Ties That Bind: A Muse Urban Fantasy (The Veil Series Book 5) (20 page)

“You were right,” he said softly. “You are not meant for a creature such as I. I am demon. You would never escape my hold, and I would never let you go. I
am
greed.”

Tears blurred my vision of him. They fell, cool against my cheeks. I didn’t want to hear, to understand, to know. A sneer masked the quiver of my lips. “You can’t do this,” I growled. “I won’t let you do this!” I reached inside the veil, but he twisted away. Stefan rested a hand on my shoulder and held me back. I could have fought him. I already knew he’d let me go, if I chose it. But Akil would keep pushing me away. Dread and a hollow fear, the likes of which I’d never felt before, seeped through my chest, my body, leaving me numb. I couldn’t do anything to stop this. He was wrong, so very, very wrong. “Akil… If you’re greed, you can’t do this. Don’t you see? A creature of greed wouldn’t do this.”

His smile said it all. He knew it. He knew. In that moment, he was more than demon, more than his name, his purpose. No demon could ever care enough to let go.

It was too late. The hole in the veil shrank to mere inches. Threads of blue and black chaos wove and knotted between us. The howling netherworld dulled to little more than a background din. And Akil looked back at me from hell, an infinite sadness in his eyes, but stubborn triumph too. “I’m sorry it has to be this way.”

“
No! No, don’t be sorry… You’re never sorry. You don’t have it in you to be sorry!”

“Remember me.”

My heart broke apart, and the fragments crumbled to ashes and dust. I lifted my hand, wanting to reach through the veil and touch him one last time. “How could I forget?”

“Love her, Stefan.” Akil’s gaze stayed fixed on me, only on me. “In every way, love her better than I ever could.”

Stefan’s grip tightened.
I am greed,
Akil had said after his return. I’d asked him to stop lying to me, to tell me the truth, and he had. He’d said he would always be greed. Why hadn’t I seen this coming? I should have known. I should have guessed something, anything. I could have talked him out of it. I could have stopped him. “You were always the same Akil, weren’t you?” I whispered. “After I brought you back, you pushed me away to save me…from you.”

“Goodbye, Muse. You will forever be the half blood who changed chaos.”

I held his stare—his beautiful, fire-kissed eyes—until the veil knitted closed. The wound between worlds healed. And I stood, staring into Akil’s abandoned living room with a hole in my heart that could never be filled. “No.” I reached for the veil, sending out a sharp mental swipe, but nothing happened. I reached again. And again. I couldn’t even sense the veil. It was gone. And so was Akil. Forever. “No!” He’d live on, so close, just a veil away, but forever out of reach. I’d never see him again, never feel the warmth of his gaze. I’d never touch his fire again. He’d been my protector—to the very end.

I turned to Stefan, face wet. I wanted him to tell me it wasn’t over, that we could find a way. We could get him back. But the words wouldn’t come. With a gentle shake of his head, Stefan told me all I needed to know. It
was
over.

I fell into his arms and broke down. I cried for the little girl who would be the Queen of Demons. I cried for the Prince of Hell who’d saved me from everything and everyone, including himself, the same demon who’d set me free. I cried for a love recognized only when it was lost. And I cried because, for the first time in what felt like forever, I could hope, from that moment on, that I was truly free.

A
day
after all the wounds in the veil had simultaneously sealed themselves shut, the press speculated as to whether the demon invasion was over or not. On the news channels, various professionals shared strong opinions. Only a handful of people knew the truth.

I’d called Sabine at the Institute and given her a rundown of events. She’d asked me to go in and debrief their team. I’d refused. It felt good, telling her no. She’d then asked me if I’d seen Adam. Considering Yukki’s twenty-four hour deadline had come and gone, I suspected she’d gotten to him.

By the end of the week, news channels were already covering normal stories with no mention of demons. Sure, there were a few pockets of lessers left. I’d spent my evenings walking some of the abandoned netherworld zones and killing any netherworld leftovers. Freedom was…weird. I could do anything. Go anywhere. And nobody was going to stop me. Demons weren’t going to appear at my door or smack into my window. I slept every night, comfy and safe, knowing the nightmares would eventually fade. But one thing hadn’t waned. A few times, I’d expected a knock on my door and to feel the creep of heat. Or I’d picked up my cell, expecting to see Akil’s name in my missed calls list. I’d had a call from a lawyer, who wanted to meet to discuss Akil’s estate. As his only living relative—his ‘niece’—his assets passed to me, should events arise such as those explicitly detailed in his lawyer’s instructions. He’d planned it all, right down to when he would no longer be around. I hadn’t yet processed that information but planned to discuss it with Stefan that evening.

I spent the day tidying my apartment, and getting ready for our date—a real, actual, date with Stefan. The last date I’d been on, Akil had shoved me into the Mystic River at Boston harbor. I stopped those thoughts before they dragged down my mood. Nope. This was the new me. The free me.

I fretted over what to wear. Bizarre, considering Stefan had seen me naked and demoned up more times than any other man this side of the veil. Maybe that was why I agonized over what to wear: because this was new. I settled for an above-the-knee plum dress with knee-high boots, of course the kind with killer heels. I’d even pinned my hair back and applied makeup the way normal girls did. Lacy helped because I was more used to the finesse of wielding daggers and claws than mascara and lipstick.

“You’re gonna do just fine.” Lacy planted herself cross-legged on the edge of the bed while I tugged on my boots.

“I’ve never been on a date. Not a real one. I mean, there was Sam, but he was fake. And then there was Akil, but his idea of a date ended in attempted murder. In college, Akil stared in that
way
he does at anyone who dared come near me. Then they’d mysteriously vanish and reappear...in therapy.” I wrinkled my nose. “Come to think of it, that happened a few times. I dropped out, and problems like that went away.”

Lacy chuckled.

The zipper on my boot jammed. I gave it a tug, but the sucker wasn’t budging. Memories of Akil blurred in front of my eyes. I bit my lip and fought the zipper.

“Hey, you know this is good for you, right?”

She didn’t mean the boot or the date. I stomped my foot down and flicked my hair out of my eyes. “What?”

“He’d want this.”

I’d told her about Akil—all of it—right down to how he’d told his enemy to love me better. I planted my hand on my hip and avoided my friend’s glare. “He chose for me, Lacy. That’s not fair.”

“He chose because you weren’t going to. He did the only thing he could. He let you go. And he was right.” She paused, maybe wondering how to word whatever was on her mind. “You think I don’t
really
know him.” She bit into her lip a little but held herself together. “But I know enough. He could never have loved you the way you deserve. He wouldn’t take you on dates or go to movies.”

“I didn’t want those things from him,” I said quietly.

“Muse, since I’ve known you, all you ever wanted was a normal life. Akil could never do normal. Ever. What about when you’re growing old gracefully, and he’s still thirty-something sexy-as-sin Akil?”

I picked at an imaginary bit of fluff on my dress. “Age was never an issue.”

“He’d never be there when you needed him.” Lacy’s sad smile humored me. I was reaching, and we both knew it. “He’d always fuck you up or screw you up because that’s what he was. There was never going to be a Happy Ever After with Akil. You must have known that?”

I did. I’d told him it could never happen—we could never happen—but not for the reasons Lacy thought. Trust was everything. Relationships hinged on trust. It would have been wrong and foolish and destructive to trust Akil. He knew it. I knew it.

I met Lacy’s sympathetic gaze. “I’ll never see him again.” Tears swam in my eyes. An ache bloomed through my chest. I’d always thought heartache was a myth, but I felt it. I was missing a vital piece of me. If I lingered on thoughts of Akil, the empty pain grew. If I let it, grief would swallow me down.

Unable to meet Lacy’s tear-filled eyes, I cast my gaze out the window, seeing nothing outside of my own thoughts. “Does it ever stop hurting?”

“I’ve never really lost anyone. But my mom has. She said it gets easier, but it never really goes away.”

It might have been easier had Akil stayed dead. At least then, it was final. But to know he was just a veil away... I’d tried to summon him. When the summoning failed for the fifth time, I’d cursed his many stupid demon titles until my throat burned, and my voice failed.

In the fortress, he could have stepped through. He could have been in Boston and played at being Akil Vitalis. It could have worked. I would still have hated to love him. We’d have fought because that’s what we did. He’d have driven me crazy with his veiled truths. I’d have told him where to go as I had once before. Five years, I’d lasted on my own, but I’d gone back. I’d always go back to him. And that was why he’d chosen for me. He knew I’d never let him go. Why did the bastard have to be so damn right?

“I hate him.”

Lacy’s smile warmed. “I know you do.” She climbed off the bed and threw her arms around me. I froze as I often did when hugged. She laughed, gripped my upper arms, and peered into my eyes. “He gave you your freedom. Now go live it.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Lacy swaggered to the doorway, paused, and glanced back, “If Stefan messes with my Charley, I’ll kick his tight, icy ass.”

“I’d like to see that.”

“I know Jujitsu.” She waggled her hands and burst into fits of giggles then demanded an update in the morning. I watched her leave, wiped my face dry, and zipped up my stubborn boot.

I
rang
and left Stefan a message to say I’d be at the restaurant for seven, apologizing for running late.

By the time I arrived at the restaurant, nerves had me shivering in my boots. It didn’t matter that I’d regularly tangoed with demons or fought and won against the Princes of Hell. When I sat at the table, I was vulnerable in an entirely human way. Now I knew why demons didn’t date. Humans were complicated. The irrational terror only intensified when Stefan arrived. He wore slacks and a loose fitting shirt and had tossed a scarf casually around his neck. He looked far too sophisticated to be a demon-killing mechanic. I stood as he approached. He kissed me lightly on the cheek, and wayward little tingles brought a blush to my cheeks.
Demon-up,
I told myself. It wasn’t as though we didn’t know each other.
He smells good enough to eat.
Oh hell, that was my demon senses waking up.

“Sorry I’m late.”

We settled at our table. “That’s good—I mean, not good. That’s okay…” I straightened my fork against my knife then pushed it back out of alignment and picked up a napkin. He was calm. Why wasn’t I? His brilliant eyes sparkled. A perpetual smile played on his lips, almost a smile, but not quite.

He caught me staring and chuckled. “I er… I didn’t expect this to be so…”

“Awkward?” I blurted. “Tell me about it.”

The restaurant buzzed with activity. The people of Boston were trying to get their lives back. They had hope. Laughter tickled the air. Glasses chinked in celebration of a new start. I couldn’t blame them for relaxing, even if I struggled to do the same. Even then, seated among them, I wasn’t sure if I would ever fit in. They believed the demons gone, blissfully unaware that one of the most badass demons of all time—the Mother of Destruction—sat a few tables from them. My insides squirmed.
Human pretender
, Jerry had called me. He was right. Well, half right. Demon pretender fit too.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” I laughed it off. “We should have taken a leaf out of Ryder and Jenna’s book and hit the range instead.”

Stefan arched an eyebrow and gave me the sort of look that told me exactly what he’d like to do with me at the range. I chuckled and felt the tension melt from my body. This was going to be okay. We were going to be okay.

“Can you imagine Ryder somewhere like this?” He leaned in conspiratorially. “He’d hate it.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Ryder is better at blending in than we give him credit for.” We laughed and chatted about how Ryder and Jenna had both quit the Institute. Ryder wanted to spend some time with his daughter, and Jenna wanted time away from anything demon related. Hell knew they’d both earned t.

I smelled something meaty and seasoned. My stomach rumbled. “Mm, something smells good.” Stefan and I ordered from the menu and ate and chatted like normal people do. Considering our usual conversations revolved around world-ending drama, talking about the weather and movies, was...nice.

“So what have you been up to this week?” I asked.

The waiter cleared our table. Either Stefan’s company or the wine had worked their magic. I’d stopped quivering in my boots and relaxed.

“Oh, y’know, tying up a few lose ends. You?”

“Being normal.” I winced as a sudden headache sliced through my skull.
Too much wine.
I shoved my glass aside. How many glasses had I had? I’d stopped drinking alcohol the day I’d slaughtered hundreds of demons on the battlefield.

“You okay?” Stefan asked.

Rubbing my forehead, I blinked up at his blurry outline. “Yeah, I’m good. Just tired.” Ryder would chew me out, claiming I needed rest and therapy, lots and lots of therapy. His idea of therapy involved explosives and the gun range. I made a mental note to try it and soon. “Let’s get some dessert.” I suggested, forcing a smile onto my face.

“Sure.”

Pain hammered behind my eyes. “I’m er…” I willed myself to stand. “I’ll be right back—ladies room.” I didn’t hang around long enough to catch his expression. Inside the bathroom, sparkling lights dancing off polished tile and stainless steel, sending tiny stabs of pain through my eyeballs into my skull. I hunched over a basin and breathed.
Typical. My first real date, and I’m sick.
If I couldn’t shake it, I’d have to make my excuses and call the date off. I growled at my reflection, startling a woman leaving one of the stalls. She gave me a wide berth. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” I grumbled.

Slowly, the pain faded until I could at least look at my reflection without squinting. If it wasn’t for the haggard look, I almost looked normal. Leaning in close, I tugged a little of the heat out of the lights and pooled fire in my eyes. There. That was better. With an all-over shiver, I rolled my shoulders and used a little demon strength to shore myself up.

By the time I returned to our table, I almost felt like myself again. “You ordered.” I smiled, noting the large sundae waiting for me.

Stefan had cake, which he hadn’t started. I sat down and admired the elaborate sundae with its multi-layers, chocolate sauce, and wafers. “You have to share this. I might be half demon, but even I can’t eat all that.”

He poked his cake with a fork. “You go ahead.”

I wasn’t going to say no. “You didn’t order yourself one?”

“I don’t like ice cream.”

My spoon hovered half way toward the overflowing sundae. A little laugh fluttered from my lips. “You don’t like ice cream?”

He flicked his gaze up. “No, why?”

“No reason.” My thoughts—along with the moment—came to a screeching halt. The man sitting opposite me was not Stefan. He sure looked like him. The cocky smile, the curious glint in his eye, the way he moved, spoke, laughed. It was perfect. Too perfect. I spooned out some ice cream and ate it, instantly forgetting the taste. Maybe fifty people sat at their tables around us. Fifty normal people. Couples. Colleagues. Not to mention the staff, who milled between the tables. They were all in danger. There was one man here who was far from normal. He wasn’t even a man. He’d fooled me for over an hour. We’d chatted, and gossiped, and…enjoyed each other’s company. All of that had been a trap, and I’d fallen right into it.

Not-Stefan said something about Ryder, and I slid my gaze back to him. “When was the last time you saw Ryder?” I asked, keeping my tone light.

“Few days ago, why?”

The speech pattern was almost perfect. He’d been listening, practicing. Anger simmered in my gut. I pinned a smile to my lips and hoped he didn’t notice it twitch. Why was he doing this? What did he hope to get from me? Or was it all a game?

“I thought you were due to meet him yesterday, some top secret project you’re both working on, so secret I’m not allowed to ask you about it. Remember?” I asked, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Right.” He smiled, flashing white teeth.

I couldn’t let on that I’d caught him. These people were potential targets. Swallowing hard, I dug into my ice cream. My hand trembled. He noticed
. Damn.
Our eyes met.

Not-Stefan pursed his lips and smiled. He shoved his cake to one side and leaned forward. “What gave me away?”

I caught it then, the sweet smell of burning flesh. I’d been so preoccupied with nerves I hadn’t listened to what my senses had been trying to tell me since he’d arrived. I pushed my sundae aside. “Stefan has an unhealthy obsession with ice cream. There’s no way in hell he’d say no to a sundae.”

Not-Stefan blinked. “Mm.” He leaned back, and the act began to melt away. His body shifted, hardened with demon control. “Well, as I am trapped here, I had hoped to amuse myself among these”—he tossed a gesture at the room— “lesser human creatures.”