Ti Amo (10 page)

“I had every intention of telling Eve about you.”

“You had no intention of telling me about Eve,” he corrected.

Mira rubbed the bottle between both hands. She lowered her eyes in shame. Her gaze lifted again and each time it met his he could feel his heart turnover. Giovanni had plenty of practice at not showing his emotions. He made sure she didn’t read any weakness in his stare.

“You’re right. For that I’m sorry sweetheart. She’s your daughter. You had a right to know.”

“Fabiana’s death is between us. I can’t change the past, and I’m sure you had other reasons to stay away. What you need to understand is, I love my daughter. No matter my sins, I do love her.”

“Giovanni, I know you do…”

“I’m not finished. I won’t be kept from her again, Mira. Ever.” He sat up.

“I wouldn’t take her from you again.”

“You sure about that? You didn’t exactly come to me willingly.”

“You threatened him, and me. What do you expect?”

“Loyalty! Look up the word! It’s something you know nothing about.”

Mira sighed. She cast her gaze away and Giovanni reclined back on the sofa cushion. He wished she would return to her room and leave him to his misery. Her gaze swung back to him as if she heard his thoughts.

“Can we stop with the blame? Can we accept that we both made bad choices and move forward?” she asked in a soft conciliatory voice that could convince him of just about anything.

“Depends on what you mean by moving forward,” he took the bottle from her hand and turned it up. The dark bitter wine coated his dry tongue and warmed his throat as he drank it down. There was barely a swallow left when he lowered the bottle.

“I don’t want to punish you or me anymore for our mistakes. Eve needs us. I see how natural you two are together. She’s yours. No one will take her, not ever. So don’t threaten me with your hard looks and nasty remarks. I am trying here, and you’re making it really difficult for me to fathom why I should bother.”

Giovanni needed space. He wasn’t ready, and what he might say could drive her from him, because deep inside he only wanted to make everyone, including her, feel how miserable he felt.

“For the record he never touched me.” She put her hand to his knee. Her palm felt firm and warm pressed against his knee, even underneath his pants. He dropped his gaze to her touch and when he lifted it his focus snagged on the front of her V-neck sweater. The crest dipped so low he could see her cleavage and the sparkling solitaire that rested between.  Those large brown eyes bore into him and for a brief moment he considered her peace offering. The moment passed.

“That’s a fucking lie,” he said with teeth clenched. “A fucking lie!”

She sat upright and her hand fell away.

“He’s touched you, Bella. No man can be next to you and not at least try. My guess is he tried often, right?” Giovanni glared at her.

“He and I never had sex.” She stated.

“Intimacy is intimacy. He was there for you when I wasn’t. He comforted you. He was the man that felt my
bambina
kick. I lost two years of our lives, and he gained from that loss.”

“I’m trying to explain, Giovanni.”

“Who asked you to explain?” He drank the last from the bottle and tossed it to the side.

She exhaled a long deep sigh. He watched her closely. Mira smiled and rose, she came over and sat close to him.

“So this is who you are now?”

“Meaning?” he asked.

“Cold? Bitter? Hard-headed?”

Giovanni chuckled. “And dangerous, don’t forget that, Bella. I’m very dangerous. Someone should remind your Chinaman to tread carefully.”

“Yes, you are the most feared man in all of southern Italy, we all know it.”

He cringed at the bite of sarcasm he heard in her voice. He asked for it.

“But you don’t fool me. I know this is all some wall of defense you’ve built around you. You’re using my betrayal to justify hiding your pain. That’s what’s so ironic. You already showed me your pain, Giovanni. When we visited Chianti and came here. Why do you think I gave myself to you? Why I fell in love with you. I see who you struggle to be, and it breaks my heart. You aren’t your father.”

“No shit.”

Mira exhaled another deep sigh. “Let’s start again. Evidently something more is between us. You need to tell me what it is. What is it you want to know? Ask me anything and I promise to answer you truthfully. Anything,” she said.

“I’m in no mood.” Giovanni sat forward to rise. One touch from her, and he couldn’t further the action.

“You keep pushing me away, I’ll stop trying to stay by your side. Can’t you see I don’t want to go away?”

He glanced over to her, and she met his stare. Even he didn’t think to challenge her statement. After all she had escaped him once with his daughter, and he knew firsthand how far a woman would go to protect her child. His mother had taught him that lesson.

“Ask me a question, Giovanni. Anything.”

“Eve.” He managed to say.

“What do you want to know?”

“Something. She’s a… baby. When did she take her first step?” he asked, surprised to hear himself say it. He just grasped the first thing to enter his mind.

Mira smiled. “She was ten months.”

“That’s early isn’t it?” Giovanni frowned.

“I think so. I didn’t know much about kids until Eve came along. I sure as hell didn’t expect my baby to stand and run to me.”

“Run?”

“Let me start over. One day I was sewing her dress and she was on the floor playing with some rolls of fabric. I glanced over to say something, not sure. I talk to her a lot. I guess because I spent so much time alone after… well I turned my head to say something and she stood.”

“She stood upright?”

“Yes. She did. She gripped this chair in my sewing room by the seat. She used it for balance. She did that often. When and wherever she could pull up on something she did. So I laughed and said her name to make her smile. She let go of the chair, wobbled a bit,” Mira demonstrated by sitting forward and extending her arms in the way Eve did to balance herself. “And then she ran straight for me.”

Giovanni’s eyes stretched in disbelief. “It didn’t happen that way,” he chuckled.

“Yes it did. I’m serious. Her little legs moved fast. No walking, she ran straight for me.”

Together they shared a laugh. He returned his gaze to the fire, smiling. He could see it all play out the way Mira described. The moment was between mother and daughter as it should be. He felt less cheated to know she hadn’t run to another man she called ‘poppy’. “She could run but not walk?” he asked.

“Well she could walk too, but toddlers prefer to move fast. You’ll see.” Mira winked. “What else do you want to know?” she again touched his knee. Giovanni rose. His abrupt stand made him a bit light headed but he managed to not drop down again. “Nothing,” he mumbled and headed for the stairs. He left her watching him from the sofa.

Her face grew hot with embarrassment. Did she imagine it? The brief moment when she felt them connecting was now gone. Mira couldn’t hide how much his rejection hurt. She felt her entire body seize with the threat of an emotional break. It was as if her touch repulsed him. She loved him so much, and he could barely stand the sight of her. Maybe he never truly loved her. She felt like a fool for trying so hard to connect to him. Sadly she rose and returned to the room her daughter slept in. Eve was trapped in the middle of the bed with pillows on either side of her to keep from rolling off the high raised mattress. She lay on her back with her arms and legs flung open. Mira stood near her bed staring down at her. She wiped both hands down her face and let go another sad sigh. Mentally she was done. There wasn’t much left to do or say tonight. 

She walked over to her suitcase and found a pair of panties and nightshirt to sleep in. The bathroom was as tiny as the closet, with just a toilet, shower and sink. Mira turned on the water, and began to undress. As soon as she stepped in the shower she felt relaxed. The tepid water washed over her and the day’s strain drained from her bones and washed away.

Giovanni returned with a blanket. Mira of course had gone to bed. He was such a coward for running from her. There was no way in hell he could pretend that the last two years didn’t happen. He lived his life by a code, and she had broken more than one of them by her actions. And then came the questions that haunted him since he first heard the news she was alive. The answers he knew she’d give scared him too much to ask. Exhausted he readied to stretch out on the sofa but paused at the sound of running water. His gaze went to the hall that led to the back room and kitchen. Was she showering?

In the room he found his daughter asleep. He smiled down at her. When did they create a baby? Was it the first night in Bellagio or the last night they made love in Sorrento? Whenever it happened it was evident that their daughter possessed all of the good they shared during their short time together. Now it seemed that they disagreed on the very nature and meaning of love. And that was his fault.

The shower stopped.

His gaze shifted to the door. Mira probably thought the worst of him. He owed her some kind of explanation. When he went to the door and opened it a haze of warm steamy damp air drew him in. The rich creamy vanilla soap mixed with a hint of lavender she’d brought with her to bathe with overwhelmed him. Mira had a thick white towel patting her skin dry. Deep in thought she barely noticed him, but when her eyes lifted to his, their gazes locked.  She didn’t cover her nudity from him. Instead the look of frustration in her eyes from his sudden appearance expressed how Giovanni felt. One look at her and the beast in him didn’t want to talk it over. He wanted to fuck her, claim her, and recapture all of what he’d lost the day she disappeared from his life.

“What now? I’m tired, Giovanni. I’m not arguing with you anymore.”

“I want to talk.”

“Too bad. I don’t!” She wrapped the towel around her curves and his chest tightened with disappointment. Did she not know how absolutely ravishing she was to him now? The steam had frizzed her hair making it thicker, untamed with wild curls.

“I understand. I only want you to listen.”

Mira crossed her arms and glared at him. Giovanni exhaled a deep breath. He shook his head smiling. “There’s so little that scares me, Bella. This? Us? I’m out my head.”

When she didn’t respond he tried again. “I lied to you about your boutique. I had it closed twice. I manipulated you because, I don’t know, it’s what I do. What I’m saying is I fucked up, and I have not forgiven myself for it since.”

He closed the door.

The hurt look in her lovely eyes made him feel like shit. He was doing and saying all the wrong things.

“Fabiana—.”

“I don’t want to talk about Fabiana.” She stopped him. “I heard your apology, just go please. I’d like to finish getting ready for bed.” She turned away from him to reach for her nightgown. He seized her in a gentle manner. His hands on her arms, his forehead pressed to the back of her skull. She didn’t resist his touch and he was grateful. “You were right. I was never harmless. I was your nightmare. Have I ruined everything between us? Is it too late?”

“I didn’t mean what I said. You push too hard, Giovanni.” Her voice broke with emotion. She turned to him. She captured his face. “If you would stop trying to prove to me how tough you are and just talk to me, we could learn to understand each other. Talk to me. Help me understand.”

“I am a monster.”

“Don’t say that,” she kissed his lips, his face was cradled in her hands. The tenderness from her made him greedy for control. He struggled between indulging and pushing her away.

“I’m sorry,” Giovanni said. “Losing you hurt so fucking bad Bella. I couldn’t handle it. I just didn’t know loving you would be painful. I wasn’t prepared. Nothing my father, Flavio, nothing they taught me prepared for coping with what… what we lost. I’ve done things…”

“Giovanni, stop.”

He opened his eyes and looked into hers. She was real. Standing before him with forgiveness in her eyes was the woman who haunted him for two years. Could the nightmare finally be coming to an end?

“What are we going to do? We really don’t know each other. So much has happened,” she said her voice quivering. “It hurt me too. Really bad. It still does,” she said and tears dropped from her eyes. “How do we start over?”

Her hands slowly lowered from his face and went down his chest. He stared down into her lovely face drowning emotionally in the beautiful swirls of her eyes. He had lost himself more than once when looking into her eyes. He brushed his knuckles across the side of her face. She seemed to enjoy his touch. Her features softened with a renewed glow of love. Damn. If he lost her again it would kill him. To take her back into his heart was a serious matter. She’d never be free of him again. Should he warn her? What would it cost him if he did? What would it cost her if he didn’t? “Do you know what
ti amo
means Bella?”

“I love you.”

“
Sí
. I love you so much I’ll do anything to make myself worthy. I love you so much that I will never let you go again. Do you hear me? Never.”