Authors: Alan Black
Anisa frowned, “La Dueña Dunstan is gonna report you for trying to sneak beers.”
Freddy shrugged, “Yeah, so what? What are they gonna do? Stick me on observation deck duty?”
Anisa jabbed the end of her taco at the boy. “They could send you back down to waste management training.”
Freddy laughed, “Been there and done that twice. Mom won’t go for a third time.”
Anisa shook her head. “Being the captain’s grandson is only going to get you so far.”
Tasso took the point in the conversation to take a bite of the taco. He imitated Anisa. He leaned forward and held the taco at a slight angle over the plate, allowing the juice to drip down onto the plate. He tilted his head to the side and took a big bite.
An explosion of flavors blasted his mouth. He wasn’t sure what kind of meat was in the taco, but he knew the filling wasn’t yapikino. The meat was a sweet without any gristle and a little spicy on his tongue. The meat was still warm and the lettuce and tomato were cold, giving him an odd sensation of both hot and cold in the same bite. He still didn’t know what the yellow spongy stuff was, but it blended well with everything else.
Tasso froze. His mouth was on fire and he could feel his tongue starting to swell up. He tried to spit the taco out, but it refused to leave his mouth. His eyes began to water and he tried to chew, but couldn’t bite down without the fire spreading. He was sure his teeth were beginning to sweat. He tried to swallow, but he’d taken too big a bite.
Anisa pointed at the window. “Look, the Cooperstown in lifting off. Great! We shouldn’t be far behind.”
Tasso tried to look at the Cooperstown through the veil of tears streaming out of his eyes, but he could barely see. He grabbed a drink and took a mouthful of the liquid. Whatever was in the drink wasn’t water! Freddy called it Sola Cola. It did little to ease the burning sensation in his mouth. Instead, it began to fizz and fill his mouth, puffing out his cheeks. He tried to swallow, but a huge chunk of taco shell threatened to block his throat. Instead of going down his throat, the drink bubbled up and out through his nose. It took some of the burning taco heat with it.
He leaned over his plate, regardless of any expected embarrassment, opened his mouth, and let the whole mass plop back onto the plate. He coughed and sputtered trying to clear his airway.
Freddy laughed.
Anisa started to laugh, but Tasso’s face was turning beet red. He was breathing, but was only able to take a raspy breath between coughs. She slapped an icon on her dataport and pointed a finger at Freddy, “Get a water bottle now!” She shouted at the ceiling. “Observation deck! Medical emergency! Choking victim, barely breathing! Repeat! Observation deck! Medical emergency! Choking—” She continued to repeat and shout the same phrase again and again.
Tasso put his head between his knees. He willed his lungs to pull in cooling air. He wasn’t sure which hurt worse, the burning heat, the bubbles up his nose, or his embarrassment at having to spit out his lunch in front of a pretty girl.
The burning heat won the contest. He tried to scrape the heat away from his tongue with his fingers. He wondered why anyone would eat a taco and even if you could get used to the taste, why would you leave it in its shell? At least, when he ate a yapikino, he skinned it first.
Suddenly large hands slapped his seatbelt release, grabbed his shoulders, and pulled him upright. Huge muscled arms wrapped around his chest. He was lifted bodily off the chair and held in the air.
Tasso’s eyes cleared as a woman stepped into his line of vision. She raised his arms over his head. The movement brought a whoosh of air into his lungs. The woman shook her head. The arms around his chest released him. Tasso dropped back into the chair.
The woman pointed a medical scanner at Tasso. She was quick, but did a thorough scan of his chest, neck, and face. She pulled a small book from the bag at her side and ripped a corner off a page. The small square easily popped out of the book with perforated edges. She held the paper out to Tasso. “Put this tab on your tongue. Let it melt there.”
Tasso hesitated.
She said, “You can do it or I’ll have Otto do it for you. Come on. I don’t have time for this tomfoolery.”
Tasso put the paper on his tongue. It immediately began to melt and cool his mouth. “Thank you,” he managed to croak.
The woman pointed at her dataport. “I’m Doctor Valenzuela and this is Otto, my personal physician’s assistant. I don’t have you listed as a passenger, señor.”
Tasso nodded, “I’m here for a training cruise, I think. Sorry, I’m Tasso Menzies, ma’am.”
“Not ma’am. You can call me Doctor. You are from …?” She let the question hang in the air.
Tasso pointed out the window and realized the planet was no longer there. The view was blackness. He stared at the window.
“You’re from Saronno?” Valenzuela prompted.
Tasso nodded. “Yes, Doctor. Born and raised.”
Valenzuela shook her head and checked her dataport. “It’s the Italian compact? No, discovered by the Italian compact, but it is a Scottish and Irish settlement, right? You probably never had anything spicier than a shepherd’s pie.” She turned on Anisa. “You fed tacos with hot sauce to a greenhorn?”
Anisa said, “But the taco wasn’t hot, Doc. Honest. And it was all the galley had.”
Valenzuela said, “He should have gone without until we ran a complete scan on him.”
“But he was hungry,” Anisa said. “He said he hasn’t eaten since lunch yesterday.”
Tasso said, “I’m right here. I can speak for myself.” Tasso was able to breathe and he decided Anisa and Freddy hadn’t deliberately tried to poison him. “I did ask for something to eat. I guess I’m not used to the same kind of food you eat.”
Valenzuela ignored Tasso and spoke to the girl. “Lunch yesterday? I’m sorry, Anisa, but your charge still isn’t going to be able to eat for at least another six hours. The tab I gave him will give him stomach cramps and vomiting if he even tries to drink water.”
“But—” Anisa started.
“But nothing,” Valenzuela interrupted. “He’ll be a lot worse off than he is now. He’s a little dehydrated now according to my scanner, but it’s not medically threatening.”
Tasso saw Maria rush into the room, as the medical people rushed out. She shouted across the observation deck, “Anisa, what are you doing with my trainee?”
Freddy shouted back with a laugh, “It’s already on the net, Maria. Greenhorn can’t hold down a taco.”
Anisa said, “
Lo siento
… I am sorry. I guess I didn’t think and he didn’t say anything until it was too late. Maria, if you’re here to collect him, I have to inform you that medical said he can’t have anything to eat or drink for six hours.” She turned to her young cousin, “Freddy, get his bag for him.” She turned her back on Tasso and began cleaning up the mess.
Maria grabbed Tasso by the arm, steering him out of the room. “Come on, greenhorn. We got things to do and I should already be off duty.” She only slowed to grab Tasso’s bag from Freddy.
Tasso wanted to shout that his name was Tasso Menzies, not Greenhorn. He was sure they had him mixed up with someone else. Maria hustled him out of the room before he could speak.
“Wait,” he said. “I should thank Anisa for helping me.”
Maria shook her head and kept walking. “Thank her? That little stunt of hers is going to set her training back another month. Having to call in medical to the observation deck is not a good thing.”
“But it wasn’t her fault—”
“And that little pistol Freddy didn’t help her by putting the whole thing on the net. She’s going to take a serious hurrah over this. She probably won’t want to hear from you ever again.”
Tasso didn’t know what a hurrah was, but he was sure a serious one sounded bad. He wasn’t off to a good start on this spaceship. Moreover, he was still hungry and it didn’t look like he was going to get anything to eat or drink anytime soon. Well, this wasn’t the first meal he’d ever missed.
Maria said, “Our first stop should be medical, but Valenzuela just saw you.” She checked her dataport and said, “Nope. We still have orders in the system for you to get a full physical. Okay, reverse directions. We have to go the other way. I’ll drop you off at medial for a full poking and prodding.”
TASSO GRITTED his teeth and clamped his jaw shut. His stomach rumbled and his mouth was dry. Doctor Valenzuela and her assistant, Otto, ignored his pleas for a small drink of water. She set a timer on his dataport to count down until he had medical clearance to eat or drink.
He was in some kind of open-backed dress-like thing. No matter how he tried to close the Velcro tabs, they wouldn’t stay closed. The task was tenuous. So far, he’d managed to keep his back to the doctor. The room wasn’t actually cold, it just felt that way. There was no breeze in the room, but no matter what direction he turned, he felt a draft up his backside.
Doctor Valenzuela asked about medical records from his primary physician. He had all of his records on his dataport. He showed her the scans from their portable medical unit. There were only three, one from his birth, one from a case of colic at eleven months old, and the last one a year ago. His grandfather thought he’d had appendicitis. It turned out to be trapped gas. The doctor made tsking noises when Tasso explained his grandmother midwifed his mother and he’d never seen a doctor before. Grandpa always said if it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it.
Valenzuela took his dataport away with his bag and the rest of his clothes. He was used to the bag disappearing. It seemed to return on its own. He hoped his clothes and the dataport came back as readily. His grandfather’s shotgun was still in the bag. He didn’t think he would need it anytime soon.
Tasso knew clean when he saw it, however this room was beyond clean. Grandpa had a rule that if anything wasn’t in use, the thing was to be put back in its place. Whatever tool, shoe, spoon or thing-a-ma-bob was, it had to be easy to find and ready to use when needed. A shovel had to have the dirt cleaned off and the blade sharpened before it went back to the tool room in the barn. They washed and put away dinner plates right after every meal. The shuttle had to be refueled and washed before locking down after each use. Everything in this room was ready for use. Everything was within easy reach for the doctor and her assistant. Everything was beyond clean, the room and everything in it was sterilized.
Tasso recognized the medical scanners in the room. They were all similar to the small hand-held unit back home. His little scanner still hung on its peg where he would find it the next time he needed it. He’d wiped it down, checked its power node, and reset the diagnostic screens to zero after it’d declared Grandpa dead. The small screen read ‘stroke’ and blanked to clear as he hung it on the peg. He didn’t understand why anyone would sterilize a medical scanner, it never needed to touch the patient.
Valenzuela ran a hand-held portable scanner over Tasso. She made more tsking noises and showed the readout to Otto. She ignored Tasso’s interest in the readout. Otto wandered in and out of the room, bringing in tools and equipment. Neither the doctor nor her assistant bothered to answer any of Tasso’s questions about the items.
Valenzuela had him stand still inside a large deep-scan medical unit. He stood still for what seemed like an eternity with his arms over his head. The machine whirled silently around him taking readings from every angle. He wiggled slightly when a scan receptor slid between his legs, up the gown and touched him at some hypersensitive spots. The doctor and Otto both sighed in unison and started the scan over again. He managed to hold still long enough on the third time through the scan.
Tasso asked, “Why would you run a hand-held medical scanner and then run a big deep-scan right away? Wouldn’t the deep scan see anything the hand-held unit saw? Why not just do the deep scan?”
Valenzuela and Otto didn’t answer.
Grandpa always said the best way to learn was to ask questions. He’d explained some people thought experience was the best teacher. However, experience had a bad habit of teaching its life lessons at the point of the final exam. He’d pointed out that no one had ever died from asking questions. If Grandpa were here, Tasso would’ve pointed out that you can’t learn anything from asking questions if no one gives you any answers.
“On your feet, please,” Valenzuela said. She didn’t look at Tasso, but her tone left no doubt that she wasn’t making a request and who she expected to follow the command.
“Yes, ma’am.” Tasso slid to his feet. He kept one hand on the gap in the gown. The doctor still didn’t look at him, but Otto was standing behind him against the wall.
Valenzuela grabbed his earlobe, turned his head sideways, and shoved a cold tool so deep in his ear he thought it would come out the other side. “Hold still, greenhorn. I’m going to have Otto hold you down, strap you down, or sit on you if you keep squirming around.”
Tasso thought about letting someone know his name was not Greenhorn again, but clamped his teeth together. He stood still as the doctor poked him in both ears, up the nose, and gagged him with a flat instrument shoved halfway down his throat.
Valenzuela shined a bright light in his eyes, shook her head, and said, “I don’t want to know what you’ve been eating. Good grief!”
She thumped him a few times on his back, chest and even poked and prodded him between his toes. She slipped one of his feet into a boot-like med-scanner. A green light flashed on the boot and for the first time he could remember, Tasso’s athlete’s foot quit itching.
“Okay, lift it up,” Valenzuela said. “Feet shoulder length apart and stand up straight.”
“Um … what?” Tasso asked. “Lift up what?”
“The gown, greenhorn,” Otto said from behind him. “Grab it and lift it waist high.”
“Wait,” Tasso said. “First, my name is Tasso Menzies, it is not Greenhorn, whoever that may be. Second, you did more scans on me than I’ve had in the rest of my life combined. Won’t those scans tell you everything you need to know without this poking and prodding?”
Valenzuela dragged up a short stool and sat down in front of Tasso. She shook her head. “Believe me, Tasso Menzies, I have other things I’d rather be doing than running a complete scan on a new recruit.” She snorted. “You’ve never had a complete physical in your life, so I’m going to check you from the tips of your ears to the ends of your toes. That’s my job. Your job is to do what you’re told.”
“Yes, ma’am, but—” Tasso said.
“No buts,” Valenzuela interrupted.
Otto laughed, causing the doctor to laugh with him.
“That is not what I meant, Otto,” Valenzuela said with a laugh. “Anyway, I am called
Doctora
, I am Valenzuela, I am Doctor Valenzuela, and if we become friends someday, you may call me Erendira. If you call me ma’am again, I’m going to have Otto get out the gag and strap you down to the exam table. Understand?”
“Yes, Doctor,” Tasso said. “I wanted to ask, since it’s me who’s getting poked and prodded, I don’t see why you have to do it manually after the scans.”
Valenzuela sighed. “If you had regular medical exams by a real physician, I wouldn’t have to do half of what we’re checking, but you haven’t. I’m doing a manual check because I think it’s the heart of foolishness to let a machine tell you what you can find out for yourself.”
It sounded so much like his grandfather that he shut his mouth.
Valenzuela said, “So, lift the gown. You don’t have anything I haven’t seen. Or rather, if you do, that is what I’m looking for.”
The room went from cold to hot and stuffy as Tasso grabbed the hem of the gown and lifted it to his waist. He stood with his legs about shoulder width apart. He tried to stand up straight, but he was startled when Valenzuela grabbed his testicles. He wanted to back away from her, but his backside was already against the table and Otto was behind that.
He wanted to look at what Valenzuela was doing and he also wanted to look away. He ended up closing his eyes. He willed her to quit before he got excited. His eyes shot back open, and without thinking, he looked down as she gave a quick tug on both testicles. She let loose, just as he felt the beginnings of an erection. He tried to stop it, but the more he thought about it the worse it got.
Valenzuela shoved a finger in a place where no finger should go.
Tasso gasped. His erection died before it reached full bloom.
Valenzuela said, “Turn your head and cough.”
Tasso did as commanded.
“Again,” Valenzuela commanded.
Tasso coughed. He felt her grab the hem of the gown and pull it down. He almost sighed, thinking the worst was over.
He was wrong.
“Turn around. Bend over and grab your knees,” Valenzuela said.
Tasso was beyond complaining. He turned and faced Otto, but the man was thumbing through a dataport, barely paying attention.
Valenzuela tapped him on one butt cheek. “Okay, young man, spread ‘em and give me a big smile.”
Tasso sputtered, “What?”
Otto looked up. “Reach back and spread your cheeks for the rectal exam.”
Tasso did as he was told. He wasn’t sure what Valenzuela was looking for and he was too embarrassed to ask.
Otto smiled, “Thank your lucky stars you’re too young for a prostate exam or a colonoscopy.”
Tasso wasn’t sure what they were and he was certainly too embarrassed to ask.
“Okay,” Valenzuela said. “We checked every bug bite, every scratch, and every crevice from the back of your ears to between your toes.” She left the room, but tossed “might as well get dressed” over her shoulder on the way out.
He looked around, but his clothes were still gone.
“This,” Otto said. He tossed coveralls at Tasso.
The one-piece uniform was blue cotton with pockets everywhere. ‘Menzies’ was stitched on the chest and across the back. He looked for underwear and saw extra cloth sewn into the inside of the coverall. The outfit was amazingly comfortable and seemed to fit him much better than his own clothes. He was used to wearing his grandfather’s old clothes, even if they had become a bit too short over the last year.
Otto handed him a pair of shoes. These weren’t like his hand-sewn jack-o’-lantern hide boots. These were soft, but felt sturdy at the same time. Otto pulled open a cabinet and set Tasso’s bag by a chair in the corner. “Your old clothes are in there. They’re clean and folded. You can keep them or throw them away. Try not to wear them again. Damn! Those rags have more holes in them than they were designed to have. That ancient shotgun of yours is down in the ship’s armory on Deck K. You can get it anytime you have a need for it.”
As Otto left the room, he pointed at a chair in the corner. “Sit and don’t move.”
After a few short moments of doing nothing, he began to feel nervous. After a few more moments, he began to feel drowsy. He hadn’t eaten in quite a while and he hadn’t slept for longer. Back at his family’s graves, dreams of the jack-o’-lantern Ol’ Ben had filled his sleep. He hadn’t had a restful sleep since the morning he found Grandpa dead.
He could hear his grandfather’s voice ringing in his head about burning daylight. He didn’t know how to tell time on a spaceship or even how to tell day from night without the sun. The time on his dataport was still set for planetary time. He doubted the crew kept Saronno time. For all he knew, everyone around him thought the time was high noon.
He pulled out his dataport and fished around for a manual to read. He was tempted to re-read the manual for the rock-jack. That was his favorite, as the writer was a person with a sense of humor. He’d read it so often he almost had it memorized. He thought briefly about going back to the flitter manual, but after the crash and repair of the aircraft, he was as familiar with its guts as the manual could make him.
He selected a manual on the Rumsfelt .55 caliber hand-held auto cannon. He’d never seen a Rumsfelt .55 caliber hand-held auto cannon. That didn’t really matter. The repair manual was on his list to read, so he began reading. He was barely into the first chapter when Valenzuela came back in. She pulled up the short stool and sat next to him. She had her dataport out with the display blacked out on the backside so he couldn’t see what was there.
“What are you reading?” she asked.
Instead of answering, Tasso grabbed the reader display from where it hovered in the air and twisted it so she could read it. She whistled and said, “A little light reading to pass the time, huh?”
Tasso shrugged, “It’s on my reading list, so I read.”
Valenzuela said, “Well, I don’t approve of your reading list any more than I approve of your diet over the last few years. Your parents should be horsewhipped.”
Tasso tensed up, but held his tongue. This woman may not know anything about him or his family, so it might not be a deliberate insult. Tasso looked the woman in the eyes as Grandpa always said he should when answering an adult. “My parents are dead, Doctor.”
“Oh. I am sorry. You were raised by …?” She let the question hang in the air. Tasso decided she had an irritating habit of leaving questions unfinished and throwing in a verbal question mark at the end of the sentence. Still, she was the first woman he could remember who had tugged on his testicles, so he was going to let her small bad habit slide. Family questions set his teeth on edge more than a dangling question ever would.
“I was raised by my grandfather. He’s dead too, so if you’re looking to whip someone with a horse, you’re too late.”
“I’m sorry again. Grandmother deceased? Yes?”
Tasso nodded, “Grandmother died a few months after my mother … died.”