I told her I didn't think it was a great idea.”

“What'd she say?”

“
Nothing,” Lauren said. “She pretty much stopped talking to me after that.”

I wasn't surprised by that. Lauren and Elizabeth hadn't found the middle ground I'd cultivated with our daughter. Things were still tense, their words often sounding and feeling forced when they spoke to one another. I didn't think it was anyone's fault, but I also didn't see it going away anytime soon if Lauren refused to budge on letting her visit the Corzines.

“What about going with her?” I asked.

Lauren raised an eyebrow at me. “What are you talking about?”

“What if you went with her?” I said. “To Minnesota.”

“
Why the hell would I do that?”

I tapped my fingers on the arm of the chair. “Most of your concerns about her going were because she'd be by herself. And I agree with that. I don't think she should go alone.” I paused. “But it would be different if you went with her.”

Her eyebrow dropped, but she didn't seem thrilled by the idea. “I'm not in favor of her going to Minnesota. At all.”

“
But she's not gonna let it go, Lauren,” I said. “Think about it. Everything she's known for the last I don't know how long is there. It's natural for her to want some closure.”

“
What if she wants more than closure?” she asked.

I thought for a moment. “We'll have to deal with that if the time comes. We aren't giving her up. We know that. But I do think she's entitled to some closure. And if you went with her, she can get that and we aren't sending her alone.”

Lauren looked away from me. I wasn't sure she was buying my argument. I did, though, think it was a good compromise because I didn't think Elizabeth was going to drop it. And that might lead to things that could get ugly. And I also thought that it would be a good way to remove them from the picture for awhile while I did more investigating. The stupid email that I'd gotten was also in the back of my mind. I was really starting to think they
needed
to go.

“
Why me?” Lauren said, turning back to me. “Why don't you go?”

“
Because I think it'll give you some points with her,” I said. “If you're the one taking her, you're the one saying okay to her. And I think, right now, you both need that.”

If she disagreed with me, she didn't say so. She stared at her hands in her lap.

“I'll think about it,” she finally said.

I nodded and stood. “Okay.”

I was at the door when she said, “You still haven't given me an answer.”

I turned around and leaned against the frame. “About?”

“The baby?”

“
What answer?”

“
What you want?”

“
I thought we went through this yesterday,” I said, frowning. “I told you how I felt.”

“
Yeah, I know,” she said. “But I want you to tell me what you want.”

“
I honestly don't know,” I said. Her eyes narrowed and she opened her mouth to speak but I held up my hand to stop her. “And before you accuse me of indifference again, that's the truth. This week has been...overwhelming.” I pointed upstairs. “And she's been my first concern each day.”

Lauren nodded. “Mine, too.”

“So I haven't sat down and considered all of our options and how I feel about everything,” I said. “Hell, I don't even know what you and I are doing. I kind of think we need to figure that out before we can make any kind of joint decision. Because if we aren't together? Then, I'm sorry, but it really is your decision. I can give you my opinion and tell you what I want, but it would absolutely be your decision. And I'd support whatever you decided. Unconditionally.”

She thought for a moment. “What was your first reaction? When I told you?”

I stared at her. “You want the truth?”

“
Always.”

“
My first reaction was I couldn't believe we'd been so careless,” I said. “Not that I felt bad about it or anything like that. But that it never occurred to either one of us to use or even mention any kind of protection. We were like two high school kids who hadn't had the sex talk.”

“
I never got the sex talk,” she said, a small smile flitting across her face. “My parents were too embarrassed to bring it up.”

“
Mine, too,” I said. “So maybe that explains it.”

She laughed. I wasn't trying to be funny, though. I didn't want her to think I didn't care or wasn't taking it seriously. But that had honestly been my first reaction.

“My next reaction was wow,” I said. “We're pregnant.”

She nodded slowly. “We.”

I took a step so I was out of the doorway and back in the bedroom. “Yeah. I thought of it as we. I was stunned. I mean, it was one time. I couldn't believe we'd...done it perfectly for the first time in sixteen years.”

She laughed and shook her head.

“I'm really not trying to be funny,” I said. “But you told me and it hit me like a bag of cement. It was the last thing I was expecting you to say. And then you told me I didn't have to worry about it, that you weren't telling me so I'd be involved or whatever the hell you said. So I assumed you didn't give a shit about my opinion.”

The smile faded and she nodded again. “I was caught off guard, too. But I knew. I'd felt like crap and I knew what the test was going to tell me before I even took it. So I was angry at...I don't know. Everything. And I didn't want you to think that it was your responsibility or whatever. But I obviously had to tell you.”

“Which brings us back to where we started,” I said. “So you want my opinion?”

She hesitated, ran a hand through her hair again. “Yes.”

“I think having a baby right now would be about the worst thing anyone could think of doing, given all the circumstances,” I said. “Our unsettled relationship, Elizabeth's coming home, all the shit we're still going to have to deal with. Having a baby seems like dropping a match in a house filled with kerosene. For us, anyway.”

Her mouth tightened into a firm line, but she didn't say anything.

“But I also know that we'd talked about having a second child for years. And that our marriage blew up because some motherfucker took our daughter from us,” I said. “And we thought we lost her. We got her back, but we thought we lost her. Every single child is a gift. Every single one. And the fact that we conceived one in the middle of all of this...” My voice trailed off for a moment, but I cleared my throat and continued. “Maybe that was a message that we were getting a second chance at a bunch of things. You know I don't believe in all that religious rhetoric or think anyone should tell a woman whether or not she can have an abortion. Fuck all of those people and their soapboxes. But do I think
we
should have this baby?” I nodded my head. “Yeah. Strike the fucking match. Bring it on.”

Lauren watched me for a moment, then laid her hands flat on her thighs, her legs stretched out in front of her. “Wow. Okay.”

“You said you wanted to know where I stood,” I said, leaning up against the wall. “And I swear, Lauren. If you disagree and don't want to, I won't fight you for a single second. I'll do anything you need me to do.”

She chewed on her upper lip for a second. “I didn't know you'd feel so strongly.”

“I'm just being honest.”

She nodded, a small smile creeping onto her face. “Thank you. For being honest. For being you and cutting to the chase.” She paused and I watched her as she fingered the comforter beneath her. “And I guess we'll be having a baby.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

She smoothed the fabric beneath her fingers. “Not for a second have I not wanted to have it,” she said. “For exactly the reasons you said. Second chances. Gifts. All of that. I've thought about those things all week, staying awake at night, working them all through my head. And I agree with you. On all of it. I want to have the baby.”

I smiled. “Okay.”

“
Okay.” She shook her head like she couldn't believe it. “I guess we're going to have a baby.”