Daddy’s offer made me cry harder.
“Give her a minute, Walter,” Mama said. “She’s getting rid of the tension bottled up inside.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I managed. “I’ll be better in a minute.”
Finally, I was able to take a few deep breaths and begin again with a more organized, chronological account of the weekend.
When I told them that I’d accepted the job with Braddock, Appleby, and Carpenter, Mama interrupted.
“How did the Lord direct you to accept the job? Did I miss that part?”
“I’m not sure he did. It was more a reaction to the negative aspects of the job with Maggie and Julie and the positive things about the firm that Mr. Callahan mentioned. Of course, the chance to spend more time with Zach also influenced me. But the real problems came when I went to church on Sunday.”
I didn’t mention much about the service but went directly to my conversation with Sister Dabney at her house.
“I hate the thought of breaking my word to Mr. Carpenter,” I said, “but I believe I have to consider what Sister Dabney told me.”
“Does Zach know about this?” Daddy asked.
“Everything. He’s upset that I’m considering what Sister Dabney told me.”
“And his vision is clouded by his feelings for you,” Mama added.
“Not just his. Mine is, too,” I said. “It hurts like crazy to know he’s upset with me.”
Neither Daddy nor Mama spoke for a few moments.
“Let’s all pray about it and talk again on Wednesday,” Mama said.
It seemed like a long time to hang in limbo.
“Okay,” I sighed. “I’m trying to act grown up, but right now I wish I was one of the twins.”
“It’s going to be fine,” Daddy said, with an air of confidence in his voice that came through the phone receiver.
I
SPENT THE NEXT FEW DAYS ON SPIRITUAL PINS AND NEEDLES,
constantly alert for ways God might choose to speak to me. I memorized the passage in Ecclesiastes about the threefold cord and prayed that every way it applied to my life would be fulfilled. I spent time in intercession, not just for myself, but for everyone else who might be affected by my decision. I listened to Christian songs on the radio. I even read billboards, not wanting to miss a random opportunity for God to speak through the world around me.
The breakthrough came Wednesday morning.
As I was reading another passage in Ecclesiastes, I came across the first line of a verse in
chapter 5
that said, “Do not be rash with your mouth.” I immediately stopped. That’s what I’d done. I’d been rash with my mouth in accepting the job at Braddock, Appleby, and Carpenter. It was as simple as that. And being rash was sin. Sin required repentance. In this case, repentance meant telling Mr. Carpenter I’d made a mistake—even if he didn’t understand, and even if it upset Zach.
But did that mean I should accept the job with Maggie and Julie?
As I asked the question, I was surprised by a sudden surge of compassion for the two women that welled up with irresistible force in my heart. And in that moment I knew my decision wasn’t based on salary or benefits or security or firm prestige or whether I’d be asked to work on a case I didn’t believe in. The Lord loves people, and he wanted me to work with Maggie and Julie because he loved them. My main job wasn’t to be a lawyer, but to be a human expression of God’s love they could see on a daily basis. I laughed out loud. The two greatest commandments truly are to love God and to love others.
Then the thought of Zach squelched my joy.
I prayed and waited for my heart to respond in a way that would help me know what to think and how to feel. Nothing came. I waited some more without a response. Finally, I closed my Bible with a prayer that God would show me at the right time where and how Zach fit into the future. That night I called home again.
“I agree,” Mama replied after I nervously explained what I thought. “The situation with the two women has the mark of the Lord’s destiny upon it. I’m not sure what that means, but you’ll have opportunities there that won’t exist if you work for the other firm. God put us here to touch other people’s lives, and I’m thankful you’ve seen how that applies to this situation.”
“Daddy, do you agree?” I asked.
“I won’t disagree,” he said slowly. “I’m less confident than you and your mama about this, but I don’t have a reason from the Lord to tell you to go in another direction. I know you’re in a tight spot and have to make a decision.”
“It’s going to be tough talking to Zach and Mr. Carpenter,” I said. “I dread both, maybe Zach more.” I paused. “Oh, I forgot to tell you that he invited me to fly out to California with him over Christmas break to meet his parents. It may help if I can tell him you’ve given me permission to go. He needs to get the tickets as soon as possible.”
“Just a minute,” Mama said.
I could hear muffled conversation as one of them placed a hand over the receiver.
“You can pray about it and let me know later,” I said.
“That’s not necessary,” Mama replied. “We believe it’s too soon for that step. A trip to California at this point would put too much pressure on the emotional and physical parts of the relationship before there’s a spiritual foundation to support it.”
“But I’m going to hurt Zach’s feelings when I turn down the job. I don’t want to discourage him or drive him away.”
“If you tell him why you’ve changed your mind, do you believe that will happen?” Mama asked.
“I don’t know.”
“We knew this request was coming and already discussed it. We like Zach, but we want to help you guard your heart so things between you can progress at God’s pace.”
Guarding my heart was a phrase I knew well. It was a linchpin of all I’d been taught.
“His ideas and beliefs are different from yours,” Mama continued, “and it’s going to take time to find out if those differences can be compatible or not.”
Mama was right, and it stung. I thought for a second.
“Daddy, are you still there?”
“Yes.”
“Do you still think it’s okay for me to be excited about Zach?”
“Yes, but I also agree with your mama. And if Zach is the kind of man I think he is, he’ll understand.”
When I hung up the phone, I hoped that Daddy, too, was right.
T
HE FOLLOWING DAY WHEN
I
RETURNED FROM CLASS,
I
KNEW
I had three phone calls to make. I quickly decided Zach wouldn’t be first. He was going to get an extra dose of bad news—about the job and the trip to California. I debated whether to call Maggie Smith and accept the job or contact Mr. Carpenter first and tell him I’d made a mistake. It made sense to call Maggie and make sure there hadn’t been a last-minute change in plans after she and Julie met with me in Savannah. Calling Maggie first would avoid one disaster scenario. If I backed out of the job at Braddock, Appleby, and Carpenter and then found out there was no longer a job available with Maggie and Julie, I would look like a double idiot. I took a deep breath and dialed Maggie’s number at her new office. An unfamiliar voice answered.
“Smith Law Offices.”
“Is this Shannon?” I asked.
“Yes, may I ask who’s calling?”
“Tami Taylor. I’d like to speak to Maggie.”
“Just a minute.”
While I was on hold, I wondered what, if anything, Shannon had been told about me.
“Congratulations,” Maggie said as soon as she came on the line.
“What?”
“I heard late yesterday afternoon that you’d accepted the job with Joe Carpenter. I have to admit that if I’d been in your shoes I’d have done the same thing. Most people coming out of law school would jump at the chance to join a firm like Braddock, Appleby, and Carpenter. Opportunities to work with a small firm like ours are ten times easier to land than a position at a prestigious, established firm. Not only will you make more money, you’ll receive the best training available. There’s no way to put a price tag on that. Maybe five or six years down the road it will make sense for us to join forces. By that point, you’ll have clients of your own you can bring along with you. And just because you’re working someplace else doesn’t mean we can’t—”
“I’ve changed my mind,” I cut in. “I’m interested in accepting your job offer.”
“You what?”
“I want to discuss working with you and Julie after I graduate and pass the bar exam.”
“Did I get wrong information? I heard it from a paralegal I know very well. She received a memo about it.”
I winced that the news had already been broadcast so widely.
“No, I met with Mr. Carpenter on Saturday and accepted the offer, but I’ve changed my mind.”
“Does he know?”
“Not yet. I thought I should call you first and make sure you still want me.”
“This is a shock,” Maggie said. “But Julie warned me that you were unpredictable.”
“I’m sure I wouldn’t agree with everything Julie told you about me, but if by unpredictable she meant I don’t always follow the path in life most people take, she would be right. Is the offer with your firm still open?”
“Yeah, sure. But I’d like to know why you changed your mind.”
“I believe God wants the three of us to work together.”
“Okay, but I have no idea what that means.”
“I believe working with you and Julie will give me a better chance to make the practice of law a ministry, not just a business.”
Maggie didn’t immediately answer. “If you want to preach to your clients, I won’t stop you. However, if you want to talk to my clients about God, you’ll need to clear it with me first.”
“That’s fine, but there’s more to it than that. I hope to get involved in cases that God wants me to handle.”
Maggie coughed and muffled the receiver. “That’s something I’ve never considered, but you’ll discover that the people in almost every case are a mix of good and bad. Bring in your fair share of business, and you won’t find me limiting the type of work you do.”
“What if I don’t want to work on a particular case for moral reasons?” I persisted.
“If it involves an ethical violation, I wouldn’t want either of us to continue—”
I wasn’t going to repeat my mistake with Mr. Carpenter.
“No, I mean a violation of my personal code of conduct.”
“We’d have to discuss that on a case-by-case basis. I wouldn’t be interested in making you work on a case just because I’m your boss. The negatives of that management style outweigh the positives.”
It was a fair, acceptable answer. I liked Maggie Smith. Unlike Julie, she treated me with respect and seemed willing to discuss things important to me without resorting to sarcasm.
“Okay, if you promise to give me a right to explain my position.”
“Of course. That’s one of the strengths of a law firm. Lawyers in a group can discuss whether to accept a case, then debate the best course of action to help the client. That keeps everyone out of trouble. Personally, I’ve not found the practice of law to be a moral minefield. People come to attorneys because they have legal problems and need help solving them. I spend more time worrying about giving the right advice than looking in the mirror at myself.”
“Put the mirror in my office.”
Maggie laughed. “And everyone will think you’re vain. Hey, now that I’m over my shock, I’m glad you’ve changed your mind. I’ll send you an employment contract based on the terms in the e-mail. Look it over and get back to me. Are you going to call Julie?”
I hesitated. “Do you want me to?”
“No, I’d like the pleasure of telling her she’s wrong. She bet me a dinner at a seafood place on the river that you would accept the job at Braddock, Appleby, and Carpenter. My only regret is that she won’t get a chance to think she won before I tell her she didn’t.”
I hung up the phone and stared at the direct number for Mr. Carpenter’s office. Now there was no reason to put off breaking the news of my decision to the senior litigation partner. I dialed his number.
J
ESSIE HID BEHIND A LARGE LIVE OAK TREE UNTIL THE LIGHTS OF
the pickup truck slowly disappeared down the street. She went into the women’s restroom inside the bus station. Placing the leather pouch on a metal ledge above the sink, she cleaned up as best she could. The warm, soapy water felt good on her face, arms, feet, and ankles. She scrubbed her closely cropped brown hair and then put some soap suds on her finger and rubbed it across her teeth before spitting out the bittertasting foam. By the time she finished, Jessie was standing in a spreading puddle of water. It took eight cycles of the blow-dryer to dry her hair and body. Partway through the process a woman came into the restroom and washed her hands in a sink as far from Jessie as possible. When Jessie finished, her clothes were still grimy, but the visible portions of her skin were clean. She returned the pouch to her jeans.
Jessie spent the night in the bus station. It wasn’t a long-term solution for a place to stay, but for a single night she felt confident she could pass herself off as a teenager waiting to catch a bus or a person hanging around until someone she knew arrived. She didn’t stay in the same seat but moved from place to place to avoid being labeled as a vagrant. Several times she got up from her seat when a bus pulled into the station and stood on the curb as if expecting a family member or friend to get off. Fortunately, that didn’t happen.
Around midnight she dozed off. When she awoke a couple of hours later, Jessie walked around for a few minutes carrying a half-full cup of coffee she’d found beneath an empty seat. Twenty-four hours earlier she would have thankfully savored every drop of the coffee. Now, she had the luxury of a water fountain with an inexhaustible supply of fresh water, and the coffee cup merely became a prop in her show. Another bus arrived. After everyone got off, Jessie caught a few more hours of sleep. When the sun rose, she was still tired, but not being cold or afraid counted for a lot. An early morning bus from Brunswick pulled into the station, and Jessie left the building with a small group of passengers who’d been on board.
It was a beautiful morning, clear with a cool crispness in the air. Jessie glanced down the street to make sure the men in the pickup weren’t coming by the bus station area to look for her on their way to another day’s work. There was no sign of the truck. Jessie was hungry. The trash cans on each street corner probably contained food, but she hoped for something better. Wandering toward the river, she came to a bakery shop with a display of free samples on the counter. Rich fragrances drifted out to the sidewalk. No one was behind the cash register. Jessie slipped through the door and in a flash grabbed two indiscriminate handfuls of food from the plate. When she turned the doorknob she dropped precious crumbs in her haste to get away. Running a few feet down the sidewalk, she ducked into an alley and immediately stuffed a combination of vanilla-cream pastry, pumpkin bread, and blueberry muffin into her mouth. It was an odd combination but tasted heavenly. After the first bite, she slowed down and enjoyed each morsel. The sugar in the pastries sent energy coursing through her body.