Authors: W. Ferraro
Natalie showered and dressed in a pair of two big plaid pajama bottoms and an old Hamden Elementary t-shirt. She had just made both her and her mother a hot cup of tea when she carried them into the parlor and was surprised to find Gloria not in her chair. Gloria was up grabbing the old photo album that was kept in the bookcase.
“Mom, let me get that for you,” Natalie said, as she quickly placed the two steaming cups down and went over to relieve Gloria of the heavy bound book. Once her mother was situated back in her chair, Natalie handed her the album, went over, sat on the sofa, and cautiously sipped her tea.
“You were such a nerd, my sweet Natalie,” Gloria chuckled, as she slowly turned page after page. Some of the images were of Natalie in different stages of growing up, she either had a book in her hand or there was one in the background of the photo.
“Well, thanks Mom, how kind of you to say,” Natalie answered dryly.
As Gloria continued to flip page after page, the smiles continued to come from her once beautiful face. Gloria’s face used to be so full of life and humor but now just reflected her lack of appetite for both substance and what Natalie hated to admit; life.
“Look at Reginald and Patricia; they looked just as lovely at their prom as they did on their wedding day. Same with Sam and Nicolette, there wasn’t anyone in the church at their wedding that had a dry eye. Their love for one another was just palpable,” Gloria said, as she continued to look at the filmed memories.
Natalie listened as her mother continued to comment on the pictures showing the continuation of life, as her nieces and nephews were born and christened. When Gloria came to the end and closed the cover, she kept it on her brittle lap and placed her hand upon it as if getting strength from the mere touch.
She looked over at her daughter who was as much a part of Gloria’s life as her sons, but there was that special bond that only a mother and daughter could share. Gloria knew her time was limited and she needed to say all that she wanted, not to cause harm but to offer comfort, ultimately, that her daughter would not be alone when Gloria passed.
“Natalie, you need to stop hiding behind me and your job and go
put yourself out there if you don’t want to find yourself pitiful and alone,” Gloria spoke firmly, as she watched shock cross Natalie’s face.
“Mother!” was all Natalie could say due to the shock.
“Natalie, I can’t stand the thought of you growing old alone. It drains me to think that unless your current course is altered, you will have a cat as the only form of companionship and those silly books you never get your nose out of.”
Natalie could not believe Gloria was speaking to her like this. She had never spoken of Natalie’s life in such a degrading tone. Natalie had her own personal fears of such a thing occurring but to hear her mother put words to the nightmare, it was almost more than she could bear. Natalie had never felt real anger toward her mother until that very moment.
“Mom, I don’t know what I’ve done to make you speak of my life in such a way, but it has made me very upset.” Natalie tried to remain calm as she pulled herself up out of the seat. She fixed her askew glasses and headed into the kitchen to put her now empty mug in the sink. She found herself dropping the mug with much more force than was necessary. Knowing she needed to calm down before facing her mother again, she tidied up a bit and then headed back into the parlor. Gloria had remained motionless and if Natalie wished that this uncomfortable conversation were over, she was completely out of luck.
“Natalie, I think maybe your brothers are right. I’m becoming too much of a burden. You should be focusing on meeting someone and having babies, rather than making sure I’ve taken my anti-nausea medication.” Gloria tried to remain firm as she spoke, while her own heart broke. Natalie was the last person she would ever want to hurt but she was running out of time to ensure that her baby girl would not be alone.
“Mom, I don’t know what has gotten into you. I’m sure you are tired and not feeling like yourself, otherwise, you would not be saying such nonsense,” Natalie spoke softly, as she helped Gloria up out of her chair and guided her down to her room.
With the unexpected emotional push from Gloria, Natalie knew she would have to launch a plan that would give Gloria comfort in her final days. A thorough plan that would let Natalie know what it would be like to live as the characters in her books do, full of romance and sex, even if it was not real.
“As it so happens, I have plans this evening,” Natalie said, hating how she had to lie.
“You do?” Gloria stopped her slow shuffle and turned to face her daughter.
“Uh, yes, I do. In fact, if it is all right with you, I’ll probably be gone until very late. I’ll contact Mrs. Mallow next door to keep an eye and ear out for you.” Natalie pushed up her glasses and hoped she sounded calm as she falsely spoke.
Gloria, not missing a beat, said sarcastically, “So, these plans you have involve your comfy pajamas?”
Looking down at her current attire, Natalie closed her eyes and quickly answered, “Oh, I just threw these on after my shower to have a cup of tea. I have my going out clothes laid out on my bed.” Even as the words left her mouth, she mentally rolled her eyes at the nonsense she was trying to sell.
An hour later, Natalie was in her car driving toward her destination. She had never before been inside Cal’s Pub and Eatery, but being from such a small town, her options were limited as to a night hot spot. As she pulled into the parking lot, she noted the lack of spots. After driving around, she finally found one toward the back of the building in a rather dark corner. With her stomach full of butterflies already, the fact that she was parked within the shadows made her hair stand up on end that much more. She looked around outside before opening the door and stepping out. She turned and locked the driver’s door and made sure to drop her keys in her small handbag. Taking a deep breath and instructing her legs to move, she took five steps toward the large building and then came to a halt.
What
the
hell
am
I
doing?
I’m
absolutely
100%
insane
if
I
think
I
can
propose
such
a
thing
. Wanting to just turn back around and dive for the safety of her car, it took everything Natalie possessed to keep her feet firmly on the ground. Out in the still warm autumn night, she could hear the thump of the music coming from inside the bar. Looking around to make sure no one was watching her, she took out the small compact mirror she tucked into her bag and looked at her reflection. She tried to put some eye shadow and mascara on to give her eyes some depth, but honestly, she wasn’t very good with it. Hoping her glasses would cover any smudges and her less than perfect makeup application, she moved her view down to her lips. She had applied a dark rose color to her small lips and they seemed to look even smaller than usual. Giving up on her face, she tucked the mirror back into her bag and looked down at her attire. She wore a cardigan set in a soft pink that had white flowers embroidered on the sleeves. Her legs were covered in pale pink cable knit tights, worn under her navy blue pleated skirt that fell below her knees. Her fairly battered navy blue clogs rounded out the ensemble. Perhaps she should have worn the heels she had from Sam’s wedding, but honestly, they were very uncomfortable and she needed all the comfort she could get right now. She knew these shoes didn’t speak ‘hot babe’ but, then again, her other option of tennis shoes didn’t exactly scream ‘come and get me’ either.
She made her way up the front porch to where the main door was. She could see through the small window there that the bar was quite full. Closing her eyes and taking a deep breath, Natalie opened the door and made her way in to find a willing partner who was not above lying or possessed strong personal ethics. As she made her way over to an empty seat at the end of the bar, Natalie gracefully sat on her stool and began her motivational pep talk to herself.
You
are
twenty-eight
years
old.
You
are
a
legal
adult
and
you
are
proposing
a
business
arrangement,
with
specific
and
clear
outlined
terms
to
another
agreeable
adult.
No
problem,
piece
of
cake.
The bartender came over and asked Natalie what she wanted to drink. After fulfilling the order of ginger ale and adding a few cherries to the beverage, he turned and went about filling other orders across the bar.
Natalie’s eyes roamed over face after face. How do you tell who is an honest person opposed to a wolf in sheep’s clothing? She slowly sipped her soda as her gaze made a sweep from the left and she was suddenly snagged in a blue gaze. Embarrassed, she quickly looked down at the wood knot on the smooth bar in front of her. She slowly peeked up again to find the same kind stare waiting for her. This was it; this was what she came for, right? She gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile. She was rewarded with a wink and the man leaving his seat across from her, walking over, and taking the empty seat next to her.
They sat in an awkward silence for a few moments, until the bartender came over and addressed the man.
“Paul, there you are. Want another round?”
“No, Jeff, I’m good thanks, unless the lady would like another?” The man named Paul asked with a soft voice.
Both Paul and the bartender, Jeff, looked at Natalie, silently waiting for her answer. When she moved her head to indicate she was good, Jeff left them alone.
“So, I haven’t seen you here before,” Paul plainly stated, as he continued to stare at her.
“No, uh, no, this is my first time here,” Natalie responded, hoping her voice would not crack from her nerves. She was sure everyone within a fifteen-foot area could hear the butterflies’ wings banging against the walls of her stomach. To her they sounded more like a stampede of elephants than delicate butterflies.
As the two continued to speak, he asking her questions and Natalie answering them, she started to become more comfortable. She learned that he was an accountant. He stated he was new to the bar scene and admitted before they locked eyes he was considering leaving.
Feeling warmed that she could make him notice her. Natalie thought he was a fairly good-looking man, tall with wide blue eyes and brown hair in a business appropriate style. She began to envision him in the role that she was considering proposing. The more she spoke with him, the more she considered that maybe she would not have to go through with her plan; perhaps she could actually date Paul.
As she was having this mental conversation with herself, she tried to envision Paul as the sexy hero. Would being with him be all she had hoped and more? Maybe someday they could even get married and have kids.
“Natalie? Did you hear me?” Paul’s words juggled her from her thoughts and she blushed from being caught not paying attention.
“I’m sorry Paul, what did you say?” she asked, as his kind face smiled and he repeated himself.
“I asked if you would like to go out for dinner, next week. We can take things slow and see where they go between us.”
Slow. The one thing Natalie could not afford.
“What is wrong with tomorrow?” Natalie asked, not understanding
why they needed to wait.
“Tomorrow doesn’t work; I have plans with my wife,” Paul said nonchalantly.
WIFE!?!
Obviously, Natalie misheard him.
“You have other plans?” Natalie asked, with a sudden lump in her throat.
“Yes, my wife and I are going to the theater in Burlington. But it’s ok, we have an open marriage.”
Natalie didn’t know what was more disturbing, the fact that he seemed to have no need to lie or that he was so calmly talking of adultery. She looked down at his left hand and found plain as day, a gold band there on his left ring finger.
What
a
snake!
Natalie was so disgusted with Paul’s blatant disregard for his vows; she grabbed her small bag and headed toward the door without uttering another word. She was so disgusted that such a person existed that she didn’t see the wide muscular chest draped in a black ribbed shirt, until she walked right into it. Her glasses fell off her face and Natalie leaned down to retrieve them. As she felt around the floor for them, her fingertips brushed upon a large forearm with soft hair and corded muscles. The hand attached to the arm held her glasses. As she stood, she pushed her glasses back onto her nose and looked into the deepest brown eyes she had ever seen. In a way, describing the warm color as brown did no justice. They were the color of molten chocolate and outlined with thick long lashes that could only come natural to a man, but which, women spend a lot of money on cosmetics to create.
“Are you all right?” came from the dark tall stranger, whose eyes seemed to be searching Natalie’s face for any sign of injury. His dark hair hung over his forehead in a soft cascade. His five o’clock shadow gave him a ruggedness that made her instantly think of one of her novels. A small scar on his left jaw was outlined by his incoming beard.
He was now ducking down from his full height to look directly in her eyes. No matter how much she tried, her voice just would not come out. He must have taken her lack of speech as a bad sign because he held her arm and guided her over to a nearby vacant table. As he guided her down into one of the chairs, he called to one of the waitresses to get him a glass of water.