Authors: Danielle Steel
Where did you find that?
He stood looking down at her from his great height and for once there was no kindness in his eyes. More to the point, where did you find it, Camille? And why did I know nothing about it? It was obvious that he knew what it was and that it was hers. It would do her no good to deny it and she knew it.
I'm sorry ' I ' Her eyes instantly overflowed and she turned away from him. And he wanted to stay angry at her but he couldn't. He knelt beside her on the floor and forced her to look at him.
Why did you do that, Camille? I thought something was wrong that we didn't ' that we couldn't '
She shook her head as fresh tears flowed, and hid her face in her hands. ' I didn't want a baby yet' I don't want to get fat and ' and Lucy Anne says it hurts so much' . The memory of Mary Ellen shot into his head and he forced it from his mind. I can't. I can't. ' She was just a baby and he saw that now, but she was a woman too, and his wife, and he wasn't getting any younger. He didn't have five or ten years to wait, and he told her as much, in a gentle voice, and chided her for protecting herself from him in secret. I couldn't help it, Jeremiah ' I was scared ' and I knew you'd be angry. '
I was. But I was hurt too. I always want you to be honest with me.
Til try. But she didn't tell him that she would.
Now, do you have any more of these? She began to shake her head, and then, looking mortified, she nodded. Where? She led him to her bathroom where she showed him a carefully concealed box. She had two more and he took them.
What are you going to do with them, Jeremiah? She was in a panic, but he was unrelenting. He crushed all three rings in his huge hands, rendering them useless and then breaking them before dropping them into a wastebasket, as she began to sob. You can't do that! ' You can't' you can't! She began to flail at his chest and he held her tight as she cried, and then he gently took her to the bed, and laid her down, and left her there with her own thoughts, and he went outside for a walk in the garden. He still felt betrayed by what she had done, and they were both quiet that night when they went to their bedroom. Jeremiah was still hurt by the discovery of the treacherous ring, and Camille said not a word as he turned off the light, and she kept well to her side of the bed, which was unusual for her. More often than not, it was she who had approached him. The ring gave her the freedom to enjoy cavorting in bed with him, and now she lay in deathly fear, keeping her distance. But tonight it was Jeremiah who sought her out, reaching out to her as she trembled and attempted to push him away. No ' no ' Jeremiah ' don't ' But for once, he was relentless, partly in anger for what she had done to him, and partly because he had a right to her. He forced her legs open and took her, and tonight she did not moan with pleasure, instead she cried softly, and when she had stopped, he took her again. And then again the next morning.
IN September, Camille and Jeremiah returned to the city, as he had promised, and Camille almost instantly began her usual round of parties, but by the second week in September, Jeremiah found her sitting wanly in her dressing room one morning. She had her hairbrush in her hand and she looked green when he stopped in to say hello to her.
Is something wrong?
No' . But it was obvious that she was feeling poorly, and within another week or two, Jeremiah suspected the nature of her illness, as did Camille, and she was less than ecstatic when she finally told him that she thought she was probably expecting. He had thought as much himself, and he was thrilled by the news. He had been waiting with bated breath for her to say something. And that afternoon when he came home to Thurston House, he had a handsome leather jeweler's box with him. But even that didn't spark much interest in her eyes. She was feeling absolutely ghastly. And for the next two months, she was scarcely able to go to any parties, and she gave none at all. It was not at all the way she had planned to spend the season in San Francisco.
And when Amelia arrived to visit her daughter in October, and Jeremiah told her the news, she was delighted for them, and mentioned that her daughter was expecting her third child the following spring, which Camille later told Jeremiah she thought was disgusting. The girl would have had three children in three years, and that was not what Camille intended to do. She silently mourned the sacred rings he had destroyed, and if that old witch of a woman in Napa hadn't told him about them, she told him once, she wouldn't have been in the predicament she was in now, which she so desperately hated.
Is that how you see it? he asked her sadly. He was so happy about the baby and it saddened him to see how unhappy she was about it. He hoped that once she saw the baby, she would feel differently about it all. It was easy to understand that she was of two minds about it now, feeling as ill as she was.
There was no denying that she was having a hard time of it, throwing up, and feeling ill, and she had fainted several times when he took her out. He absolutely refused to take her to the opera again, despite all her protests, and now suddenly none of her dresses fit, and she detested the adjustments she had to make. She envied the girls who claimed they didn't show until the seventh or eighth month, but because of her diminutive stature, she was not one of those, and by Christmas, when he gave her a little birthday party, it was quite obvious that she was pregnant. He gave her a new sable cloak to hide her girth, and a beautiful little watch circled with diamonds. And when it's all over, little love, we'll go to New York and buy you lots of pretty clothes. And afterwards, we'll take you to Atlanta for a visit. She could hardly wait for that time to come. Pregnancy was even worse than she had anticipated. She hated getting fat, hated feeling ill, detested everything about it, and Jeremiah most of all for getting her into that condition. And in February, she was angrier still when he announced to her that he was moving her to Napa for the rest of her confinement.
But it's not until May! Her eyes filled with tears and her voice rose in protest. And I want to have the baby in San Francisco. Gently, he shook his head. That wasn't what he had planned for her. He wanted her leading a quiet life in the country, not trying to race from luncheons to tea parties to balls, exhausting herself and complaining of how ill she felt, and fainting in crowds. He wanted her leading a quiet life in the country, and he assured her that her parents would agree with him. That was a time in her life when it was important for her to rest, and breathe fresh air, and do very little. But she was convinced that he was doing it to torment her, and more than once she screamed at him in frustration and slammed the door to her sitting room, shouting at him, I hate you! She had been touchy and rebellious since the very day she got pregnant, and he wondered if things would have been different between them if he had allowed her to continue using her rings. But this was what he wanted, and he wasn't young enough to allow her more time. He felt certain that he had done the right thing, but he was far from popular with his wife when he moved her to St. Helena in the midst of the winter rains. The hills were already turning green and the grass was sharp and spiky and bright on the rolling hills, but it was depressing for her to sit through the rainy afternoons with no one to speak to except Hannah, whom she still hated.
In an effort to amuse her as much as he could, he came home earlier from the mines, told her of his work there, of the men, brought her little trinkets to amuse her. But she was uncomfortable and unhappy and bored, and it was small consolation to her that she was healthy, according to the doctor in Napa. Jeremiah had chosen him to assist Camille with the delivery because he had been highly recommended, but Camille insisted that he was rough with her and rude and she smelled liquor on his breath, and by the eighth month of her pregnancy, she was in tears most of the time, and insisted that she wanted to go home to Atlanta.
As soon as the baby is born, little love. I promise. You'll spend the summer resting here, and in September we'll go to New York and Atlanta.
September! She hurled the word at him like a boulder, ready to explode in his lap. You never told me Yd have to stay here all summer! She was sobbing again, and she looked as though she wanted to kill him.
But we spent last summer here, Camille. The weather is awful in San Francisco in the summer, and you'll be tired after the baby's born.
I will not! I'll have been stuck here all winter. And I hate it. She threw a vase to the floor and left the room as its splinters flew across the floor. Hannah came in to help him pick it up.
I wouldn't say that childbearing agrees with her much, Hannah stated dryly. Camille had been unbearable since the day she'd arrived, and by April she was driving them both crazy. The weather had improved and it was a particularly lovely spring, but she seemed not to notice it at all, as she stormed around the house brooding and complaining. Even getting the nursery ready seemed not to give her much pleasure. She embroidered a few shirts, and bought the fabric for the curtains, but Hannah did the rest, knitting and sewing, and even making a beautiful bassinet for the baby. Every night, Jeremiah would take special delight in walking into the cheerful room, and handling the tiny socks and shirts, watching in wonderment as everything was readied. But as the time drew closer, again and again he found himself haunted by the memory of Mary Ellen. He had an unspoken terror that this child would be stillborn too, and Camille would torture him by doing everything he asked her not to do, walking alone by the creek, swinging from an old swing in a tree behind the house, and three weeks before the baby was due, she horrified Hannah as she took off in a fury one day and saddled a mule Jeremiah had long since retired from the mines and rode out into the neighboring vineyards because she was bored and tired of walking. Hannah was so upset that she told Jeremiah when he came home, and he rushed upstairs to berate Camille, but when he reached their bedroom, he realized there was no point. She was lying on their bed, strangely pale, and as he approached the bed, he saw her wince and her teeth were clenched as he bent to kiss her.
Are you all right, little love? He was instantly worried. She didn't look right, and there was a thin veil of perspiration on her brow.
I'm fine. But she didn't look it. She staunchly insisted on joining him at the dinner table that night, but she barely ate, and both Hannah and Jeremiah watched her. He sent her upstairs afterward to relax and this time she didn't argue with him, instead she seemed grateful to go, and she was halfway up the stairs when she suddenly stopped and sank to her knees with a low moan. With a few short bounds he was on his knees beside her, and took her swiftly in his arms, as Hannah ran up the stairs behind him.
She's in labor, Jeremiah. I knew it this afternoon. But when I asked her, she said she wasn't having pains. It's riding on that old mule that did it.
Oh, hush up ' she snapped at Hannah, but not with her usual spirit, and Jeremiah suspected that Hannah was right. He lay Camille down on her bed and took a good look at her. She was deathly pale, and her hands were clenched, and she wore a strange, unfamiliar expression, as though she were in pain but didn't want to admit it. And then, as though to prove it to them both, she attempted to get off the bed, but as soon as her feet touched the floor, her knees buckled beneath her and she cried out in pain, reaching wildly for Jeremiah, who scooped her up again and laid her on the bed, turning to address Hannah.
Ride Big Joe over to where Danny lives. He told me he'd ride for the doctor in Napa. And suddenly Jeremiah regretted selecting a physician so far away. No matter how competent he was, if he didn't get there in time, he wouldn't do them any good, but it had never dawned on him that they would need him quickly. Hannah took off on swift feet, and in half an hour she was back, reporting that Danny had left for Napa. That meant that the doctor would be with them in five or six hours, and in the meantime, she went downstairs to boil water and roll clean rags, and make a pot of strong coffee for herself and Jeremiah. She didn't feel sorry for Camille; she was young, and however painful it was, she would survive it, and there was a feeling of excitement in the air. The baby Jeremiah had waited for, for so long, was finally coming, and he seemed to feel the excitement too. He looked down at Camille with a tender smile as she clutched at his arm.
Don't leave me, Jeremiah' . She was panting now, and her face was contorted with the contractions. Don't leave me with Hannah ' she hates me' . She began to cry, and it was obvious that she was frightened. It was so different from Mary Ellen on her bed of pain, but she had been through it three times before and she had been so much older than this girl. Camille looked like a child now as she writhed in pain with each contraction. Oh, make them stop ' Jeremiah! ' I can't '
He felt sorry for her, but there was nothing he could do. He put damp cloths on her head until she threw them off, and she was clawing at his arm now. It had been four hours since Danny had left for Napa, and Jeremiah began praying that the doctor would come quickly. It didn't seem as though it was going to go on much longer. And then suddenly, with horror, he remembered Mary Ellen, and the three days she had lain in childbirth. But that couldn't happen to Camille. He wouldn't let it. He began to look at his watch now, every few minutes, and Camille was holding his arm with one hand and clutching the brass headstead on the bed with the other, shrieking whenever the pains came, which was most of the time now. And Hannah finally came up with more coffee for him, but Camille didn't even seem to notice her now.
Don't you want me to stay with her? She whispered. You shouldn't be in here. She looked disapproving, but he had promised her he would stay until the doctor came and not leave her to Hannah. And he wanted to be there. It was a relief to be in the room and know what was going on. He would have gone mad if he'd had to wait outside. But when Danny returned three hours later, Jeremiah looked strained and exhausted.