Authors: Daniel Grant
‘Uh…well, look I’m sorry if this is a bit weird or… a few of us here are going for drinks tonight, one of the traders is leaving and I wondered if you fancied joining us?’ The girl is asking me out. Lauren whatever-her-name-is is asking me out on a date.
‘Tonight?’ Yes tonight you tosspot, of course tonight.
‘Yeah, it’s a bit short notice I know and if you can’t do it, I understand-’
‘No, no, I can. Where are you going?’
‘It’s a place called Jo Jo’s. Do you know it?’
‘No, somewhere in the City?’
‘Yeah, in Bishopsgate. I’ll email you the address. We’re getting there around seven if you’re up for it.’
‘Cool, okay.’
‘Great. So I’ll see you there?’ She suddenly sounds nervous. Do I, Ollie Hayward, make the scary, stunning blonde girl nervous when I speak to her? You know, I think I do.
‘Yeah, see you then.’
‘Bye Ollie.’ She used my name. Maybe she’s like, in love with me.
‘Bye.’ She hangs up, leaving me to ponder my sudden turnaround in female fortunes.
I want to tell someone. I’m almost bursting. I sit back down on the newsdesk. Julie, the newsdesk assistant, sits opposite me. She’s new and keen but also young and inexperienced. Her short cropped brown hair doesn’t do her any favours.
‘What are you smiling about?’ she asks. Paul looks up from his paper.
‘Well, you know that girl you sent me to interview the other day? In the City?’ I reply, looking at Paul. He thinks for a moment.
‘No,’ he says, eventually.
‘Well okay, doesn’t matter. Anyway, she’s just asked me out on a date,’ I say. Julie smiles.
‘She asked you on a date?’ Paul asks, a quizzical look on his face.
‘Yes, don’t pull that face, like that’s the most unlikely thing to happen on a job.’
‘I’ve been working in this business for over twenty years and no one, no one, has ever asked me out,’ Paul says.
‘Well I must be a charmer,’ I reply. Julie and Paul both laugh.
‘Yep that must be it. You think he’s attractive, Julie?’ Paul asks. She looks at me and shrugs, a smile on her face.
‘I don’t know. He’s not really my type,’ I feel like I’ve been slapped, ‘but yeah, he’s pretty good looking I guess.’ Ah, the youth of today.
‘Pretty good looking. I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not,’ Paul says.
‘Me neither,’ I reply.
‘Well all I can say is she’ll more than likely fuck you over. That’s what I’ve found with women. No offence Julie, but it all comes down to what you don’t do. You didn’t buy me flowers for no reason. You didn’t fix the garage door when I told you. You didn’t do that sponsored fun run for the deaf kid at the end of the road,’ he says. I glance at Julie who shrugs.
‘So the divorce going well then?’ I ask.
‘What divorce ever goes well, Ollie?’ he replies. ‘I’ll be glad when it’s done. Sucking the life out of me and my savings. But I’m sure this girl you’ve met is the one that’s different.’
‘We’re not all the same, Paul,’ Julie says.
‘Right. That’s what you want us to believe,’ he replies. Julie glances over at me, annoyed. I shrug, unsure what else I can add to this conversation.
I don’t have time to change, so I jump on the tube and head straight to Bank station. As I try to follow my map directions, I stop and call Parker.
‘What do you want homo?’ he says, sounding like he’s eating and talking at the same time.
‘Just to say, don’t wait up for me tonight,’ I reply.
‘I don’t wait up for you any night, dick.’
‘Well this one especially.’
‘Fine,’ he says. He’s obviously distracted. With what, I don’t wish to speculate.
‘Don’t you want to know why?’ I ask.
‘Meeting your gay lover?’
‘No. I’ve got a date.’
‘Yeah? Your mum doesn’t count.’
‘Pretty funny. No, really. That girl I showed you the DVD of.’
‘Mate, you’re not doing that thing where you stay out half the night walking around in the dark in some vague attempt to prove you’re hetro?’
‘You can believe me or you can be a dick. I won’t be home till late.’
‘Are you seriously meeting that girl, what’s her name again?’
‘Lauren. Yes I really am.’
‘Wow. I’d say good luck but I think you’re going to need a lot more than that not to fuck this one up.’
‘That’s great dude.’
‘Try not to do anything stupid, like be yourself.’
‘Gotta go man, constructive though this conversation is.’
‘Have a nice night.’
‘You too, with Ashley,’ I say.
‘Mate, don’t even try to-’
‘Sorry gotta go.’ I hang up and smile. I glance down at my iPhone and reload the map. Says Jo Jo’s is just around the corner here. There’s no sign or…oh hang on, what’s this? I see a small metal sign by a door. Jo Jo’s. I stare through the window. Seems pretty full and rowdy. Suddenly I’m nervous. I don’t know any of these people. Hope that cock with the shiny suit, James, isn’t going to be there. I take a deep breath, open the door and go inside.
Hard-hitting house music pulsates through me as soon as I enter. It’s an ultra-trendy bar/club. Well dressed types stand impatiently waiting to be served. The bar area disappears into the distance to my left. People stand chatting and shouting at each other over the din. I scan the crowds for Lauren. I spot her coming out of the Ladies and move to intercept. She sees me.
‘Hey. You made it,’ she says, leaning in to kiss my cheek. She’s wearing a grey trouser suit. Her long blonde hair is pulled back tightly into a sexy ponytail. She looks stunning.
‘Hi, uh yeah,’ I reply, my dufus gene kicking in at the perfect moment.
‘I hope you don’t mind me calling, I just… I don’t know, thought it might be fun.’
‘Yeah no, absolutely,’ I say. Perhaps we can move on to two or more syllable words now Ollie, what do you think?
‘You want to meet everyone?’ she asks.
‘Sure,’ I reply. Yeah, I want to meet ‘everyone’. Smooth, she’ll definitely want to have sex with me after that line. Are these people going to be a bunch of wanker bankers? She takes my hand and leads me through the throngs of people to a table with maybe fifteen well-dressed types sitting around it. I note they are all about five years older than me. I spot shiny suit man doing the entertaining. Great.
‘…which is why my team closed the sale and everyone keeps their jobs,’ James finishes saying as Lauren and I approach. He looks up, others follow his gaze. Now I really do feel like a douche.
‘Everyone, this is Ollie from TBN. He was the one that came and interviewed me the other day.’ Some people nod, others glance at one another. I put up my hand and mouth hi.
‘Shuffle round,’ Lauren says. They do, somewhat reluctantly.
‘So no one being fired today then?’ one of the guys asks James.
‘No, they’re safe for today,’ he replies, taking a sip of his pint. The conversation fragments and soon people have split into smaller discussions. The guy next to me turns and offers his hand.
‘Hi, I’m Mark,’ he says.
‘Ollie, nice to meet you,’ I reply. Mark looks like one of those clichéd well groomed city men. Good looking, olive skin, immaculately dressed and something about him that reminds me of George Michael.
‘So you work for TBN? That fun?’ he asks.
‘Yeah, you know, it has its days like any job but it’s interesting and every day is different.’
‘You’re a reporter?’
‘Producer. Which basically means, I do all the work and get none of the credit,’ I reply, an attempt at a joke. Mark smiles but doesn’t chuckle.
‘I can’t get my head round this, you do interviews that someone else uses?’ Lauren asks.
‘Yeah. Some days I’ll do interviews, like the one I did with you. Other days I’ll be sent down to court to break the result or be sent to a breaking news story like a riot or anything really.’
‘Sounds really interesting,’ Lauren says.
‘It’s not always that exciting,’ I reply.
‘No sure, but when a big story breaks, I bet everyone goes nuts,’ she says.
‘Yeah they do, but must be the same where you work?’ I say.
‘Oh no, we’re completely calm all the time,’ Mark replies. Lauren shoots him a look. ‘I’m just fucking with you. It gets pretty nasty sometimes but that’s the job, right?’
‘Sure,’ I say. I don’t know what to make of this guy. Seems friendly enough, if a little into himself.
‘You’d better not be talking about me,’ says James, across three people. Mark and Lauren look over to him.
‘Why would we be talking about you?’ Lauren asks, smiling. ‘Ollie’s far more interesting.’ James pulls a face and whispers something to the voluptuous girl sitting next to him who giggles as she sips her cocktail through a straw.
‘You want a drink, Ollie?’ Mark offers.
‘If you don’t mind, beer would be great,’ I say.
‘Boss?’
‘Same again please,’ Lauren replies. Mark turns to the rest of the group.
‘I’m not buying all of you drinks unless someone comes to the bar to help me.’ He stares at James.
‘I can’t get out mate, I’d love to,’ says James.
‘You’re coming. Come on,’ Mark says. James rolls his eyes.
‘Fuck. Sorry guys, excuse me,’ James says. People shuffle to allow James out. They walk off together.
‘So are you working tomorrow?’ Lauren asks.
‘Yeah fraid so.’
‘I hope you don’t mind me calling you like that. Just sort of out of the blue.’ She stares at me, her eyes sparkling in the low light.
‘I was surprised to hear from you. Although when I heard you ripping that guy a new arsehole I thought, man you’re scary.’ She puts her hands over her face.
‘God, so embarrassing, what must you think of me?’
‘What had he done?’
‘It was more about what hadn’t he done. It’s fine. He did what he needed to and now everything’s as it should be. Don’t you ever shout at people where you work?’
‘I guess, sometimes.’ I glance over to the bar, James and Mark are doing rock, paper, scissors. James loses and he doesn’t look happy about it. Ha!
‘So whereabouts do you live?’ Lauren asks. I turn back to her.
‘Clapham,’ I reply. She nods. She knows where Clapham is, that’s good I guess. ‘You?’
‘Pimlico,’ she replies.
‘Nice,’ I say. She shrugs. There is something crackling between us under the surface. I feel it charging through me. It’s all I can do to keep my heart from jumping out of my chest.
‘So do you have a girlfriend?’ she asks. I look at her.
‘No. You?’ I ask.
‘Girlfriend? No.’ She smiles, her eyes never leaving mine. The intensity between us is suddenly overpowering. The rowdy bar has all but disappeared. Just the two of us, caught in each other’s headlights. ‘I’d be lying though if I said I hadn’t experimented,’ she says, winking. What’s that now? She what? This girl has just admitted to me that she-
‘Here you go,’ Mark says, putting the pint down in front of me which immediately breaks the spell with Lauren. I look up at him.
‘Thanks,’ I say. I want to explore the lesbian angle Lauren just dropped into the conversation but now Mark’s here it feels somehow inappropriate. ‘That was quick.’
‘Yeah, the barman knows me. We’re in here a lot,’ Mark replies.
‘You mean, you’re in here a lot,’ Lauren says.
‘So? It’s a cool place, right Ollie?’
‘Yeah, cool,’ I say.
‘Just don’t get a round in, it costs a small fortune,’ he says, smiling.
‘Mark, why don’t you sit here and I can chat to Ollie,’ Lauren says.
‘Uh, sure. Whatever you say, boss,’ he replies. Lauren stands up and shuffles past Mark. She sits down and smiles at me. I smile back. Everyone’s happy. Mark starts talking to the girl with the huge boobs next to him.
‘So…’ I say.
‘So,’ she replies, taking a sip of her drink.
‘What is it you do again?’ I ask.
‘I’m in charge of all the trading managers at United. I make sure they don’t do things they’re not supposed to.’
‘Right. Cool.’
‘So what about you, have you ever met the Prime Minister?’ she asks.
‘Yeah.’
‘What’s he like?’
‘Honestly, he’s a bit of a prick. On camera, he’s one person, off camera he’s someone else.’
‘Oh. How disappointing.’
‘Yeah.’ A pause settles itself between us. Then I say, ‘So tell me about these past experiences then?’
‘Past experiences?’
‘Yeah, what we were just talking about before, you know?’ I say, smiling. She purses her lips, her eyes flirting with me.
‘Right, right. In order for me to tell you about that, I’m going to need a lot more alcohol-’
‘Easily sortable,’ I say.