Tomorrows Child (24 page)

“What I really
need is you.”

“I’ve missed
you so much. You have no idea how worried we were when you just
vanished.”

“Stay with
me.”

“I should go
and let you rest.”

“I’ll rest
better if you stay. I promise I’ll close my eyes and
everything.”

He kissed me
then. It wasn’t like the first kiss. It was careful, gentle even,
and for the first time in weeks, I felt alive.

Another week
passed before I was strong enough to spend a full day out of bed,
but even then, Libby insisted that I rest. We didn’t talk of magick
or even Volante. We weren’t ignoring it; we were just working our
way past it. The unfamiliar reflection I saw in the mirror was pale
and thin. Once, I had curves and plump cheeks and my hair was
glossy and alive, but not now. Now, I was thin and my face seemed
angular. My elbows were sharp and my hips protruded. It could have
been worse.

I heard a knock
at the door, and no one knocked around here. The voices were
familiar, but one filled me with fear. It was my father.

“What on earth
do you want?” demanded Libby.

“I came because
I heard the dreadful news,” said Mason.

“What
news?”

“That my
daughter has joined her mother in the afterlife.”

“What? Where
did you hear this?” said Libby, I could hear the confusion in her
voice. How could he have heard this? Even if it had been true, it
wasn’t as if someone phoned him with the bad news.

“I thought
perhaps there was some memento, something of hers I could take to
remember her.”

“And where did
you come across this dreadful news?” I could hear the change in
Libby’s voice. Mason’s deception ran deep, but there was only one
place he could have gotten the information that I was dead.

“I know this
must be hard on you, so I can go through her things, save you the
pain of it. I just want something personal, something to remind me
of my daughter.” Mason’s voice oozed the same slime I remembered
from his first visit.

“I am surprised
you came back.”

“Is everything
alright Libby?” It was Phoenix.

“Mason here has
come to give his condolences, says he heard the sad news about
Psyche.”

“Really?” said
Phoenix. “I’m not sure what to think about that.”

It was
laughable really, this fake sympathy coming from a man I didn’t
know and who had only met me once. I stepped out of the bathroom
and walked into the kitchen.

Mason stood
there and I watched the horror drain the colour from his face. He
started to back away, reaching for the door without turning.

“Don’t come
back.” I said, “You asked me once to let you into my life. Now I
have made my decision. If you dropped dead this minute, I would
spit on you and walk over your twitching body. If you ever come
back, if I ever see you, again I will shoot you myself.”

He seemed
frozen and I wondered if he thought I was a ghost. His arrogance
had dissipated and he stuttered without forming a full word. Then
he turned and ran. It probably wouldn’t be the last time I saw him,
fate being what it is, but I wondered if I had become the type of
girl who could kill her own father. I hoped so.

It was dark
when I awoke, really dark. There were no shadows or beams of light
from the almost full moon, just darkness. For a moment I panicked,
but I realised I was not trapped in Volante’s dungeon; I was safe
in my bedroom.

“Mum? Is that
you?” The air was still and colder than it should have been. I
could almost feel something in the room. Whenever I woke up like
this in the middle of the night, I always thought of Mum and how my
wishing her here would not bring her back, but I couldn’t help
myself. “Mum?”

A small hazy
light appeared at the end of my bed, a vapour glowing dimly that
almost looked like early morning mist had invaded my room.

“Psyche, honey,
it’s me… I’m sorry I had to leave…”

“Mum?”

“I’m so sorry I
left you alone.”

I rubbed my
eyes, trying to remove the blurry sleep haze. I wanted so much for
this to be more than my imagination, more than my dreaming.

“Mum? Are you
really here? I am so lost without you. Why did you leave me?” Even
if it were my imagination, even if it were a dream, I wanted her
back so badly. Just a single moment would be enough.

“It was just my
time, honey, that’s all. I tried to come before… but it’s so hard
now. I tried… but I’m sorry… I made it so hard for you…” Tears
streamed down my face, I missed her so much. “Don’t be sad, honey,
I’m not gone, it’s just different now. I’ll always be here, always.
I love you, Psyche.

“Honey, do you
remember your doll? Show Libby the doll I made you! It’s important,
Psyche!”

“What? I don’t
even know where it is… Why? What is going on? My doll? Mum! Tell me
what you’re talking about.” The hazy light was beginning to fade
like mist in the breeze.

“You have what
you need to fix this, the answers lie in your heart. I’m sorry,
Psyche… I love you,” and with that, she was gone. After all this
time, she only stayed with me for no more than a few seconds. I
wanted so much more, I needed so much more. Just one more hug, just
one more moment. I still missed her every day as I pushed through
the heartache and fumbled through my routine. As I grew up, I
followed my dreams and listened to my heart the way she taught me,
but her absence left a hollow space inside that I couldn’t fill. I
kept these thoughts to myself, turning away when tears filled my
eyes and seeking seclusion in the garden when the grief became too
much. When I was a little girl, Mum would sing away the nightmares
and the terror that they left behind. She kept me safe and her
music filled my heart and took away the darkness. As long as love
filled my heart, I would be safe, she said. She just never taught
me how to fill the hole her absence created. Not even love or music
or dreams could do that.

The only doll I
ever owned was a ragdoll Mum made for me when I was a little girl.
We called the doll Butterfly, because she was filled with dreams
and one day would fly away so my dreams would come true. I remember
Butterfly being with me all the time and lying beside me as I slept
so she could catch my dreams and take away the nightmares. I just
don’t remember when I stopped needing her. The nightmares never
stopped. Maybe Mum thought that Butterfly could help fill the space
in my heart.

Our former life
remained packed in boxes, in the old bus parked in the shed at the
back of Libby’s garden. I could search the bus, but what would
Libby want with Butterfly?

There was no
way I could sleep now, my emotions raged, and my mind raced. I had
avoided going into the bus since Mum died. I deliberately left the
memories entombed in the old Bedford. It had been our home for
years as we travelled to every town in every remote pocket of the
country. There were just too many memories.

As I walked
barefoot over the cold, wet grass, I realised the bus was further
away than I thought. The moon hid behind a thick blanket of cloud,
and the darkness felt like it was consuming everything. I stumbled
in the night, tripping on unseen objects, until fear and grief
overwhelmed me. I couldn’t see the bus and by the time my hand felt
the cold metal, I was sobbing like a lost child. The door gave way
as I pushed on it, just as it always did. I reached under the
driver’s seat and felt for the torch. It was there, just as it
always was.

The bus itself
wasn’t very big, but it was friendly, comfortable and familiar. Now
it was just cold, empty and lonely. The torch came to life and the
narrow beam made me realise that there weren’t many places to stash
things. The mattress on the big bed was askew and I remembered that
the bed base was made of four large storage trunks secured to the
floor. We stored all the things we couldn’t part with: old photos,
books, old art projects and… maybe my old doll. Nothing was as
neatly packed as I remembered, but I expect the bouncing of the bus
along old gravel roads had dislodged our keepsakes.

After about an
hour and a thousand tears, I found the doll. Butterfly was dirty
and tattered, just as I remembered her, but she was well-made and
wrapped in brightly coloured thread. To me, she looked like a
rainbow. I stood with my prize, pleased I was able to do one last
thing for my mother.

As I slid the
mattress back in place, I felt the hair on my neck prickle and a
rush of dread washed over me. I turned slowly just as the torch
flickered and went dead. I cursed the torch and hit it against the
palm of my hand. I felt the springs give way and sink under the
weight of an incredible burden entering the bus. The torch
flickered back on, its golden beam reflecting a pair of shiny, red
eyes, while the putrid stench of death filled the air.

My charms! I
reached for my neck, felt for my wrist… Both my charms were sitting
safely on my dresser. I was alone, trapped, without protection and
without a weapon. The torch flickered out and I was in the dark
again. I stepped back without turning and edged my way to the rear
of the bus. There was no exit and no escape. I knew I would die
tonight.

I could hear
the clicking of claws on the floor as the beast drew near. The
stench forced my stomach to heave, but I didn’t vomit. Its thick,
rasping breaths grew louder and I knew that even if the predator
were blind, it would still be able to track me by the scent of fear
perforating the air around me. The back of the bus prevented any
further retreat and I placed my palm on the rear window to brace
myself for what I knew was about to come. At least, it would be
quick.

The beast
lunged and I felt the claws smash against my arm and drag into my
flesh. The sudden impact threw me against the back window. As I
flew through the air and tumbled to the ground, amidst broken
glass, I realised my weight had forced out the rear window, thereby
creating an escape exit.

I scrambled
upright and ran into the darkness. The beast was screaming and its
whimpers echoed into the night. It was trapped in the narrow entry
to the bedroom, but the timber doorway couldn’t hold for long. This
was my only chance and I prayed I could find my way in the dark.
The beast continued to scream into the night, I heard the sound of
breaking timber just moments before I fell through the door, into
the house. In seconds, the beast was clawing and scratching at the
door, howling and whimpering. Libby ran to my side.

“It won’t get
in, Psyche, it should never have gotten this close. Come away from
the door.” The beast continued to howl and pace. “The house is
protected, Psyche. You’re safe now.”

Libby led me
through the house and into the kitchen, “I expect it will give up
soon. They don’t normally hang around in the daylight and we are
just minutes away from dawn.” Libby lit a candle and as the light
flickered, I felt the first stab of pain and watched the warm flow
of blood trickle down my arm.

“Oh child! What
have you done?” Blood dripped from my forehead and spread onto my
pink chenille dressing gown like burgundy hair dye, but it was my
arm that caused the pain. Blood flowed and dripped from my fingers,
forming a puddle at my feet. The smell of my own blood filled my
nostrils and the taste reached my throat. Slowly, I felt the
darkness return. The last thing I noticed was my blood pooling on
the floor.

When I woke a
few hours later, the sound of voices replaced the desperation of
the beast.

“You can’t keep
her locked up forever.”

“Well, what do
you suggest, Phoenix? I won’t have her killed because of her own
stupidity.”

“You’d be no
better than that witch that kept her prisoner.” Phoenix paused,
“Plus you know she’s stubborn, how long do you think you can keep
her locked up?”

“I think we
just need to be more careful; she understands the danger now,” I
heard Tahinah say.

I sat up, my
head spinning from the blood loss. I still wore my blood-soaked
pyjamas, which were now stiff and sticky. As I entered the kitchen,
the argument stopped and everyone rushed to assist me. I wanted to
push them away, but I needed the help. My head ached, my arm
throbbed and dizziness threatened to floor me any second.

“You know you
should lock me away… and for that matter you should throw away the
key,” I said. This time, I agreed with Libby, but for an entirely
different reason. I added, “but you know that’s not practical or
reasonable.”

“I’m sorry,
Psyche, I just don’t know how to keep you safe.”

“The truth is
that danger comes looking for me and I put everyone in danger just
being here.” I replied. Libby simply ignored my statement.

“What in
heaven’s name were you doing outside?”

I didn’t want
to tell them about Mum visiting, but there had already been enough
secrets and these people were not the enemy. I relayed as much of
the events as I could remember.

“I just don’t
understand the doll. I don’t understand why it is important, but I
must have lost her when I was running to the house.” Phoenix
offered to look for the doll and returned a few minutes later.

“You must have
dropped it when you were thrown through the window.” Small specks
of blood were evidence that I was holding Butterfly when I fell.
“It really is a mess, there’s so much blood out there. You really
are lucky, Psyche.”

I cringed, I
knew I was lucky to be alive… even more than they realised. Phoenix
handed me the doll and I passed it to Libby.

“Oh Celeste,
what have you done?!” She gasped before Butterfly even reached her
hands. She turned the doll over a few times and tugged at the
rainbow ribbon.