The New Green energy that had been humming along in the background leapt to the forefront of my brain. Forget control. I needed some serious cleanup action. I spoke out loud, hoping that would help me get it right this time.
“Clean up on aisle three, clean up my friends and then clean up me, remove the black that was inside our bellies, and make it so we’re no longer smelly.” I waved my arms all over the place, hoping The New Green didn’t have a sense of humor that would make me regret what I’d just done.
My vision was wiped out for a few seconds and every color of the rainbow assailed me. My entire body was covered in tingles, and I shivered from the aftereffects they left behind. My friends were alternatively laughing, shouting, and coughing as I assumed it did the same to them. When I finally opened my eyes, I was happy to find that everyone was more or less the way I’d seen them last, although everyone except Scrum was in serious need of a hairbrush.
The troll leaned over and got to his feet, picking up the club he had brought with him and letting it rest by his leg. “Me better,” he said, scratching his tunic near his man-parts.
Becky was standing next to me, and I could see her grimacing out of the corner of my eye.
“Yo, troll!” I said, hoping I could distract him from his itchy balls problem.
He paused in his ministrations and looked at me. He grinned and his one tooth came out to grace us with its presence. “Me hungry. Me eat little person.” He took a step toward me.
I held my sword up. “Not so fast, there, Lumpy. I’m not on the menu.”
He looked down at the demon blade and frowned.
“No eat me,” I said, pointing at myself with my free hand.
He shifted his gaze over to Samantha and pointed at her with his club. “Me eat little person there.”
I shook my head. “Nope. You no eat little person there, either.”
Apparently I was fluent in trollish because he frowned at that and stomped his foot. “Me eat!”
I stomped my foot, hoping it was communicating what I wanted it to, namely that I was the boss. “No! You no eat!”
I expected a fight. A roar. A waving of clubs and stomping of feet. I got none of that. Instead, he flopped down on his butt and started wailing like a giant baby. His head tipped back and big, fat tears started pouring out of his eyes and dripped down to the ground. They left clean streaks behind on his face and left me kind of stunned. I had no idea what to do next. Never in my wildest dreams had I ever imagined a troll being a crybaby, but I had a sneaking feeling I knew what he was going through. I wanted to wail at the world’s unfairness too. My last meal had smelled like a skunk, but at least I had one.
Becky was the first to speak. “Oh … that’s … kind of … sad, actually.”
I had to admit, I was feeling a little mean about how I’d handled the situation. Trolls have feelings too, apparently. My earlier thoughts about this troll’s momma came back to me, and I felt even worse. Maybe he was young. Maybe he was feeling as lost and confused as we were.
Great. Just what I needed. A troll babysitting job to earn extra money for the summer!
“Troll!”
He paused and looked at me, sniffling. I watched as a giant ball of snot that had been sitting on his upper lip went back up into his nose with one very inelegant snort. My stomach rolled over and I swallowed hard, trying not to let the gristle I’d eaten earlier come back up.
“Are you listening to me?”
He frowned, still obviously not happy. “Me listen.”
“Good. We’re going to find you some food. Some yummy, booger-covered food. But you have to wait.” I gestured to my friends. “We all have to wait. See? We’re all hungry, right guys?”
Everyone immediately started rubbing their stomachs and nodding their heads. Tony and Felicia even added in some moans for effect.
“See?”
The troll rubbed his stomach. “Me eat little peoples. Me no be hungry after.”
I shook my head and walked closer, bringing my pointy blade with me. “No. You eat people, I kill you.” I held up the sword at his nose. His eyes crossed as he followed its progress. “Me stab troll. Me kill troll. Troll no more hungry.”
His tone made me think he was mesmerized by my weapon. “Me no eat little peoples.”
I lowered the blade. “Good. I think we understand each other.” I turned to go and Becky screamed. Too late for me to do anything about it, I was snatched up from around my waist and brought immediately to the troll’s mouth. My sword arm was trapped under me, leaving me powerless. I didn’t even have time to tell The New Green to save me before it was all over.
A giant, grayish brown tongue came out of the troll’s mouth and licked me from stem to stern. And when I say stem to stern, I mean from the tip of my moccasins all the way up to the top of my head.
“Me lick little peoples. Not eat. Lick.”
Oh, hell-to-the-no-way am I going to be turned into a troll’s lollipop.
I wiggled my non-sword arm out and slapped him on the face. Surely it hurt me more than it did him, but it did make him put his tongue back in his mouth, at least.
“No!
No
licking! Do you hear me?! NO LICKING!
”
The smell that now coated me was making me ill all over again.
I heard giggles behind me, and twisted around to see who the culprit was. Of course I found Becky holding her waist and turning blue in the face with her efforts to hold it in.
I pointed at her and then looked up at the troll. “You can lick that one.”
The troll dropped me in a second and reached for her.
She was there one second and gone the next.
The troll grasped air and then looked in his empty hand confused. “Where go little people?” He looked around, totally mystified.
“Becky?” Finn asked, wandering in circles.
She reappeared a second later and grabbed her partner’s hand. “Here I am.” Her face was flushed and she looked very happy. “Oh my goodness, you have no idea how amazing this place is!” She looked at me. “Jayne, I just moved through the air like it was made of
air
!”
“Uhhh, yeah. Because it is.” I rolled my eyes.
Goofy water sprites.
“No, it’s usually full of water, so it’s a little harder to move around in, but here it’s different.”
Ish spoke up. “Did she just … disappear?”
Becky disappeared from Finn’s side and reappeared behind Ish, tapping him on the shoulder.
He turned around and then leaped back in fright when he saw her there. His eyes were as wide as they could go and he spoke with a hiss. “Witch!”
She grinned. “No, silly. I’m a water sprite.” She pointed at Sam. “She’s the witch.”
Ish moved away from both of them, his hands held out in front of him.
“Hey, he’s got one o’ them dragon scale thingies too,” Finn said, pointing at Ish’s palm.
Ish turned his hand to face him and then stood straight again. “I am like you,” he said to me. His backward movement stopped.
I shrugged. “More or less.”
“Are you a fae?” Becky asked in a gentle voice, moving toward him.
He didn’t back away again, but he didn’t exactly look comfortable with her getting into his personal space, either. He waited until she was a foot away before he answered. His response did not sound very confident. “Why are you people so concerned with what I do in my chamber?”
Becky cocked her head. “What?” She looked at me. “I don’t get it.”
“He thinks you’re callin' him gay is all,” Finn said. “He don’t understand the word.” Finn raised his voice and spoke even slower than he normally does. “She ain’t asked if you were gaaay. She asked if you were
faaae
. Biiig difference.”
“Maybe,” Spike said, sidling up to Finn, “maybe not.”
Finn jumped a little when he realized how close Spike was and then punched him. “Speak for yerself, suck-you-bus.”
“That’s incubus to you, elf.” Spike punched him back and they entered into a short wrestling match that ended with Jared walking up and putting his hand on their shoulders. Scrum was right behind him. The two wrestling dopes stood slowly and dropped their heads, looking as if they’d been approached by the principal at school and publicly shamed.
“Am I right in assuming we’ve been delivered to another time? Maybe even a place our history doesn’t recognize?” Tony asked.
I shrugged. “Could be. They don’t have calendars here, I know that. They use the seasons to track things.”
“All ancient civilizations did.” Tony moved closer to Ish. “My name is Tony, and I come from The Green Forest in a country called France on the European continent.” He held out his hand.
Ish stared at it for a few seconds before slowly putting his hand out stiffly. He knocked the back of Tony’s knuckles with the back of his before responding. “I am called Ishmail. You may call me Ish. I am from the village of Kenrack at the base of the mountain Mortan. I am a dragon-rider, and my dragon-partner is Othello.” He looked up at the sky. “I believe he is coming back soon. Perhaps you will meet him.”
Tony looked over at me, concern in his eyes. “Are we sure that’s a good thing? Meeting a live dragon here, up close and personal?”
“I have no idea.” I looked over at our friends. “What do you guys think?”
Everyone but Scrum was looking at me. He, instead, was staring at the ground near the troll’s feet. I assumed he was fascinated by the disgusting toenails, so I ignored him.
“I think we should get the hell out of here,” Felicia said, looking around her while moving closer to Tony. “I don’t like the vibe in this place.”
“I’m with Felicia,” Sam said.
Jared came closer, glancing at the troll. “We have the small problem of a troll in our party. It’s going to make it kind of hard to hide anywhere or move without attracting a lot of unwanted attention.”
“He’s not in our party,” I said, scoffing at the very idea. “He’s on his own.”
Jared looked at me with his eyebrow raised. “Do you really believe that?”
Before I could answer, Scrum’s alarmed voice rang out. “Jayne…”
“Yes, Scrum?” I sighed. He was just now worrying about the troll coming after me? His daedar was seriously off.
“I think you’d better come over here. And bring your sword.”
My friends were blocking some of my view, but the troll seemed to be acting fine. He was busy picking his nose and eating whatever he found up there. I looked away from that nastiness and focused on Scrum instead. He was pointing at something on the ground.
Chapter Twenty-One
THE COCOON WAS MOVING.
“OH boy.” I walked through my friends with the sword out in front of me, expecting a seriously evil vampire moth to come out of the thing. That witch was mean … much meaner than Maggie; she was going to play a nasty-ass trick on us with this cocoon thing, I knew she was. I kept The New Green element force on standby, hoping I wouldn’t have to use it again. I’d already proven I wasn’t really up to the task of controlling it very well.
“What is it?” Becky whispered at my back.
“Maybe it’ll be a pretty butterfly,” Scrum said, moving to stand next to me.
Jared took up a position on the other side of me. “Not likely,” he said.
I felt Spike’s breath on my neck. “I’ve got your back, Babe.”
I smiled. “You’re so brave.”
He pinched my butt, making me jump. “If you want me out in front holding that sword, just say the word. I’ll be happy to give it a shot.”
A quick vision of the last time he tried to mess with the sword that he had no right to wield assailed my mind. I shook my head. “No thanks. I like you better without demon side effects, thanks.”
“Me too.”
“Jayne, what do you want us to do?” Tony asked.
I wasn’t taking my eye off that cocoon for anything. It was really moving around now; whatever was inside definitely wanted out. “Try to figure out how to get us the hell out of here. Can you walk the Gray from here?”
“Maybe. To be honest, though, I’m a little afraid to try. Everything’s … different.”
“Don’t do it then. Trust your instincts. The Green doesn’t act normal here, so there’s no reason to think the Gray will, either.”
“Me hungry,” the troll mumbled, bonking himself gently on the head over and over with his club. His cranium sounded hollow, making me think his brain was probably the size of a pistachio.
I shook my head at him but was quickly distracted from his misery when a rip appeared in the clump of grayish-white threads on the ground. When the tip of a very tiny wing appeared from inside that tear in the material, my heart leaped in my chest.
Could it be …?
I was too afraid to really hope it was what I thought it might be. I pushed my sword out further, the point of it just a foot away from the thing about to be revealed. It would be just like an evil witch bitch to trick me into thinking Tim was coming when it was really a vampire moth.
“Holy mackerelandy, do you see that?” Finn asked, leaning past Jared to look closer. “That’s a pixie in there, ain’t it? Is it Tim?” He looked at me for confirmation.
“I have no idea. Don’t get too close.”
“What is in the web?” Ish asked from far behind us.
“That’s a web?” I asked. “I thought it was a cocoon.”
A second wing appeared and then a tiny butt. I smiled when I recognized the shape of it. Tim was very proud of his gluteus maximus and had shown it off in mid-flight right up in front of my nose enough times for me to recognize it immediately.
The sword dropped to my side, the point of it quickly burying in the ground. “My, oh my, oh my,” I said in a loud voice, “would you get a look at that butterfly coming out of that cocoon.”
The rest of Tim’s upper body came out followed shortly by his head. My smile faltered when he turned around.
“Ha, ha, very funny, Lellemental. I wish you could see your hair right now.” He started brushing dust off the front of his pants and then became preoccupied with a stain on his tunic. He licked his finger and tried to wipe it off, scrubbing like a maniac when it refused to cooperate.
“Do you guys see what I see?” I asked out of the side of my mouth.
Tim’s head jerked up. “What’s that?” He tried his wings out, first fluttering the left and then the right, and when he was sure they were fully operational, he lifted off.