'Tis the Season: A Collection of Mimi's Christmas Books (55 page)

With Belle, he had the sneaky suspicion it wasn’t going to be that simple. She mattered to him. Her safety had become paramount to his own comfort.

When he’d suggested she move in with him, he’d been stunned at first. No way would he normally have offered to share his space with any other person, certainly no other female. Thankfully, his protective nature had superseded his old habits and he’d made the offer.

Once he’d heard the words, he knew it was the perfect solution and he’d mentally patted his back for coming out with the suggestion. When she’d agreed, his spirit had lightened and his relief became obvious.
She mattered
.

So now he had a big problem. He’d begun to make passionate love to one woman, and the name of his earlier lover had slipped out. Was it a Freudian slip? Did he really want Belle to be Mari? In his sub-conscious, had he switched their identities in order for his heart to be able to get involved?

How the hell did he know? And how could he figure out a reason so he could explain it to Belle?

If she left him now, it would hurt—badly. He knew it like he knew he’d screwed up big-time. So he needed to come up with the right words to explain his stupid behavior, keep her with him, and not scare her by pushing things too fast. Poor girl had enough on her plate without him adding to her burdens.

Giving up trying to make sense of his actions, he headed for his bedroom only to stop at the open door when he spied the two white monster fur balls spread over his pillows.

He growled and had to steel himself not to be angry with them. After all, they weren’t to blame that he’d just messed up the best thing that had happened to him in years.

Chapter Fourteen

Tears obliterated everything in the washroom where Belle hid. Curled up on the floor with her knees under her chin and her drenched face hiding, she let all the despair that she’d fought against wash over her.

Why did life have to be so tough? Just when she thought her world might be getting better… Wham!

Shying away from the reason for her suffering, Belle focused on the recent good stuff. Like reading those notes that Valerie sent about the Celiac symptoms and the treatment that turned out to be so simple. Everything she’d read indicated that as long as she ate the right foods, her stomach troubles would improve, and within a short period of time. All her health worries could turn out to be a thing of the past.

What a relief. She’d be here to watch her daughter grow up and get married. A nightmare she’d lived with when she thought her sickness might be cancer or some other horrible death sentence.

Then not having to deal with Jack all by herself had lightened her load immensely. Knowing Jesse was covering her back, caring about Yaya’s and her safety had made the whole ordeal not so scary or intolerable.

Knowing Jack when everyone liked him, when he’d first left to go to Iraq, helped her somewhat to forgive his recent behavior—not tolerate it but at least try to understand He needed help. No… he needed to help himself. Overwhelmed by it all, she shied away from those images.

Finally the thoughts she’d tried to keep at bay flooded in, and this time they wouldn’t be shut off.

Jesse!

The man who’d attracted her from the first moment he’d lifted her in his arms and held her against the warmth and strength of his solidness. If she could have left her life and stayed there forever, she’d have been tempted to slide inside him and just let the world go by.

Consumed by guilt from her random thoughts, she knew she’d never take the easy road, or leave her precious baby. As a mom, her first responsibility was to the daughter she adored more than anyone else in the world. No one had ever come close to being on the same level of importance.

Until now.

At the beginning, when she’d sensed an attraction growing between her and Jesse, she had to admit to being totally unnerved. Especially once Kim had told her about Mari. The idea of an unrequited affair with a childhood sweetheart as competition freaked her out. How could she compare? And now this!

Sickly, skinny, a daughter to be responsible for, all those entanglements would throw any man off… Jesse included. No wonder the guy got rattled.

Hold it! Don’t give the jerk any excuses
. His behavior stunk. Period!

Shivers worked their way all over her body and made her cling tighter to her resolve not to weaken. Not to let the pain take over. And certainly not to let her heart break.

She sniffed and reached for the toilet paper hanging on the roll next to her face. Unwinding a long piece, she blew her nose and wiped her face.

Enough!

Then she stood up and finished undressing so she could slip into her flannel pajama bottoms and matching short t-shirt. The pants had to be tied tightly so they wouldn’t slip off. Next she ripped the brush through her hair, scrubbed the streaks from her face and leaned in to brush her teeth.

When the new tears appeared, she leaned forward to stare at herself in the mirror.
Stop it!
That man isn’t worth your misery.

He’d been the fool, not her. He was the one living in the past. And he wouldn’t get another chance to play with her again. From now on, they would be strictly roommates, maybe friends, but never again would she trust him with her most tender emotions.

Never again!

Chapter Fifteen

The next morning, Belle blessed Layla’s joy at being with her two favorite adults. It helped to dispel the strained atmosphere.

Jesse tried to catch her eyes a few times but she refused to let it happen. When he tried the throat clearing, she almost gave in but couldn’t. Finally he spoke to her back.

“Belle, I don’t know what happened. I’m so sorry—”

She shrugged, and using a flippant voice, she let him off the hook. “Whatever. No biggie.” Then she pushed past his reaching hands to get back to the stove and safety. Darned if she’d make it easy for him to embarrass her again.

The despondency on his face gave her a moment’s reflection but common sense kicked in. Remembering her resolution from her sleepless night before, she shrugged and continued with breakfast preparations for her and Yaya.

However, not having a vindictive bone in her body, she broke down, ended her silent treatment that had only survived a short while and asked, “I’m cooking a mushroom omelet for us, would you like some?” When he didn’t reply, she turned his way and waited.

After he sneezed a number of times and Yaya happily yelled from her high chair, “Bless you,” Belle gave in and asked, “Have you got a cold?”

“No. It’s those darn cats and the endless fur flying everywhere. Each time I put them off the bed, they yowled and jumped back on. When I decided enough was enough, I hauled them out and shut the door. I’m surprised their caterwauling didn’t wake you and Layla. Only way to get them to shut up was let them return. Finally, I gave them the bed and slept on Kim’s chaise lounge.”

It surprised Belle when a jolt of glee caught her unaware. Since she’d helped Kim carry that particular piece of ornate furniture from her van to the apartment, Belle knew that the sofa was only about five feet long. Jesse’s frame had to be at least six-two. Surprisingly, her mood improved. Guess if she had to have an unsettled night, it felt kinda nice to know he’d suffered also.

“Should’ve moved to the couch.”

“Tried,” he grumbled. “The smell of your perfume wouldn’t let me relax.”

Happier now, she repeated her offer. “Omelet?”

“Yes, ma’am.” The droll tone in the words provided an added thrill.

Sitting together at the table a few minutes later, Jesse outlined some plans he’d made for the day. His voice was tentative and she knew why. “I thought I could take you to the shops and then if you like, we could go for lunch.” He watched to see her reaction.

Belle knew there was no way she could stand being in his company for the next few hours.

“Sorry, Jesse. Yaya and I are going shopping alone today.”

His gaze dropped to his plate. Red colored his cheeks. Not wanting to embarrass him any worse, she piled eggs and mushrooms on her fork and shoveled it in.

Her need for food had grown now that she knew exactly what she should and shouldn’t eat. Because of Jesse, she could at least feed one hunger.

Layla piped up just as the silence stretched past endurance. “Can I go and visit Santa?”

Belle saw Jesse’s head swivel toward her and she had the grace to blush for having left the visit so late. “I didn’t take her because—”

He cut her off. “Of course not. Darned impossible when you could barely walk?” His eyes softened. “Look at you now.”

“I know. Isn’t it a miracle? As soon as I stopped eating anything with gluten in it, I could feel my strength returning. My stomach stopped rebelling and the food stayed where it belonged.”

Belle beamed his way, unable to stop from sharing her happiness at how much better she felt.

“That’s really great.” He laid his knife and fork across his full plate and with his elbows on each side of the dish, he threaded his fingers as a platform for his chin. “Belle, it was wrong for me to take for granted that we’d spend the day together. But I could drive you girls and drop you off if you like.” If eyes could apologize, his were doing a great job. The bags under his lashes were proof of his sleepless night and his probing stare communicated sincere regret.

Oh no! Didn’t he get it? She wanted to get away from any chance of making a fool out of herself. Spending any amount of time in his company would stretch her acting skills to the limit. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. We like taking the bus, don’t we kiddo?” Belle refused to keep looking at him. She would not back down even though she felt his silent urging.

Yaya looked up, strawberry jam evident on her cheeks and a milk ring around her lips. The sweetness in her grin melted some of Belle’s firm resolve. “Yes, Mama.”

Belle glanced over and noticed that her mischievous daughter’s attention had been focused on the puppy she was feeding her toast to under the table. Rather than reprimanding her, she looked away. After all, even she had a difficult time ignoring Sam’s begging eyes.

Another silence reigned, less stressful but still uncomfortable. When she thought she’d scream from the pressure, he said. “A girl’s trip, I get it. I guess I could meet up with you later and take you for lunch?”

“Yay!” Layla reached out her arms so he would help her down from her chair; except she wouldn’t let him go when he went to set her on the floor. Her tiny arms clung to his neck and she smooched his cheek. “I love you, Jesse”

Everything stopped.

Belle’s heart lurched, fluttering so hard she thought it might beat itself right out of her chest. Focusing through the film in her eyes was difficult but once she could finally see straight, she watched Jesse’s reaction.

He hugged her little girl back, clearly careful not to hurt the little sprite. Then, his voice husky with emotion, he answered. “And I love you, sunshine.”

“Do you love my mommy too, Jesse?”

Oh my God!
Belle cut in before he could reply. “Time to get your teeth brushed, young lady. We need to get ourselves on the next bus. If we leave too late, the stores will be even more packed.”

Wriggling so Jesse would have to let her go, Layla shrieked with delight. “I’ll beat you, Mommy. I’m weally a fast bwusher!”

Chapter Sixteen