Through The Lens (30 page)

Stepping back, I moved
past him and up the stairs.  I went directly to the bathroom.  Looking at
myself in the mirror, my hair was tousled and wild.  My eyes were a reflection
of the rest of me.  My lips were fuller, swollen from kissing.  I looked more
like a girl ready for what Ethan may have wanted.  Turning on the faucet, I
splashed myself.

Opening the bathroom
door, I called out, “Ethan.”  His footfalls were welcome.  He stood over me,
and I felt tiny and vulnerable. “Can you help me?” I said while I turned
around.  Getting into the dress hadn’t been that hard.  But getting out was
problematic.  I wasn’t a contortionist.  He cleared his throat before I felt
his hands at the nape of my neck.  Slowly, the zipper went down then stopped. 
His hands were gone. “Can you unzip it all the way?  I’d hate to call you
back.”

Audibly, I heard him
swallow before I felt his hands on me again.  I can’t say that a part of my ego
wasn’t boosted knowing that I affected him.  But another part of my brain
screamed that I was playing with fire.  And you know what parents say about
that.  You might just get burned.

His fingertips trailed
down to the small of my back, searing his touch in my memory.  The zipper
stopped.  He took a step back.  I turned around.  He nodded at me before he
made a hasty retreat.

Back in the bathroom, I
let the dress drop to the floor unceremoniously.  Then I looked at myself.  I
wasn’t going to win a swimsuit contest, but my body wasn’t bad.  I wondered
just what Ethan would think if he saw me.  Would it be just Biology or would he
truly appreciate a one-time gift I had to offer.

The fact that I wasn’t
sure and was hiding in a bathroom, contemplating it, meant I wasn’t ready.  I
was closer to yes with Ethan than I had been with Josh.  Yet, this wasn’t the
time.  Then another thought came to me.  Ethan’s tee shirt was white.  He’d
been wearing a white button-down.  So, did I wear my bra or not?

I rolled my dress up so
it wouldn’t wrinkle.  I didn’t think there would be hangers for me to place it
on.  I came out of the bathroom barefoot, feeling quite exposed.  “Ethan,” I
said. No footfalls came. “Which bedroom should I use?”

“It doesn’t matter,”
his voice rang out.  He sounded close.  I went to the door that was ajar. 
Peeking inside, I saw Ethan with his glorious back to me.  He wore boxer briefs
and nothing else.  Reminding myself I’d seen him like this before, I pushed on
through the doorway.  He was bigger than I was. His shirt, however, wasn’t
tented on me, nor did it cling to my curves.   So I felt okay wearing it.

A four-poster bed that
was joined to make a rectangle of wood at the top, and a footstool marked the
end of the bed.  Ethan turned from the dresser where he’d been looking in the
mirror.  I moved to the bed.

“Oh,” he said, sounding
taken aback. “I’ll just take one of the other rooms.”

“Will you stay with
me?” I asked timidly.

Stock-still, he
surveyed me like he was peering into my soul through my eyes.  How do you
convey that this is what you want without moving a muscle? “Yeah, okay,” he
said.

I drew the covers back
on the side of the bed I was on.  He did the same.  This wasn’t like playing
house when you were seven with the boy next door.  And besides that, we’d
shared a bed before.  This shouldn’t be so weird.

Simultaneously, we lay
down on each half of our bed, our backs firmly on the mattress and stared up. 
This was really ridiculous. I turned as did he, but my word escaped my throat
first. “Ethan,” I said.  And there we were side-by-side on our sides.  It felt
like electricity was jumping between us, firing bursts of sensation all over
the places where our bodies met.  My brain was screaming
Danger
but my
body moved closer to him.  Magnetic, people called the pull between two people
attracted to one another.  And yes, that's what it was because some invisible force
pulled our lips and body together.  His hands were in my hair, my hands were in
his. 

Talk about compromising
positions, I’d become the aggressor in this little game.  The bed sheets had
become heaps at our feet, leaving the chill in the air to brush against my
naked thighs.  I was atop Ethan when I regained my sense. Looking at his face,
it wasn’t hard to understand why it hadn’t taken me so long to get here. 

Grinning wildly, he
rolled me onto my back, stopping himself on his side.  Then he rolled me to my
side with my back to him.  With a tug, he pulled my back into his chest with a
sigh at my ear.  “I never thought it wouldn’t be hard to lie with you like
this.”

There were many ways to
interpret his words so I said nothing.  I felt every inch of him, and my
willpower not to try and get closer to him was waning.  “Goodnight, Jess,” he
whispered, his forearm barely grazing the bottoms of my breast.  He didn’t try
and grope me.  So, I felt like the decision to go braless showed my trust and
faith in him, even if I felt shaken in my own resolve.  It was by his willpower
alone, I hadn’t done anything I might regret later.

“Goodnight,” I said and
closed my eyes tight, willing myself into slumber.

This wasn’t like last time where I realized
my mistake and I was on alert to beat my parents from discovering that I broke
the rules.  So when I rolled out of bed, I headed to the bathroom with Ethan
still sound asleep.

My footfalls slapped
silently on the chilled floor.  I found myself nearly tiptoeing to save myself
the frostbite ground beneath my feet.  Of course, there were no towels in the
bathroom.  A quick smell check said I was passable there.  Thank goodness there
was toilet paper.  And miracles of miracles, there was a tiny tube of
toothpaste that had a little left in it.  That’s how Ethan found me, finger
brushing my teeth.

His arms were crossed
from the cold or the look in his eye. I wasn’t sure.  I spit out the toothpaste
and gave myself a quick rinse.  By this time, he’d moseyed his way to halfway
sitting on the counter.  When I stood, he gave me the once-over.  “Well, there
is something to be said for letting girls wear your clothes.”

“Why is that?  I’m sure
this isn’t the first time,” I said with a pang of jealousy at the thought.  I
remembered when he was taking Lucy home that one morning, and then there was
Allie.

“No,” he said frankly.
“No girl has ever worn my clothes before.” You could say I did a mental happy
dance, but somehow managed to keep my glee to myself.

“Allie?’ I asked,
surely all the time they spent together something could have happened.

Chuckling, he said,
“Allie is always well prepared.”  I winced.  Showing just how smooth he was, he
said, “And I don’t think Allie would look as hot as you do now.”

The sucker that I was,
I grinned.  Tugging at the bottom hem of his shirt, he asked, “Do you think I
could get it back?”

Slapping his shoulder
slightly as he made a move to pull me closer, I said, “Nice try.”  Feeling damn
pleased with myself, I sashayed out of the room.

“No fair,” he called
after me.

Half turning, I said,
“I think I left you a little toothpaste.”  And no, I hadn’t smelled any bad
breath, but he was a little too proud of himself.  Moments later, I heard the
water running.  I did a quick change into my dress.  I opted not to put the
pantyhose back on.  I wasn’t going anywhere that this would be a faux pas. At
least I hoped not.

The plan was for Ethan
to drop me off at Madison’s house so she could bring me home.  Plus, I needed
to borrow something of hers to wear to back up the lie I told.  However, we
decided to stop at his house first.  We left early in the morning because we
were awake, and there was no food there.  We opted to get something and
continue home.  It wasn’t even noon before we made it his house.  He parked
outside because we wouldn’t be here long.

We headed straight for
our bunker to develop the film.  He was just as excited to see how the pictures
of the landscape turned out as much as I was.  Ethan was an artist at heart, I
thought.  His sketches from class had been amazing.  Now that we were together,
I made a mental note to ask him about what those three really meant. 

Once we were there, I
was grateful I’d gone first.  Otherwise, Ethan would have gotten an eyeful if
he looked underneath my dress.  We were setting up, when he cursed. “I forgot
something.”  He was inventorying the chemicals again, when he added, “I’ll be
right back.”

“Okay,” I said and took
the time to survey the setup so I would be able to recall enough to do it on my
own.  When long minutes passed, I started to wonder.  Climbing up out of the
bunker, I didn’t see Ethan on his way back to me. 

Cursing my footwear
choice, I braved the way back to the house, deciding I would go barefoot back.
So I took off my shoes before I stepped in the house.  The back door was open
and as I was about to call out, I heard voices and caught a scent that smelled
of fire.

“Just because you are
here by yourself doesn’t mean you have a free pass to stay out all night.”

“Why are you here?” Ethan
asked, not sounding his confident self.

“For one, you.  Second,
it is the anniversary of your Dad’s death.”

My noiseless steps
allowed me to enter the kitchen without warning to the occupants.  Facing me
was a woman holding a lit cigarette.  Now I understood the smell.   Her face had
been beautiful once.  I could see under the hard lines and deep frown, she
would have been a beauty.  Her blond hair was dark with a mix of gray around
the roots.  Her makeup was severe.

“Three, I have the
exhibit at the museum to tend to.  It is my creation, butterflies. No thanks to
your father.”  The scowl on her face only got worse when she saw me. “Taking
them to church are you now.” It wasn’t a question, and it wasn’t directed at
me.

However, I felt
compelled to answer. “No, ma’am. We came from visiting his father’s grave,” I
said boldly.  I didn’t like his mother.  And it wasn’t just the tone she used
on him or the evil glare she gave me.  It was the fact that she’d all but
abandoned her son.  He stood rigid, and I found that Ethan’s Kryptonite was his
parents.   He seemed to turn into a little boy facing her and his father’s
ghost.

Her laugh was poison. 
It was throaty and sounded like she was hacking up a lugy. “A slut with a
voice.  Was he with you or someone else all night?”

Just when I was going
to give voice to a deluge of curse words, Ethan moved to me. “She’s not a slut,
Mom.  This is my girlfriend.”

“Is that what you call
them these days?  I didn’t think you needed that term to worm your way in their
pants.  You’re just like your father,” she said. When he took a step forward,
she stopped him with a hand.  “And you, if you are his girlfriend I should warn
you.  If he doesn’t drop you after getting under your skirt, you may end up his
next victim.”

Silence.  Ethan
shifted.  My eyes widened. “And that brings me to the last reason why I’m
here.  Allie is missing Ethan.  Where is she?”

He turned to face me
and shifted to move in my direction.  It had to be the look of horror and guilt
on his face, but I found myself backing up.  I couldn’t believe that he had
anything to do with Allie’s disappearance.  I couldn’t stay there either with
his horrible mother.  I ran out the front door.  He called after me.  His
mother called out in response, saying something to him that must have stopped
him.  His car was unlocked, and I took my phone from his seat.

With my shoes in one
hand and my phone in the other, I fled.  The space between houses in his
neighborhood was unreal.  After passing one house other than his, I stopped. 
Looking back, he hadn’t come after me.  Dialing, I called Madison who agreed to
come get me and bring a change of clothes.  I walked until I was out of his
neighborhood. I walked until I was on a major street.  I walked until Madison
rolled down the window offering me a ride when my phone buzzed. 

It was an incoming
text.

WHERE R U

I didn’t answer.  Apparently,
Ethan had come after me, but I guess he’d gone the opposite direction.  Thank
goodness for small favors.

“What the hell is up,
Jess?” Madison called out.  Hopping in her car while it was stopped in the
middle of the road, I got in the backseat to change into the yoga pants and
tank she had waiting for me.

I didn’t want to tell
her, but I did.  “Fudge,” Madison said at the end of a string of curses.  I wiggled
my way to the front of the car at a stoplight. 

Clicking my seatbelt
on, I added, “Fudgetastic.”

“Do you think he did
it?” she asked cautiously.  Her warning about him before had me biting her head
off.  She was treading water carefully this time.

Facing her profile, I
said, “Honestly, no.”

“Then why did you
hightail it out of there?  And your phone keeps buzzing so the vibrate isn’t
hiding that he’s calling you and you’re not answering.”  Damn vibrate.  I had
family, so I couldn’t put the phone on silent.  I would never forgive myself if
I missed a life-or-death call from my Mom or Dad or Kyle.  Jenna, eh.