Three Round Towers (9 page)

I would like to say that my spirits recovered quickly and that I regained my belief in myself but it was not so. The length of time I spent in that grim cell worked into my bones and by the time the Elwoods, Mrs Makepiece and the coroner had achieved my release on surety of their good names I was but a ghost of my former self. I was taken by carriage to the farm but not before the constable took the opportunity to threaten me with the gallows. He smirked as he slammed the cell door emphasising his belief of my guilt and inevitable incarceration or death.

Cecilia stood at the front door with Beth in her arms and tears streaming down her face. ‘Come in, come in, you must be frozen.' She turned and handed Beth to someone behind her and pulled me into her arms. ‘Oh Esther, this has been too cruel, there is nothing left of you, come to the fireside and let me warm you. Mrs Fisher, the soup, some bread, some brandy. Hurry.'

I was ensconced in Farmer Elwood's big wing chair, carefully sipping the delicious meaty broth. I say carefully as my hands were shaking and I felt very light headed.

Cecilia was on her knees in front of me. ‘Did they not feed you Esther?' she asked as she studied me.

‘Aye, but I couldn't eat it – I was too upset and mostly it was just gruel and a rind of stale bread. You had to pay to get a proper meal and the constable didn't seem to want to help me. I asked him to get a message to Mrs Makepiece and ask her for some food – he said it wasn't his job to run round after me. I couldn't eat anyway, I felt sick.' I looked down at the bowl and felt my stomach turn.

‘I'm sorry Mrs Fisher, it is lovely but I can't manage any more.'

I turned to Cecilia who was looking at me with great concern.

‘How is Beth, has she been well, is she feeding properly?'

‘Oh, she is bonny and very greedy. We think, that is I think, she might take some solids soon. She smiles and laughs and has us all wrapped round her little finger. Esther, if you want to change and have a bath, I have asked the girls to heat the water for you. I didn't think you would want to cuddle Beth with the dirt of the gaol all about you.'

‘No, no, of course not. I'll go up then and perhaps I can see Beth as soon as I come down?' I asked, trying to ignore the jealousy that pinched my heart.

‘Yes, of course,' she smiled gently. ‘Don't worry Esther, Beth knows you are her mother and she will soon be back in your arms.'

‘I'm sorry Cecilia, It is just so hard not to see her and I am so grateful to you for stepping in and loving her.'

‘There is no need to thank me, we are happy to care for her and Esther, you must not think I am trying to usurp you. I am not.'

I struggled to compose myself: to control the jealousy, the mean-spiritedness that threatened to overwhelm me, when all these people had done was to help and protect us.

‘I know, Cecilia.' Hot tears tracked down my cheeks. ‘I just feel so unsure of myself now and thoughts come into my mind that shouldn't be there. I have tried to find my spirit, as Mr Elwood advised, but I just seem to be floundering in a pool of doubt. Please forgive me.'

She smiled and took me by the hand as we walked up the stairs to my room. ‘Have your bath Esther, make yourself fresh and pretty and Beth will recognise you as her mother.'

Time moved on and I was feeling stronger when Farmer Elwood, Cecilia, Mrs Makepiece and I all agreed to put dark thoughts and deeds aside until after the Noel celebrations. My case would not be heard until the spring assizes and we were all in much need of some cheer.

Billy-alone
came over one morning and Cecilia and I put our coats, hats and mittens on and walked though the orchard towards the fields. It was very cold and hoar frost crystallised the grasses and hedgerows. Lying snow had crisped up and our feet cracked the ice laying between the ruts in the trackway. Our breath sent little wisps of moisture in front of us as we marched briskly towards the coppice where, we had been assured, were evergreens and berries to decorate the drawing room and – for the first time – the kitchen.

Billy clambered up the bushes to pick the choicest boughs and we laughed when he fell right into the centre of a big fat laurel. We tied the branches into bundles and put them into trugs to carry home. Billy dragged the bigger ones that didn't have berries. I also cropped some old man's beard, which grew abundantly.

‘We need to stop in the orchard, ma'am, I know where there be some mistletoe, a fine big sprouting,' said Billy.

‘And who is the mistletoe for Billy, who wants to do the kissing?' laughed Cecilia.

‘Why not me?' he declared stoutly. ‘It's tradition ain't it? Some in the hall, some in the best room and…'

‘…some in the kitchen,' we sang at him, laughing. For a brief moment my troubles lifted from my shoulders.

We had been out for several hours and were glad to get back into the warmth. Mrs Fisher and Cilla had made some mince pies and the kitchen smelled delicious with hot spices and sweet flavours all around. I still had not regained my appetite but I took one of the pies and enjoyed it very much. Billy took a piece of the mistletoe and with much prancing and laughing he clambered onto the big table and tied it to a beam. I glanced at Cilla who had gone quite pink. I didn't think it would be long before the evergreen symbol of romance would be put to use.

I couldn't help reminding everyone that the berries of the mistletoe were very poisonous and care must be taken that they did not fall into food or drinks.

I didn't want to break the joyous moment but I was seeing dark shadows everywhere and I couldn't help myself. I needn't have worried, the good cheer and laughter soon took hold again as we started to decorate the entrance hall and the drawing room. Cilla and Billy undertook to do the kitchen and when we all progressed round the rooms to admire, we were very impressed with their joint effort.

Farmer Elwood returned to the house after dark and Cecilia, Beth and I were waiting in the hall to welcome him with mulled wine, warm ale and more mince pies. He pulled his lovely young wife into his arms and gave her a boisterous kiss right under the mistletoe. He tickled Beth with his whiskers and gave her a kiss too. I hung back, not sure where I belonged but he held out his hand to me and pecked me on the cheek. For the first time in weeks I felt happy. For me, it was all about belonging.

It was but a few days to Christmas and at last I began to feel normal again. The hardships of the gaol seemed far away as the house filled with wonderful smells and there was much giggling and secrecy as we all did our best to make little gifts for each other. I had bottled some fruit in brandy that Mrs Makepiece acquired for me from a source I didn't enquire into. I planned to give a bottle each to Farmer Elwood, Mr Franklin, and Mrs Makepiece. For Cecilia I was working on a sampler to decorate her bedroom. I struggled to think of anything for Billy but finally lit on some homemade slippers. I asked Miss Wardle for some small off-cuts of piggy leather and fashioned them into slippers using wool and leather thongs for bindings. Beth was easy – I made a little jerkin from some fragments of material from Cecilia's linen box. I had enough scraps left over to make a hat and mittens and socks. Miss Wardle entered into the spirit of giving and for her I made some ointment, according to a receipt of my mother's, to protect the skin from bad weather, though it had to be said it might be a bit late to help her old, wind-chapped hands. I did wonder if it would be right to give Dr Grieve a small gift. Cecilia and I discussed it and she said that I should bake some of my little pies and make up a parcel for him. It wasn't too personal and he liked his food.

The Elwoods would be ‘at home' to visitors on Christmas Eve when the carol singers would come by and sing for the family. They invited their neighbours and local friends round for a drink and sweetmeats to celebrate the birth of Christ on the morrow. I didn't join the festivities as I felt myself still to be an object of gossip; Cecilia tried to reassure me that their guests would all have goodwill at heart but I couldn't quite bring myself to satisfy anyone's curiosity. However, I listened to the carols with enormous pleasure as they carried the message of hope.

The singers, lamp-bearers and musicians were all invited into the hall for mulled ale and biscuits after their boisterous singing of half a dozen festive songs. Beth and I sat on the stairway, out of sight, and watched them troop in. They seemed a bit uncomfortable but soon settled into themselves once refreshments were offered by Cilla, who had donned a maid's uniform for the occasion. Once tongues had been loosened by the ale there were good wishes and good health declarations which went on for some time – the first from the lead singer, a rather gruff looking elderly man who had a fine pitched voice, albeit a little tremulous on the higher notes. Farmer Elwood replied with his own hopes for the community at large and the health and wealth of all the people present. Everyone wanted to say something generous and all had to be given a courteous reply but last of all came expressions of goodwill for the Lady of the House. This was volunteered by one of the lamp bearers who was, perhaps, the most senior of the group. Cecilia blushed prettily and hoped that all the ladies in the group would benefit from a peaceful and bounteous Noel. After all the good wishes, the choir were offered gifts to take home (nuts and spiced preserves) and a jingly purse for the benefit of Southover Church Choir, with particular regard to cushions for the uncomfortable kneelers.

I went to bed with Beth tucked into my arms and thanked God for my good friends.

Christmas Day dawned frosty and clear and for the Elwood household began with a family visit to church – everyone went including the farm hands, their families and the household staff. I went too but with my head covered with one of Cecilia's hats with a lace veil. I knew everyone was looking at me but with Cecilia on one side and Farmer Elwood on the other I managed to hold my head up. The sermon was very long and people were shifting back and forth in their pews, no doubt thinking of the feast waiting at home. I remembered the sermons at Hamsey and the loud hectoring tone of hellfire and damnation and decided that Southover Church and its incumbent were much more to my liking.

The joy of spending Christmas with everyone I cared for and Beth's very first Noel almost overcame me but it was a wonderful day. We ate, we played, we sung, we laughed and exchanged our gifts. Billy-alone was in the kitchen, again, and he was made up with his new footwear. He presented, with a great flourish, a pretty little handkerchief for me. I didn't ask where it had come from and I am sure he was relieved that I didn't. I had given Miss Wardle her cream on Christmas Eve and I was touched when she gave me a quick hard hug and a pot of her bramble jelly.

‘Now don't eat too much at once my dear, there is a good measure of brandy in it to give it some flavour.' I was amazed – did everyone in Lewes have a barrel of smuggled brandy in their cellars? I was quite sure my parents had never even tasted such strong liquor but wasn't I perpetuating this crime by making my own gifts from illegal alcohol? Who was I to criticise when I drunk the tea, ate the salt and spices and enjoyed a nip of brandy on occasions? I joined all the rest by turning a blind eye.

Cecilia and Farmer Elwood gave me a length of muslin to have made up into a blouse.

I thanked them, it was so pretty with sprigs of flowers in forget-me-not blue. I hoped they hadn't wasted their money in buying me something that might never be worn if I was taken to the gallows. I would leave the making up for a date in the future, if there was to be one.

Mrs Makepiece was invited to Christmas dinner and she was staying the night so we were able to spend a good while together with Beth on her knee. She was very pleased with my bottled fruit and handed me a little box with one of her own pieces of jewellery in it. I opened the box carefully and found a tiny brooch. It was a knot of silver with a little seed pearl at its heart.

‘My dear husband gave it to me many years ago and I would rather you have it and wear it for me. My boys are far away and would not know what to do with such a delicate thing.'

I turned the beautiful brooch over in my hands, marvelling at the intricate silverwork.

‘Where are your boys tonight?' I asked, hoping that they were enjoying their Noel as much as we were.

‘I don't know,' she sighed. ‘They are all in the navy, as was their father before them. They come home on occasions but it is not often enough. I worry about them in these troubled times what with the Frenchies and everyone fighting.'

I felt my eyes prickle. ‘Thank you so much for this and everything you have done for me. I truly feel like you are my saviour – you have never doubted me and have stood up for me. No matter what happens…'

‘Nothing is going to happen my dear,' she interrupted me. ‘We will get rid of this silly man Coad and all get on with our lives, with Beth here growing up to be a lovely young woman and you making her a home here in Lewes.' I smiled at her belief and was comforted and said nothing more. Christmas night was upon us and we stood round Cecilia's piano and listened to her playing – her fingers traced the keys with delicacy as she sang a lullaby. Beth crowed in delight and tried to reach the source of this lovely sound. I put her next to Cecilia and she transformed the playing with her own version of thumpity-thump on the keys. We all went to bed laughing at her antics.