“I might have been able to save her. I’m a cop, for God’s sake.”
“You wouldn’t have been carrying. They pat down everyone that goes inside their buildings, and they all carry guns. They own property. Landfills. Garbage dumps. And people just disappear, Sam. One day they’re there, and the next they are not. The only reason Mary Ann’s body was found was because we were looking for her, and because you gave her the courage to fight back. Most of the people who they kill just disappear. And no one ever reports them missing.
“You didn’t know that they had every single room in that store bugged. Including the women’s restroom. That’s how they operate. You blew your cover the minute you told her you would help her.”
Sam stood in stunned silence. She’d been so angry at him for so long when, in reality, she had made all the mistakes. She’d been nothing but a rookie cop.
“I … But … That’s a violation of so many laws I don’t even know where to start!”
“And you really think these people care?”
“How did you know this?”
“Because I had someone else on the inside. I have for years.”
“Who?”
“I can’t tell you. I can’t tell anyone, because she would die. You don’t want to know. And you’re just going to have to leave it at that. And trust me. For once, dammit, Sam, just trust me. I pulled you because if I hadn’t, you would have died.”
Sam considered his words. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”
“When did you ever give me a chance? Plus you would have demanded an explanation, would have wanted to know the source. You never would have let it go. You were angry and bitter.”
“I grew up angry and bitter.”
“And I want to ease the anger, make you whole again.”
Sam started to cry, silent, hot tears that she couldn’t stop. “This doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed at you. You should have at least given me a chance.”
“I wasn’t going to let you die.”
“I might have surprised you.”
“I spent two years investigating these men before you ever came on the scene, Sam. You would have died. And I would have lost you forever. Better for you to hate me, and know you were still alive, than that.”
“You’re too good for me.”
“You have no idea. I told you before, I am only good at two things. Killing, and making love. I joked about it, but it’s real. The rest of life I suck at. I have no real talent for just being human, or just walking out among the masses and acting normal. I think war took that away from me. Or maybe I was always that way. I don’t know. But I do know that I
want
you. And I can protect you from anyone, anywhere, anytime.”
“Gage, I could walk out in front of a bus tomorrow and die. You can’t stop that.”
“That’s not the same thing. I can’t control acts of God, Sam. Or acts of nature, or whoever you worship. But if someone comes after you with deadly intent, they
will
not walk away from it.”
Sam felt that electrical pulsing she always felt when Gage was around. He was so unlike any other man she had ever met.
A thrill shimmied down her spine, and Sam stared into his eyes.
Then Gage leaned down and kissed her, without warning, surrounding her with warm lips, his distinctive scent, the scratch of stubble—each sense hit Sam separately and all together. And for a long moment, she couldn’t think—didn’t want to.
One hand moved to her waist and gripped her there. The other tangled into her hair, pressing the back of her head to change the angle, deepen the kiss.
And finally, there, Sam broke away.
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this. I’ve been so angry at you for so long.” Her voice came out rough, barely above a whisper. She looked up into his eyes again and saw everything: a wide-eyed hunger and vulnerability that she knew instinctively he would never want anyone to see.
“You’re ready. You’ve been ready since we met. You know as well as I do that you can’t fight this. You won’t win, so why try?” He smiled. Then kissed her again, his lips soft on hers at first, then more insistent. Her lips parted and he explored her with his tongue gently, then with more vigor.
Sam’s body tingled with electricity as adrenaline coursed through her bloodstream. Gage ran his hands up and down her spine, and she could feel the heat and intensity through the thin fabric of her tank, shivering as his hands traveled lower to cup her buttocks. Then he moved his hands upward, pulling her into him closer, touching the small of her back with both palms.
She put her arms around his neck as he pushed against her, ground his mouth against hers, and Sam felt her whole body go weak. She took her arms from around his neck and reached under his T-shirt, needing that contact. Needing to feel his skin against her skin. She ran her hand up his spine and felt his shiver and knew he was feeling all the same things she was.
Gage pulled away from her and took her hand, leading her down the hallway. She followed without complaint, refusing to think beyond the now. They ended up in his bedroom, standing at the foot of his bed, not touching, just inches from each other.
Staring into his eyes, Sam saw the desire. She didn’t know what love looked like. But desire she could recognize.
“You understand that once we take this step, I’m not looking back, right? I don’t do things halfway. If I take you, I take all of you. I want you in my bed and in my life. I want to come home to you. I want your eyes to be the last thing I see before I close mine.”
Sam couldn’t look away, even though the panic was rising in her chest. “I’m not good at the relationship thing. I don’t know how to do it. Haven’t you figured that out by now?”
“I don’t really give a shit about your past, Sam. I’m talking about you and me. Starting now. You don’t have to be good at it. We’ll go through it together. I screwed up with you once, and I don’t intend to do it again.”
“I—”
“If you can’t do that, then we can’t do this. Because I’m not doing the halfway thing, or the casual-sex thing. I’m not a casual person. Whatever I do, I do hard.”
“Is that supposed to be a sexual euphemism?”
“You can take it any way you want. Do you want it hard?”
“I think I do,” Sam said softly, finding it hard to believe these words were coming out of her mouth or that she was willing to take this step. Except she knew this was a runaway train she couldn’t stop. And she was tired of fighting. She’d been fighting her whole life. “And soft and slow. And a lot of other ways, too.”
“Good,” Gage said, his voice a seductive growl. He reached for her then, grabbing the bottom of her thin tank and pulling it up over her head. He traced the line above her breasts, running his fingers over the top of her bra and touching her nipple, which reacted, even through the fabric of the bra.
“I need you now, Sam,” he said. Then he tucked his fingers under the bra and pulled it over her head. She raised her arms and let him strip her of her clothing and all her pretenses.
He moved her to the bed, then pulled his own T-shirt over his head. They were both naked from the waist up, and Sam’s breasts pushed against his chest as he rolled over the top of her and kissed her, exploring her mouth with his.
Explosions of electricity went off in her brain as he moved away from her mouth and down to her breast, suckling first her left breast, then her right.
Sam arched into him, and he quickly stripped off her capris and underwear. He ran his hand from the top of her neck down over her breast and farther down, first stopping at her navel, then moving between her legs and opening her up, exploring her with his fingers.
She gasped as he moved his fingers inside her, gently then a bit more insistently, and she felt herself grow slick with desire.
He brought her to the edge of orgasm, and she moaned as he pulled his fingers away, quickly stripping off his shorts and boxers and throwing them off the side of the bed.
“The first time you come with me, I want it to be when I’m inside you,” he whispered in her ear as he entered her, his penis full and large, and she felt her inner walls close around him.
“Oh God,” he moaned. “If you do that, I’m not going to be able to hold back.”
“You deserve it,” she said.
He began to move inside her with slow, rhythmic thrusts. He pulled her legs up around his back, opening her up wide, so he could get inside her deeper.
The world started to spin for Sam as she felt her muscles clench around his swollen manhood. She couldn’t help a soft moan.
The harder his thrusts, the closer she came to the edge of orgasm, until he finally pushed into her so hard that she felt her entire body tremble and the little earthquakes between her legs became uncontrollable.
He sensed her climax and stilled deep within her until he, too, was shivering.
They stayed conjoined for what seemed like hours—or maybe only minutes—neither one speaking, just stroking each other’s skin, bodies pressed together.
“This doesn’t mean you get to take over my case,” Sam whispered in his ear.
“I don’t want your case. I only want you.”
He grabbed her right hand and clasped it in his, then pulled it forward and spread it across the left side of his chest. “Can you feel that?”
“I can feel your heart.”
“Yes, it’s pretty strong. Sounds solid, huh?”
“Yes, Gage,” she said sarcastically, “Your heart sounds very, very healthy. You must have been eating your Cheerios every morning. Is there a point here?”
“For once, Sam, just put it aside. Leave the defenses and sarcasm. Just listen.” He pulled her head down to his chest, her ear resting just above his heart. She could hear the solid
thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump,
soothing her in a way she couldn’t explain. She did know it was comfortable there, in his arms, her head on his chest, listening to his heart.
She didn’t want to move, to ruin the moment. God knows she had ruined plenty of moments in her past. But Gage had been different. She had wanted it to work. She had wanted to take the next step, and then he had her pulled from the case and destroyed everything she had worked so hard for.
Sam had believed then that leaving was the only answer—going back home, where she still felt she had something to prove. Of course, now she had something to prove in both places. And when she’d returned home teenagers had started dying. Maybe it was all somehow connected to her.
But in leaving Salt Lake City she had left behind a part of herself with Gage. Right now, for a moment, she felt just a little more whole.
“Can you hear it? I have a strong heart, but you nearly destroyed me when you left.”
“No one could ever destroy you,” she said softly. “You’re the man of steel.”
“No, I’m not,” he said. His chiseled face and dark blue eyes—nearly the exact same color as her own—had drawn her to him before she had ever even heard his voice.
When he spoke, he was purposeful and determined and people listened. He never raised his voice. When he was angry, his lips tightened and his face darkened, his eyes turning an even deeper shade of blue.
Gage had a presence that stopped people short. He always seemed completely invulnerable.
Sam watched him as he let his defenses down. Now they were naked together, before each other without pretenses.
“I ate myself alive when you left,” he said. “But I didn’t know how to fix it, because the truth is, you made a mistake. You were wrong. You shouldn’t have done what you did.”
“I know.”
* * *
Later, they lay together in his bed, sheets on top of them, nothing between them. She’d craved this, Sam realized. She’d craved him.
Sam told him everything. Her mother’s journal and sadness over her death. Sam’s fear for Whit and Susanna. Distance from her father. And something she had never spoken about to anyone—Callie. Her voice in Sam’s head, urging her on.
Throughout it all, Gage pulled her closer, if that was even possible, stroking her hair as she talked into his chest, feeling the warmth of her own exhalations.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m a little bit crazy,” she said.
“Maybe you are, and maybe you aren’t. Whatever the truth is, there is a reason for it.”
“Callie didn’t kill herself,” Sam said, pulling away from him, looking into his eyes. “She was murdered. I can tell, when I go to a crime scene.… Okay, this sounds even crazier, but I really can tell if it’s a murder, or a suicide. Each scene feels different. And all I remember about Callie’s was the fear, desperation, and … She was killed, Gage. I have to trust in this. I have to find out what happened.”
“Yes, you do,” he said, stroking her arm. “And I’ll be there to help you.”
THIRTY-NINE
When Sam pulled into her driveway, weary of unanswered questions, she immediately spotted the tan car parked in front of her house—a car similar to both Paul’s and the one that had run her off the road. Sam felt her mind flip. She
was
going crazy. Too many coincidences.
The hair on her arms bristled as the door opened, and she reached for her gun on her hip. But it wasn’t Paul. Out stepped a tall, thin, elegant woman in trendy jeans and a red T-shirt covered by a lace vest. Her hair was shoulder length, elegantly styled with blond highlights running through a darker blond base.
She looked a lot like Susanna, only ten years younger, much more put together, and a lot less downtrodden.
Amy had returned home.
Or at least to her hometown.
As her long-lost sister walked toward her, Sam got out of her car. As soon as Amy was within ten feet, Sam spoke.
“How did you find me?” she said, without any other introduction.
Amy just shrugged. Sam had already figured out that Amy had to know someone on the force.
Of course she does, Sammy. And you know just who it is.
They were both cops. Odd, how that had happened.
“Why are you here?”
“You said I should come.”
“And you said no.”
“I changed my mind.” Amy’s voice had a Texas twang that was faint but spoke volumes about where she’d been for years.
“Why?” Sam asked.
“Because there are some things I need to tell you, especially now that Mom’s gone. Some things we need to get straight.”