To Hell and Back (7 page)

Nurse Claire has returned with the ice chips, but Doctor Stevens tells her he’s putting me on a clear liquid diet, so she fills the water pitcher from my bedside table and brings me a drink.  She brings the head of my bed up and the motion is painful but bearable.  I reach for the cup and spill a little with my shaking hand as I bring the straw to my lips.  The cold liquid feels like Heaven as I take a few small sips and try to ignore my father’s glare.  Hank has been watching all of this with narrowed eyes, and I’m sure he hates every second of it.  He always accuses me of being melodramatic. I’m sure that if it was up to him I’d be home washing dishes by tomorrow. Who knows, maybe he’s wishing he had just killed me, but I’m still here and I’m going to survive.

***

Carson

It has been a whole week since I was with her. Seven days without a word from her. Last Sunday feels like it could have been years ago at this point. I know she said she would call me, but I’m going crazy waiting for my phone to ring.  I’ve been bringing my phone to the set with me and finding it hard to focus on my lines.  The second the director says “cut”, I check my phone, hoping I haven’t missed her call.  I’m not usually someone who waits by the phone like this, but I worry about her.  I don’t know all the details of life with her father, but I know enough to make me very concerned.  I haven’t even been back to Mrs. Hanley’s B&B. I stayed at the trailer this weekend, knowing I couldn’t be so close to her and still manage to stay away. This morning I woke up and decided I couldn’t just sit around any longer.  I had Lucy bring me the car and I drove myself into town. Maybe I’m too impatient, maybe it seems pathetic, but I need to see her. I got lucky last time, so I’m heading back to Miller’s.

I walk into the store and it’s so damn hot in here that I decide I can’t handle coffee today.  Instead, I buy a newspaper and a Pepsi before sitting down at one of the tables.  Edith comes walking out from the back and heads over toward me.  I just hope the granddaughter she wants me to meet isn’t around.  I like Edith, but since I’m waiting for Brie that could get kind of awkward.

“If you’re waiting for Brielle again you’re wasting your time. She’s not coming in here today, no sir.”

“Well, I was kind of hoping to see her again, Mrs. Miller.  What makes you so sure she won’t be in?”

“You didn’t hear?  The whole town has been talking.  Someone hurt that poor girl.  They say it was some house robber, but I don’t believe a word of it.  The only evil man in her life is her own father. Of course, no one would listen to an old biddy like me.  Always getting hurt, that Brie.  Bumps and bruises.  He really did it this time, that’s for sure. Those damned police officers in this town can’t see what’s right in their faces. Just because Hank Douglas used to be one of them doesn’t make him a saint. I’m telling you, he…”

My blood runs cold and I can feel it drain from my face.  Edith must see what the news has done to me because she just stops talking and stares at me.  She reaches over to pat my hand and says, “She’s going to be okay, you know.  Should be out of the hospital soon, I hear.  She’s been in there a while. It took her four days to wake up, but she will be just fine.  I can see you care about that girl.  About time someone did.  She could use a friend.  She really could.”

Edith gives my hand a couple more pats and walks away, shaking her head.  By the time she reaches the door to the back office she’s humming to herself and I’m still just sitting in my seat, trying to register what I just heard.

I finally shake off the shock and head for my car, thinking,
please, God, let her be okay. I know Edith said she would be fine,
but please, let her really be okay.  I think I could love her.  I think I could help her
. But she needs to be okay.
I have the sinking feeling that this is all my fault.  I don’t know all the details of what happened yet.  I don’t know where or when she was hurt, but I know I might never forgive myself if this happened because of me.

Chapter Seven

Brielle

It has been three days since I first woke up. Hank stuck around while I talked to Chief Davis, but the Chief didn’t stay long since I couldn’t “remember” much anyway. The two of them left together and I haven’t seen Hank since. I’m sure he’s off apologizing to Sheila for ignoring her, I mean, how dare he be with his daughter, right?  I actually find that I’m grateful for her since she’s likely the one keeping Hank off my back.

Claire says that the whole town is talking about what happened to me. People are talking about being more careful to lock their doors, talking about how “lucky” I am to have survived.  They’ve been talking about me all week.  But no one has come to visit.  No one knows what really happened, and anyone who suspects anything doesn’t want to come see it in person.  No one wants to know about it when there is a problem.  No one wants to think about bad things. I don’t get that choice. I’ve done nothing but think about this. I still don’t know what I’m going to do. The thought of going home to Hank terrifies me. I never want to set foot in that house again.

It’s lunchtime and since my clear liquid diet has ended, I’m receiving real food.  If you can call cafeteria beef stew real food.  I pick at the bits of the stuff they’re calling beef and just end up doodling on my napkin.  I hear the doorknob turn, but I don’t even bother to look up.  So many nurses, doctors, cafeteria workers and other hospital staff have been in here that it’s practically a revolving door, anyway.

My hand stills when a small gasp from the doorway gets my attention.  I stare at my visitor as he stares back at me, and for what seems like forever neither of us moves or says anything.  Finally, Carson lets the door close behind him.  He walks over to sit in the chair at my bedside and there are tears in his eyes.  It should be sweet, but instead I just feel confused.  My heart is pounding at his presence and, despite its current state, my body seems to remember him.  I move my hair so it partially covers my face.  I’m so embarrassed for him to see me here, like this. 

“Brielle.” He breathes my name and it just hangs in the air between us. I’m not sure what to say but it seems like one of us should say something, so I try for humor.

“I guess you missed me, huh? Welcome to my luxurious suite at the beautiful H. R. Marshall Memorial Hospital. The view isn’t great and the food is worse but at least the staff is attentive.”

“Oh, Brie,” Carson breathes again. “Is this my fault? Please tell me. I heard that you’re going to be okay and I’m thanking God that I can be here with you right now, but I have to know.  Did this happen because of me?”

“No, Carson.  This happened because Hank is a monster.  It isn’t my fault and it certainly isn’t yours. It is Hank’s fault and his alone.”

“Dammit!” he swears, standing up and starting to pace.  “I knew that asshole was behind this.  I’ll fucking kill him myself, Brie.  Please tell me that he has been locked up.  Edith said she heard it was a home invasion, that they’re looking for a thief to pin this on.  Please tell me she got the story wrong and that Hank is being punished for this.”  It’s scary how fast he went from sad to angry.  The rage in his eyes is a little unsettling and I dread telling him the truth.

“Of course he isn’t, Carson. My father is an ex-cop with a lot of old buddies to count on. The official story is that we were robbed and I was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Please just leave it alone. I am not about to let it happen again, so please just let it go.”

“Just how do you plan to stop him, Brielle?  You have to make him pay for this!”  Carson continues pacing back and forth in the small room, raking his hand through his hair in frustration.  “Brie, he won’t stop, he…”

“Carson, I have no intention of going home with him again. I had a plan and it didn’t work; it didn’t keep me safe. So I will come up with a new plan.  But maybe now you see what my life is like. I can’t afford distractions and I can’t afford to bring other people into my misery. I’m not sure what I’ll do from here on out, but I will take care of myself.”

“Where will you go, Brie? If you don’t go home, where are you going to go?” He has stopped his pacing and is staring at me, waiting for my response.

“I haven’t figured that out yet,” I tell him in a tiny voice that I hardly recognize as my own.

Neither one of us says anything for a long moment.  The silence in the room is heavy and I can hear his rapid breathing. He’s angry and scared for me, I know that, but this isn’t the time for me to worry about him.  He has no place in my life right now.  I have to worry about myself. This is all becoming too much.

Carson squats down at the side of the bed, the fire still raging in his eyes.  He reaches toward my face and I flinch away from him.  I’m not very comfortable with angry men near my head.  The motion seems to jerk him out of his thoughts, a look of sadness replacing his anger. 

“I was – I was just going to brush your hair back, Brie,” he whispers. “I would never hurt you. I would never touch you in anger. I’m angry at him, not at you. I’m angry at the situation. If I touch you, it will be to care for you and to make you happy, never to cause you pain. Never.”

In my heart, I know he means what he is saying.  But it doesn’t matter.  I don’t know what comes next, and I can’t drag someone else into this mess. 

“Carson, you should go.  I need this time to think.  I’m working on a way to get myself out of here.  I am supposed to go home the day after tomorrow. I…”

“Fuck that, Brie!” His exclamation interrupts me and I’m stunned into silence.  “I’m sorry, I really am, but this is crazy.  He could have killed you.  If you think I’m going to stand here and watch someone I care about suffer alone, then you’re wrong.  I am not leaving; I am not letting go of you.  I’m taking you with me. Come stay with me, Brie.  Let me help you.  Let’s do this together.”

I just lie there on the stark white hospital bed and stare at my hands.  He can’t mean it.  He barely knows me.  But the smallest flicker of hope sparks somewhere in my heart and that’s more than I’ve had in the longest time. I find myself wanting to agree to his crazy idea.

“I wish we could, but…”

“No, Brie.  No more telling me it’s complicated.  No more pushing me away.  This, whatever this is, might be new and it might be scary but it’s real.  I’m connected to you in a way that extends to the core of my soul and that means something.  It means you’re mine and I’m yours and it means I’m going to take care of you while you get better and we figure out a way for you to take care of yourself.  It means you have a friend, a boyfriend, hell, a brother if that’s what you need. But you have me, Brie. You have all of me. I’m in.”

I start to cry; everything he says is like a light in my dark, lonely heart.  I am so overwhelmed that I actually giggle at him, saying the first thing that pops into my head.

“Carson, I could never think of you as my brother!”

He smiles and the air feels a little lighter in the room.  “Thank God for that, Brie. I have had a lot of thoughts about you, and hell, I’ve even had dreams about you.  But I’m telling you right now that there wasn’t a single one of them where you were my
sister
.”

We talk a while longer before a nurse comes in and tells us it’s time for him to leave.  He gently kisses my forehead and tells me he will see me in the morning.  I’m scared and excited along with a million other emotions I can’t separate from each other.  I don’t know how this will work or if it’s even a good idea, but it’s the only chance I have and I’m going to take it. Tomorrow morning I will sign myself out of this place and leave with Carson. I’m through with slowly dying in hell and I’m going to fight my way back to reclaim my life.

Chapter Eight

Brielle

It’s ten in the morning and Doctor Stevens has already come by to sign my release papers.  There has been absolutely no sign of my father, but I can’t stop staring at the clock.  I watch every single second tick by as I wait for Carson.  I really want to believe he’s coming, that yesterday wasn’t a dream, but part of me feels like this can’t possibly be real.  I’m taking a leap of faith and I’m going to see where it takes me.  As long as it’s in the opposite direction of my former home, I’m willing to try.

I called the school this morning and told them I wouldn’t be back.  I asked about a GED, but, since there are so few weeks left in the school year, they will let me homeschool myself for the rest of the year.  The story I gave them is that I am riddled with anxiety after the attack. I said that I just can’t handle school right now.  It’s kind of ironic; even with all the uncertainty in my life, I’m the least anxious I’ve been in years.  I will have to keep up with my classes, but I can do everything through email. There is no reason for me to ever set foot in the school building again. It feels like I am one step closer to being free of this place, but there is so much more to think about.

I’m pulled out of my thoughts when I hear the door open and my heart stops for a second.  I can’t help being scared that my father is going to come through that door first and everything is going to go wrong.  My heart resumes it’s normal, if somewhat hastened, rhythm when I see it’s Carson.  He has a bouquet of flowers for me and Claire is right behind him with a wheelchair. 

“Carson!  Thank God!” I start to get up from the end of the bed but Carson quickly crosses to me and takes my arm.  He kisses me gently on the forehead and I feel so completely cared for in this moment that I just want to stop time and revel in the feeling. 

Carson laughs a little and says, “Did you think I wouldn’t come? I seem to remember promising to be your knight in shining armor.”

“Please tell me he didn’t really say that,” Claire chimes in.