Authors: Luigi Pirandello
FATHER
. Now wait a minute. It’s just because you’re like that …
SON
[
violent, exasperated
]. How do you know what I’m like? When did you ever care about me?
FATHER
. Granted, granted! But isn’t this an awkward situation too? Your setting yourself apart, so cruel to me, so cruel to your mother who comes home and sees you for more or less the first time, grown-up like that, and doesn’t recognize you, but knows you’re her son … [
Turning to the
DIRECTOR
and pointing to the
MOTHER
] There, look, she’s crying!
STEPDAUGHTER
[
angrily, stamping her foot
]. Like an idiot!
FATHER
[
to the
DIRECTOR
,
quickly indicating the
STEPDAUGHTER
as well
]. And she can’t stand him, that’s clear. [
Referring to the
SON
again
] He says he doesn’t come into it. But he’s practically the hinge of the whole action. Look at that little boy there, always close up by his mother, lost and humiliated … He’s like that because of
him
. Maybe his situation is the hardest of all: he feels most like a stranger, and he’s bitterly mortified, poor lad, to be taken in like this, out of charity. [
Confidentially
] Just like his father, humble, silent …
DIRECTOR
. But that won’t work out. You’ve no idea how much trouble children are on the stage.
FATHER
. Oh, but he won’t trouble you for long. Nor will that little girl: she’ll be the first to go.
DIRECTOR
. Right. Excellent! I must say that I find all this interesting, exceptionally interesting. I feel, I just feel that this material could be worked up into a splendid drama.
STEPDAUGHTER
[
trying to get in on the act
]. With a character like me!
FATHER
[
pushing her off, eager to hear the
DIRECTOR
’
s intentions
]. You shut up!
DIRECTOR
[
continuing, ignoring the interruption
]. Something new, yes …
FATHER
. Very new, sir.
DIRECTOR
. But it takes some nerve—I mean—to come and shove it in my face like this …
FATHER
. Well, you know, sir: born for the stage as we are …
DIRECTOR
. Are you amateur actors?
FATHER
. No. I say born for the stage because …
DIRECTOR
. Come off it, you must have done some acting!
FATHER
. No, sir, not really. Only the way everyone acts the part he’s given himself, or that he’s been given by others in this life. And then, with me, as soon as it gets intense—as it does with everyone—it’s the passion itself that always becomes a bit theatrical.
DIRECTOR
. Let’s drop it, let’s drop it. You’ll understand, dear sir, that without an author … I could put you in contact with someone …
FATHER
. No. Look here: you do it.
DIRECTOR
. Me? What are you talking about?
FATHER
. Yes, you, you! Why not?
DIRECTOR
. Because I’ve never been an author.
FATHER
. So why not be one now? There’s nothing to it. So many people do it. And your job will be easier because you’ve got us lot, living, standing here before you.
DIRECTOR
. But that’s not enough.
FATHER
. Why isn’t it enough? When you see us living out our drama …
DIRECTOR
. Fair enough. But you still need someone to write it.
FATHER
. No. Someone to write it down, if anything. Transcribe it as it happens, scene by scene, in front of you. It should be enough to jot down something, a rough sketch—and then try it out.
DIRECTOR
[
tempted, climbing back onto the stage
]. Well … I might just about … just for fun … we really could try it out.
FATHER
. Yes indeed, sir! Wait and see what scenes you’ll get out of it. I can show you some of them right now.
DIRECTOR
. I’m tempted … I’m tempted. Let’s give it a try … Come with me to my office. [
Turning to the
ACTORS
] You can take a break, but don’t go far. Be here again in fifteen, twenty minutes. [
To the
FATHER
] Now let’s see, we could try … Maybe something extraordinary will come out of this.
FATHER
. No doubt about it. Don’t you think it would be better if they came along? [
Indicating the other
CHARACTERS
]
DIRECTOR
. Yes, come along, all of you. [
He starts to go off, then turns to the
ACTORS
] And remember, eh, punctual. In fifteen minutes’ time.
The
DIRECTOR
and the
SIX CHARACTERS
cross the stage and go out. The
ACTORS
stand looking at each other, as if stunned
.
LEADING MAN
. Is he serious? What’s he thinking of?
YOUNG ACTOR
. This is downright madness.
THIRD ACTOR
. He wants us to improvise a play—on the spot!
YOUNG ACTOR
. Right. Like the Commedia dell’Arte.
*
LEADING LADY
. Well, if he thinks I’m going to stoop to that kind of game …
YOUNG ACTRESS
. He can count me out as well.
FOURTH ACTOR
. I’d like to know who these people are. [
Referring to the
CHARACTERS
]
THIRD ACTOR
. Who do you think? Lunatics or crooks.
YOUNG ACTOR
. And yet he listens to them?
YOUNG ACTRESS
. Vanity, vanity. He wants to pass for an author …
LEADING MAN
. Who ever heard of such a thing! If the theatre must sink to this …
FIFTH ACTOR
. I find it fun.
THIRD ACTOR
. Well, I don’t know. After all, let’s see how it turns out.
Talking thus among themselves, the
ACTORS
leave the stage, some leaving by the door at the back and some returning to their dressing rooms
.
The curtain remains up. There is an interval of about twenty minutes
.
The theatre bell announces that the play is about to restart
.
The
ACTORS
,
the
STAGE MANAGER
,
the
TECHNICIAN
,
the
PROMPTER
,
and the
PROPERTY MAN
come back onto the stage from the dressing rooms, the entrance, and even the auditorium. At the same time the
DIRECTOR
comes from his office with the
SIX CHARACTERS
.
Once the lights of the auditorium are out, the stage is lit as before
.
DIRECTOR
. Come on, ladies and gentlemen. Are we all here? Now listen, listen. Let’s get started. Technician!
TECHNICIAN
. Here I am.
DIRECTOR
. Get the drawing-room set ready. Two wings and a
backdrop with a door, that should be enough. And be quick about it, please.
The
TECHNICIAN
hurries off to get it done. While the
DIRECTOR
discusses the forthcoming performance with the
STAGE MANAGER
,
the
PROPERTY MAN
,
the
PROMPTER
,
and the
ACTORS
,
he mounts the set required: striped pink and gold, two wings and a backdrop with a door
.
DIRECTOR
[
to the
PROPERTY MAN
]. Go and see if we’ve got a settee in the storeroom.
PROPERTY MAN
. Yes, sir. We’ve got the green one.
STEPDAUGHTER
. No, no. Not green. It was yellow, flowered, made of plush—very big, and so comfortable.
PROPERTY MAN
. Well, we don’t have one like that.
DIRECTOR
. It doesn’t matter. Use the one we’ve got.
STEPDAUGHTER
. You say it doesn’t matter? Madame Pace’s famous sofa!
DIRECTOR
. It’s just for the rehearsal. Please stop interfering. [
To the
STAGE MANAGER
] See if there’s something like a shop window, rather long and low.
STEPDAUGHTER
. The table, the little mahogany table for the blue envelope.
STAGE MANAGER
[
to the
DIRECTOR
]. There’s the little gilded one.
DIRECTOR
. Right. Fetch that.
FATHER
. A mirror.
STEPDAUGHTER
. And the screen. Don’t forget a screen. Otherwise, how will I manage?
STAGE MANAGER
. Yes, madam, we have plenty of screens, don’t worry.
DIRECTOR
[
to the
STEPDAUGHTER
]. And some hatstands, right?
STEPDAUGHTER
. Lots of them.
DIRECTOR
[
to the
STAGE MANAGER
]. Go and see how many there are and have them brought here.
STAGE MANAGER
. Leave it to me.
The
STAGE MANAGER
in his turn hurries off to get things done
.
STAGEHANDS
bring on the furniture required and he arranges them as he
thinks best while the
DIRECTOR
carries on talking with the
PROMPTER
and then with the
ACTORS
and the
SIX CHARACTERS
.
DIRECTOR
[
to the
PROMPTER
]. Now you take your place. Look, here’s the outline, scene by scene, act by act. [
Showing him some sheets of paper
] But now we need you for something very special.
PROMPTER
. Shorthand?
DIRECTOR
[
surprised and delighted
]. Excellent! You know shorthand?
PROMPTER
. I may not be much good as a prompter, but shorthand …
DIRECTOR
. All the better! [
Turning to a
STAGEHAND
] Go and get some paper from my office—plenty of it—as much as you can find.
The
STAGEHAND
hurries off and returns with a thick wad of paper which he hands to the
PROMPTER
.
DIRECTOR
[
still speaking to the
PROMPTER
]. Follow the scenes as they are performed, and try to get down the dialogue—at least, the most important bits. [
Then, turning to the
ACTORS
] Clear the stage! Here, all on this side [
pointing to his left
], and pay careful attention.
LEADING LADY
. If you don’t mind, we …
DIRECTOR
[
forestalling her objection
]. Don’t worry. There’ll be no improvising.
LEADING MAN
. So what are we supposed to do?
DIRECTOR
. Nothing. For the moment just watch and listen. Later on, each of you will get a written part. But for now, as best we can, we’ll have a rehearsal. They’ll do it. [
Indicating the
SIX CHARACTERS
]
FATHER
[
totally lost amid the confusion on stage
]. Us? What do you mean, a rehearsal?
DIRECTOR
. A rehearsal—a rehearsal for them. [
Pointing to the
ACTORS
]
FATHER
. But if we are the characters …
DIRECTOR
. Sure, you’re the ‘characters’; but here, my dear sir, characters don’t act. Here it’s the actors who act. And the characters stay there in the script [
pointing to the
PROMPTER
]—when there is a script!
FATHER
. That’s just it. Since there is no script and you ladies and gentlemen are lucky enough to have the characters here alive before you …
DIRECTOR
. Oh that’s splendid! So you want to do everything by yourselves—you do the acting, you present yourselves before the public?
FATHER
. Well, yes. The way we are.
DIRECTOR
. Believe me, you’d put on a wonderful show!
LEADING MAN
. And how about us lot? What would we be hanging around for?
DIRECTOR
. You don’t really think you can act, do you? You make people laugh … [
The
ACTORS
do, in fact, laugh
] See, they’re laughing. [
Remembering
] And that reminds me. The casting. Easy enough: the play casts itself. [
To the
SECOND ACTRESS
] You, madam, are the Mother. [
To the
FATHER
] We’ll need to find her a name.
FATHER
. Amalia, sir.
DIRECTOR
. But that’s your wife’s name. We certainly don’t want to use her real name.
FATHER
. Why not? If that’s what she’s called … But maybe you’re right, if it’s to be this lady … [
gesturing vaguely towards the
SECOND ACTRESS
]. This is the woman [
indicating the
MOTHER
] that I see as Amalia. But do as you please … [
increasingly confused
] I don’t know what to say … somehow, my own words are beginning to sound different, sound false.