Through The Weeds (Nightshade MC Book 2) (19 page)

Caroline had a thousand snarky responses loaded in her mind when Amelia had begun to talk but they all faded away at her last words. Could she live with it or not? Could she? “And if you can't?”

“You cut out clean and quick but honest. Always honest,” Amelia replied with certainty. “Why don't you take a break? Grab a plate before the masses descend, otherwise you're likely not to get any bacon or sausage at all.”

“I'm going to make a plate for Train and take it up.” Caroline wasn't sure that her system could handle the food or if Amelia was capable of getting the rest of the breakfast ready. She filled a paper plate and headed up the stairs to Train's room. She knocked before she entered. He grunted at her to come in. “I've got food for you.”

He was still in bed and looked like he wanted to tell her to go to hell, but he didn't. “Thanks. You look like shit. From what I heard, seems like you didn't take my advice. You got your panties in a twist over the money?”

“My panties are none of your concern.” Caroline set the plate down on the table next to the bed. “You want coffee? I can get you some.”

“I've got water over there. That'll do me just fine. And I know that your panties are in a bunch, because I've got ears and they work just fine. He wasn't trying to lie to you. He doesn't think about it. You see him walking around here acting all rich?”

“No,” Caroline replied. “Please Train...”

“Shut it.” He picked up his fork. “I've known Buster a long time, longer than I like to admit, and he's never had any real inclination to spend that money. Far as I know, he's only touched it for three things. His bike, his house and Nightshade Construction. What does that tell you about him?”

“He's a good man. I know that he's a good man, but...”

“There's no but. He's a good man. You could do a fuck of a lot worse, that's for sure. Could have ended up with some scumbag like Jake Dodd,” Train grumbled. “I can't wait to get my hands on that slimy fuck.”

“What's going to happen to Jillian?” Caroline asked.

“You need to ask your old man that. Thanks for the food, but you need to get out. I'm going to eat and go back to sleep.” Train didn't even look up from his plate as Caroline left the room.

Amelia had handled breakfast quite well. By the time that Caroline was back downstairs everyone seemed to be eating already. She went to the buffet to fill a plate, even if she wasn't hungry she needed something to fuel her.

“Don't pick at the scraps,” Amelia told her. “Got you a plate in the kitchen. There's a pot of fresh coffee, too. I'm going to head over to check on the garden, if you're interested in lending me a hand after you're done.”

“Are you sure that's safe?”

“I've got a gun, and I'm at least as good a shot as Bones. Probably better.” Amelia spoke with a pissed off expression on her face. “Enjoy your food.” Caroline sighed and went to find her plate as Amelia huffed her way out the door.

Caroline sat with her plate at the bar, and no one approached her. She hadn't seen Danny, but Monroe and Bones were there, and two of the hang-arounds who hadn't taken off were on watch. Train was resting. Who knew where Buster or Ace had gone. Thinking of Ace made her think of Jillian. She picked up her phone, dialed her friend's number more out of habit than anything else. The phone rang straight through to voice mail.

She wasn't sure why she still bothered. She slipped her phone in her pocket and heard it chime. She took the phone back out. Jillian's name flashed on the screen. “Hello?” Caroline pressed her finger to her other ear, muted out the sounds of the bar. “Hello.”

The call ended, but Caroline was sure it had been Jillian on the other end of the line. She'd heard someone breathing. She didn't know how she knew it, but she just knew. It seemed important somehow that with everything going on, Jillian would call back. Had she been too scared to speak?

Amelia came back in the front door, a scowl on her face. “Well, I guess gardening is off fucking limits.” She glared daggers at Monroe. “You really had to call him?”

“He said to call him if you tried to leave.” Monroe held up his hands. “I'm a prospect. I do as I'm told.”

“Whatever,” Amelia grumbled and came over to the bar. “You okay?” She asked Caroline. “You're looking a little bit pale. You and Buster haven't been going bareback, have you?”

“No.” Well, yes, but not that it mattered, considering what she knew now. “I just got a call from Jillian.”

“Why would Jillian call you?”

“I don't know. She hasn't answered or responded to any of my other calls.”

“Other calls? Wait. You've been calling Jillian?”

“Yeah. Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Because, Caroline, she's with Jake Dodd. She's his fucking old lady. She's the god damn enemy, that's why!” Amelia's eyes flashed with anger. “Why would you call her?”

“She's Jillian, damn it. She's the closest thing I had to a best friend here. I called because I want to hear from her why she turned her back on us. And I want to know that she's okay.”

“Does Buster know you've been calling her?”

“I've never mentioned it,” Caroline said and realized that she should have. She just hadn't considered it important, probably in the way that Buster hadn't considered the money important. Well, fuck. “Shit.”

“Yeah, that about sums it up. Use your head, Caroline. Get rid of that fucking phone.”

“Actually,” Bones spoke up. “She shouldn't do that. She should try to make contact again. Ace has the GPS activated. We can try and get her location if she calls back or even if she keeps the phone on.” The man was excited, really excited. “I'm on it. Give me five minutes, Caroline, and then we'll call her back.

They called back a dozen times, straight to voice mail with no sign of a location on the tracking program. “Well. Fuck.” Bones drummed his fingers against the desk tucked in the corner of the kitchen. “Leave the phone here with me. I'll keep the program up in case she turns it back on.” Caroline sighed and handed over the phone. “Don't worry, I've got another one for you.” He reached in the drawer and handed her a pink phone covered with rhinestones.

“Seriously?”

“Seriously,” he replied. “Got it for free when I bought a couple others online. Come on, take it, please. I can't give it to one of the guys.”

Caroline could see how that wouldn't go over well. “Next time, Amelia gets the pretty princess phone, okay?”

<#<#<#<#

Caroline knew that Buster had heard about the Jillian thing. She saw it on his face immediately. “Did we get anything from the phone?” He demanded of Bones who was at the bar with a burger in front of him.

“Nothing yet. Phone is still off.”

“You sure that you're running the software right, dickhead?” Ace demanded. “Should have called me. Made sure it got done right.”

“It's a tracker program. I can run a tracker program in my sleep,” Bones shouted as Ace stormed into the kitchen.

Caroline walked right over to Buster. “I'm sorry. I'm a shitty old lady. The shittiest. I never thought that....” He cut off her apology and protest with his mouth. The unexpected kiss was wonderful, forceful to the point that Caroline nearly climbed him like a tree right there. She pulled back. “I should have...”

“You're not a shitty old lady.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. “You're just figuring stuff out. Besides, this actually turned out to be a good thing. It might confirm a location for us. So relax, alright? You're practically vibrating out of your skin. Come on, I need some quiet.” He took her by the hand and together they walked up the stairs. “I can't wait to go back home. The one night was like a tease.”

“I liked it there.” Caroline had, truly; it just didn't feel like home to her yet. It wasn't a big surprise since she'd only been there one night. “I'm sorry for yelling at you last night. I shouldn't have lost it.”

“I'd say I dropped a few bombs on you yesterday, you had a right to lose it.”

“I came downstairs to apologize, but you were already gone.”

“I knew I wasn't going to sleep. I jumped in the truck, took a ride to watch the house we think is Jake Dodd's. I was hoping to catch a glimpse of Jillian.” Buster closed the door to the room behind him. “When she called back, what did you hear?”

“Just her breathing. It felt like maybe she was scared to say something. Maybe I should have said more than hello. Why were you looking for her?”

“We figure Jake's not going to be far from his new bride. If she's there, we know it's his place. We can hit him and the warehouse at the same time with the help of The Street Kings. Also, I figure that Edge might want to see his sister. Who fucking knows with them?” Buster took off his cut, hung it on the back of the door. “I don't want you to take this the wrong way, Caroline, but right now, all I want is a shower and bed.”

“Can I say one thing first?” Caroline closed the distance between them, lifted her arms to drape around his neck. “I love you, Buster. At the end of the day, that's all that matters.”

His face creased into a smile. “I love you too, Caroline.”

<#<#<#<#

Caroline awoke the next morning to the feeling of warmth, the heavy weight of Buster's arm thrown over her body, and she'd never felt safer or happier. Sleep had brought her a degree of clarity. She'd told Buster the night before that she was a shitty old lady, and she hadn't been wrong, but she was also a hypocrite.

She'd kept things from him, like the Jillian phone calls. She'd also held out as long as possible on telling him the truth about her past. He still didn't know how long she'd spent mourning what happened between Ronald and Kim. Yet, she didn't see it as lying to him. It was just not telling, not opening a wound that had taken so long to heal.

No matter how she tried to justify it, she was being a hypocrite when she got angry with him over not telling her about the vasectomy or the money. She needed to tell him that, to let him know she was aware of her faults. She'd do better. She'd make everything right.

“Buster. Buster. Wake up.”

“What's happening?” He went from fast asleep to wide awake in the time it took her to blink. Immediately his hand settled on his gun

Caroline knew that she was going to have to add asshole to her new list of attributes. It had never crossed her mind it was a bad idea to jolt him awake in the middle of a war. “Nothing. Shit. I'm sorry. I just wanted to talk to you.”

“It's early, Caroline.” He set the gun back down. “What's on your mind?”

What wasn't on her mind? Caroline let out a brittle laugh, sat up because it was hard to think when all she could feel was him on her. “My whole lying thing, the way that I hate it? That's about me. It's about the lies I fell for. It's not about you. I got so worked up over everything. And then I fucked up with Jillian, and you didn't come down on me. You could have. You probably should have. But you didn't.”

Buster chuckled “Try and take a breath, Caroline. I like that you get worked up.” He smiled. “And you had a right to get worked up, I dropped a lot of shit in your lap. Sometimes I forget that you don't already know everything about me. We haven't really been together all that long, but it feels like forever.”

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing?” She couldn't help but think that he was letting her off the hook once again because he loved her.

“It's a very good thing. Trust me.” He watched her with a thoughtful expression on his face, and it felt like his eyes saw straight down to the heart of her.

It was a humbling feeling. Did she make him feel the same way? “I do trust you. I really do.” She was starting to feel frantic now, and she didn't know why. Nothing about the conversation was bad. It was just so full of feeling. Of fear and hope.

“You're working yourself up over nothing, Caroline. Lie back down.” He patted the space next to him she'd just vacated. “We're good. I promise, we are.” He waited until she lay back at his side before he continued. “Let me ask you something. Were you serious with anyone before your ex?”

“No. Not really. I had this guy in high school but... it just wasn't something meant for the long term. Nice guy but you know how it is at that age. It's not serious, not really. Why do you ask?”

“Just curious. One of those things that I don't know about you.” His voice was low. It soothed her from the inside out.

“How about you?”

“I can count the number of women I've been serious with on my hand, include you and still have fingers left over.” He shifted against the pillow. “I liked being a bachelor. I didn't want the extra shit.” Caroline wasn't sure exactly where this conversation was going, so she remained silent. “And then Hanna got pregnant. Don't get me wrong. I liked her. She was sweet, a little simple. Once I realized that she was going to have my child, I figured that... I figured that maybe I could learn to love her. I already loved the baby. And then they were gone, and I never wanted to feel that again. Ever.”

“So you got the vasectomy?” Caroline shifted so she could run her fingers over his chest. She couldn't fault his reasoning. It was logical. Practical. She understood the need to take any steps to make sure that pain never returned.

“Yes. I never imagined that there would come a time when I'd want a child. I didn't think I'd ever want a woman, either, but then there you were.” He covered her hand with his. “I love you.”