To Wed A Highlander (24 page)

She thought about calling Colin on his lie, but decided against it. For some reason, he did not want to tell her the truth, and she sensed it was not to be condescending or to be in control, but from a need to protect.

“Will you have to go? To check out that noise?” she asked, giving him a way to perpetuate his lie.

Colin’s brows shot up in surprise. “Aye, I…will,” he answered. Blue eyes searched hers for a moment, seeking an indication of whether she believed him or not.

The men returned and began assembling a bed, tightening the ropes before laying the mattress down. Warily, under Makenna’s watchful eye, they lifted Sean and placed him on the bedding. She quickly inspected the poultice bandage on his side and applied the ground ivy compress to his arm and forehead. The wounds were clean and the bleeding had stopped, at least for now.

“Camus, I need to go to my chambers and dress. I will return directly.”

Makenna headed toward the archway to exit the hall and entered the night air. Colin caught up with her and pulled her into his arms. Needing his strength, Makenna gave in to her desire to be held by him.

Things had been so tense between them, and Colin knew this embrace had not resolved whatever was wrong, but it felt good to hold her once more. After a long moment, he kissed her head and whispered into her hair, “Dunlop and I need to leave now. Gorten and Brodie will remain here and protect you. It should not take me more than a few days.”

Makenna nodded against his chest, soaking up his warmth. “Just you and Dunlop?”

“Aye, we should not be gone long. Few days at the most.”

Makenna wanted to say, “Take care. I love you,” but the words would not come out. She felt vulnerable and exposed enough just by his holding her heart.

After a while, Colin slipped Makenna out of his arms in preparation to leave. He looked down and was temporarily frozen. Her eyes had turned a deep forest green. Without thought, he closed his hand around the back of her head and brought her lips up close to his. “Oh, how I will miss you, Makenna.” Then Colin cupped her chin with his hands and kissed her.

His mouth came down on hers before Makenna could even think of moving. She wanted to fight the passionate onslaught, but she didn’t have the strength. A shudder passed through her, and she knew the ragged moan that had escaped was her own.

Colin meant only to give her a gentle kiss. Aye, he meant to say good-bye and remind her of what they once shared, but when Makenna’s arms went around his neck and her mouth opened to him, inviting him in, he found himself kissing her with a hunger akin to pain. Gathering her in his arms, he gave her a hot, searing kiss that held nothing back. Finally, he reluctantly eased himself away from her and disappeared through the gatehouse calling for his horse.

Makenna leaned back and released a joyful sigh. Sean was going to live.

The morning following the attack Sean had started running a fever. During the next twenty-four hours, it continued to grow. He fought drinking the tea and tried to hit anyone who came near him. More than once, Makenna was glad that she had learned to dodge and weave so well, though she never imagined applying the skill in such a way.

Camus came in and relieved her for short bursts, but his knowledge of medicines was only limited to what Makenna had taught him.

The summer he had first started teaching Makenna the ways of swordplay, she had gotten scraped a few times. Fortunately, a visiting nun had taught Makenna the healing properties of some herbs and how to apply them. Afraid that her father would discover her injuries, Makenna had begged Camus to keep the bag of herbs with him lest her father inquire why she would need such items. Camus had held them ever since.

The next two days Sean’s fever raged. He seemed to go through bouts of insanity either attempting to hit Makenna for trying to bury him under burning covers of flame, or lunging at her seeking a kiss while calling Makenna by a female’s name she had never heard before.

Near midnight of the fourth night following the attack, Sean’s head began to cool. He no longer burned her fingers to the touch. She stood and stretched and went to shake Camus, who was sleeping in a chair with his head propped up on the table. “Camus,” Makenna whispered, nudging her friend.

“Huh? What? He worse?”

“No, better. I think our soldier is going to live to fight another battle. He should wake soon. Try to make him drink, but don’t—under any circumstances—let him move. I need a bath. No.” She wagged a finger at him. “I already know I stink and don’t need to be teased about it.”

Camus grinned, glad to see Makenna in better spirits. She had taken only spots of sleep the past few nights and had done very little for herself as she deemed it would keep her away for too long. “I was only going to ask if you wanted me to wake the staff and have them heat some water.”

Camus knew her staff wouldn’t mind. The past few days had shown everyone, even the most hardened, Makenna’s true character. There was a good chance they would argue over who should be the one to serve their mistress.

Makenna yawned and then shook her head left to right once. While she was watching over Sean, the staff had taken the load of her work onto themselves. They had done it without complaint, but she would not burden them further by lessening their sleep. “No, I think I need the cool waters of the loch.”

“When you return, go to bed. Do not come back here until you have slept. If you do, I’ll carry you to your chambers myself.”

“Ah, Camus, you remind me so much of my father.”

“That is the highest of compliments, milady. But it won’t change what will happen if you come back without a good night’s sleep.”

Makenna waved at him and left. She was too tired to argue. She desperately wanted sleep but knew it would not come until she felt clean once again.

Colin arrived at Lochlen and hastily handed his black to the sleepy stable master. He went directly to the solar to check on Makenna. The bed had not been slept in. Assuming she was with Sean, he headed to the lower hall, finding only Sean and Camus awake by the hearth. Sean was taking some broth offered by the old sword smith.

At the noise, Camus looked up and waved Colin over. “Laird, it is good to have you back.”

Sean glanced over his shoulder. “Lady Makenna was like a beautiful angel. She saved my life.”

“Glad to see you are doing better,” Colin managed to get out. It was hard to be civil to another man so open with his affection for Makenna. She was his, and since the distance had erupted between them, he had grown only more possessive of her.

“Aye, she did,” Camus added. “Your wife stayed in here day and night. Only when Sean’s fever broke did she acquiesce to a swim and some sleep. I believe she left for the loch less than a half hour ago with both Gorten and Brodie in tow.”

Makenna stared out at the water glistening in the moonlight. There was a slight breeze causing the surface to ripple and her exposed skin to bristle. She looked around searching the shadows once again. When she had arrived, she thought she heard footsteps and felt the weight of eyes upon her. But when she had gone to investigate, nothing had been there.

Makenna approached the water’s edge and dipped in her toe. The always cold water had taken on a frigid temperature. Fall had started in earnest and she could see her breath in the early morning air.

She took a few steps, braced herself, and then plunged into the icy depths. Her body immediately shunned the cold. Small bumps rippled along her flesh as she stroked the water trying to build heat within her veins. It was not working.

Swimming over to the rock where she had placed her bathing items, she took the soap and began to scrub vigorously at her flesh. It had been only four days since her last bath, but it felt more like thirty. Slowly, she felt the layers of grime wash away and began to massage her hair. She submerged, twisting her head back and forth under the water, rinsing all the soap out, feeling at last somewhat normal again.

Colin saw her emerge out of the water like a siren calling to her next victim. He had no intention in fighting the pull. Immediately he began to strip off his clothes.

Makenna rubbed her eyes to free the attached droplets and felt her jaw drop. Colin was there. And he was removing his belt. “What are you doing?” she snapped, appalled that he just might come in and join her. After their last kiss, she had sworn not to let him catch her in a vulnerable position again.

Colin smiled. It was the first feisty comment she had made in weeks. “Now, I remember a time when you greeted me quite differently when I returned from a trip.”

Makenna pointed at his plaid he was throwing next to hers. “Well, that is not now. Put those clothes right back on!”

Chuckling, he responded, “Then they would get wet.” He sat down on a smooth knee-high rock and proceeded to unlace one of his leggings.

A large sense of unease enveloped Makenna. She would not be able to withstand both her emotional need and physical need for him. She was too tired, and her desire for him was too great. Pride rallied one last time. “Colin, I forbid you to come in here. I am bathing. I was here first, and I want to be alone. Come back when I am done.” Her voice had started out strong but had evolved into a desperate plea.

Colin silently removed his second legging. He knew she was serious in wishing him away, but he also knew that this was the first real conversation they had shared since things had started going terribly wrong. A full battalion of men couldn’t drag him away now. This might be his one chance to discover exactly what had caused her to change so dramatically toward him.

Colin stripped off his leine and then dove into the dark waters. Makenna nervously searched the surface, dreading where he would appear.

Colin emerged right by where she was standing. She took two steps back. He let her.

“Please, Colin, please leave. I am so tired, and I cannot verbally banter with you tonight. I am not up to the task.”

Colin lowered himself into the water until just his shoulders were above the rippling surface. He moved in close and gently cupped her face in his hands. Her scent filled him. “Bantering is not what I had in mind,” he murmured, lowering his head to brush his mouth against hers.

Makenna was startled into temporary submission. Colin persisted in making it impossible to talk by touching her, his big hands smoothing over her shoulders, her back. So much of her yearned to let him continue, to make her feel loved and wanted. But, later, when it was over, she would only feel worse, even hollower than she already did.

Makenna pulled back. Colin released her lips but refused to let her go. “Makenna, speak to me. What’s wrong? I know that you want me as much as I want you. I can feel it. You want to respond to me, but you won’t let yourself.”

Makenna balled her hands on his chest into fists. “I cannot be her. I tried, I really wanted to, for both our sakes. But I cannot do it. I loved my sister, but I am not her. And I cannot be her for you.”

Colin did let go then. “Is that what you have been doing?” he asked, raking his hand through his wet hair. “God, Makenna, that’s the last thing I want. I thought you knew that. I need you, just the way you are!”

“You still love her.”

“She’s dead, Makenna. I have buried her and moved on. You are the only one I want, and I promise you it is
not
as a replacement for your sister.”

“And what if I were to die?”

The thought of Makenna dying was so repulsive Colin could only stare at her for a moment. “I won’t let you.”

“Won’t let me? Die, you mean? Women do all the time, they become ill, die in childbirth, and what will happen then? Will you mourn me as you do Deirdre? Will you speak fondly about me to your next wife along with your words of undying love for my sister?”

Colin forcefully grabbed her shoulders, splashing the water around them.
“I won’t let you die.
I will have no other but you, do you understand me?” His voice choked on the words.

“Say no more,” she pleaded softly, looking at his chest, unable to meet his gaze. “It hurts when you say such things. You make me think you care.”

Colin felt like he was caught in a whirlpool, losing control of everything by trying to hang on to it all. He forced Makenna’s chin up. She caught her breath when she saw the fear in his eyes.

Colin saw misery and dejection shimmering back in her green pools; he could no longer deny the truth. “Care? Makenna, I care so damn much it terrifies me.” He let go of her and moved to the large boulder nearby for support. “What I feel for you is…stronger, deeper than what I have felt for anyone. Do you understand what I am saying? For
anyone.
Every time I kiss you, touch you, God, even just
talk
with you, I betray Deirdre. Never once did I wish you were like her, but you don’t know how often I wished she had been more like you. I loved her, but
you
complete me in ways she never could. And every time I thank God that I have you, I feel like I am saying I am glad she is gone.”

Makenna moved then and put her fingers against his lips. Tears streaked down her face and splashed silently into the water. “Shhh, say no more. I love you, Colin. Deirdre warned me that I would. She said I could make you happier than she did, but I didn’t believe her. Not even when I lost my heart to you did I think you could feel anything for me. But she was right. She was beautiful and kind and much wiser than we thought, Colin. She would want us to protect what we share.”

“Aye, she would,” he said softly.

Makenna held his face between her hands, searching his eyes. She could see it now. He loved her and was deeply afraid of saying it aloud. He had loved and lost before.

Colin pulled her roughly into his arms. Makenna melted into him. “God, Makenna, never leave me,” he whispered into her hair. “You are my very breath. I didn’t know how much until these past few weeks.”

Makenna’s fingers maneuvered up the broad expanse of his chest, twining in his curly dark hair. “I’ve been so lonely. You are my best friend. The nights only became bearable when you started sneaking to our bed.”