To Love and Serve (2 page)

She had only one answer.

“It may kill me if I return to work, but then again, it will definitely kill me if I don’t.”

With a brusque nod, Jesus gestured to her plate with his fork. “Then eat. I want you to be as strong as possible before I pull you back into the fight.”

Chapter Two

Diana hailed a cab almost as soon as she walked out the restaurant door, but she probably should have taken the subway. She’d hoped for a speedy trip home, but traffic was snarled all over the city.

For sure, Ryder would beat her home with his vamp speed, and maybe that was a good thing. The delay would give her the time she needed to cool her anger at his overprotectiveness, and his failure to respect her request that he not follow her to the meeting. But the delay also meant it would be that much longer before she could look at the thumb drive tucked into the pocket of her leather jacket.

Reaching in, she clutched the thumb drive in her hand and wondered which case Jesus needed her assistance with, although she could guess. Recent news reports warned that a serial killer was on the loose in New York. As she was a skilled profiler, that kind of case was right up her alley.

If she could ever get home. She leaned forward and peered through the windshield. A thick ribbon of red brake lights snaked uptown as far as she could see.

She plopped back against the bench seat and shut off the annoying spiel spewing from the combo television/pay station secured to the back of the cabbie’s seat. Hot air attacked her from all sides and she tapped on the glass partition to snare the driver’s attention so he would lower the heat, but he was too engaged in an animated conversation on the cell phone in some foreign language. She wished she had her badge so she could slap it on the partition and remind him of the various laws he was breaking with his non-stop cell phone use.

After opening her window as far as it would go, she leaned in toward the crisp chill of the fall night invading the cab.

Funny how things had changed in a matter of hours. She would have given anything to be this warm just this morning. Luckily, the treatments from Ryder’s human keeper, Melissa, had restored her body to its normal temperature, which seemed unbearably hot to her right now. She’d grown too used to the vampire’s chill that had taken over her still-human body.

Human
. She really hoped Melissa would find a way to contain the cells slowly killing her.

Melissa’s family had watched over Ryder for centuries, protecting his home and taking care of his vampire needs. In Ryder’s case, that meant finding sources of blood to sustain his life, since he refused to give in to feeding on humans after his turning. Both Melissa and her dad had studied and researched his vampire cells in order to better understand how to control them. Maybe even figure out how to make Ryder human again.

With a lurch, the cab shot forward a few feet, then ground to a halt again. The fragrant aroma of flowers wafted on the night breeze, courtesy of the dozens of shops in New York’s floral district. The lush perfume reminded Diana of a Miami night for a moment. But her two cities couldn’t be any more different. While Miami was her home by birth, Manhattan was her home by choice.

She loved the constant activity of the city that always made her feel alive. Even at the witching hour a pulse of energy coursed along the streets and sidewalks, daring her to come out and play. She wondered if that was thanks to the vampire’s life blood racing through her veins. But even before meeting Ryder four years earlier and her subsequent contamination during the botched raid, darkness had been a part of her for far too long.

It had taken all her willpower to lift herself from the seemingly bottomless abyss she’d fallen into after her father’s death. Endless binges of drinking and sex with nameless partners had been her escape from the pain of loss, but she’d lost herself during that wasted year, and almost hadn’t made it back. But somehow she’d marshaled her inner strength to climb out of that hole, straighten up, and make something of her life. To do the right thing, as she’d promised her father as he died in her arms.

It was why she’d chosen to join the FBI. And in all her years of service, she’d always done the right thing, no matter the cost. But she recognized that the darkness still lurked deep inside her, coiled like a deadly snake, just waiting to slither out once more. Especially during the last few years, thanks to her involvement in the vampire world. Which was why she was so terrified of being forced to make a choice between dying and becoming a vampire. She wasn’t sure she could keep her dangerous tendencies under control if she chose an undead life.

Another surge of the cab pulled her from those thoughts to glance around at the corner where they’d stopped. A pushcart sat on the edge of the sidewalk, close enough for the pungent smell of a dirty-water hot dog to get her salivating before her stomach protested the strong odor. It had done that too often lately, something both Melissa and she worried was yet another sign she was becoming less human each day. Vampires had a supercharged sense of smell.

The demanding blare of a horn sounded from behind them, but no one was going anywhere anytime soon.

Diana was too anxious to confront Ryder to continue sitting there. Tossing the cabbie the payment and a hefty tip, she hopped out of the cab to walk the last twenty or so blocks. Just as well, because right now she was too ready to kick his ass for hovering over her. The walk would give her time to cool off and face her vampire lover with a little more calm and control.

…

Ryder waited on the rooftop for Diana to leave the restaurant so he could have a word with her friend, ADIC Hernandez. Not that Ryder considered him much of a friend to her, considering all that had happened in the last two years.

As Hernandez exited the restaurant and walked down the block, Ryder followed, skimming along the rooftops. When Hernandez crossed the street, Ryder sped ahead, then hurtled down a fire escape, landing soundlessly before the other man. Hernandez whipped out his gun, but once he realized who it was, he shook his head and holstered the weapon.

“Shit, Ryder. You should know better than to scare an armed man like that.”

“Maybe I meant to scare you,” Ryder said, blocking his way.

The ADIC jerked his shoulders back. “You got a problem with me? Maybe you should tell me what it is.”

Ryder fought to curb the anger that rose in him. “You ask Diana to work with you on the sly, but you wouldn’t protect her before the disciplinary board. That’s bullshit. We all know that what happened during the raid couldn’t have been prevented by anyone.”

Hernandez raised his chin. “Men died on that raid. Someone had to take responsibility, and she was the Special Agent in Charge. I did what I could to keep her from losing her badge.”

Ryder shoved him. Inside, the vampire began to take control. “
Fuck
that. You knew what desk duty and the shame of losing her rank would do to her.”

“She understood why it happened, Ryder. The board could have done much worse.”

“What about four months ago? Diana saved a life, but you still let the board suspend her again. And now here you are, asking for her help. What will the board do to both of you if it finds out?”

The growl in his voice warned them both that the vampire was emerging. Ryder didn’t bother to battle the demon that wanted a piece of this man’s hide. A sudden burst of pain in his upper jaw signaled that his fangs had burst forth, completing the transformation.

Hernandez flinched, but quickly recovered, wiping any emotion off his face. “You think that works on me, fang boy? I don’t answer to you.”

“Then answer to
her
. Do what’s best for
her
.”

Hernandez said evenly, “She wants to go back to work, no matter what.”

Ryder understood, but that didn’t make it easier to accept. “It’ll kill her to do that.”

The ADIC laid a comforting hand on Ryder’s shoulder, but he knocked it away.

Hernandez’s features tightened. “You can’t protect her. She’s got to make her own choices about what she wants to do with the rest of her life. However long it is.”

Rage rose up again and Ryder leaned close to Hernandez to drive his point home. “Do
not
fuck with her. If you want her to help you, fine. But do it the right way.”

Because he didn’t trust himself to control his fury a second longer, and he was eager to be home with Diana, he blasted away from the other man with vampire speed. He had to trust Diana’s ADIC would not get her into even more trouble. Because if he did, the bastard would have to answer to him.

Chapter Three

Diana’s strides were quick and determined as she hurried home.

Ryder’s home.

No.
Her
home, she reminded herself. As she neared their neighborhood, she caught sight of a young mother pushing a baby stroller.

The woman stopped to play with the baby, a broad smile on her face as she kneeled by the stroller and dangled a floppy, colorful toy in front of the child. A sweet little hand flailed for the toy and the baby gave a delighted chortle. Emotion overwhelmed Diana, nearly choking her.

She’d thought she was over it.
Apparently not
. She hurried past, only to encounter another mother holding the hand of a cute toddler swathed in pink. Swerving to avoid them, Diana ducked her head and willed away the tears that threatened.

She’d long ago decided the family thing was not for her. Her job wasn’t really conducive to having kids…and then there was her relationship with Ryder. Even if she managed to stay human, vampire babies, even half-human ones, were rare. And carried a whole world of difficulties for the dhampir.

But turning thirty had Diana’s biological clock ticking loudly. And more often than she cared to admit, in moments of weakness, the image of a baby with Ryder’s hair and eyes came to her. Though she always ruthlessly pushed it back to a very dusty and unused corner of her heart.

…

The doorman of their condo building smiled and held open the door. “Good evening, Ms. Reyes. You’re looking great tonight,” he said with a big smile.

“So are you, Jason. Hitting the gym, I see.” A solid six feet with a leanly muscled build, Jason’s size warned prospective troublemakers to choose another place for their activities.

“Don’t want to let the boss man down.” With a polite nod, he closed the door behind her and resumed his position at the entrance.

“The boss man” being none other than Ryder, who owned this building in addition to who knew how many other properties she’d yet to discover. Thinking of how he’d violated her trust by following her to Luigi’s, anger boiled over again in that dark place within her, and she let it simmer. She’d need it as a defense against all that was Ryder. All that she could never resist, even as it pulled her ever farther into his undead world, ever farther from her human existence, and from everything connected to the true joys of life.

She unlocked the door to their penthouse apartment and went in. There was no light to welcome her anywhere in the large expanse of their living space. Not that she needed the light anymore. The vamp blood had given her lots of gifts at first—inhuman speed and strength. An incredible ability to heal her body.

But in the months that followed her contamination, the vampire cells took back many of those gifts as they started slowly robbing her of life. But they left her with one odd thing—the ability to see clearly in the dark.

She picked her way through the pitch-black rooms toward the balcony where a moonless night added little illumination.

A breeze off the East River swept the aromatic bite of the bourbon Ryder preferred past her nose. She’d guessed he would be out on the balcony, a favorite place for him, among all the flowers, vegetables, and foliage he grew there, reminders of his former human life.

Rounding the row of potted oleanders that formed a protective screen along one stretch of the balcony, she saw that the wrought iron chair where he preferred to sit was vacant. He’d salvaged the set from his family’s plantation many years after the death of his last distant family member.

An empty glass and a nearly full bottle of bourbon sat on the table. He must have had a drink before running after her.

She sat down to wait for him and wondered where he could be. As she hunched in the chair, her gut churning, she poured herself a glass and slugged it back, wincing at the taste.

Bourbon wasn’t usually her drink. She preferred tequila, although she tempered how much she drank now, too conscious of how she’d once lost herself in it. Almost instinctively, she rubbed the ridge of scar tissue along her ribs, a reminder of the day her father died.

She thought she’d escaped the abyss, but accepting Ryder into her life had forced her to once again confront the darkness within her. She loved him, but the happiness he’d given her was tinged with sadness as she thought of all she’d lose if she committed to him and his undead world—family, friends, marriage…babies. She honestly didn’t know if she could give it all up.

The young mother Diana saw earlier with her baby reminded her of her friend Meghan. The cute, young cheerleader had been consumed by self-pity, rage, and loss after Blake turned her. She had lived for only one thing: to rip out Blake’s throat for stealing her humanity.

With Diana’s dangerous past and inner demons, that could be her fate, too. The thought sent a shiver down her spine.

Still, Blake and Meghan had eventually gotten their happily-ever-after and were now newlyweds.

Newlywed vampires
. She ground out a laugh and poured herself another drink. She didn’t dare hope for such a happy future for herself. There was too much unrest within her soul that she feared her new demon would embrace. That it would take her over, and bring death and destruction to those she loved. And she feared that Ryder would endlessly blame himself for turning her and awakening those darkest parts of her.

Not a good basis for a forever kind of relationship.

She raised her glass and offered up an imaginary toast as Ryder stepped through the balcony doors onto the patio. He stood rigidly, mired in murky shadow. He was dressed all in black, melding into the night. Behind him, the reflection of the neon Silvercup Studios sign across the East River framed him in crimson.

Midnight and blood, the vampires’ milieu. The world of her future?

He strode to her and tipped her face up, but even with her enhanced vision, his features were all shadowed planes and angles.

“Do you think that’s wise?” He inclined his head in the direction of the bourbon bottle.

“Unlike you, I know my limits.”

Ryder frowned. “Clearly you don’t, judging from what’s left in that bottle.”

“I don’t need you telling me what to do,” she shot back, hating his protectiveness. Hating more that he was right. She’d almost emptied the bottle.

Moonlight flashed off his fangs as they burst forth and he growled out a warning. “Seems to me you do, darlin’.”

“I’m
so
not afraid of you.” She rose on tiptoe to stare into his neon-green vampire gaze.

“Maybe you should be, darlin’,” he said, a world of danger in those words, but not enough to dissuade her from challenging him.

“You shouldn’t have followed me tonight.” For good measure, she jabbed her index finger into his chest, feeling the need to hurt as she was hurting.

He snagged her finger mid-poke. “I had to give your boss a piece of my mind.”

She ground her teeth. “God damn it, Ryder. You have no right to interfere in my career.”

“Which is exactly what I told him. So I guess you want a piece of me for doing that, too.” A hint of his native Louisiana rested in his tones. That little drawl never failed to stir her, awakening a wave of heat deep between her legs. She fought the desire because it weakened her anger.

“Damn right I do. I don’t need you being all stalkery and watching over me. I can take care of myself.”

He loomed over her. “Really? I guess you’re feelin’ all Buffy tonight?”

“Enough to kick your ass.”

“Apparently you’re forgetting what happened last time you thought you could take me down?” The deep, rich tone reverberated inside her in a way that had her clenching her legs.

Sweet Lord, did she ever remember. And so did her body. Her nipples tightened and dampness moistened her cleft.

“I can see you do.” He stepped forward until they were barely an inch apart, his voice pitched low with the growly hint of vampire again. As she met his gaze, a tease of neon cautioned that the demon scented the rise of her desire and wanted a taste of it. Inside her, the darkness that loved that side of him, loved the danger of the beast, throbbed in anticipation.

She tilted her chin defiantly and pushed him away with a rough shove. “I think you need a reminder of what I am.”

He placed his hand at her waist, his touch possessive. Bending from his greater height, he whispered in her ear, “I’d love to take you up on that offer.”