Authors: Diana Jean
“But doesn't it feel ⦠I don't know ⦠a little sacrilegious?”
Yuriko turned so she leaned with her back to the railing, arms crossed. “I don't think so. Some people come here to pray. The priests or monks have their own areas away from the general public. Besides, not many people in Japan are devout, though they might consider themselves to be Shinto or Buddhist. They come here to experience traditions, most of the time.”
“Do you visit shrines?”
She shrugged. “Not often. Really only during New Year's or if I decide to go to some festival.” She looked around. “Places like this are spectacular, for sure. But the kind of shrines I feel like are more spiritual are ⦠” She smiled, mostly to herself. “Well, there was this shrine in my mother's hometown. A small thing, only big enough to have a fox statue, a collection box, and a small
torii
. It was tucked away in this small woodsy part of town. Even though it was about thirty seconds away from the road, you couldn't hear the cars passing by.” She looked at Kathleen, eyes glimmering. “Because, in summer, the cicadas were deafening. Nothing feels more private, and somehow more spiritual, when you are standing in front of a small, half-forgotten shrine and you can't even hear yourself think outside of the rasping of a thousand insects in the summer heat.”
It was only later, when they were inside the temple and a priest was clapping two wood blocks together, that Kathleen thought she just might get what Yuriko meant. Above them was a painted mural of a twisted dragon, growling down in the crushed room of tourists. The priest began to strike the blocks of wood together and a strange noise emitted from the walls. Like a resounding dripping, a strange echo. It was enchanting, causing the entire room to fall completely silent. Ai had said it was called the crying dragon, but its tears weren't painted, they were only heard.
Kathleen looked around to the statues lining the walls, finely dressed with strange expressions of either vicious smiling or perfect composure. Kathleen felt herself if start breathing to the rhythm of those wood blocks as her eyes scanned the ornate decorations. She didn't notice the people crushed in around her. She wasn't thinking about Ai or her work or what they were even going to go next. She thought about nothing except that dragon and the strange sound of its tears.
When it was over, she felt an incredible urge to reach out and touch someone. Just to feel like she was really back in her own body. Yuriko stood next to her and looked at her when Kathleen gently touched her wrist. Kathleen gave a shy smile and Yuriko didn't look like she completely understood, but she took Kathleen's hand and squeezed it.
“What's next?” she asked as they filed out of the dragon room with the group.
Ai, walking in front of them, pointed to a box filled with brightly colored paper. “How about a fortune?” She deposited a few coins into the donation box and motioned for Kathleen to take a folded paper out.
Kathleen opened it, not surprised to find it was entirely in Japanese. She handed it to Yuriko. “What does it mean?”
Yuriko stared at it, and then was obviously trying to hold back some laughter.
“What is it?” Kathleen demanded.
Yuriko handed it back. “It's the worst luck.”
“What?”
“It means you have terrible luck right now. It's actually as rare to get this bad of luck as it is to get the best luck.”
Kathleen held the paper and felt a little betrayed. She looked back at the dragon shrine, glaring. “All right, what do I do with this now?”
Yuriko pointed to a rack of strings with paper attached. “Tie it there. The priests will pray over it to make your luck better.”
“But they are the ones who gave this to me!”
Yuriko laughed. “Just tie it up and you will be rid of it.”
Kathleen walked over to the strings tied between a couple poles. There were so many, it was hard to find a spot for her own. Some had been hanging there for so long, they were practically falling apart as she brushed them aside. It took her a moment to tie it without completely ripping the long paper in two.
She turned around to find Yuriko and Ai talking quietly. It always felt weird to her, whenever they talked together without her a part of their conversation. Maybe it was because they looked so similar, even though Yuriko always wore her hair up and Ai kept hers down. The way they tilted their head was the same as they spoke and the way they moved their arms. Like twins who were a little too alike, yet not alike at all.
Kathleen stepped between them. “What are you two talking about?”
Ai said, “We were thinking about heading to Kanmangafuchi Abyss.”
Yuriko was frowning and Kathleen wondered if that was what they were really talking about. Yuriko nodded. Kathleen bit her lip. “What is there?”
Yuriko answered. “Haunted statues.”
Kathleen gripped her camera, feeling a mix of excitement and dread. “Let's do it.”
They had to get back on the bus to get to Kanmangafuchi Abyss. It was crowded near the center of town and they all pressed into the standing room of the bus. Yuriko leaned into the railing of one of the seats, and Kathleen squeezed beside her with Ai on the other side.
Ai looked over to Yuriko, something in those synthetic eyes examining her. Yuriko looked away.
“
Did you enjoy the weeping dragon
?”
Ai had said to her as Kathleen went to tie up her fortune outside the temple.
“
Of course. It's very interesting and beautiful.
” She didn't like Ai's tone.
Ai smiled, moving slightly closer to Yuriko. “
You know, if you would like, I don't have to join you at the next stop.
”
“
Are you implying something
?”
It couldn't be a serious offer. Both Yuriko and Kathleen needed Ai to navigate at the very least.
Ai gave her a strange expression, something like disbelief. “
Do you honestly notâ
?”
Kathleen had approached and Ai had turned away, breaking off the strange conversation.
When the bus began to move, Kathleen jerked, unbalanced, and reached for Ai, gripping her elbow for support.
Ai smiled down at her, but Kathleen only muttered darkly under her breath. Yuriko could see her fingers curling into Ai's sleeve and, as the bus traveled towards their destination, she leaned more into Ai, obviously tired from the already long day. Yuriko looked away, reminding herself that Kathleen needed to balance and Ai was at a better angle for her to hold onto. Yet she knew that she wished Kathleen would choose to turn and grab onto her instead. That Yuriko could feel those fingers curling around her stomach or arm. She was being ridiculous.
Though the bus had been crowded, Kanmangafuchi was remarkably barren of people. The path was wide and only a few hikers passed them by.
Yuriko had heard of the mysterious statues that appeared and disappeared. It was something else to see the meandering row of squat, sitting statues dressed with red hats, all facing a raging river in the gorge. The river was loud, curling around rocks. The water was white, clear blue, and perfect turquoise. The water in Nikko was renowned for being clean, and this river looked the picture of pristine.
Kathleen was staring at the first statue. “They look friendly enough. How are they haunted?”
Ai answered. “They say that if you count them as you walk, when you come back, one will disappear.”
Kathleen looked down the trail, but it was impossible to see the end of the curling row. She smiled to Yuriko and Ai. “All right, challenge accepted. No one interrupt me. I'm going to win this game.” Then she set off, one hand raised as she silently counted.
Ai looked to Yuriko. “Going to join her?”
Yuriko could already see how problems might arise. Some of the statues were little more than piles of rocks with thoughtfully placed hats. “No, I think I'll leave it to her.”
Ai nodded and walked forward, keeping a little behind Kathleen and her counting. For a time, Yuriko contented herself to watch the flowing rapids of the river. If she were daring, she would have liked to crawl down there and feel the cold, clean water on her feet. Or wash from her face the grime of walking around all day. She thought she could understand why they would call it an abyss. That water looked like it could pull anyone under and far away.
“You don't have to hold back, you know,” Ai suddenly said.
“What?” Yuriko asked. She glanced up, but Ai wasn't looking at her. Instead, she was staring ahead as Kathleen navigated a rocky part of the trail. Even from a distance, Yuriko could see Kathleen's face drawn in determination.
Ai's eyes slide to hers. “I won't, you know. My programming won't allow me to do anything less than try to please her. That's all it is, isn't it? Programming? You are not gaining any honor by keeping your distance. You might as well fight for her.”
Yuriko stopped. “What are you talking about?” She had a feeling she knew. Her heart felt heavy in her chest and her eyes flickered from Kathleen to Ai.
Ai paused with her. “You love Kathleen.”
Yuriko wasn't sure if she was breathing. “I do
not
.”
Ai shrugged. “Then you are in some preliminary stage. What really matters is that you've spent all day looking at me like I've taken something very precious from you. Yet, you have no idea that I cannot even conceive that Kathleen would want me for her own.”
“Why is that?”
Ai began walking again. “Because she is in love with you, of course.”
The trail was flat where they walked, yet Yuriko felt as if she was navigating the rapids of the river below. Her heart thudded and she felt like at any moment her mind might scatter into a thousand different thoughts. “You know this for sure?”
“As sure as a pile of wires and computer chips can be. She wants to reach out to you, I know. She just doesn't know how.”
“She seems to have no problem latching onto you.”
Ai laughed and Yuriko wondered how Kathleen had programmed her to be able to make such a sad sound. “She'll take my hand or let me take her arm. But that is because she truly feels nothing to me. I am little more than a safety net, orâ” she glanced to Yuriko “âa handhold on the bus. You are more than that. She took your hand in the dragon temple, didn't she?”
“It was crowded in there. You know as well as I do that she doesn't like being crowded.”
Ai stopped, making a sound of exasperation. She turned to Yuriko, eyes flashing. “It is almost inconceivable how far you both are in denial. She wasn't panicked there. Anyone with two functional retinas could see that. She was
touched
by the experience. And who does she reach for when she is moved? You. Who does she reach out for when she is in serious trouble? You. Who does she want to share her experiences with? You. Who does she really,
really
connect with? You.” She waved a frustrated hand. “I planned this trip to please her. To make her happy even in the slightest way I could. Yet I couldn't even bring her here without also bringing you. She lets me lead her up to the temple, but when she is overwhelmed by the beauty and awe of it all, she reaches toward you. Yet, you stand there, keeping her at arm's length because you see her take my arm with about as much intimacy as she does when she sends an email.”
“Kathleen and I ⦠Kathleen doesn't see me that way.” Maybe after the
nomikai
, Yuriko might have thought differently. Yet when Kathleen had wanted to forget all about that experience, when she never brought it up again, when she would always repeat that she wasn't interested in Ai because she wasn't interested in women â¦
Yuriko knew that Kathleen cared for her. That she probably cared for Yuriko more than Ai, but it wasn't like what Ai was saying. Kathleen wanted a companion, but not a lover. She needed a friend, not a complication.
“You are sure of this?” Ai questioned.
Yuriko wasn't sure. She wasn't the type to gamble on her emotions. Not after knowing what it was like to lose. “What does it matter? Kathleen has made it very clear she is only interested in men.”
“Because she is an idiot. Well, you are both idiots. But as least you are more in tune with your emotions to realize you are jealous.” She snorted. “Kathleen can barely comprehend that she is uncontrollably attracted to you.” Yuriko knew she was flushing, the words sweeping through her like a warm breeze. Ai sighed, shoulders lowering. “I cannot back away from her, like you can. I cannot win her, but you
can
.”
“What are you telling me? That you want me to hook up with Kathleen? Isn't that also against your programming?”
“My programming is to please her, in any manner that I can. I cannot ⦠” Her eyes went a little distant and her stance more rigid. “I need more data. More analysis.” She blinked and her more human-like features returned. “The one piece of data that I am sure of is that if you reach out to Kathleen, she will undoubtedly reach back, even if she isn't sure why yet.”
“I don't think if I just put my hand out, she'll automatically take it.” She would probably wonder if something was wrong with Yuriko first.
Kathleen shouted to them. “Hey! Come on! I've reached the end! Hurry up so I can count the way back!” She was waving to them.
Ai waved back, smiling. Then she turned to Yuriko. “Have you truly tried?”
Yuriko could see the last few statues, crumbling into the side of the ravine. The river, however, was more powerful here. The water darker and deeper. Upstream, it seemed only to grow.
Kathleen lay on her back, flipping through the photos on her camera. She would like to put them on a larger display, but that would have to wait until they returned to Tokyo. She hesitated on one of the first ones, the one that Ai had snapped, of Yuriko jumping into the picture with her. She was making a strange face, a mix between a smile and a gasp. She remembered that feeling of surprise and suddenly heat as Yuriko's arm drew around her. It had only lasted for a moment, but her heart had been beating wildly out of her chest.